- Thread starter frank12
- Start date
Interview with God
Fascinating stuff, but I stick with my original quote in the first page (separate God from religion), religions use the term God for their own advances. The term God is being used in the wrong way, perhaps you can easily dismiss that God with it's watching over us and hell and heaven stuff. But you will still require a special force that brought about the laws of physics and the Big Bang at the beginning - where did that all come from !?
I like the theory of evolution and the Big Bang theory, but how did that begin, how did the first hydrogen atom came about !? This is were I believe in a special force that set it all off. But I don't believe that force is going to sit around watching us to see what we do and interfere with what is going on over billions of years and then decides if he's going to send us to hell or heaven after we die !?
Whatever force it was that set off the whole universe probably don't care much about what is going on with us now, must be busy with other important things, wouldn't you think..... !?
You can dismiss the religion and their fantasy God and their funny stories, but you still have to explain that original force that started everything - funny enough religious people don't want to go back that far to question all that, because they quickly dismiss all their own fairy tales by going there....
I like the theory of evolution and the Big Bang theory, but how did that begin, how did the first hydrogen atom came about !? This is were I believe in a special force that set it all off. But I don't believe that force is going to sit around watching us to see what we do and interfere with what is going on over billions of years and then decides if he's going to send us to hell or heaven after we die !?
Whatever force it was that set off the whole universe probably don't care much about what is going on with us now, must be busy with other important things, wouldn't you think..... !?
You can dismiss the religion and their fantasy God and their funny stories, but you still have to explain that original force that started everything - funny enough religious people don't want to go back that far to question all that, because they quickly dismiss all their own fairy tales by going there....
You have no criteria for anything other than Democrat = good, so I expect you to have no problem with it.
I still cannot figure out why he's on TV. He doesn't know anything except he hates Obama. A prick of the highest order in the evolutionary chain.
well, certainly higher up the evolutionary chain than most of his detractors. If he was casting dispersions on the GOP leaders instead of Obama you would love him. Considered a liberal for most of his life.
Wiki
Krauthammer is a supporter of legalized abortion;[33][34][35] an opponent of the death penalty;[36][37][38][39] an intelligent design critic and an advocate for the scientific consensus on evolution, calling the religion-science controversy a "false conflict;"[40][41] a supporter of embryonic stem cell research using embryos discarded by fertility clinics with restrictions in its applications;[42][43][44] and a longtime advocate of radically higher energy taxes to induce conservation.[45][46][47][48] Meg Greenfield, editorial page editor for The Washington Post who edited Krauthammer's columns for 15 years, called his weekly column "independent and hard to peg politically. It's a very tough column. There's no 'trendy' in it. You never know what is going to happen next
Bob, you don't know me that well. You didn't answer my question about Rob Ford.
Rob Ford is just a mayor, not a national leader., and not from my part of Canada. Him and Obama both snorted **** up there nose, so what's your point.
Why, are you that insular? Do you comment on anything other that American interests. I think so , otherwise you would not be on DR1, you would be on USA1.
Channel 9 News Special Report (Second Interview)
Hello this is Peter Engels with Channel 9 News reporting to you from Beijing China.
Many of you may remember my first interview with God and Jesus in St. Paul Minnesota nine years ago. I have arranged a second interview with the trinity, or apparently now a quad-trinity. We will learn more.
On my left, looking more like ZZ top than a creator of the universe is God. He is wearing…
God; Are you disrespecting me?
C9R; No, of course not God, ZZ top is a widely respected evangelist in the world. I assure you.
God; If you say so, I never heard of any Zee top.
C9R; Okay moving on, we have God the father in the false white beard, black overcoat, hat and aviator sunglasses, all to shade us from his blinding greatness. Next to him we have the less blinding but still great Jesus, who showed us all that a god can have a good side too, and lastly we have eight year old, Ji Lee, the newest addition to the gods, excuse me god. Ji is the son of Jesus, grandson of God and is disguised in a Jedi knight Halloween costume to hide his identity. He will not reveal it until he is an adult when he will preach the gospel to all of Asia and perform miracles. Before we begin, I want to clear up any other confusion. In my first interview I suggested to God that Jesus would have made a bigger impact in the world if he were born in China where the Christian God was least known and yet had a considerable amount of people living there. And so nine years ago God had taken my advice, and asked Jesus to have a child in the Asian part of the world. And now we have a third generation god. Is all of that correct?
God; Yes.
C9R; Was he born in a stable, and was there a bright star in the sky, and was there wise men there recognizing something glorious had happened…and bearing gifts?
Jesus; Are you joking? You see they have these buildings now called hospitals.
C9R; Ah, yes, of course.
Jesus; But there was a bright light. The florescent light in the room was abnormally bright and drew the attention of two janitors bringing tools and a ladder.
C9R; I see. So, there are now four gods in one. We have the creator god, or god the father, or just god; we have his son, Jesus, who was born a Jew and goes by Lord and Christ, and we now have the Chinese grandson of God, Ji Lee, who also goes by Chang yung. What does that mean?
Ji; In English it means “Small fry”
C9R; Ok. And the Holy Spirit completes the new Quad-trinity but isn’t here with us because he only communicates with fuzzy feelings. Did I explain everything right?
God; I don’t know, it was the way you said it that confused me.
C9R; Any other family members that we haven’t mentioned or any more kids in the future?
God; No, that’s it for a while, I think.
C9R; God the father, tell us in your own words why God the grandson is here on Earth.
God; I needed to have representation in the Asian world. I ignored them long enough. There are over one billion people in China alone.
JI; One billion, three hundred and forty –one million, eight hundred and fifty six thousand, nine hundred and fourteen to be exact.
God; I knew that.
Ji; Sorry grandpa, I was telling Mr. Engels.
God; They just had a few more babies while we mentioned that. That’s a lot of people to send directly to hell because they aren’t exposed to my greatness. I asked Jesus, would you rather go back there and die again or do you want to pick out an Asian virgin to impregnate and let your future son do the dying for you? He didn’t have to think about it. He said “Pop, it be my honor to impregnate a virgin.” And nine nine months later there was Ji.
C9R; So Ji Lee will be sacrificed as Jesus did when he reaches adulthood. How do you feel about that, Ji?
Ji: I’m not exactly thrilled about it, if that’s what you mean.
C9R; So how will this affect the Holy Bible. Will there be a new volume to add?
God; Unlike last time, the name of the religion and the laws will remain the same. A newer Testament will be added and be called the Newer and Improved Testament. It will contain Ji’s biography and will be available on kindle. Ji will also be active on Facebook and Twitter. When Ji is old enough he will preach to all of Asia and post his sermons on Youtube.
C9R; I want to say on behalf of the people of the world, thank you for this gesture. I’m sure it will save millions of people from a fate worse than death. A common religion might even unite the Eastern world with the West and provide more of a basis for peace in the world. It would also guarantee me a Nobel peace prize for the suggestion. So thank you God and thank you Jesus. So Ji, how will you prevent people from mobbing you in public when you reveal yourself?
Ji; I will travel with people who will protect me.
C9R; Ah an entourage. Will they be your disciples?
Ji; They’re girls. I prefer to be around Dominican girls than guys but they will know karate and stuff to protect me.
C9R; That’s great. Can you tell us your date of birth?
Ji; My grandpa told me not to tell anyone but he told me after I die and come back to life that my birthday will be another holiday.
C9R; Like Christmas?
Ji; It will be called Leemas. People will wish each other Merry Leemas, go Leemas shopping and sing Leemas songs.
C9R; Jesus, or God, have either of you spoken to the pope about your new addition?
Jesus; Yes. He assures me that the Catholic churches will be receptive to my young boy.
C9R; How did you get the name JI, is it interpreted as a part of the name Jesus?
Jesus; No, Ji is a Chinese name, that’s all.
C9R; How exactly will your grandson, be sacrificed?
God; By injection. That’s China’s form of capital punishment today. .
C9R; That’s kind of a painless way to die, isn’t it?
God; They use a big needle for the injection,
C9R; I don’t know, God, it might be a little too wimpy in people’s eyes.
God; I assure you it’s not for wimps, I have personally seen the needle, plus Ji is terrified of needles.
C9R; I’m sure at eight years old I was too. I’m just saying Jesus had it a little worst. Don’t you agree Jesus?
Jesus; In a way. Maybe we can have the prison guards rough him up a bit.
Ji; That’s okay dad, Needles are really scary. Everybody hates needles.
God; I think Mr. Engels has a point Ji. Maybe I didn’t think this through enough. If we have a god sacrifice it has to be one that makes people cry.
JI; Believe me grandpa, when I see that needle I will be crying like a baby.
C9R; Well, that’s all the time we have.
God; A needle is just zip, and it’s done. That’s too quick.
Ji; Like you said it’s a big needle.
C9R; It was a pleasure to have you here. I hope…
God; People don’t cry over an injection. I need lots of tears for this. Tears are important.
Ji; I can make them cry. Remember that sad face I can make?
God; Yeah, but that doesn’t have enough umfff. I need more emotion.
C9R; I’ll let you guys get back to what you were doing. I know you are very busy.
Ji; Look at this face, Waaah! NO! Not a big needle! AHHH!
God; I can’t see it when you got a Jedi mask covering your face and I don’t want you acting like a coward, now.
C9R I want to thank all of you for making your holy presence.
Ji; Ok how about this. “A needle, ah, the end draweth near. Papa?, Grandpa?, Is there not any hope to have my life spared? A pardon by the governor perhaps…a Republican governor…maybe a Tea Party member…you know…for more dramatic effect.
God; China doesn’t have governors. I see were going to have to practice this a few times before we do the real deal.
We're getting closer to logic...i can feel it!
Frank
Hello this is Peter Engels with Channel 9 News reporting to you from Beijing China.
Many of you may remember my first interview with God and Jesus in St. Paul Minnesota nine years ago. I have arranged a second interview with the trinity, or apparently now a quad-trinity. We will learn more.
On my left, looking more like ZZ top than a creator of the universe is God. He is wearing…
God; Are you disrespecting me?
C9R; No, of course not God, ZZ top is a widely respected evangelist in the world. I assure you.
God; If you say so, I never heard of any Zee top.
C9R; Okay moving on, we have God the father in the false white beard, black overcoat, hat and aviator sunglasses, all to shade us from his blinding greatness. Next to him we have the less blinding but still great Jesus, who showed us all that a god can have a good side too, and lastly we have eight year old, Ji Lee, the newest addition to the gods, excuse me god. Ji is the son of Jesus, grandson of God and is disguised in a Jedi knight Halloween costume to hide his identity. He will not reveal it until he is an adult when he will preach the gospel to all of Asia and perform miracles. Before we begin, I want to clear up any other confusion. In my first interview I suggested to God that Jesus would have made a bigger impact in the world if he were born in China where the Christian God was least known and yet had a considerable amount of people living there. And so nine years ago God had taken my advice, and asked Jesus to have a child in the Asian part of the world. And now we have a third generation god. Is all of that correct?
God; Yes.
C9R; Was he born in a stable, and was there a bright star in the sky, and was there wise men there recognizing something glorious had happened…and bearing gifts?
Jesus; Are you joking? You see they have these buildings now called hospitals.
C9R; Ah, yes, of course.
Jesus; But there was a bright light. The florescent light in the room was abnormally bright and drew the attention of two janitors bringing tools and a ladder.
C9R; I see. So, there are now four gods in one. We have the creator god, or god the father, or just god; we have his son, Jesus, who was born a Jew and goes by Lord and Christ, and we now have the Chinese grandson of God, Ji Lee, who also goes by Chang yung. What does that mean?
Ji; In English it means “Small fry”
C9R; Ok. And the Holy Spirit completes the new Quad-trinity but isn’t here with us because he only communicates with fuzzy feelings. Did I explain everything right?
God; I don’t know, it was the way you said it that confused me.
C9R; Any other family members that we haven’t mentioned or any more kids in the future?
God; No, that’s it for a while, I think.
C9R; God the father, tell us in your own words why God the grandson is here on Earth.
God; I needed to have representation in the Asian world. I ignored them long enough. There are over one billion people in China alone.
JI; One billion, three hundred and forty –one million, eight hundred and fifty six thousand, nine hundred and fourteen to be exact.
God; I knew that.
Ji; Sorry grandpa, I was telling Mr. Engels.
God; They just had a few more babies while we mentioned that. That’s a lot of people to send directly to hell because they aren’t exposed to my greatness. I asked Jesus, would you rather go back there and die again or do you want to pick out an Asian virgin to impregnate and let your future son do the dying for you? He didn’t have to think about it. He said “Pop, it be my honor to impregnate a virgin.” And nine nine months later there was Ji.
C9R; So Ji Lee will be sacrificed as Jesus did when he reaches adulthood. How do you feel about that, Ji?
Ji: I’m not exactly thrilled about it, if that’s what you mean.
C9R; So how will this affect the Holy Bible. Will there be a new volume to add?
God; Unlike last time, the name of the religion and the laws will remain the same. A newer Testament will be added and be called the Newer and Improved Testament. It will contain Ji’s biography and will be available on kindle. Ji will also be active on Facebook and Twitter. When Ji is old enough he will preach to all of Asia and post his sermons on Youtube.
C9R; I want to say on behalf of the people of the world, thank you for this gesture. I’m sure it will save millions of people from a fate worse than death. A common religion might even unite the Eastern world with the West and provide more of a basis for peace in the world. It would also guarantee me a Nobel peace prize for the suggestion. So thank you God and thank you Jesus. So Ji, how will you prevent people from mobbing you in public when you reveal yourself?
Ji; I will travel with people who will protect me.
C9R; Ah an entourage. Will they be your disciples?
Ji; They’re girls. I prefer to be around Dominican girls than guys but they will know karate and stuff to protect me.
C9R; That’s great. Can you tell us your date of birth?
Ji; My grandpa told me not to tell anyone but he told me after I die and come back to life that my birthday will be another holiday.
C9R; Like Christmas?
Ji; It will be called Leemas. People will wish each other Merry Leemas, go Leemas shopping and sing Leemas songs.
C9R; Jesus, or God, have either of you spoken to the pope about your new addition?
Jesus; Yes. He assures me that the Catholic churches will be receptive to my young boy.
C9R; How did you get the name JI, is it interpreted as a part of the name Jesus?
Jesus; No, Ji is a Chinese name, that’s all.
C9R; How exactly will your grandson, be sacrificed?
God; By injection. That’s China’s form of capital punishment today. .
C9R; That’s kind of a painless way to die, isn’t it?
God; They use a big needle for the injection,
C9R; I don’t know, God, it might be a little too wimpy in people’s eyes.
God; I assure you it’s not for wimps, I have personally seen the needle, plus Ji is terrified of needles.
C9R; I’m sure at eight years old I was too. I’m just saying Jesus had it a little worst. Don’t you agree Jesus?
Jesus; In a way. Maybe we can have the prison guards rough him up a bit.
Ji; That’s okay dad, Needles are really scary. Everybody hates needles.
God; I think Mr. Engels has a point Ji. Maybe I didn’t think this through enough. If we have a god sacrifice it has to be one that makes people cry.
JI; Believe me grandpa, when I see that needle I will be crying like a baby.
C9R; Well, that’s all the time we have.
God; A needle is just zip, and it’s done. That’s too quick.
Ji; Like you said it’s a big needle.
C9R; It was a pleasure to have you here. I hope…
God; People don’t cry over an injection. I need lots of tears for this. Tears are important.
Ji; I can make them cry. Remember that sad face I can make?
God; Yeah, but that doesn’t have enough umfff. I need more emotion.
C9R; I’ll let you guys get back to what you were doing. I know you are very busy.
Ji; Look at this face, Waaah! NO! Not a big needle! AHHH!
God; I can’t see it when you got a Jedi mask covering your face and I don’t want you acting like a coward, now.
C9R I want to thank all of you for making your holy presence.
Ji; Ok how about this. “A needle, ah, the end draweth near. Papa?, Grandpa?, Is there not any hope to have my life spared? A pardon by the governor perhaps…a Republican governor…maybe a Tea Party member…you know…for more dramatic effect.
God; China doesn’t have governors. I see were going to have to practice this a few times before we do the real deal.
We're getting closer to logic...i can feel it!
Frank
The first interview was much more thought provoking, so I liked it better. But the second one was cute. Looking forward to the third installment, as Ji gets older. Can you have God send a tidal wave to North Korea? Of course, God said in Genesis that he would never send a flood again, but in North Korea's case, he made an exception because it was easier.
And if you really want to give the third interview some strength, have fundamentalist Christians in China be the primary persecutors of Ji.
I suppose I shouldn't be giving you tips, as this is tremendously sacrilegious and will guarantee me a hotter spot in the Inferno, but this is fun to read.
And if you really want to give the third interview some strength, have fundamentalist Christians in China be the primary persecutors of Ji.
I suppose I shouldn't be giving you tips, as this is tremendously sacrilegious and will guarantee me a hotter spot in the Inferno, but this is fun to read.
The only problem with having sex with the devil in Hell: a vouyeristic Saundie corralling his tadpoles