Virginity...how is it socially perceived in DR?

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LaElitePre-Med

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Hello all, I'm sorry that I haven't been back for quite a few months, it's been an academic hell for me lately, but I digress. Also, please excuse my writing style, I'm awfulll when it comes to forum posting and blogging.

I've been meaning to ask (without being graphic) about social acceptance of virginity in DR. My parents are both Dominican and I've spent a ridiculous large amount of time in the country (combined over the years) but I've never actually dated in DR, so I wonder how virginity is viewed.

Here in the states it seems as though virginity is considered gauche past the age of 16 (I'm strictly speaking about my personal experiences) and almost all of my good friends (both males and females) have admitted that they generally feel it is a nuisance. In other words, when I date people here in the states the subject of sex inevitably comes up, no matter how much I try to skirt around the issue, and when I admit that I'm waiting until I get married, things go sour quite quickly because of the lack of male tolerance of my decision.

My dilema is this: since I've been thinking of taking the plunge and moving to DR permanently, it has dawned on me that I may or may not be lucky enough to find a mate that will wait for me; in a country that is predominantly roman catholic and is steeped in conservative tradition, but at the same time is very progressive when it comes to views on sex and marriage, is virginity viewed as a "no-big-deal" issue or, as in much of the western world, a taboo of sorts?

I don't mean to generalize, I just want to get a few thoughts from those of you who are out in the dating scene and might be able to throw some pearls of wisdom my way.

P.S. I have not chosen to wait because of religion, it is just a matter of practicality for me

P.S.S Again, I apologize in advance for my awkward, rambling-style of writing
 
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catcherintherye

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Mar 2, 2008
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Why do you care how virginity is perceived in the DR?

You seem to have made your decision based on your own personal belief system. Why should perceptions here alter your choice?

Either you are questioning your own decision making process, or you are simply trying to create yet another boring and contentious thread, geared toward the prurient interests of a few voyeurs.
 
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RacerX

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Hey man I m Prurient and Proud! Dont buy that Catholic steeped in tradition mess. In EVERY Catholic country abortion is outlawed but prostitution is legal. So...please! And progressive please, I dont think so. I think when there isnt much to do you make something to do. And sex is fun(I m sorry you dont know this, but it is...for the male and female or whatever combination you like).
How is virginity perceived in RD? I dont know. Some do, some dont. Thats all I can say
 
waytogo

waytogo

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Stay a virgin as long as YOU want. Do what's right by you and don't be influenced by little people with little minds.
 
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? bient?t

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You're not using religion to remain a virgin, but it is religion that dictates. What a shame!

Have sexual fun; enjoy yourself. Real men don't like virgins.
 
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suarezn

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Virginity was extremely important in The DR up until not very long ago. To the point where it was totally acceptable for a guy return a woman to her family if she turned out not to be a virgin.

Things have changed tremendously over the last 15 - 20 years, so nowadays most guys don't expect virginity from their girlfriends, but almost every Dominican guy I know would love to have this. The perception is definitely different than in The States and in The DR this is viewed as a good thing.

You should have no issues finding a Dominican boyfriend who would put up with this, as long as you satisfy him in other ways. He will most likely be very proud of you (that is if he believes you). On the other hand understand that most Dominican guys in these kinds of relationship will get some on the side from someone else. This is the typical Dominican guy mentality where we want a virgin, honest, respectable girl as a wife, but also want to have the wild "Querida" on the side for fun. I'm not saying is right or wrong, but just the way it is...
 
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Chrismic

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You should have no issues finding a Dominican boyfriend who would put up with this said:
I agree with this post.
If you had belong to a Church in USA, where many youngsters agree about not have sex before married, would it not be a problem.
I believe that 99.9 % of Dominican boys will have sex with their girlfriend after a short period.If you was the best and must beautifully girl in the world, could I not be together with you if we didn't had sex sometimes.

You have made your decision about not have sex, but you cant force this decision on a another person ?
So have a Dominican boyfriend that shall not have sex with you or other girls, it is to much to demand and are egoist.
If I was you would I not tried to be in a relationship with a boy before the time I decided to have sex of get married.

Why don't you just are ordinary friend with boys, no big difference from be a girlfriend since you will have no emotionally contact with boys .
And if don't speak good Spanish, believe I it will difficult to explain to a boy , that you want to be his girlfriend but no sex, Could easy be misunderstand from him, that you don't love him.
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Willowtears

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LaElite ~ Has it ever occurred to you that being sexual is part of being human and perfectly normal? I'm not sure what you reasons are for waiting, maybe you have not found an individual whose made your toes and curl or are you very young?. If you are young (15-20) and choose to wait, then I would not think a Dominican man would opposed to wait (being that there are other ways to release ones desires), if he is truly interested in you, however, if you are just older then 20 with no-religious purpose and waiting for prince charming, then maybe, just maybe I think a Dominican man will think your just nuts..don't know.

I hope I'm not offending anyone, I just hate being a hypocrite.
 
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greydread

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Jan 3, 2007
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it's just practice...

Virginity and total celibacy during a courtship period is a great way to practice for life together beyond the first decade of marriage where interpersonal compatability will fill the void when the lust fades. I think it's a great idea. Both partners will learn much about themselves and one another during this period.

Anybody notice how post Victorian era marriages seemed more solid than what we know as marriage, today? There's a reason for that. Let's hope that "bundling" makes a comeback.
 
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Willowtears

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greydread said:
Virginity and total celibacy during a courtship period is a great way to practice for life together beyond the first decade of marriage where interpersonal compatability will fill the void when the lust fades. I think it's a great idea. Both partners will learn much about themselves and one another during this period.

Anybody notice how post Victorian era marriages seemed more solid than what we know as marriage, today? There's a reason for that. Let's hope that "bundling" makes a comeback.
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Yup your right...it's called my husband is the bread-winner who has a lusty mistress and I'm the care taker who must keep her mouth shut!
 
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greydread

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Willowtears said:
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Yup your right...it's called my husband is the bread-winner who has a lusty mistress and I'm the care taker who must keep her mouth shut!
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Wrong. Not must...chose to.

Let grandpa have his toys...it keeps him from underfoot while grandma runs the house. Hopefully he'll come home drunk and go to sleep, wake up and go back to work in the morning without interrupting the flow. All he wants is the big piece of chicken and to feel appreciated.

Wise women have always been liberated.
 
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Willowtears

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greydread said:
Wise women have always been liberated.
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I could never argue that women have always been much more wiser than given credit for! However, you said grandpa, If I were as old as grandpa what the hell would I care if he's out thinking he's a spring-chicken.
 
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greydread

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Willowtears said:
I could never argue that women have always been much more wiser than given credit for! However, you said grandpa, If I were as old as grandpa what the hell would I care if he's out thinking he's a spring-chicken.
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Sorry

I was referring to an era, not an age.
 
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greydread

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True

Willowtears said:
I know you are, but still, this is the reason I'm saying these post Victorian marriages last so long...all in the sake of a keeping the good name.
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I don't see anything wrong with that. Both of my grandfathers married virgins with whom they stayed and to whom they dedicated their lives until death. These relationships provided a sense of stability for their progeny. It was never about personal convenience for them. It was always about "the Family". I think that Dominicans may have an advantage in the "the Family" is still valued there and many sacrifices are made to maintain it. Not so much in the States where convenience is King.
 
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Willowtears

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greydread said:
I don't see anything wrong with that. Both of my grandfathers married virgins with whom they stayed and to whom they dedicated their lives until death. These relationships provided a sense of stability for their progeny. It was never about personal convenience for them. It was always about "the Family". I think that Dominicans may have an advantage in the "the Family" is still valued there and many sacrifices are made to maintain it. Not so much in the States where convenience is King.
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Were you grandmothers truly happy? Besides having providing husbands that offer security. Can you tell me you never heard any stories of other women from either of your grandfathers?

This is what's wrong with society and marriages. This nice picture of having the young virgin girl marrying a loving men that is providing security as well as loving her...it's what creates the great disease EXPECT!

Please don't misinterpret what I am saying. I'm not saying that there aren't men that have love, ardent passion and eyes only for their loving wife, but it's takes great effort and a very mature individual.
 
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