Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

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Natasha

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Sigh...you are right on the mark Tom. Being in a Dominican-American marriage myself, I can go on and on about this subject. My husband and I dated a little over four years before we got married, and we knew we had some cultural differences. But ALAS, it wasn't until we got married and were under the same roof that these differences became more EVIDENT. He sometimes looks at me with this "where did I get her from?" expression on his face (LOL)!!! Because I am here in the US, I have changed some things. The key is communication, communication, communication.

Regards,
Natasha
 
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Amanda

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

What I want to know is what are some of the things that surprise Dominicans or that that are considered odd and culturally not cool? Please give me examples because I find out every time I say the wrong thing and everyone is mad at me. I want to know more about how they think because the books available on Dominican are Travelling and tour guides.
 
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Natasha

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

To describe the things that would "surprise" Dominicans would be painting them all with one brush. Like I've said before, we are all human beings first before we are a nationality. Your husband's behaviour, temperament and expectations might be different from another Dominican's or better yet, another person's. It would be best to have a dialogue with him about this, instead of getting specific examples from an Internet forum. Talk with him. Ask him exactly what you have asked here. It might have more to do with how he was brought up than with his nationality.

However, I can understand your concern and perhaps frustration. In my case, because my husband and I never lived together before we got married, he wasn't exactly familiar with all the little things that make me who I am as a woman and as a Dominican. The differences that I can think of stemmed from how I was raised in the DR. A perfect example was when we got married and I moved to his home...all of a sudden he asked one day why we had a portrait of the Virgin of the Altagracia hanging over our kitchen door. I said well, that's for protection. He says, isn't the Guardian alarm system enough then? We always end up laughing about our little differences. So you see I grew up always having a portrait of the virgin somewhere in our house - this is common in the DR. I am not a religious fanatic, but I have to have my little portrait everywhere I live! I also grew up lighting candles for dead relatives on their birthdays and/or anniversaries of their deaths - and yes my hubby had to get used to that too :) Another difference is how we greet our parents. In my culture, we generally greet our parents by asking them to bless us. Then they say "que Dios te bendiga", or "may God bless you". No matter how old you get, as a child of your parents, you still greet them that way. You don't say "hi Mom". He found that such a nice aspect of my culture, that he now greets my parents that way. I could go on...:)

Generally speaking and I do use that term very loosely, in some aspects Americans are bolder than Dominicans. In other aspects, we are more expressive. We tend to care about what others might think of us (el que diran). Generally, Americans tend not to care so much about for example, what the neighbors might think (in many instances you don't even know your neighbors) of you. It is definitely a more individualistic society. Hope this helps a bit, but remember that every person is different.

Regards,
Natasha
 
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CES

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

?HOLA! Natasha,

Your enlighten posts on serious subjects are a credit to "a young school teacher from the Zona Colonial that only wanted to hurriedly complete her studies and return to the DR. Had that happened we (the participants of DR1, & the Bravenet) would be
missing the wisdom you bring to this some times dark corner of the cyber world.

I think it would be really ?neat? (now there's a word that shows my age) if your messages would appear simultaneously on a Spanish language 'board'. This piece of "PC magic" would certainly be a positive benefit to your compatriots should they care to participate in a similar message board (Rob, DR1 Webmister, now there's a challenge for you & Dolores). Thank you Natasha and as always. . .

Warmest Regards,

. . . CES

ps, Thanx for considering me as having a positive contribution. . .
 
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prtyr

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Interesting post. I have noticed similar differences between myself and my Dominican girlfriend. Although I hate to paint with a large brush I sometimes find that many Dominicans are very hard headed. Once their mind is made up you need to wait till they cool down to intelligently discuss or debate certain topics.

I also find it odd that my girlfriend will constantly ask my oermission to do things. She wanted to visit her family in Cotui for semana de santa and asked me if it was OK. Same thing when they had an end of class get togther at a local disco, after the first of her english courses ended.

Also one night in a disco in Cotui, she freaked when I sat her on my lap. In SD she is constantly sitting on my lap everywhere, but in Cotui people would think she was trampy. Go figure.
 
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Natasha

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Saludos Charles,

You're too kind :) The real richness of this board comes from having people like you (and Una Compatriota) around to provide balance. And from you particularly, at times, humor :)

Abrazos,
Natasha
 
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1Americano

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Natasha,

Did you receive my e-mail?
 
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Natasha

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Yes! I have just replied :)

Regards,
Natasha
 
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Keith

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Natasha,

Bravo! Well said.

I think it's worth repeating what you said at the top: be upfront and discuss the cultural differences. I have known my wife (Dominican) for 16 years and been married to her for 14, and firmly believe it is our ability to recognize and discuss how we approach the same thing or issue from different cultural starting points that has enabled to stay together.

In our case, the differences emerged long before the wedding in a 1,000 different ways. Most I won't go into here, since I'd catch h*ll for it later (I consider them funny stories; she considers it airing dirty laundry in public). But for example, I took her to meet the relatives -- my brother, sister, and parents. She also wanted me to meet the relatives -- just the 40 or so aunts, uncles and cousins (1st, 2nd, 3rd) living in and around NYC. Or in planning the wedding, she asked who would be the padrinos of the wedding. I gave her a blank look, since we don't have godparents just for the wedding ceremony back from Midwest USA. Or the way the Dominicans at the wedding reception spent hours admiring and taking photos of that wedding cake, as if it was as important or more important than the bride and groom. [The same happens with birthday cakes, by the way -- it spends hours untouched, being admired and photographed.]

And don't get me started about spaghetti with everything mixed together or people dropping by your home at 10 PM without calling beforehand and expecting to stay and chat. :)) But these are things you accept when you go to live in the DR.

I smiled when I read in your message about the virgin over the doorway (as in every home I've lived in since getting married! Do you also draw tiny blue crosses over the windows and doorways?), the candles in the sinks (usually with a portrait or photo nearby), the "bendicion" greetings. Of course these are staples in our home, and every Dominican home I know as well.

I'm not so sure the remark about knowing the neighbors is as true as it used to be in the DR, and I've always been convinced that the "my neighbor is a stranger" syndrome that so many say pervades the US is really more a function of WHERE one lives and how much effort one puts into meeting and knowing the neighbors. My wife used to complain about how the neighbors were not friendly and social enough when we first lived in Alexandria VA. Then when we moved to Santo Domingo in 1995 she was shocked to discover that our Virginia neighbors had been VERY sociable by comparison to our new SD neighbors. No Dominican neighbor greeted us in our first few days (as they did in VA), none let us become close enough to them (although we tried to meet them) that we'd end up watching their house for them when they were on vacation or vise versa (as neighbors did in VA), or drive us to a clinic when we were sick (as they did in VA), and none EVER invited us over for dinner (as many did in VA), and I rather suspect that none would invite us to stay with them next time we visited SD (as our neighbors in VA did, repeatedly).

Now, I'm not saying that either group is representative of their country as a whole -- for example, I lived in a very cold and unsocialable apt building in NYC once, and I know firsthand that my wife's childhood neighborhood (San Carlos) is quite mutually-supportive.

I guess I'm just trying to reinforce your point about being cautious about broad generalizations. Better to sit down with your friend, spouse or mate and discuss openly the different perspectives. And just as importantly, avoid getting defensive or engaging in a "what's best" or "what's rational" debate. That leads nowhere and usually simply shuts down the dialogue, often in acrimony. Always remember that what may not make sense to you may make perfect sense to someone else from another sociocultural context.
Regards,
Keith
 
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Natasha

Guest
Re: Behavior differences between Dominicans & Amer

Keith,

GREAT post!!! I couldn't help but chuckle when you mentioned the candles, the photos, the wedding cake story, the extended family of a few thousand relatives, etc., etc. Oh and yes, I do know about the little cross over the doorway ;-). It is kind of funny reading this from an American's point of view. These things are soooooo normal for us you know, LOL!

Un abrazo,
Natasha