there's a sucker born every minute

frank recktenwald · Aug 3, 2008

The other day I took my wife and kids to spend a couple of hours on the beach in Juan Dolio. We were sitting at one of the tables of a local beach restaurant and we were having a good time. The table next to ours was not occupied until a group of Dominican barrio women and their kids showed up. It was kind of strange since there were no men with them and it was quite a spectacle since they right away started to order their Presidente like they were rich folks even though they looked poor even for Dominican standards.
After about 5-10 minutes this foreigner shows up carrying bags with pots and pans full of food and giving it to the women, this guy was packed like a mule and none of the women helped him!!!!
The women finished their first beer and ordered more right away just for them not for the foreigner, he had to go back to the car in order to grab some more stuff.
Upon his return one of the kids asked him whether he was going for a swim which he didn?t understand. Trying to help him out I translated it for him into English, he thanked me and we started talking. It turned out to be that he was also German and that he came here to visit his girl who he met last year on vacation. He confided in me that he was in LOVE with this girl and that he wanted to marry her but he was still contemplating whether he should move to the DR or have his girl go to Germany, she wanted the latter.
He wanted to live here so he was asking me all kinds of questions.
Speaking fluently Spanish I had overheard some of the comments that the women had of him and they were not flattering, they were taking him for a ride.
This poor fellow thought he had found heaven on earth!!!
To make a long story short I spoke to my wife about this and I also mentioned to her that I was thinking about telling my countryman that he was being played but my wife said not to get involved, in life one always has to pay a price because nothing is for free.
What do you think I should have done?

BushBaby · Aug 3, 2008

NO Brainer Frank.
If you were happy to accept your wife's instructions to stay out of it & NOT tell the guy the truth, you should simply have introduced him to DR!

:surprised!! I understand there are one or two threads explaining the 'Dreams' & 'Desires' of Dominican girls to get out of the country & into 'their' perceived utopia!! :ermm: ~ Grahame.

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

frank recktenwald said:
The other day I took my wife and kids to spend a couple of hours on the beach in Juan Dolio. We were sitting at one of the tables of a local beach restaurant and we were having a good time. The table next to ours was not occupied until a group of Dominican barrio women and their kids showed up. It was kind of strange since there were no men with them and it was quite a spectacle since they right away started to order their Presidente like they were rich folks even though they looked poor even for Dominican standards.
After about 5-10 minutes this foreigner shows up carrying bags with pots and pans full of food and giving it to the women, this guy was packed like a mule and none of the women helped him!!!!
The women finished their first beer and ordered more right away just for them not for the foreigner, he had to go back to the car in order to grab some more stuff.
Upon his return one of the kids asked him whether he was going for a swim which he didn?t understand. Trying to help him out I translated it for him into English, he thanked me and we started talking. It turned out to be that he was also German and that he came here to visit his girl who he met last year on vacation. He confided in me that he was in LOVE with this girl and that he wanted to marry her but he was still contemplating whether he should move to the DR or have his girl go to Germany, she wanted the latter.
He wanted to live here so he was asking me all kinds of questions.
Speaking fluently Spanish I had overheard some of the comments that the women had of him and they were not flattering, they were taking him for a ride.
This poor fellow thought he had found heaven on earth!!!
To make a long story short I spoke to my wife about this and I also mentioned to her that I was thinking about telling my countryman that he was being played but my wife said not to get involved, in life one always has to pay a price because nothing is for free.
What do you think I should have done?

This sounds like the same guy that AZB saw at McDonalds a month or two ago.

What should you have done?
Tough question.
There's good valid arguments for both sides, to get involved or not to.
Would he even listen, if you did get involved?
If he was already allowing them to walk all over him, there's little reason to believe that he would "get out", just because you (a pure stranger) suggested it.
You could look at all the moral and ethical aspects of the situation, but it's likely 99% sure that taking action would have been fruitless anyhow, so my answer is to do nothing.
You could drop a comment like, "You do know that she's just taking you for a ride, don't you".

RHM · Aug 3, 2008

Great question which will generate a number of different answers.

Personally, (and depending on what kind of a person you deemed him during your short encounter) I think I might have said something to him.

It's one thing to look and chuckle to yourself when you see a foreigner getting ripped off in a tourist zone (by paying too much, not literally being robbed). It's another to see a seemingly nice person have their life ruined when a few words of caution might have prevented it.

Of course, the trick is making sure it can't come back to you. That's probably what your wife was more worried about.

I look forward to hearing others' points of view on this one.

RHM

Tamborista · Aug 3, 2008

You look the other way, it is really not any of your business.
How would you react if a total stranger poked their nose in your affairs?

What if he dumps her and the family due to your advice, and the same family sees you and your family at the beach 3 months later, do you think it is going to be a pleasant situation?

tambo'

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

RHM said:
Great question which will generate a number of different answers.

Personally, (and depending on what kind of a person you deemed him during your short encounter) I think I might have said something to him.

It's one thing to look and chuckle to yourself when you see a foreigner getting ripped off in a tourist zone (by paying too much, not literally being robbed). It's another to see a seemingly nice person have their life ruined when a few words of caution might have prevented it.

Of course, the trick is making sure it can't come back to you. That's probably what your wife was more worried about.

I look forward to hearing others' points of view on this one.

RHM

I'm with you, Randall, except that I wouldn't dream of chuckling at his predicament.
That aside, don't you think that his comportment illustrated that he was more than willing to be a doormat to them, and thus helplessly screwed up in love?

Berzin · Aug 3, 2008

The difficulty here is that the guy truly doesn't know what he is in for because of the language barrier.

It seems from another perspective that he was being a doormat but he probably was just trying to be nice and volunteered to go back and forth to the car to get the stuff for his outing with his novias' family.

Nothing wrong with that.

Its' a tough question with no easy answer. If my conscience was really getting to me, I maybe would of gotten his phone number on the down low and then spoke to him when they were not around or better yet when he was home in Germany.

One conversation would suffice. You wouldn't have to make him your lifelong buddy, just let him know about how things are in the DR.

Then it would officially be out of your hands.

RHM · Aug 3, 2008

"I'm with you, Randall, except that I wouldn't dream of chuckling at his predicament."- Rocky

Re-read my post, Rocky.

I never said anything about chuckling at HIS predicament.

I mentioned other less harmful scenarios like a tourist over-paying for something.

There's nothing to laugh about in this example.

PS: Tambo's advice about steering him to DR1 is excellent. Here he can see many opinions and it's harder to brush off.

RHM

Frank the Tank · Aug 3, 2008

That is just sad.

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

RHM said:
"I'm with you, Randall, except that I wouldn't dream of chuckling at his predicament."- Rocky

Re-read my post, Rocky.

I never said anything about chuckling at HIS predicament.

I mentioned other less harmful scenarios like a tourist over-paying for something.

There's nothing to laugh about in this example.

PS: Tambo's advice about steering him to DR1 is excellent. Here he can see many opinions and it's harder to brush off.

RHM

I think that is was BushBaby who suggested DR1 and a good suggestion it is.
I meant nothing about the chuckle thing, except that I know how it would strike me.
I've seen this type of thing before and it rips my guts out.
I've also tried to intervene in situations, like telling a tourist that the chica who was grabbing his private parts was a pickpocket, I was more or less told in German to phuck off.
In short, wanting to help does not mean that the "helped" party will be receptive.

Ezequiel · Aug 3, 2008

Tamborista said:
You look the other way, it is really not any of your business.
How would you react if a total stranger poked their nose in your affairs?

What if he dumps her and the family due to your advice, and the same family sees you and your family at the beach 3 months later, do you think it is going to be a pleasant situation?

tambo'

I'm with Tamborista here, mind your own business, he is not your friend, he is not a member of your family, he's just an stranger you happened to meet. Earth is like living in a jungle, the stronger one will survive, the weak one will die, life is not fair.

frank recktenwald · Aug 3, 2008

Berzin, I do agree with you that there's nothing wrong with trying to be nice but he was not getting anything in return and whatever one wants to say about Dominicans one thing we have to agree upon and that's that Dominicans are very hospitable and these ladies were not. Nobody would get up for him to offer him a seat and none of the kids were told to get up either.
Yeah defenitely this guy was a doormat and maybe even a masochist enjoying the abuse who knows.
Thinking back I think I did the right thing even if it was against my character because I've been known for having a mouth quicker than my brain.
Like as I said everything has got its price and I reckon he now has or will have to pay the piper

rio2003 · Aug 3, 2008

Rocky said:
In short, wanting to help does not mean that the "helped" party will be receptive.

Exactly, and sometimes the "victim" is only too aware of what is going on but chooses to ignore that because it suits him or her to do so, whether it be that the relationship works on some level or other or that they don't mind being subservient and have money to burn!
Whichever, it is nobodys business but their own.....

frank recktenwald · Aug 3, 2008

Ezequiel said:
I'm with Tamborista here, mind your own business, he is not your friend, he is not a member of your family, he's just an stranger you happened to meet. Earth is like living in a jungle, the stronger one will survive, the weak one will die, life is not fair.

I minded my own biz and did not get involved, read better the next time

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

frank recktenwald said:
Berzin, I do agree with you that there's nothing wrong with trying to be nice but he was not getting anything in return and whatever one wants to say about Dominicans one thing we have to agree upon and that's that Dominicans are very hospitable and these ladies were not. Nobody would get up for him to offer him a seat and none of the kids were told to get up either.
Yeah defenitely this guy was a doormat and maybe even a masochist enjoying the abuse who knows.
Thinking back I think I did the right thing even if it was against my character because I've been known for having a mouth quicker than my brain.
Like as I said everything has got its price and I reckon he now has or will have to pay the piper

That's my take on it too.
On top of that, your woman also agreed that it was smarter to not get involved, so it is my humble opinion that you did exactly the right thing.

Ezequiel · Aug 3, 2008

I've seen this type of thing before and it rips my guts out.
I've also tried to intervene in situations, like telling a tourist that the chica who was grabbing his private parts was a pickpocket. I was more or less told in German to phuck off.
In short, wanting to help does not mean that the "helped" party will be receptive.

I'd had thought by now that you knew, that when people go to another country for vacation, they want to {live la vida loca}, experience new things, no matter how outlandish or outrageous it may seems to you.

No wonder they told you to phuck off.

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

frank recktenwald said:
I minded my own biz and did not get involved, read better the next time

Ezequiel's native tongue is Spanish and may not have expressed it in a way that was clear to you, but he was only answering the question you asked, and not scolding you for doing the wrong thing.
This is just a slight language barrier problem.
Nothing more.

Tamborista · Aug 3, 2008

Ezequiel said:
I'd had thought by now that you knew, that when people go to another country for vacation, they want to {live la vida loca}, experience new things, no matter how outlandish or outrageous it may seems to you.

No wonder they told you to phuck off.

No language barrier here!

Rocky · Aug 3, 2008

Ezequiel said:
I'd had thought by now that you knew, that when people go to another country for vacation, they want to {live la vida loca}, experience new things, no matter how outlandish or outrageous it may seems to you.

No wonder they told you to phuck off.

I doubt that the guy wanted to get pickpocketed.

RHM · Aug 3, 2008

Ezequiel said:
Earth is like living in a jungle, the stronger one will survive, the weak one will die, life is not fair.

Ezekiel, my friend, I'm going to remember this quote by you the next time you're spouting off about the developing world versus the developed.

Thanks for the easy ammunition.

Buy Tambo a beer for me. (edited: I originally thought you were literally "with" him. Not just in agreement.)

RHM

there's a sucker born every minute

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