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Thread: Is he a Sanky????

  1. #1
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    Red face Is he a Sanky????

    Hello,

    This is my first time posting here. I stumbled over this sight and thought perhaps I might be able to get some insight or help as I see there is a lot of info here on the subject of sankies! Help!
    So here is the story..........a family member (US citizen) met a young DR man a few yrs ago. They both work for the same co. (he in DR, her is US) so this is how they met. They are now married for about a yr and yes she got him into US on a fiance visa. Frankly the first time I met him on a visit at the start of this, I thought he was gay. This was before truly knowing that there was any type of relationship going on and he was just introduced as a "friend" visiting from DR. She saw him fairly regularly on working trips and also visited on vacations and he came to US several times for visits. After about a yr or more of this, they announced they were engaged. Mind u, the US relative was all very secretive about this to most family due to him being 30 (!) yrs her jr. and due to him being non US citizen, I will also add if this matters, that he is black and she is white (divorced for many yrs and not un-attractive-but to a 30 yr old???!)
    Of course everyone was concerned but family member made it quite clear if u don't accept this leave us alone!
    There were many emails, phone calls etc. during the whole "courting" phase, he brought gifts here for her when he visited, she went and met his family and stayed there. I do not have proof or know for sure if he ever asked for any $ or if she gave any $ but I do suspect this knowing this family member's history. When he first came to US, she bought him a used car (before he even had a license to drive!) and he managed to get a job in another US city and commuted to their home on his days off. He also just happened to know another male in this city that he cld rent a room from-which I found interesting. He spent 6 months in the other city and has now been transferred to the city where the family member lives. Again, she is still being rather secretive about anything personal but I have found out that he has run up a rather large phone bill on a couple of occasions (and played dumb as to not knowing cost), she has also bought him a very expensive computer shortly after he got here and who knows what else!
    Since before he came to US and since he has been here, his mother has been sick in hospital, his sister had a miscarriage, his father was sick, when he was still in DR he was in hospital, since he has been here, his mother has been in the hospital (he has also gotten sick with pneumonia while here so cannot rule out that any of this is true!) I do not know if the family member sent any $ for these "sick" issues before he came to US or since but I cannot rule it out since reading Sanky 101 and her history!
    He just recently went on a trip back to DR alone and called her every night complaining about the heat, the brown outs etc.
    I can add more info and if needed please ask but think this may be enough for some feedback/insight to the ? Is HE a SANKY??????

  2. #2
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    Send your relative a link to this forum...although advice may fall on deaf ears!

  3. #3
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    He may or may not be a sankie - however he is definately an opportunist. All the excuses about family being sick etc - classic. Of course at times people actually do get sick and the family member with the gringo /gringa gets to shell out the money - at least that is the expectation.

    30 year age difference - huge flag
    financial difference -huge flag
    excuses for $ - huge flag

    Have your relative read ALL the sankie forum stories. Read themyourslef. Send to all the family members you can. It is likely already too late.

  4. #4
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    Welcome to DR1.

    You say he visited the US several times before getting married. That means he was able to get a visitor visa to the US which is uncommon.


    My 2 cents here is, it's her life and nothing you say will change her mind toward him until she decides to have nothing to do with him so leave them alone. What difference does it make to you?

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    .......just a little more info I meant to add..........

    the family member owns a home, supposedly did get a prenup priior to the marriage as "he" of course said he does not want anything of hers, she probably earns double what he does-he has been working since shortly after he got here and she has a child 6 yrs older than him who no longer speaks to her since this marriage, she has also been alienating her closest family members which of course is a big concern since there will be no one around to pick up the pieces if he really takes her for a ride...........he of course is aware of how she is acting toward her own child and family.........

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnnaC View Post
    Welcome to DR1.

    You say he visited the US several times before getting married. That means he was able to get a visitor visa to the US which is uncommon.


    My 2 cents here is, it's her life and nothing you say will change her mind toward him until she decides to have nothing to do with him so leave them alone. What difference does it make to you?
    yes he did, I do not know how he obtained visitor visa, if she helped him etc. I am not aware of that.
    Yes I know it is her life and that is pretty much what she has said from get go...........it makes a difference to me because I love her, am concerned about her well being and what he may do and as she approaches her retirement age do not want to see her lose everything she has worked her whole life for..............
    Last edited by concerned1; 04-17-2010 at 09:35 AM. Reason: spelling/grammar

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    Quote Originally Posted by concerned1 View Post
    .......just a little more info I meant to add..........

    the family member owns a home, supposedly did get a prenup priior to the marriage as "he" of course said he does not want anything of hers, she probably earns double what he does-he has been working since shortly after he got here and she has a child 6 yrs older than him who no longer speaks to her since this marriage, she has also been alienating her closest family members which of course is a big concern since there will be no one around to pick up the pieces if he really takes her for a ride...........he of course is aware of how she is acting toward her own child and family.........

    This is all just gossip which is something I try not to allow here. This forum is meant for people that need advice for themselves. It's a little late, they are married so just stand by for moral support in case she needs it. That is all you you do at this point.

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    I smell nothing more than jealously in the OP's part. You just doesn't like that your family member is hooked up with that "gay" looking dude. I don't see any red flags in that relationship. He works, may have holded a US visitor visa before going over there and you are complaining about the gifts your family member is giving to him. I normally give my wife large gifts out of nowhere and that doesn't mean something bad.

    Really different from a real "sanky"

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    ....this is not gossip.............this is an actual concern as I am close to this person.............I came here for some advice and insight.........perhaps that was my mistake?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtremeR View Post
    I smell nothing more than jealously in the OP's part. You just doesn't like that your family member is hooked up with that "gay" looking dude. I don't see any red flags in that relationship. He works, may have holded a US visitor visa before going over there and you are complaining about the gifts your family member is giving to him. I normally give my wife large gifts out of nowhere and that doesn't mean something bad.

    Really different from a real "sanky"
    Jealous? I hardly think so............I could care less if he is gay, what bothers me is if he is, he is not being honest about it by marrying a woman who is not aware that he is. So a 30 yr age difference is not a red flag? I only mentioned the gifts after reading other things on this forum and the fact that there is no way he cld afford them...............

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