I want to keep my child here in the United States.

fabekid · May 19, 2009

Hello everyone. Thanks to all that sent me info on the last question I asked about insurance for my kid.
now I have another. I decided not to pay for the insurance in the D.R and told her that is her responsibility to do something for her child. since then, the child have no insurance and she have not kept up with the child immunization shots. the funny thing is she have high speed internet at home in her bedroom, but cannot find the money to take care of her child. now, after several months, she gives me permission to get my son so that i can take him to a Doctor here in the U.S to get him check out. I pay insurance for him here in the states. I now have my son with me and have a few Doctors appointment to get him look at. A few of the Doctors and all the Nurses that I work with already told me that my son is behind and not doing the things he should be doing for his age.
Now the problem is, she calls me to ask me how he is doing and when i told her fine and I'm at work. She ask who is keeping him. once I told her my girlfriend she flips the script and demand my girlfriend phone number. I told her she can talk to me if she have any question. Now she is not happy with that and does not like my girlfriend and told me to "wait and see". Now the wait and see I take as a threat. I know she is not going to let me have my son again when I take him back to her.
Now the question of the day is, if i decide to keep my son and not take him back, what process can i take here in the United States to keep him?. he was born there in the D.R and have dual citizenship.
When I filed his paper at the consulate, they sent me a birth certificate here in the U.S for him. She keeps asking me for a copy of that and claims she just want a copy for herself. I keep telling her she have his dominican birth certificate, so why do she want a copy. I suspect something is up, but don't know what she is up to. when i got there to pick up my son, she ask if i brought her a copy. I told her no and she reply, you know....I was waiting for that paper, i need that paper. what do you all think she is upto?. I was trying to play fair, but this women is crazy. I know this sounds bad, but after dealing with her. I don't think I will ever date another Dominican woman.
Thanks in advance....

bellakins · May 19, 2009

Contact a lawyer!

You need the counsel of an attorney as soon as possible. Try to set up joint custody of some sort. I do not recommend keeping him with you in the US against the wishes of the mother in the DR;
unless you can prove abuse, this tactic could get you in trouble.

Thandie · May 19, 2009

fabekid said:
I now have my son with me and have a few Doctors appointment to get him look at. A few of the Doctors and all the Nurses that I work with already told me that my son is behind and not doing the things he should be doing for his age.
....

I would have the doctors and nurses document what they have told you about him being developmentally delayed, in the medical files and a letter to you.
Contact a lawyer about getting full custody of your son.

Alyonka · May 19, 2009

I know of a similar case. You would have to do A LOT of work to prove that it is better for your son to be with you, pay lawyers, court/child counselors, doctors and mediators. Maybe your ex wants money from you, and you can just agree with her without all the legal expense? Although it might be risky.

PICHARDO · May 19, 2009

Don't!!!!

You better smooth things out and stop using the problems within you guys to affect the relationship you already have with your son!

First of all, you really don't want to start a legal debate in the US where the child is with you in a temporary visit only!
Given that you refused (and as clearly stated here) to pay for medical coverage for the kid in the DR, the blame will fall square on you for your claims based on the US doctor's findings regarding his health!!!!

The mother enjoys full custody of the child and provided that you never challenged that fact in a Dominican court is the first problem you face. The second is that she has allowed you to have partial custody of the child to look after his health and visit with you, all out of her good will not to place blocks between you and the child.

In effect, she has the right to request any given contact of a person that would be caring for the child, while he's under your temporary custody. As a father wouldn't you be less out of the loop, if you knew that you could be at ease by having a simple talk with those in the care of your child?

PICHARDO · May 19, 2009

This could be a great opportunity (since now you understand how important that medical coverage is for your child in the DR) to smooth things out with her and also agree with her to have the medical coverage continue at your expense for the kid in the DR.

Believe it or not, you're the one in the wrong here as she wanted to contact the GF to talk, as she was the one with her child at that moment.

Women can talk unlike us men in these kind of situations. If I were you at this point in time, I would convince my GF to call her in the DR to allow for a healthy relationship to start, given that's the best option for your child as it stands today.

There are no better parents for a child than his own two loving ones...

Find a way to save your relationship with the mother of your child sooner, rather than too late
.

RGVgal · May 19, 2009

A friend of mine has a similar situation. He has been fighting it out with the mother of his 3 children who have dual citizenship (not DR, but another country) for a couple of yrs now. It has been very costly, but while they are still going to court he has been able to keep the kids with him. You should contact a lawyer asap and see what your options are.

Thandie · May 19, 2009

RGVgal said:
but while they are still going to court he has been able to keep the kids with him. You should contact a lawyer asap and see what your options are.

Yes I have read about similar cases, your child might be able to stay with you, while you fight for custody. Contact a lawyer and if you can based on your childs development problems keep him with you.... get more medical tests for him.

Some mothers are not rational, loving human beings who have the best interest of their children in mind.

Alyonka · May 19, 2009

If she allowed her child to travel with his Dad to the US without her and even be with his new GF - she is not that bad or irrational. I have known some very well educated and professional mothers who would NEVER allow this to happen. They would not be able to be without their child for even an hour or so.

Thandie · May 19, 2009

Alyonka said:
If she allowed her child to travel with his Dad to the US without her and even be with his new GF - she is not that bad or irrational.

Well we only know one side of the story...but most good moms would make sure their child had proper medical care before they had high speed internet, especially if that child is delayed. IMO a good mom would make her childs health a priority. Many other moms do in the DR even though the dad does not pay for anything. If her mother could afford to bring her other child to Boston and do all the 'forged' legal paperwork I am assuming she could of asked her mom to take her other son to the doctor for a check up and shots.

Based on what the OP posted, and the fact that his childs development is delayed, I see his concerns for his child.

Alyonka · May 19, 2009

That is why I think she wants Dad to pay for everything for his child in the DR. I think she wants money. Lawyers, doctors, child support counselors and mediators are VERY expensive.

I would just calculate how much it would cost to pay courts vs. to pay for child's insurance and education in the DR and see what makes more sense.

Thandie · May 19, 2009

Alyonka said:
That is why I think she wants Dad to pay for everything for his child in the DR. I think she wants money. Lawyers, doctors, child support counselors and mediators are VERY expensive.

I agree that money is what she wants, for herself too. LOL
But I also think she is angry at him for moving on and finding another girlfriend, hence the threat and she may use her child as a weapon and might restrict his visitation or possibly get a forged travel document and go to another country with his child if she meets another man online. I think that is what the OP is worried about.

TOOBER_SDQ · May 19, 2009

I am not opining on what I think is the right verses wrong thing to do. But .....

If I were in the same situation as the OP and wanted my kid to live in the States, I just wouldn't put the kid back on a plane to DR.

The kid is a US Citizen and has no problem staying. What does an upset mother in DR have to do with it? Would she pursue this in a DR Court? Can she afford that? Would she stick it out until the end? Would a DR Lawyer work pro bono (for free)? Even if the answers are yes, which I doubt, does a DR Court have any juristiction over a US Citizen living in the US? Would a US Court deport a US Citizen to a non US Citizen's custody? :ermm:
I think the answers are NO & NO. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think it will ever get to this point.

I really think the mother's options are severely limited.

Will this gain international traction like Elian Gonzales? I don't think so.

I think the OP situation puts him in total control without all of that Doctor's Note stuff about the kids slowed development.

The mother may make it impossible for the OP to ever want to enter DR again, but that may be the price to pay.

sylindr · May 19, 2009

poor mother

obviously if she has internet but her child is lacking necesities she is a poor mother and I would keep the child in the states. I have seen more than one of these women try to use these kids to get money or attention from the man. i don't know if this is the case but a mother who neglects a childs needs over her own wants should not have the child in her custody period.... and she probably won't have the resources to fight you in the US courst system.

rsg · May 19, 2009

Do you in your heart really think that the mom is neglectful or dangerous to your son? If not, do you really want to take this child away from his mom?

If you are really ready to be a full time dad and keep this child from his mom then go for it. But it sounds like to me that the only problems that you have now is paying for his medical coverage. The girls seems reasonable if she let you take your son to the states.It will cost you way more money and aggravation to go for full custody then to just man up and pay the medical for your son. I am sure that you are a good dad, but not paying your childs medical coverage because she has hi speed internet is just plain stupid..you are only hurting your son with your spite.

And remember one thing, if you did win custody you probably will never be able to send your son to see his mother in the DR,that kid would vanish into thin air.

Try to settle it peacefuly, pay for the medical for your son. It dont sound like this girl is that unreasonable,like some can be. And rather she is dominican, American, or whatever, there are always problems when people have children and are not together.You should have thought about this before you had a child with a girl that is not your wife, and lives in another country..

Thandie · May 19, 2009

rsg said:
You should have thought about this before you had a child with a girl that is not your wife, and lives in another country..

True... but she should have thought about this too.
Because as Toober stated now the dad seems to be in control of this situation. Dads have rights as well. If he wants his American child to be raised in the USA where better medical care is available that might help his kids developmental problems.....
its what is best for the child not what the mom wants.

OP speak to a lawyer about your options before you send him home on a plane.

margaret · May 19, 2009

PICHARDO said:
This could be a great opportunity (since now you understand how important that medical coverage is for your child in the DR) to smooth things out with her and also agree with her to have the medical coverage continue at your expense for the kid in the DR.

Believe it or not, you're the one in the wrong here as she wanted to contact the GF to talk, as she was the one with her child at that moment.

Women can talk unlike us men in these kind of situations. If I were you at this point in time, I would convince my GF to call her in the DR to allow for a healthy relationship to start, given that's the best option for your child as it stands today.

There are no better parents for a child than his own two loving ones...

Find a way to save your relationship with the mother of your child sooner, rather than too late
.

I agree with both your posts Picardo, you're right on the money. I think that is the best option for the child. It's totally reasonable for a mother to want to know who is minding her child. I think he should pay the insurance directly and if he really believes that child is neglected then he should take action in the Dominican courts not the US. This would be a terrible thing to do to the mother of your child and to the child. It's like kidnapping. She put her trust in him to return her son at the end of the visit! Why the developmental delays? Did they do a CAT scan of his brain? Is there any evidence of brain trauma? Are there fractures present in his xrays? Only then would I say, yes go for custody in the States.

Dragonfly32837 · May 20, 2009

margaret said:
I agree with both your posts Picardo, you're right on the money. I think that is the best option for the child. It's totally reasonable for a mother to want to know who is minding her child. I think he should pay the insurance directly and if he really believes that child is neglected then he should take action in the Dominican courts not the US. This would be a terrible thing to do to the mother of your child and to the child. It's like kidnapping. She put her trust in him to return her son at the end of the visit! Why the developmental delays? Did they do a CAT scan of his brain? Is there any evidence of brain trauma? Are there fractures present in his xrays? Only then would I say, yes go for custody in the States.

I agree with you and Pichardo. The child would be most hurt in the long run if you kidnap him because he will miss his mother and the rest of his family in the DR. Why do that when he can have the best of both worlds? Like others have said, she has some reason in her and she may be able to work something out with you. Her wait and see comment may mean that she will not let you take the child with you to the US anymore since you did not allow her to speak to the person that was caring for the child. I would be ****ed too.

fabekid · May 23, 2009

update...

hello everyone....thanks for all your time and input.
Thandie, you are right on the money with your comments. Rsg, no problem here paying for medical for my child.
I took my son to the doctor yesterday and got him up to date with his immunization. he was behind 3 shots and she told me he only needed 1. the nurse and doctor look and measure my son's head and says it is in the 97% range, that means it is big. both notice the knot on the side of my son's head. now we have an appointment for next thursday to do a catscan to make sure that everything is o.k. my son also have a speech eval. setup for next friday to see why he cannot chew anything with substance and why he throw up anything with a little substance. all of us believes there is a problem with him internally.
the mom knew about the problem with him throwin up and when she mention it to me a few months ago, i told her right away that something is wrong and he either needs a barium swallow or speech eval to see what is going on, because that is not good. I simple told her that i will be on the next plane to get him so that he can be check out...her reply was, no not now. i ask her why i cannot come get my son to get him check out?, her reply again was just a simple no not now. i just hang up the phone on her.
when my son was 6 month, the doctor in the DR. told her to have a catscan on my son head, because it does not look normal and she wants to make sure he is o.k. it was never done. i will be doing that catscan here in the UNITED STAES on thursday at 21months.
for those who mention about me needing to manup and pay the insurance. let me give you a little info. when mom was pregnant, i paid every single doctor visit was on a plane every 3 to 4 weeks to make sure mom was o.k. i brought my son clothes all the way up to 3years. all the formula and diapers was ship to mom. not once in the first 14 months did mom had to go to the store to buy diapers and milk for my child. because of the people that i know, mom had enough pampers to start her own business plus take care of my son. i was sending mom money every two weeks. between $120-50US. I notice something was wrong. i would send her money and within a 3 days she did not have any money. once i notice that. i stop send her money and just ship a box with food and clothes for my child. the box i ship is a u-haul box closet size around 6ft. by the time i get to DR, the box is empty and i know i send at least 8 months worth of stuff everytime. once i was at her sister house. i went in the kitchen to get a glass and what did i see, the food that i sent.
she just told me the other day that her sister told her mom that she should get half the stuff that i send for my child because she help to raise her other son.
I'm not going to bore you all with my drama, but all i gotta to say is. Mom can kiss my azz. I'm here for my son, not to take care of her lazy azz and sorry family. she might have got me in the start but not at the end. some of us wake up and see the light and some of us keep sleeping. my eyes are wide open and i'm AWAKE.
now it is time to put my son in the possible enviroment for him so that he can have a future. a mother or father love alone, cannot take care of a child future and education. that's how i look at it...

fabekid · May 23, 2009

the doctor says he is delayed because he is not getting any stimulation. I also need to ask her why in the past when my son needed the Immunization shots. she aways told me that is cost over 3400pesos, but here 3 shots cost me $15 with insurance. at the time, he had insurance. so why so much?.

I want to keep my child here in the United States.

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One Dominican at a time, please!

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