Need help with hubby

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miercolesbonito

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I am leaving this post and hoping that the Dominican men on DR1 can help me or offer some insights.

I am married to a Dominican man and we have been together for several years. Throughout this time we have had many ups and downs just like all couples do. The last few months have been particularly difficult for us but we have decided to stay together and try to make things work.

Lately, I do not feel close to him and find him distant. Each time I ask him what is wrong he says nothing and blames work. I think this is just his way of saying leave me alone. He does not have time to be with me and finds ways to get out of the house for long hours. Worst of all, he does not engage in any kind of intimacy with me. This hurts me because he was not like this before. He used to be very affectionate and we would spend a lot of time together. I have so many doubts in my head and I feel that he is hiding things from me. I wish things between us would just return to normal.

I am wondering if I should just continue to give him space and hope that things will get better or if I should just give up and leave. I love him very much but I do not know if he does because he does not show it. He has admitted that he is not good at showing his feelings but we had not problems with intimacy before. I am trying to be patient but it is very difficult since I do not see any improvements.

If you have any input or have experienced something similar with your husband please let me know. Thank you.

MB
 
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sangria

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im confused...why are you writing in one forum how you have managed to overcome these problems through hard work, communication and time and then writing the complete opposite here?

am i missing something?
 
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AnnaC

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So you got married after he arrived in Canada? We are interested in hearing how he got to Canada if you don't mind.

Thanks
 
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miercolesbonito

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Re read it to see

If you re read the posts you will see that we have done fine in the financial and family / friends aspects. This is what was said in the coming to a new country post. This current problem is related to the relationship since it involves intimacy and trust issues. Big difference. That is why the other one hopes to pass on info to others and this one is seeking advice.
 
Bronxboy

Bronxboy

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miercolesbonito said:
If you re read the posts you will see that we have done fine in the financial and family / friends aspects. This is what was said in the coming to a new country post. This current problem is related to the relationship since it involves intimacy and trust issues. Big difference. That is why the other one hopes to pass on info to others and this one is seeking advice.
Click to expand...

YouTube - Pe?a Suazo y la Banda Gorda mix "Estoy Aqui pero mi mente ..

Maybe he is just homesick. (one wishes it is only that)
 
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miercolesbonito

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We were married in the Dominican and he came here on a vistor's visa two weeks after we married. We were told that if he applied for residency in the Dominican it would take longer so we tried for a visitor's visa and were granted one on the first try (he has travelled before and had a good job). We left with the vistor's visa right away.

We applied for residency from Canada one month after he came here on his visa and were quickly approved (within 5 months). All together, we have been together for over 4 years.

The intimacy problems I refer to have been going on since October of 2008. Before that it was tits and tats here and there for the most part (regular couple stuff like finances, arguments about family). I am worried that he no longer wants to be married and pushing me away, saying it is just work is his way of making me see that.
 
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miercolesbonito

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Hi Bronx! Yes I thought so too so we actually went back for a trip but nada. I know he was homesick a lot when he first came here almost three years ago but other than this situation he seems well adjusted. Working at a good job etc. Who knows. Thank you for replying and letting me know your input. Homesickness was also my first hunch but after we returned from the Dominican nothing changed. Even over there he was distant.
 
Bronxboy

Bronxboy

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miercolesbonito said:
The intimacy problems I refer to have been going on since October of 2008. Before that it was tits and tats here and there for the most part (regular couple stuff like finances, arguments about family). I am worried that he no longer wants to be married and pushing me away, saying it is just work is his way of making me see that.
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This is something that ONLY you would know.

I do not want to burst your bubble but it could be there is someone else in his life.

Sorry, just calling it as I read it.

I would suggest a marriage counselor and not a public forum.

Good luck.
 
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Music

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Im not sure what kind of advice you expect to get? and I'm confused why does he need space? In my opinion don't give him space it seems like he's been gone for long hours getting his space. Find out what his problem is.

You say he's less intimate with you and gone for hours well girl you better figure out what it is that is not good. Where does he go for these long hours?

You are married so you both need to talk and figure things out that's what relationships are about. Marriage is a team effort and takes work to keep it going.

Just my 2 cents and all the best!!
 
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miercolesbonito

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Thanks again. I have tried asking him to please see a counselor but he has said no because he does not think outsiders can help. I figured a marriage counselor would have been helpful to both of us but I cannot force him to go if he does not want to.

Maybe he has found someone else. It certainly makes sense and I guess I will find out with time.
 
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AnnaC

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miercolesbonito said:
We were married in the Dominican and he came here on a vistor's visa two weeks after we married. We were told that if he applied for residency in the Dominican it would take longer so we tried for a visitor's visa and were granted one on the first try (he has travelled before and had a good job). We left with the vistor's visa right away.

We applied for residency from Canada one month after he came here on his visa and were quickly approved (within 5 months). All together, we have been together for over 4 years.

.
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I'm sorry to keep bugging you with these questions but I need to know this stuff for my other forum. What kind of job did he have in the DR? It's very difficult to get a visitor visa for a spouse because Immigration Canada knows that they will never leave once they get here.

Where in the DR did he apply for the visitor visa?


BTW the first year is the hardest on a new immigrant but after three years and a trip back you have to wonder what is really going on.
 
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miercolesbonito

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Thanks Music. I appreciate the honesty - from everyone. It does take two to tango but I feel like I am alone in this one.

I have given him space hoping he will open up once he is ready but that has not happened. When he goes out he is usually with friends who I do not approve of (friends with no real responsibilities and no wifes). He knows this so he has little about it. Makes me worry but I can't tie him to the house and make him want to be with me instead.
 
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miercolesbonito

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Hello Anna! He worked as an accountant in the Dominican. When we applied for the visa in Santo Domingo we said that we would apply for the residency once he was here. They knew that we had just gotten married and we were up front about everything. He was given 3 months and we were told that he would have to apply for the PR as soon as he arrived. We got all the papers together and applied after one month. I have heard that it is hard to get a visa from the Dominican and was also surprised. My husband traveled before he met me and we also once hooked up for vacation together in Miami. He had a valid US visa at the time he applied (5 year visa) and he had also worked in Spain on a work contract.
 
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curlando

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What kind of job did he do in DR and what kind of job is he doing now? It really could be his job.
 
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miercolesbonito

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He worked as an accountant and continues to do that part time here. He also teaches accounting at various community agencies. It can be stressful when it is busy but all the time?
 
Bronxboy

Bronxboy

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miercolesbonito said:
He worked as an accountant and continues to do that part time here. He also teaches accounting at various community agencies. It can be stressful when it is busy but all the time?
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Yes, I am an accountant and this time of year is especially stressful.

Put on some lacy lingerie and open a bottle of wine. Maybe this will unwind him a bit.

I know it helps me!!!!
 
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