Well I took some advice from on here and let my, now x girlfriend, know that I understood about sankettes in the hotels. I did not accuse her, just mentioned I understood it happens. I wrote an earlier thread mentioning her Kiney problem. She said it was going to cost 1000 dollars. She never asked me for the money just told me what it was going to cost. That seemed pretty high. Anyway as soon as I mentioned the sanky thing she told me to go to hell and now she won't even return my messages or anything. I'm thinking she is not a sanky and I made a big mistake. She did introduce me to all her dominican friends. I've made dinner for her family many times and I really believed she was genuine before I read all this sanky stuff. Her birthday is on Nov.8th and I arrive back in D.R. on Nov.12th. Does anyone out there have any cultural advice to help me win her back or at least find out the truth? It sounds like good D.R. girls are hard to find and I think I let one get away. Help me if u can. Thanx.
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Sanky or no sanky. Bad advice?
sounds classical
Good women are hard to find all over the world. I personally think "good" Dominican women hold this county and their families together. If you really like this one then I would let her know the dates you will be here and wait and see what happens. She will come back, just watch. Good luck.
Good women are hard to find all over the world. I personally think "good" Dominican women hold this county and their families together. If you really like this one then I would let her know the dates you will be here and wait and see what happens. She will come back, just watch. Good luck.
Did you ever hear of over-reaction. People can over-react for many reasons, but one of the most common reasons is as a defensive mechanism. This happens when a person feels threatened by something that would otherwise be considered harmless, like mentioning that you understood sankies exist.
Take it for what it's worth, if she over-reacted to a simple comment, she was probably feeling defensive about it, meaning she probably is a sankie, to one degree or another.
By "one degree or another", I mean she might have just started down that road, or she could have had it going for many years. Whatever the case, in my opinion, she definately had it on her mind, when you said what you did. Otherwise you would not have gotten that kind of response.
Remember, she could have reacted in a hundred other ways, from a good humored joke to an admission of quilt and an apology. In all probability, someone who had nothing to hide would not have reacted the way she did. I think she protests too much.
That being said, if you still think you can salvage a meaningful relationship with her, then there are subtle way to get back together. What you do not want to do is throw yourself at her feet. She will lose any respect she had for you, and she will see it as a sign of weakness.
Take it for what it's worth, if she over-reacted to a simple comment, she was probably feeling defensive about it, meaning she probably is a sankie, to one degree or another.
By "one degree or another", I mean she might have just started down that road, or she could have had it going for many years. Whatever the case, in my opinion, she definately had it on her mind, when you said what you did. Otherwise you would not have gotten that kind of response.
Remember, she could have reacted in a hundred other ways, from a good humored joke to an admission of quilt and an apology. In all probability, someone who had nothing to hide would not have reacted the way she did. I think she protests too much.
That being said, if you still think you can salvage a meaningful relationship with her, then there are subtle way to get back together. What you do not want to do is throw yourself at her feet. She will lose any respect she had for you, and she will see it as a sign of weakness.
Hiney problems cost much more than $1000 US. He is getting a bargain for a totally rebuilt hiney.
Subtle ways to get her back?
Well i should tell u that I don't show weakness. I'm 30 years old ,6'2'' tall with blue eyes and make over usd 50000 a year. I thought I would be a good catch. On top of that I only work six months of the year so I have lots of time to be in the D.R. anyway what "subtle ways" to do suggest to get her back and find out if she really is a sankette. By the way she does have the top tear medical plan. Kiney still a good deal at usd 1000? Thank you for your info, its really needed.
Well i should tell u that I don't show weakness. I'm 30 years old ,6'2'' tall with blue eyes and make over usd 50000 a year. I thought I would be a good catch. On top of that I only work six months of the year so I have lots of time to be in the D.R. anyway what "subtle ways" to do suggest to get her back and find out if she really is a sankette. By the way she does have the top tear medical plan. Kiney still a good deal at usd 1000? Thank you for your info, its really needed.
You might feel powerful with other men, but women and men have different perceptions of what strength means.
In other words, some of the biggest and toughest guys become the easiest marks for women, because the two perceive strength so differently. And your money only adds to your vulnerability. It makes you much more a valuable catch.
You can stop pretending that the strength you have in the guy world means anything at all in the world of men and women. It's a whole different ballgame. With women, strength isn't a physical presence; it is a mental and emotional presence.
You have to begin by understanding how women view strength in the realm of emotions and mental attitude. Some of the strongest men I know, in the physical sense, become some of the weakest when they are out of their element, and are confronted by a woman who is in control emotionally.
Do you set guidelines and limits of your relationship? And do you stand by them, even when she wants something different? Do you manage emotional situations with calm assurance? Can you have an honest discussion with her, in the same way you would with a man? Are you able to agree, disagree, add nuance, ask thoughtful questions, and give thoughtful responses? Can you ask the difficult questions? Does she choose the topics for discussion, according to her agenda? Does she tend to always lead discussions, and set their tempo?
If you haven't even asked yourself these questions you are out of your league.
In other words, some of the biggest and toughest guys become the easiest marks for women, because the two perceive strength so differently. And your money only adds to your vulnerability. It makes you much more a valuable catch.
You can stop pretending that the strength you have in the guy world means anything at all in the world of men and women. It's a whole different ballgame. With women, strength isn't a physical presence; it is a mental and emotional presence.
You have to begin by understanding how women view strength in the realm of emotions and mental attitude. Some of the strongest men I know, in the physical sense, become some of the weakest when they are out of their element, and are confronted by a woman who is in control emotionally.
Do you set guidelines and limits of your relationship? And do you stand by them, even when she wants something different? Do you manage emotional situations with calm assurance? Can you have an honest discussion with her, in the same way you would with a man? Are you able to agree, disagree, add nuance, ask thoughtful questions, and give thoughtful responses? Can you ask the difficult questions? Does she choose the topics for discussion, according to her agenda? Does she tend to always lead discussions, and set their tempo?
If you haven't even asked yourself these questions you are out of your league.
i think just the fact that it's the age-old kidney problem should send some red-flags. and most never directly ask for the money, just mention it a lot. "oh my back hurts so bad," so that you'll ask why. "oh, my kidneys." and you'll say that you didn't know it wasn't taken care of... "oh, i don't have the money..."
it's a show.
and if you're such a good catch i don't think she'd have taken off running just because you said maybe she's a sanky.
it's a show.
and if you're such a good catch i don't think she'd have taken off running just because you said maybe she's a sanky.
good advice
well you seem to know what ur talking about, and I have asked myself all these questions. I am very emotionally stable its just the fact i'm still in love with her. Please just give me some advise on how to get her back DR style so I know she will understand where i am coming from. Keep in mind My spanish is about as good as her english so it is easy to lose things in translation. Gracious.
well you seem to know what ur talking about, and I have asked myself all these questions. I am very emotionally stable its just the fact i'm still in love with her. Please just give me some advise on how to get her back DR style so I know she will understand where i am coming from. Keep in mind My spanish is about as good as her english so it is easy to lose things in translation. Gracious.
If you really want her back, which I would caution you against, you have to look at things through her eyes. Do you have mutual friends with whom you could drop hints? Is there a place she frequently goes to where you could also go and have a chance encounter?
The thing is, when you make contact, keep it polite and measured. You can indicate interest without falling over yourself. Let things take their own course, and don't act like you are anxious to get her back.
One more thing, my advice is not "the Dominican way" per se. It is simply common sense, and a lifetime of trial and error. I don't know what "the Dominican way" is.
My further advice is to give yourself and her some time. If you were good to her, and good for each other, she will miss you. If you don't really love her let time sort things out for you. A little time will work miracles. Take your time, and never let them see you sweat.
The thing is, when you make contact, keep it polite and measured. You can indicate interest without falling over yourself. Let things take their own course, and don't act like you are anxious to get her back.
One more thing, my advice is not "the Dominican way" per se. It is simply common sense, and a lifetime of trial and error. I don't know what "the Dominican way" is.
My further advice is to give yourself and her some time. If you were good to her, and good for each other, she will miss you. If you don't really love her let time sort things out for you. A little time will work miracles. Take your time, and never let them see you sweat.
Tell us a little how you met her?, where she is from? Do you speak spanish or her English? Where is she now? What type of work does she do? A little backround would be helpful.
I can't believe it but I agree 100% catcherintherye.
If you really want her back let her know you will be in country next week and if she wants she can look for you,otherwise you should not be kissing her a$$ because she will lose all respect for you.
I can't believe it but I agree 100% catcherintherye.
That's at least two times we've agreed. I'd say that was a positive trend.
Not only could this the start of a beautiful friendship, but we might end up being best friends for life. Now that's a scary thought.
That's at least two times we've agreed. I'd say that was a positive trend.
Not only could this the start of a beautiful friendship, but we might end up being best friends for life. Now that's a scary thought.
I'm not sure that stability and being in love with someone with whom you can't communicate go together.
Based on the language skills, maybe it wasn't US$1000 for a kidney but RD$1000 for a bikini? Did you understand her to say "Puppy, I neet one tousan por mi kini"
You didn't come up with the cash as she alluded to so you are useless to her. That's why she sent you to hell. If she works in a hotel she has plenty of other guys she meets. You are nothing to her but the next fool in line.
Your situation happened to me. A chica alluded to needing money for whatever reason over the phone and I ignored it. We had made plans to meet once I got there and she never answered her phone.
I called her and left messages before I left and when I got to the hotel and she never replied.
But I had a plan B. Thirty minutes after arriving at the hotel I had another chica in my room who had no problems dropping everything to be with me and never asked me for a dime. She was not by any stretch of the imagination a "good girl" but she was johhny-on-the-spot when I needed her.
Do yourself a favor and learn the culture. You mess around with poor chicas/chicas who work in tourist areas and you will learn quickly, as their MO never changes. They just want to juice any tourist silly enough to fall for them.
Once she gets enough guys to fork over that US 1K she'll have enough money to finish building her family a house. They most likely are all in on the scam and know that they will benefit from it, so they will treat you nice enough until the chica in question skins you alive.
Quit playing yourself. If you really have so much time to be in the DR and you are looking for a girlfriend, spend some time meeting people who can put you in touch with a different class of dominican woman.
They exist, just don't be too upset that they won't fall over themselves just because you're a gringo. You're going to have to bring more to the table than that to impress those women.
Your situation happened to me. A chica alluded to needing money for whatever reason over the phone and I ignored it. We had made plans to meet once I got there and she never answered her phone.
I called her and left messages before I left and when I got to the hotel and she never replied.
But I had a plan B. Thirty minutes after arriving at the hotel I had another chica in my room who had no problems dropping everything to be with me and never asked me for a dime. She was not by any stretch of the imagination a "good girl" but she was johhny-on-the-spot when I needed her.
Do yourself a favor and learn the culture. You mess around with poor chicas/chicas who work in tourist areas and you will learn quickly, as their MO never changes. They just want to juice any tourist silly enough to fall for them.
Once she gets enough guys to fork over that US 1K she'll have enough money to finish building her family a house. They most likely are all in on the scam and know that they will benefit from it, so they will treat you nice enough until the chica in question skins you alive.
Quit playing yourself. If you really have so much time to be in the DR and you are looking for a girlfriend, spend some time meeting people who can put you in touch with a different class of dominican woman.
They exist, just don't be too upset that they won't fall over themselves just because you're a gringo. You're going to have to bring more to the table than that to impress those women.
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Sounds like you'd fare better in Sweden.
Seriously, gringos who don't full acclimate to the culture are only as attractive as their wallets.
As such, there's no subtle way to get her back. SHE WANTS YOUR MONEY, NOT YOU. Any efforts to try and be the exception to this rule will result in 1) a broken heart 2) wasting time you can't get back, and 3) a depleted bank account.
Look, you're young, make a little money, and have the luxury of spending six months a year in DR. Get out into the non-touristy areas, meet normal folks, learn the language and the culture, and have a great experience. Along the way, you just might - maybe - meet a nice girl or two who can be convinced you're just not another pasty gringo sex tourist with more cash than common sense, but that takes time.
A lot of time. About six months, maybe.
Meanwhile, have fun. Life is short, and don't try to marry some animacion dancer you met at a resort.
The girl in question works at an A.I. in Puerto Plata where she also lives with her Aunt and Grandma. She is 25 and has a birthday this Saturday Nov.8th. I met her at the A.I. and she broke her arm a few days after I met her. I went to the hospital with her than we toured the north coast together for a week. She had a cast on the whole time. She told me she has only worked at the hotel for 1 year and this was the first time she ever had more than 1 day off. I have spent many nights at her home which has a very catholic feel to it. The one time I sent her money she went to get it at western union and could not pick it up. Nor she nor I knew that we needed the transaction # for a pick up. Good sign? One thing that concerns me is a lot of private phone calls and she won't let me read her txt messages. She says they are privado. Sanky or no sanky? Does any one care to comment more. Does she sound familiar to anyone? She lives in Puerto Plata and her aunt is a self employed lawyer. Any feedback would be great. Thanx
I hate to break the bad news to you, She knows how to pick up money in western union, Everyone does believe me. She won't let you see her phone because it is constantly ringing and recieving text messesges from tourists who have fallen for her in the hotel,from all over the world. PM me if you like I will be i Puerto Plata on the 15th or 16th and I will find you a suitable replacement chica.
Or if you like I could call her with you next to me and I will act like some guy who met her a few months back and see if she really is a sanky. I think she will fail the test though.