A few thoughts on North American males seeking relationships in the DR-I will focus on gentlemen looking for long-term monogamous relationships with the possible intent of marriage.
The Long-Distance Relationship
A long-distance relationship with a Dominican woman will be difficult if not impossible if you cannot commit the time and financial resources to make frequent trips to the DR. The frequency will depend on what your lifestyle will allow and in the end only you can make the decision whether this commitment will be worth your while or not. The more you can travel and spend time in the DR the better it will be for you. The more ingrained you become in native Dominican social circles the more doors will be opened to you regarding the type of Dominican woman you are looking to meet.
Language
The next obstacle is language. Fluency in Spanish will greatly increase not only your circle of native Dominican friends but also the type of young lady you will be able to meet. It will also aid immensely your ability to travel independently and your skill in navigating the myriad of circumstances you will inevitably encounter, from ordering food in a restaurant to being pulled over by the police.
Reputation
It goes without saying the reputation tourists have garnered on the island because of the sex industry is not a flattering one, so you also have this working against you. But you can avoid this by not habitually frequenting areas that have a reputation for this type of activity. A little discretion is also advised when speaking of such places in mixed company. It would not be wise to state openly that you just had a wild weekend in Boca Chica among conservative Dominicans. Even the most humble campesino will immediately draw negative conclusions about you that will be impossible to shake.
Who You Know Is Who You Are
If you do not know anyone on the island, a site like DR1 is invaluable in networking with social contacts. From there things will develop depending on how you carry yourself. Don’t expect people of a certain class to welcome you immediately with open arms as they would in some poor barrio. You need to gain their trust first and must be introduced. Only your comportment and demeanor will dictate how this will work for you. If you behave like a classless fool, then amongst those types you will stay.
And whom you befriend is important. Like it or not the DR is very conscious of such things that some tourists squawk about, but remember you are not home anymore. Walk around with some drug-dealing tigre or a prostitute and you WILL be labeled.
Reputation takes a long time to build up and only a moment to ruin-remember this in the DR.
Provincial Thinking, Societal Norms and the Western Male
This is by far the most misunderstood topic amongst DR1 members and has been the cause of many raucous arguments between it’s’ members.
The Dominican Republic is a machista society, one where westernized Latinos fluent in Spanish find difficult to comprehend. Some westerners take the stance that equality amongst the genders and races is something that was invented by their home countries and therefore should be exported to other societies at any and every opportunity.
What is clear is that some on the DR1 forum have a tendency to misinterpret what should be and what IS reality in the DR. Relationships between Dominican men and women seem strange and unfair to us, but it is their society and that’s’ how it works, like it or not. Men have the upper hand in all walks of life in the DR. Women have achieved many great things in the DR, but what is most important is how you assimilate your values while visiting and dating in the DR while easing up on the “everyone is equal” concept that you were raised with.
Let those who date and have relationships with Dominicans tell you that you cannot take your western sensibilities and transfer them to the DR. Many men feel that showering Dominican girlfriends with gifts and doing everything for them and their family is a foolproof way to win their hearts, but that may work against you, as these women are not accustomed to dating this type of man.
A Dominican woman relies on the man to make the decisions-this may seem like weakness on their part but that is how it is. You may feel you are liberating her from this type of machismo, but in reality it may come across as weakness and reinforces the stereotype that western men are pushovers and let their women dominate them. They will resent you for showing weakness and not keeping a firm hand in the relationship because that is how they were raised. This may seem provincial to us, but it is the reality.
This does not mean that you have to be abusive and outwardly promiscuous. There is a middle ground that you have to come to grips with that may be alien to you. Learn it and you will have a much easier time.
Presentation
Things like earrings, tattoos and sloppy attire may seem like an expression of individuality, but in the DR these things are watched closely and frowned upon. You will be judged negatively by the very people you may want to have contact with. See how far going against the grain will get you if you are looking to date a woman from a conservative, middle-class family.
It is a sight even to the most humble Dominican, who take great pride in their appearance even if they live in a shack, to run into a tourist who is dressed inappropriately, like wearing shorts far away from any beach. Neatness and cleanliness in appearance at all times is a prerequisite.
Dating DR Style
A proper Dominican woman is very much the property of her family, so expect chaperones on dates and no weekends alone in a resort-not right away at least. This is not always the case, but just something to keep in mind, because what may seem as a natural expression of liberty to us, the woman may be looked upon as a puta out for a weekend of whoring at a resort with a gringo by her family and neighbors. She will want to avoid this at all costs.
Money and the Gringo-As-Meal-Ticket
The discussion of money cannot be ignored. Again, this has been a subject of much derision and misunderstanding. Only you can make the decision you feel is right. But I would be hard pressed to find a man living and working in the DR who will tell you that you are not setting yourself up if you decide to be a “Western Union Boyfriend”. If you use money as the tie that binds her to you, then you are better off reading a book called “What’s’ love got to do with it-transnational desires and sex tourism in the Dominican Republic” by Denise Brennan. This book will give you more insight into this type of relationship than what is written here.
Economic/Social/Educational Disparity
If you are an educated, well-traveled man the chances that you have anything in common with an under-educated Dominican chica living in grinding third-world poverty are absolutely zero. If this is the type of Dominican woman you choose as a mate there is nothing in this post that can help you.
*I was asked to put something together as an addition to the thread entitled "Relationships For Women 101". This is meant to be used as a guideline, but by no means is it an end-all-be-all. It does not apply to whoremongers or those dating poor Dominican women who view a foreign boyfriend solely as a means to escape poverty.
The Long-Distance Relationship
A long-distance relationship with a Dominican woman will be difficult if not impossible if you cannot commit the time and financial resources to make frequent trips to the DR. The frequency will depend on what your lifestyle will allow and in the end only you can make the decision whether this commitment will be worth your while or not. The more you can travel and spend time in the DR the better it will be for you. The more ingrained you become in native Dominican social circles the more doors will be opened to you regarding the type of Dominican woman you are looking to meet.
Language
The next obstacle is language. Fluency in Spanish will greatly increase not only your circle of native Dominican friends but also the type of young lady you will be able to meet. It will also aid immensely your ability to travel independently and your skill in navigating the myriad of circumstances you will inevitably encounter, from ordering food in a restaurant to being pulled over by the police.
Reputation
It goes without saying the reputation tourists have garnered on the island because of the sex industry is not a flattering one, so you also have this working against you. But you can avoid this by not habitually frequenting areas that have a reputation for this type of activity. A little discretion is also advised when speaking of such places in mixed company. It would not be wise to state openly that you just had a wild weekend in Boca Chica among conservative Dominicans. Even the most humble campesino will immediately draw negative conclusions about you that will be impossible to shake.
Who You Know Is Who You Are
If you do not know anyone on the island, a site like DR1 is invaluable in networking with social contacts. From there things will develop depending on how you carry yourself. Don’t expect people of a certain class to welcome you immediately with open arms as they would in some poor barrio. You need to gain their trust first and must be introduced. Only your comportment and demeanor will dictate how this will work for you. If you behave like a classless fool, then amongst those types you will stay.
And whom you befriend is important. Like it or not the DR is very conscious of such things that some tourists squawk about, but remember you are not home anymore. Walk around with some drug-dealing tigre or a prostitute and you WILL be labeled.
Reputation takes a long time to build up and only a moment to ruin-remember this in the DR.
Provincial Thinking, Societal Norms and the Western Male
This is by far the most misunderstood topic amongst DR1 members and has been the cause of many raucous arguments between it’s’ members.
The Dominican Republic is a machista society, one where westernized Latinos fluent in Spanish find difficult to comprehend. Some westerners take the stance that equality amongst the genders and races is something that was invented by their home countries and therefore should be exported to other societies at any and every opportunity.
What is clear is that some on the DR1 forum have a tendency to misinterpret what should be and what IS reality in the DR. Relationships between Dominican men and women seem strange and unfair to us, but it is their society and that’s’ how it works, like it or not. Men have the upper hand in all walks of life in the DR. Women have achieved many great things in the DR, but what is most important is how you assimilate your values while visiting and dating in the DR while easing up on the “everyone is equal” concept that you were raised with.
Let those who date and have relationships with Dominicans tell you that you cannot take your western sensibilities and transfer them to the DR. Many men feel that showering Dominican girlfriends with gifts and doing everything for them and their family is a foolproof way to win their hearts, but that may work against you, as these women are not accustomed to dating this type of man.
A Dominican woman relies on the man to make the decisions-this may seem like weakness on their part but that is how it is. You may feel you are liberating her from this type of machismo, but in reality it may come across as weakness and reinforces the stereotype that western men are pushovers and let their women dominate them. They will resent you for showing weakness and not keeping a firm hand in the relationship because that is how they were raised. This may seem provincial to us, but it is the reality.
This does not mean that you have to be abusive and outwardly promiscuous. There is a middle ground that you have to come to grips with that may be alien to you. Learn it and you will have a much easier time.
Presentation
Things like earrings, tattoos and sloppy attire may seem like an expression of individuality, but in the DR these things are watched closely and frowned upon. You will be judged negatively by the very people you may want to have contact with. See how far going against the grain will get you if you are looking to date a woman from a conservative, middle-class family.
It is a sight even to the most humble Dominican, who take great pride in their appearance even if they live in a shack, to run into a tourist who is dressed inappropriately, like wearing shorts far away from any beach. Neatness and cleanliness in appearance at all times is a prerequisite.
Dating DR Style
A proper Dominican woman is very much the property of her family, so expect chaperones on dates and no weekends alone in a resort-not right away at least. This is not always the case, but just something to keep in mind, because what may seem as a natural expression of liberty to us, the woman may be looked upon as a puta out for a weekend of whoring at a resort with a gringo by her family and neighbors. She will want to avoid this at all costs.
Money and the Gringo-As-Meal-Ticket
The discussion of money cannot be ignored. Again, this has been a subject of much derision and misunderstanding. Only you can make the decision you feel is right. But I would be hard pressed to find a man living and working in the DR who will tell you that you are not setting yourself up if you decide to be a “Western Union Boyfriend”. If you use money as the tie that binds her to you, then you are better off reading a book called “What’s’ love got to do with it-transnational desires and sex tourism in the Dominican Republic” by Denise Brennan. This book will give you more insight into this type of relationship than what is written here.
Economic/Social/Educational Disparity
If you are an educated, well-traveled man the chances that you have anything in common with an under-educated Dominican chica living in grinding third-world poverty are absolutely zero. If this is the type of Dominican woman you choose as a mate there is nothing in this post that can help you.
*I was asked to put something together as an addition to the thread entitled "Relationships For Women 101". This is meant to be used as a guideline, but by no means is it an end-all-be-all. It does not apply to whoremongers or those dating poor Dominican women who view a foreign boyfriend solely as a means to escape poverty.
