Adjusting to your new country.

[bachata]

let's keep this thread alive

Yesterday after seven month working for the same company I was sitting in the conference room in a meeting where the administration personal, managers and supervisors where present. Three weeks ago I got promote to the position of supervisor, I never though that with my communication problems (poor English) I?ll be able to assume this position. But every day on time, never complain when my manager ask me to work over time, they?ve been switching me from place to place all different shifts and I never argued for this reason like I see other employees do, they had been switching my schedule from first to second shift I remember my wife got so mad for this reason that she asked me to quit three months ago.
Now my salary is much better I?m driving a big Ford F-150 comp. vehicle, I have a big responsibility as I have the keys of 12 publics parking decks I was trained to fix all the machines and any time they need me I show up, I?m so busy now that I don?t have time to get home sick only in the weekends when I?m bored in my house I think in my ?lovely Santiago? about my family and friends and I feel some sadness in my hart.

Some time I?ll be back.

JJ

 

[ElvisNYC]

bachata,

Felicitaciones y sigue adelante !

 

[bachata]

bachata,

Felicitaciones y sigue adelante !

thanks, Elvis.

JJ

 

[A.Hidalgo]

Hey primo remember this, well we need to see an updated one with your new wheels.:cheeky:
Congratulations and keep up the good work.

 

[bachata]

In this picture I'm posting in front the building where I will start working some weeks later and I even know this. Everything was new for me at this time but now after seven months working like parking attendant and now roaming eight hours a day in this area it is very familiar to me.

JJ

 

[onesweetone]

Congratulations!!!

I am so happy for you JJ. You did not give up and you are being rewarded. I hope to meet you and your wife someday soon. I will be going to the DR in April so if I can help you out and bring you something back just let me know.

 

[miercolesbonito]

Understand you completely!

My husband and I have been through many of the situations that have been discussed above. It is not easy for either party to make things work, especially in a new country like Canada.

In the DR, men are used to coming and going as they please and here in Canada it is just not like that. Canadian women, including me, expect that your man is home at a decent hour and that you know where he is. This, to this day, is still an issue for my husband and I. One way we have made things better is by having him tell me where he is and what time I should expect him at home. There was resistance at first but things do get better.

Another big cultural difference is the Dominican man's view of friendships with other Dominican men. My husband does have a few Dominican friends but has learned that the friends he has here are not like the ones he had back home. This was difficult for him to understand at first but he soon learned that here people do not get together as often, do not drink each night of the week, do have many more financial responsibilities and do not "have your back" like the "panas" back in the DR. If you are a Dominican and hoping to have good Dominican friends here then look for people who you not only have similar interests with but also a similar lifestyle with (for example, if you work they should work, if you are married they should also be in a relationship). Trust me, you will find good people here too!

In terms of finances, it is important to explain to your Dominican partner the following IMPORTANT THINGS.

1. Money does not come easily in Canada.
2. Money can go very easily in Canada if you are not careful with it.
3. You are responsible to your Canadian partner FIRST and then to your family and friends in the DR who will call and ask for money and other help.
4. You should not loan people money as you are likely not to get it back.
5. It is important to save for something special together.
6. It is important not to hide how much you make and what you do with your money from your partner (this goes both ways husbands from wives and vice versa and Dominicans from Canadians and vice versa).

Your Dominican partner will find it hard to get used to living away from their country no matter how much support you give them. It is not an easy transition for anyone but it can be done. My husband is doing okay now and has learned to adjust to his new life. He has become more responsible with money and although the friends can sometimes still be a problem he is learning that family does come first (the Canadian one and then the Dominican one).

Good luck to every newcomer and your partners! You will be okay if you stick together and try to understand each other!

 

[lexi]

One thing I found out my husband likes here is Word Find books!! LOL He loves them. It takes him forever but he loves to relax and do one.

The other day he had a Dominican friend over and I came into the living room to find them drinking a couple of beers and taking turns doing the word find book.

I told his wife and she picked him one up and now he too loves to do them.

I think it helps them learn English too.

Better then being out at the bars!!

 

[lexi]

Oh and my husband LOVES steak and caesar salad!! Can't get enough.

But then the other day My parents and I went to a British Fish and Chip shop (we live in Canada but I am originally from England) as my parents love going there. I wasn't sure if he would like it because he hates anything with batter on it...a few seconds into his dinner - he looked at me and said "This is better than steak!!" my family laughed so hard! He even loved the Mushy Peas and bread and butter with it!!

 

[sangria]

My husbands first 6 month in Canada

Well, my husband has just passed the 6 month mark in Canada.

Adjusting to a new country can be really difficult. I'm not sure where it comes from but there is apparantly some statistics that say the first 3 months are most difficult and that things get easier from there.

For us this was true. The biggest adjustments were not made by my husband....they were made by me.

Sometimes I would forget to tell him something or expect him to know something he didn't. He would remind me that I am not living alone anymore and that I needed to communicate more. From my perspective, it was little things that I didn't think even mattered to anyone but from his perspective he felt left out. Examples were making a date to go out with friends or couples without checking his schedule, forgetting to say my parents or grandparents called because he wanted to talk to them too, paying bills without showing him...grocery shopping was the big one....he wanted to go to see the price and learn about the foods....I thought I was saving time to go when he was at work.

My husband had a job a few days after he arrived and within a couple weeks he was working 2 jobs. He learned to take the bus to and from work and that gave him lots of independence which I believe is very important. I showed him once how to use the bus and then he was fine after that.

My husband was very lucky to have some friends living close by and a well established small Dominican group of friends here to support him. He played dominoes once a week or so and also played softball as well.

I can't stress enough how important it is to find things for your spouse to do and to introduce them to new people. They need your help in the beginning and it is amazing how quickly they will feel at home in a new place.

Since he arrived, we have left Kitchener to move closer to my family and he has started a new much better paying job. His english was always good but his grammar is improving daily.

We try to see and do new things as often as possible to give my husband a better understanding of our culture and to broaden his life experiences. He has learned about beekeeping and sailing from my dad and will start curling soon too....how canadian!!!!

One thing that does keep popping up on this thread is the discussion of money. My husband understood about taxes before he arrived which helped, but understanding our cost of living and how fast your salary can go to bills, mortgages, daily expenses etc. is a difficult thing to adjust to. I tend to pay the bills online and that is another thing he wants to participate in. He always thinks we have or should have more money than we do and I know its going to take a little longer to wrap his head around all the things that you pay in a month and that you need to pay them all on time.

For those who are reading this and about to start the same journey....have patience with your spouse because it isn't easy for them. They have to want to adjust to a new life, new country, new culture and new language. For some that is easy and others more difficult.

We made it through the tough part...adjusting to each other in a new place and finding a routine that worked for us. Once you have that then things seem to fall into place.

Overall he is adjusting well, he has a new love of touques, bud light and hamburgers...he misses home some days and has taken on the role of being a responsible husband and father very well.

This February will be 5 years together....the time apart and the immigration process have all been worth it because we are together, we are happy and we are a family.

Sangria

 

[Sunflower333]

Excellent points to remember...

Thank you all for posting these stories! They are very encouaging and I'm sure good things for me to remember when my guy gets here.

Lexi, you guys sure seem to have a good sense of humor and I have to laugh outloud to myself when I read your stories.

 

[Princesa777]

1,5 year living together in Europe

We have been living 1,5 year in Europe now. It has been a big adjustment for us both, so many changes. I lived in the DR with him for a couple of years and we had a relaxed, but basic and happy life there. Everything changed with THE MOVE. Hehehe, not that we're not happy anymore, just everything else changed

I heard people say the first 3 months are the hardest, I disagree. The first 3 months were the hardest on our relationship (as in most fights due to stress and uncertainty). But this is also the time where everything is still new and most stuff is fun. When this rollercoaster ride finishes, reality sets in, winter is starting and its getting darker and darker...

Winter is for us the most difficult time, I think it always will be. Its not because of the temperature, he doesnt mind cold weather and/or snow. What does bother him is that its so dark most of the time and everybody stays inside. Thats his biggest issue, my biggest issue is money. He is not a big spender and doesnt waste money at all, but still he underestimates the costs of living here and for example the price of going on vacation.

It took some fights and arguments for him to understand we cant 'just' go for a week to Greece and a week or 2 Spain and a week skiing AND go to the DR twice a year.

We're getting there though and honestly he's really being great. He found a job almost immediately after getting his working permit and right now he's studying 20 hours a week + working a full time job.

He is just starting to hang out with some Dominicans, which both of us thought was important NOT to do in the beginning. First he had to find his own way, before getting influenced by other Dominicans. There are not a lot of Dominicans here, but the ones that are dont have a good reputation...

All considered I think we are doing a good job. It feels good to finally build a future together and moving forward as opposed to living in the DR was just living day by day.

In a couple of years we do plan to move to another country though, one that we both feel good living in and not just because the other person is living there...

 

[Johana]

My husband has been in Canada for 13 months. He likes the spring and fall weather - he doesn't like being in the hot sun (not that we had much in Toronto this summer). When he talks to people back home he always talks about how cold it is but he handles it better than me lol. It probably helps we live in a condo so he hasn't had to experience snow shovelling yet lol.
He likes being here and has many dominican friends so I think that helped with the adjustment. But the one thing he has not become accustomed to is not being able to walk out of the building and being able to hang out with his friends.
Despite the recent economy problems he's be able to find work. He likes that when he works overtime he gets paid extra money and likes to complain about how much in taxes are deducted from each pay.
Now when he asks me how much something might cost he always adds plus taxes right? As much as I explained the cost of living here before he arrived it's one thing to hear it and another to live it. We haven't had money issues. When he has been working he gives me a portion of what he makes relative to how much he is making. He likes to joke and give me a hard time but he has no problem sharing the responsibilities.

We are going back to Puerto Plata for the first time since he arrived next month. I can't believe how much stuff he feels he needs to bring for people. I think it's too much but do understand his need to do this. As long as it comes out of his spending money I don't say anything. I do try to gently remind him he has a wife and daughter here that need things too I just hope it's not like this every time and that for subsequent trips he will limit bringing things to his parents and nephew. Good thing we are flying WestJet with extra baggage allowance lol.

 

[bachata]

Life is changing

Yes my life is turning easier every day more....Yes as more English I learn easier my days are here in the US.... It is really hard to live in a different world with different customs and different rules... yes it is hard to be where you can't understand what the other people says...

That's the reason they call us Aliens, but when you become to be bilingual, a person who can communicate fluently in two languages most of the people start looking at you in a different way.

This happens to me yesterday:
I went to check a parking pay station, as usually a one Dollar note stuck in the machine because the humidity, about twenty persons were making the line in order to pay. The second customer in the line was a Mexican guy who never used a pay station before in his life and who don't speaks English neither, he started talking to me in Spanish, asking me how to use the machine and the third customer in the line a pretty American girl said I wish I could speak in English and Spanish like you.

This made me feel good.
She gave me the strength to follow learning every day more......

JJ

 

[CFA123]

Nice story, JJ.
Likewise, as my Spanish improves... my quality of life and enjoyment of the people in DR improves as well. It seems at times a long slow process, but well worth it.

 

[bachata]

I don't understand why some time the threads give the option to edit my post and some time I can't see option. I was trying to change the word fill for feel in my last post.
Words with similar sounds is still my big problem in English.

JJ

 

[Chirimoya]

There's a 5-minute period after submitting your post during which you can edit. After that only moderators can edit, so I reported it to the DA forum mods.

When I was reading your post I noticed just how much your English has improved, JJ. Better than many native speakers, in fact.

 

[AnnaC]

I see Robert fixed it, thanks. I will do a clean up in a few mins.

 

[Chirimoya]

While you're at it, please edit my post and change the '5' to '10'

 

[bachata]

OK, now I understand how does it works, I will pay more attention in the future before hitting the post button.
Oh, by the way today I went to McDonald to get some food for me and my baby girl using the drive through, I hated to do this in the past as I couldn't never understand the cashier in the speakerphone but today I got my order right.
I remember when I came from DR my wife had to do this for me all time, but no any more I won't be starving waiting for some body else to buy food for me.
Now I can say:
Please let me have a four piece chicken nudge happy meal for girl with no sauce and chocolate milk for drink and a big Mac with a small fry and a medium coke.
This is the best way to learn English, working with my browser spell corrector and giving a hard time to some of rude DR1er readers.

HAHAHAHA:bunny:

JJ