- Thread starter ambressence
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One Question: Is It Worth It?
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Sweetheart enjoy the sex..keep it safe. As long as you know what you are doing all is well..But, please if you are thinking of anything more than that, take your time. I have seen that game played before. Heck, I have even played that way before. Enjoy it for whatever you want it to be.
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i could not even be bothered to read the first post. bored out of my head - i have seen the same story told million times over, always with the same "different than all the others's" attitude. nothing about this story is different from what was here before: met on holidays, talk every day, he no ask me for nothing, blah blah.
a woman who is sure of her man, sure of her love and sure of herself does not have to ask strangers for advice on her life. if you think this is IT - have a go at, girl. if you have doubts - forget it and move on. HB's rules are not 100% foolproof but they are a good start in judging the chances of a relationship.
i will only tell you one thing: do not invest any money or material goods on this relationship. broken hearts heal much easier than crashed credit score.
ps, when it's worth it it's worth it. but when it's not worth it it's really, really badly NOT worth it....
a woman who is sure of her man, sure of her love and sure of herself does not have to ask strangers for advice on her life. if you think this is IT - have a go at, girl. if you have doubts - forget it and move on. HB's rules are not 100% foolproof but they are a good start in judging the chances of a relationship.
i will only tell you one thing: do not invest any money or material goods on this relationship. broken hearts heal much easier than crashed credit score.
ps, when it's worth it it's worth it. but when it's not worth it it's really, really badly NOT worth it....
hey, chip, i love how you said your woman did not ask for money UNTIL you got married 
fate of all married men, they suddenly find a cash trirsty monster breathing at their neck: FAMILY!
and i know i sound like i have a cold, black heart but it is true. one easily gets up from bad love. heck, you may get cured in a day. but money problems follow you like a bad smell.
fate of all married men, they suddenly find a cash trirsty monster breathing at their neck: FAMILY!
and i know i sound like i have a cold, black heart but it is true. one easily gets up from bad love. heck, you may get cured in a day. but money problems follow you like a bad smell.
Don't worry about his honesty, his true motives will become clear. However, you will only see them if you are honest with yourself. For what I have seen and read about these kind of romances is that people will lie to themselves to make the relationships what they want them to be. They will, women especially, absolve themselves of any accountability in hopes that the situation will work out exactly they hope it to be. When it doesn't, it was because they were trick by the extremely deceptive Dominican. Despite given evidence to the contrary people are able to believe anything if they want to believe it bad enough. If you are honest about your motives then you will be able to see what is going on, good or bad.
Of course it is worth it...
The guy sounds like a typical Sankie in every way. But even Sankies fall in love...right?
Being that you are 21 (not 41) and have valuable qualities, why would this guy not be in love? You guys have shared interests (politics, etc) despite having dissimilar backgrounds. Could he be trying to improve his station in life...of course. I seek out people who are not just attractive but also are successful in their careers and seem to be able to move me toward a better future (and vice-versa). So let us not judge him for desiring a better life.
Let us face the fact that love is not blind, nor is it unconditional. We all have conditions for love-partners; fidelity, kindness, financial support, rocking-hot-sex, whatever... When our conditions are not meet, the love dwindles and fads away.
Your new lover has conditions and you meet them. So what are the conditions you have for him? I am pretty sure he will do anything it takes to meet your conditions. The greatest natural resource of the Dominican Republic is its people. They all seem to have the best interpersonal skills in the world. It is uncanny how skillful they are at reading people, gaining trust, encoding sincerity, fulfilling sexual desires, stroking egos, igniting guilt-trips, etc. It is like they have some magical fairy dust they sprinkle on us and we fall under a spell. Only time seems to lessen the magic's power. Thus people who live on the island seem immune to the spell's power, or individuals who out-wait the spell.
My advice, if you are seeking advice, is to follow the rule of Ignatius Loyola and live you life as if it is real, thus it will become real. While Loyola was referring to God (live you life as if God is real, He will become real), you can apply it to love. Treat your boyfriend with love, and he will become your lover.
So is it worth it? Of course. The other option is to date one of those "players" from Baltimore you regard so highly. Best of Luck.
The guy sounds like a typical Sankie in every way. But even Sankies fall in love...right?
Being that you are 21 (not 41) and have valuable qualities, why would this guy not be in love? You guys have shared interests (politics, etc) despite having dissimilar backgrounds. Could he be trying to improve his station in life...of course. I seek out people who are not just attractive but also are successful in their careers and seem to be able to move me toward a better future (and vice-versa). So let us not judge him for desiring a better life.
Let us face the fact that love is not blind, nor is it unconditional. We all have conditions for love-partners; fidelity, kindness, financial support, rocking-hot-sex, whatever... When our conditions are not meet, the love dwindles and fads away.
Your new lover has conditions and you meet them. So what are the conditions you have for him? I am pretty sure he will do anything it takes to meet your conditions. The greatest natural resource of the Dominican Republic is its people. They all seem to have the best interpersonal skills in the world. It is uncanny how skillful they are at reading people, gaining trust, encoding sincerity, fulfilling sexual desires, stroking egos, igniting guilt-trips, etc. It is like they have some magical fairy dust they sprinkle on us and we fall under a spell. Only time seems to lessen the magic's power. Thus people who live on the island seem immune to the spell's power, or individuals who out-wait the spell.
My advice, if you are seeking advice, is to follow the rule of Ignatius Loyola and live you life as if it is real, thus it will become real. While Loyola was referring to God (live you life as if God is real, He will become real), you can apply it to love. Treat your boyfriend with love, and he will become your lover.
So is it worth it? Of course. The other option is to date one of those "players" from Baltimore you regard so highly. Best of Luck.
I love it...
If it was possible I would respond to all the questions and inquiries made after my post. There are sooo many in such little time. I am so thankful to have all of them!! Even the ones that I shook my head and sucked my teeth to!! Lol. Those were the best.
The responses have been informative, inspiring, dead honest and hilarious! I feel I’ve gotten the type of honesty I think you cant get from people that don’t know you...sometimes strangers really give the best advice. I wish that I could just respond and insert quotes everyone’s quotes all at once, but I haven’t figured out of there is a way to do that yet.
After reading I must say that I feel more informed, and I think one of my favorite posts was when Marianopolita said… “don’t be clouded by illusiions” … it really reminds me of this saying my mom said to me growing up.
I was in laughter almost to the point of tears at jackcrew ‘s “So is it worth it? Of course. The other option is to date one of those "players" from Baltimore you regard so highly. Best of Luck.” <← this is so true. But again…maybe convicts and baby daddys weren’t the BEST examples. Lol. I have dated a variety of men..and those were just two inconvenient examples that I used mostly for entertainment purposes- BUT just because you are a convict OR a babys daddy doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. That’s just a part of who you are. Not all of it.
And my response to the questions about what I’m looking for…well considering that Im 21…I’m just looking for a friend… a really good friend if you know what I mean. And I think I’ve found that. We really have a truly deep connection that goes beyond something that easy for me to explain. Aside from the romance, hes a brilliant person that Im glad I was able to meet. He’s 24, but for me marriage is still that monster that lives under my bed ready to come out an attack at anytime to bring my life as I know it to a shrieking halt.
RacerX I could not agree more with you about Tyler Perry. That man drives me crazy and so do his movies. I’m sick of seeing an old black women running around with a gun and cursing at any and everybody.
mountainannie you are so right. Stella did get a doctor and I got a carpenter, but I have no doubts that my guy would be just as capable if he had been given half the chance and resources to do so. You seem to know a lot about the process for getting a student VISA to the States…if you, or anyone else has any more info, resources or experiences I would LOVE to get a hold of it. Maybe I should just make another thread.
Ive decided to just take things…one conversation at a time…one letter at a time…at a one facbook chat at time… I’m taking it slow and looking for tell tale signs that this guy is not as sincere as I think he is. I will be in DR again for this teaching position for a month…and I know a lot can happen in a months time…but for now, I know im “young”, which I learned quickly from the responses posted (hey im 21, I thought that meant I was a legal adult lol...guess I was wrong) …but I will keep continue to keep a level head and at the same time not be afraid to follow where my heart leads me…THANK YOU ALLL!!!!
If it was possible I would respond to all the questions and inquiries made after my post. There are sooo many in such little time. I am so thankful to have all of them!! Even the ones that I shook my head and sucked my teeth to!! Lol. Those were the best.
The responses have been informative, inspiring, dead honest and hilarious! I feel I’ve gotten the type of honesty I think you cant get from people that don’t know you...sometimes strangers really give the best advice. I wish that I could just respond and insert quotes everyone’s quotes all at once, but I haven’t figured out of there is a way to do that yet.
After reading I must say that I feel more informed, and I think one of my favorite posts was when Marianopolita said… “don’t be clouded by illusiions” … it really reminds me of this saying my mom said to me growing up.
I was in laughter almost to the point of tears at jackcrew ‘s “So is it worth it? Of course. The other option is to date one of those "players" from Baltimore you regard so highly. Best of Luck.” <← this is so true. But again…maybe convicts and baby daddys weren’t the BEST examples. Lol. I have dated a variety of men..and those were just two inconvenient examples that I used mostly for entertainment purposes- BUT just because you are a convict OR a babys daddy doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. That’s just a part of who you are. Not all of it.
And my response to the questions about what I’m looking for…well considering that Im 21…I’m just looking for a friend… a really good friend if you know what I mean. And I think I’ve found that. We really have a truly deep connection that goes beyond something that easy for me to explain. Aside from the romance, hes a brilliant person that Im glad I was able to meet. He’s 24, but for me marriage is still that monster that lives under my bed ready to come out an attack at anytime to bring my life as I know it to a shrieking halt.
RacerX I could not agree more with you about Tyler Perry. That man drives me crazy and so do his movies. I’m sick of seeing an old black women running around with a gun and cursing at any and everybody.
mountainannie you are so right. Stella did get a doctor and I got a carpenter, but I have no doubts that my guy would be just as capable if he had been given half the chance and resources to do so. You seem to know a lot about the process for getting a student VISA to the States…if you, or anyone else has any more info, resources or experiences I would LOVE to get a hold of it. Maybe I should just make another thread.
Ive decided to just take things…one conversation at a time…one letter at a time…at a one facbook chat at time… I’m taking it slow and looking for tell tale signs that this guy is not as sincere as I think he is. I will be in DR again for this teaching position for a month…and I know a lot can happen in a months time…but for now, I know im “young”, which I learned quickly from the responses posted (hey im 21, I thought that meant I was a legal adult lol...guess I was wrong) …but I will keep continue to keep a level head and at the same time not be afraid to follow where my heart leads me…THANK YOU ALLL!!!!
I want to know what the hell mountainanne means by saying "Black women even American are not the most desirable mates for middle and upper class"
...are not the normal mates for Dominican middle or upperclass. From what I've seen this would be mostly correct. The upper and middle class Dominicans from what I've seen stick to Dominicans. For whatever reason, and many all too obvious, it is the lower economical class that is interested in foreigners. At least with regard to upper class Dominican women part of it is the perception that gringos are somewhat uncouth, arrogant and the ones who come here are generally whore-mongers. Honestly then who could blame them for thinking like this? As far as American women, I believe Dominican upper or middle class men would see them as desperate because the majority appear to come here obviously looking for mates.
He works in carpentry in Santo Domingo. When hes at work during the week he lives with his older sister and brother, and on the weekends he has a house in Andres where he stays by himself.
I have visited his home there. Its not much, but he makes it work for him. Its not in a safe neighborhood (TRUST me I had to se this for myself to understand) so when he can he stays with his brother and sister during the week when hes in Santo Domingo at work.
He hasn't asked for anything, just to be able to talk to me more, which is difficult because I am very busy with school and work but I know that being able to talk is something that he really looks forward to because work is so stressful for him. And no phone calls. Syppe via webcam and Facebook chat because its free and neither of us has the money to pay for phone calls.
The only thing is, he spends about 100 pesos a day when he goes to the internet cafe and when he doesn't we have a mutual friend who has sometimes has reliable internet that he will use but most of the time, hes paying 50 pesos per hour....and since he likes to talk twice a day, it adds up. 700 pesos by the end of the week..I dont even want to think about the cost at the end of the month...but he insists that he will do anything just to talk to me. Since wifi is free for me, I know hes contributing a lot when he already doesn't have much. Hes never asked for a thing. Hes actually refused anything I tried to give him during my stay this spring. I dont offer anything now because I learned it kinda offends him, and hes never asked. If he keeps it up until August I think I'll be able to see just how much he really wants this since hes been willing to pay everyday or go all the way to our friends home (and pay for gas, or transportation to get there) just to talk to me. and lol...
btw...lol kissing frogs is probably my least favorite thing to do.
I have visited his home there. Its not much, but he makes it work for him. Its not in a safe neighborhood (TRUST me I had to se this for myself to understand) so when he can he stays with his brother and sister during the week when hes in Santo Domingo at work.
He hasn't asked for anything, just to be able to talk to me more, which is difficult because I am very busy with school and work but I know that being able to talk is something that he really looks forward to because work is so stressful for him. And no phone calls. Syppe via webcam and Facebook chat because its free and neither of us has the money to pay for phone calls.
The only thing is, he spends about 100 pesos a day when he goes to the internet cafe and when he doesn't we have a mutual friend who has sometimes has reliable internet that he will use but most of the time, hes paying 50 pesos per hour....and since he likes to talk twice a day, it adds up. 700 pesos by the end of the week..I dont even want to think about the cost at the end of the month...but he insists that he will do anything just to talk to me. Since wifi is free for me, I know hes contributing a lot when he already doesn't have much. Hes never asked for a thing. Hes actually refused anything I tried to give him during my stay this spring. I dont offer anything now because I learned it kinda offends him, and hes never asked. If he keeps it up until August I think I'll be able to see just how much he really wants this since hes been willing to pay everyday or go all the way to our friends home (and pay for gas, or transportation to get there) just to talk to me. and lol...
btw...lol kissing frogs is probably my least favorite thing to do.
It's been some time since I've used and internet cafe but RD50 an hour sounds way off. Unless someone can corroborate this I think this should be a red flag that he has already started exaggerating.
Just remember the real players are willing do do what it takes to land the prize - marry the victim. By then of course it is too late.
I HAD TO PAY 50 pesos myself...lol.. It might have been because at the time I was in Boca Chica to go to the beach and they PREY on tourists.
I was going to reply to that and say something that they would expect to come from me but I only left it alone because like I said before, I'm not trying to let nobody run up my blood pressure this year. Apparently, she doesn't know to many middle or upper class Dominicans.
SHALENA
Got summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun
Got spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than y'all
And I will never, I will never, I will never fall
I'm being hated by the seasons....
So f*ck y'all, hatin' for no reason
(Thats for me and my black sistas out there)
I was going to reply to that and say something that they would expect to come from me but I only left it alone because like I said before, I'm not trying to let nobody run up my blood pressure this year. Apparently, she doesn't know to many middle or upper class Dominicans.
SHALENA
Got summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun
Got spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than y'all
And I will never, I will never, I will never fall
I'm being hated by the seasons....
So f*ck y'all, hatin' for no reason
(Thats for me and my black sistas out there)
Shalena, don't get your blood in a boil - she said Black women AND Americans. BTW, I've yet to meet an "upper class" couple here in the DR where the wife is an American and I've played with a lot of "upper class" guys at the local golf course here in Santiago.
Well there you go - you are a tourist and your friend isn't. No doubt he expects you know little of his culture and cost of goods and services.
What Stella REALLY got!!!
For those that don't know ... the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" was based on the author's real life escapade in Jamaica. She met an attractive young "professional" man and married him.
But ... here is what Stella really ended up with .... after the book and movie were done!
Epilogue for 'Stella' author: a messy divorce - SFGate
Just be careful out there!!!
For those that don't know ... the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" was based on the author's real life escapade in Jamaica. She met an attractive young "professional" man and married him.
But ... here is what Stella really ended up with .... after the book and movie were done!
Epilogue for 'Stella' author: a messy divorce - SFGate
Just be careful out there!!!
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