Unusual location:
In the path of a projected motorway.
Local authority grants available:
About to be condemned.
Period residence:
Built in the last two years.
Select neighborhood:
Beside sewage works.
Compact:
Tiny.
Country gentleman's residence:
No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
Unusual features:
No roof.
Delightful rural location:
In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
Box room:
Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes, folded.
A wealth of period features:
Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
Quiet,secluded setting:
On site of proposed dormitory town.
Well situated:
In full view of the neighbors.
Within easy distance of local amenities:
Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.
Rare opportunity to buy:
No one else want's it.
For the gardening enthusiast:
Grounds like a jungle.
Extensively modernized:
Former Do It Yourself owner had a breakdown under the strain.
Unspoilt:
Planning permission granted for field next door.
Deceptive appearance:
It looks terrible.
Partial central heating:
The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
Easily maintained:
Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
Useful outbuildings:
No inside toilet.
Much sought after:
It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
By private treaty:
If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
Owner eager to sell:
If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
Subject to new instructions:
They have just discovered death watch beetle.
Sold:
Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
In the path of a projected motorway.
Local authority grants available:
About to be condemned.
Period residence:
Built in the last two years.
Select neighborhood:
Beside sewage works.
Compact:
Tiny.
Country gentleman's residence:
No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
Unusual features:
No roof.
Delightful rural location:
In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
Box room:
Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes, folded.
A wealth of period features:
Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
Quiet,secluded setting:
On site of proposed dormitory town.
Well situated:
In full view of the neighbors.
Within easy distance of local amenities:
Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.
Rare opportunity to buy:
No one else want's it.
For the gardening enthusiast:
Grounds like a jungle.
Extensively modernized:
Former Do It Yourself owner had a breakdown under the strain.
Unspoilt:
Planning permission granted for field next door.
Deceptive appearance:
It looks terrible.
Partial central heating:
The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
Easily maintained:
Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
Useful outbuildings:
No inside toilet.
Much sought after:
It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
By private treaty:
If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
Owner eager to sell:
If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
Subject to new instructions:
They have just discovered death watch beetle.
Sold:
Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.