end of the affair

[Matilda]

truer words have never been spoken. Dominicans that i have encountered in the USA seem to automatically, and instantaneously, seek to run to the Dominican neighborhood. i guess it is the security they have in communication. nationals from english speaking countries have it easier. that is why as soon as sanky gets out of the JFK parking lot, he wants to go straight to the Heights. adios, gringa.

Don't the majority of gringos in this country do exactly the same? Live in neighbourhoods with other gringos, drink in bars with other gringos, go to gringo restaurants, gringo supermarkets, like to eat what they did at home, watch the TV programmes they watched at home, speak English rather than Spanish.
Just saying.

Matilda

 

[keepcoming]

Very true Matilda but I think the intentions of some are just to get to for example the US, not really to be married to the gringa but to hang with his "boys" from back home. The marriage was just the way to get there. When my spouses family would visit they would watch Spanish TV, eat foods they were accustom to eating back home, etc...and there was nothing wrong with that.

 

[PaGuyinDr]

Very good point. That is why hot vacation sex should be exactly that, vacation sex. The only thing you should take back with you are the memories.

And a disconcerting itch.

 

[PaGuyinDr]

Sorry DerFish, now I see you beat me to the punch....

 

[Matilda]

I know not all are the same Derfish - I did say the majority. On another point, I am not sure you can always blame the Dominican man. While it is true that many marry and travel abroad just to get a visa, many of the relationships break down due to the total inability or unwillingness of the gringa wife to even try and understand the Dominican culture. I speak from some experience as via the blog and the book I get tens of emails every week from women married to Dominicans who are having problems, and the main reason is they just do not understand the culture and they want to turn their Dominican man into an American or a Canadian or whatever from day one. In many cases, if a Dominican wants to send money home they are furious stating that they can forget home as they are their wife and all the money stays with them, and they won't let them send money home, not understanding the importance of family to a Dominican, wherever he is. That is just one example, but it takes 2 to tango and trying to take all the Dominicanness out of a Dominican is a recipe for disaster IMHO. They take away everything they fell in love with in the first place.

Matilda

 

[Criss Colon]

Can "FISH", get "Crabs"?????????????????????
I beat my wife several times a week, don't want her to start dreaming about "Dominican Men"!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

 

[greydread]

Can "FISH", get "Crabs"?????????????????????
I beat my wife several times a week, don't want her to start dreaming about "Dominican Men"!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

So who's she fantasizing about when she's beating your azz?

 

[Criss Colon]

"Shamu"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
"Ouch", THAT's Gonna Leave A Mark"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

 

[dv8]

well well, matilda, do i detect a hint of blaming the victim in your post?

in any case, you are correct saying it takes too. i always spit at those who say i should bend backwards because i came to live here. hell no. it takes two to make a relationship work. both need to adjust, otherwise it will all go knife shaped.

 

[Chirimoya]

I think Matilda was speaking generally, but haven't most people here (myself included) been blaming the victim to some extent? She fell for an obvious sankie and the outcome was worse than usual. The ones who are just duped and dumped got off lightly in comparison.

And if he was just a sankie, even if she'd done all the right things to help him adapt, it would have made no difference - we've seen cases where that has happened. She'd been more than generous with his family but after all that money she sent he was still sending more than they had agreed.

 

[Matilda]

I didn't mean to blame the victim, there is no excuse for domestic violence of any way shape or form. What I was trying to say is that there are ways to avoid being in the situation. Domestic violence in the DR happens for many reasons but one of the biggest is a lack of communication and understanding - both of which are often true when a woman takes a Dominican man to her country. She possibly did not understand the importance of sending money home, he didn't understand the importance of proper budgeting and saving money, never having done it. She can't explain to him, he can't explain to her. Neither really understands the other, and, as yet another generalisation, it takes less to push a Dominican's buttons to make him lose it, than maybe a Brit.

Matilda

 

[bronzeallspice]

And another thing. A Dominican man in the DR is the head of household and therefore is
used to making decisions(for the most part) without any opposition from his wife.The
backlash from his American wife challenged his authority.

Not taking time to know each other(rushing into marriage) to get an understanding of the differences in cultures is what many times leads to unhappy endings.

 

[keepcoming]

If I am correct she stated in her interview that this was not the first time he got "violent" with her. Now I do understand how it takes two to make it work, h*ll after 20+ years I am still working at it. The Dominican man (or woman) can be complicated to understand, set in their ways. However after the first bit of violence or sign of violence it is time to go, period. If you didn't do your "homework" before you married them I would surely think after the first round of violence something would click in your mind that this may not be a good idea. This is not aimed at the victim by no means, more of a general observation.

 

[Criss Colon]

Glad to see that,..."Hindsight",is STILL, "20/20"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's another cliche,..."It's, "Easier SAID, than DONE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND, regarding "Gringo/as" who have relationships with people who would be picking up the garbage in their home country,....."None are so blind, as those who will not see"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC


"Speaking" from personal experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[greydread]

Glad to see that,..."Hindsight",is STILL, "20/20"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's another cliche,..."It's, "Easier SAID, than DONE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND, regarding "Gringo/as" who have relationships with people who would be picking up the garbage in their home country,....."None are so blind, as those who will not see"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

"Speaking" from personal experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a tad elitist, no?

How is someone who goes to work every day somehow "less than" because of the work they do if it is a productive and lawful endeavor? Aren't we all just a few opportunities away from cleaning up for a living or are we all like "W" , born on 3rd base and think we hit a triple?

 

[Aguaita29]

I think that gringas should avoid a serious relationship with someone who?s considerably younger. For example, I know someone who, even though not a gringa, (late 30?s at the time) had a 20 year old bf, and his family used to call her "the old lady". They?d also said that he was with her because she could help him get a visa. And hey, she was very pretty,had a great body and was a career woman. Fortunately, we were able to get her come back to her senses.

And also, think about the guy?s job! Someone like a bartender, a montoconcho driver, a coconut seller, etc, is not exactly considered marriage material. These guys are like basically invisible here. A Dominican woman does not get hit on by a montoconcho driver gives him her number. These guys are used to being ignored by locals, but gringas seem to see them as eligible men.

I truly believe that this woman could have perfectly found love with a Dominican man who would have treated her right, but someone in another environment, other circumstances, and maybe someone closer to her age.

So, If you?re on vacation, yeah! why not have fun with your boy toy, get your groove back on!! but marriage???? think twice!!

 

[Africaida]

I think that gringas should avoid a serious relationship with someone who?s considerably younger. For example, I know someone who, even though not a gringa, (late 30?s at the time) had a 20 year old bf, and his family used to call her "the old lady". They?d also said that he was with her because she could help him get a visa. And hey, she was very pretty,had a great body and was a career woman. Fortunately, we were able to get her come back to her senses.

And also, think about the guy?s job! Someone like a bartender, a montoconcho driver, a coconut seller, etc, is not exactly considered marriage material. These guys are like basically invisible here. A Dominican woman does not get hit on by a montoconcho driver gives him her number. These guys are used to being ignored by locals, but gringas seem to see them as eligible men.

I truly believe that this woman could have perfectly found love with a Dominican man who would have treated her right, but someone in another environment, other circumstances, and maybe someone closer to her age.

So, If you?re on vacation, yeah! why not have fun with your boy toy, get your groove back on!! but marriage???? think twice!!

Don't they have women ? I know one with kids and other one with a women as well.

I understand your point though

The same way Paris Hilton wouldn't date her pool cleaner, lol

 

[mofongoloco]

This is an interesting thread. And nobody's been unpleasant. How fortunate for this woman that it wasn't a tragedy. and so easily could have been.


a couple of questions for the europeans... So, I assume a redundancy is some kind of unemployment? Why would she get such a big lump sum payment? Do you euros understand what this is? Did a factory shut down and lay off all the employees or something like that? Does the government pay it or require the company to pay it to down-size or move operations?

 

[dv8]

a couple of questions for the europeans... So, I assume a redundancy is some kind of unemployment? Why would she get such a big lump sum payment? Do you euros understand what this is? Did a factory shut down and lay off all the employees or something like that? Does the government pay it or require the company to pay it to down-size or move operations?

no. redundancy is a form of liquidation, if you may. when you are fired because of reductions, cuts and other legitimate reasons you receive redundancy money which is based on age and number of years worked. 43k is a lot thou, a lot more than a maximum set by the government...

 

[greydread]

Don't they have women ? I know one with kids and other one with a women as well.

I understand your point though

The same way Paris Hilton wouldn't date her pool cleaner, lol

...but she'd make a sex tape with him at the drop of a hat.

How many corporate CEO's in the USA once had a paper route?

Do well educated, well employed 1st Worlders never physically attack their spouses?

Not all successful people are born of "royalty". Many start from the most humble of beginnings. People should marry based on who they're marrying, not what they're marrying.