I need personal OPINIONS, without personal ATTACKS

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SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Hey guys, I am seeking opinions on my situation so that I may look at all sides. In the end, I will make my own decision but it always helps to hear outside opinions as they may bring up something you never considered or thought of. Please, I will respect all opinions as long as there are no personal attacks on me. I can get very rabiosa when riled, although I have calmed somewhat since the birth of hijo #4!
So here's the situation and a little background. I came back to the States in Dec after living in Santiago for 18 months. Due to family issues in the States, and my state of health (pregnant, with HORRIBLE 1st trimester). I was not happy in the States before but felt ok to stay awhile now. I was shocked by my children whom I thought would be estatic about returning. That was not the case. Not having experienced the cold or seeing snow in a year and a half obviously did not make them unhappy, they complained all winter here and I had to hear daily from my 2 youngest a game that they made up where they took turns saying what they would be doing at that exact moment if they were in Santiago. "If I were in Santiago RIGHT NOW, I would be playing in the marquesina with the water hose", etc.
I had planned to stay here in the States until the baby was at least a year old, but we all were miserable. So I made North Carolina cards and Dominican Republic cards and gave my kids one of each.I had them put in a bucket the card where they wanted to be living in Sept ( this we did about 3 weeks ago).
I got 3 DR cards.....
So, you might say, what's the problem? Everything was fine until I got a call from UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill. I had applied for a Operating Room residency for nurses back in December and they were now interviewing. It is a very intense residency, there were 2 interviews, a week apart and both were 2 hours long. Over 98 nurses interviewed for the 6 open positions. Needless to say, I was offered one of the coveted positions.
I would not even bat an eyelash to turn it down except that this position would send my career soaring and if I took the position, in the future (maybe 3 or 4 years) I could basically move back to DR and be better off financially. There are few nurses that can do everything thatvwe are going to learn in this residency. Just for comparison, orientation for regular nursing jobs are 4-6 weeks. This orientation/residency is 6 months. Then you have to work for them for at least 2 years so that they get their investment back.
My problem is that neither myself nor my children want to be here in the States. My children seem fine with their new friends etc, but still speak about going back to Santiago with excitement.
I am extremely depressed here, and it doesn't help that I am postpartum but I cannot not at least give some thought to the position that I have been offered. Any thoughts or insight? What do you guys think. Here, I am scrambling to make ends meet and spend less time with my kids because I am working so much. In Santiago, I spent more tine with my kids than I ever had in the States, but I was traveling alot to NYC to work. This time around we would live more modestly in Santiago as I will only travel once every 5 weeks to work (1 week working, 4 weeks off) so we will have live off of less than half of what I earned before.
So I am seeking personal opinions, please no attacks, I am not in the mood.
(maybe I should have left that last part out, "I'm not in the mood" always seems to bring the attackers out :) )
So what should prevail?
STANDARD OF LIVING or QUALITY OF LIFE ????
SHALENA
 

cobraboy

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Jul 24, 2004
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Think of your kids first. No way can they get a better edumacation in the DR than within the Chapel Hill community.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Point well taken, that is a fact. I was told that Chapel Hill has the highest rate per capita of PHDs
SHALENA
 

AZB

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Jan 2, 2002
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Shalena, you stupid moran, take you head out of....oh wait, no personal attacks? Oh well. :) just joking.

I can see how you feel at the moment. "can't live with santiago and can't live without it". I work in SD but I still love to spend my weekends in santiago.
As you know, you need money to live here so I suggest, work for 4 yrs and then come down here. Meanwhile, take short trips to santiago.
This is my advice.
AZB
 
Mar 1, 2009
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Wow what a tough choice. You say you and yours are happier in DR. You have more time to spend with your family, time that you can never get back. I know all I do is work, work, work. If you are happier and more emotionally fulfilled in DR you know the answer. Ay que dificil, I feel for you I really do.
 

Marianopolita

Former Spanish forum Mod 2010-2021
Dec 26, 2003
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When opportunity knocks...

Al final eres t? quien decide pero... I will just state one ideology that I was raised by from the captain of our household aka mi mam? - 'when opportunity knocks... abre la puerta'. Given what this opportunity can mean for you in the long run, if I were you I would give it some serious thought.

In the short term, it seems like a set back but in the long term you will truly be able to live the life you dream of today as well as educate your kids to be competitive in tomorrow's world. As much as you like Santiago, it would be prudent not to overlook the many shortcomings of the country that could definitely be overcome in the US. The time will pass and you will be back long term before you know it.

Good luck with what you decide.

BTW- Felicitaciones y muchas bendiciones para ti.


-MP.
______________________________________
Proud fan of FIFA World Cup Soccer 2010
"Nos vamos al mundial...."
 

M.A.R.

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Feb 18, 2006
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There is a growing Dominican Community in NC, Charlotte and its surrounding areas. The weather in NC is warmer than New York.

You can always take trips to Santiago with the girls.
 

PICHARDO

One Dominican at a time, please!
May 15, 2003
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Santiago de Los 30 Caballeros
Hey guys, I am seeking opinions on my situation so that I may look at all sides. In the end, I will make my own decision but it always helps to hear outside opinions as they may bring up something you never considered or thought of. Please, I will respect all opinions as long as there are no personal attacks on me. I can get very rabiosa when riled, although I have calmed somewhat since the birth of hijo #4!
So here's the situation and a little background. I came back to the States in Dec after living in Santiago for 18 months. Due to family issues in the States, and my state of health (pregnant, with HORRIBLE 1st trimester). I was not happy in the States before but felt ok to stay awhile now. I was shocked by my children whom I thought would be estatic about returning. That was not the case. Not having experienced the cold or seeing snow in a year and a half obviously did not make them unhappy, they complained all winter here and I had to hear daily from my 2 youngest a game that they made up where they took turns saying what they would be doing at that exact moment if they were in Santiago. "If I were in Santiago RIGHT NOW, I would be playing in the marquesina with the water hose", etc.
I had planned to stay here in the States until the baby was at least a year old, but we all were miserable. So I made North Carolina cards and Dominican Republic cards and gave my kids one of each.I had them put in a bucket the card where they wanted to be living in Sept ( this we did about 3 weeks ago).
I got 3 DR cards.....
So, you might say, what's the problem? Everything was fine until I got a call from UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill. I had applied for a Operating Room residency for nurses back in December and they were now interviewing. It is a very intense residency, there were 2 interviews, a week apart and both were 2 hours long. Over 98 nurses interviewed for the 6 open positions. Needless to say, I was offered one of the coveted positions.
I would not even bat an eyelash to turn it down except that this position would send my career soaring and if I took the position, in the future (maybe 3 or 4 years) I could basically move back to DR and be better off financially. There are few nurses that can do everything thatvwe are going to learn in this residency. Just for comparison, orientation for regular nursing jobs are 4-6 weeks. This orientation/residency is 6 months. Then you have to work for them for at least 2 years so that they get their investment back.
My problem is that neither myself nor my children want to be here in the States. My children seem fine with their new friends etc, but still speak about going back to Santiago with excitement.
I am extremely depressed here, and it doesn't help that I am postpartum but I cannot not at least give some thought to the position that I have been offered. Any thoughts or insight? What do you guys think. Here, I am scrambling to make ends meet and spend less time with my kids because I am working so much. In Santiago, I spent more tine with my kids than I ever had in the States, but I was traveling alot to NYC to work. This time around we would live more modestly in Santiago as I will only travel once every 5 weeks to work (1 week working, 4 weeks off) so we will have live off of less than half of what I earned before.
So I am seeking personal opinions, please no attacks, I am not in the mood.
(maybe I should have left that last part out, "I'm not in the mood" always seems to bring the attackers out :) )
So what should prevail?
STANDARD OF LIVING or QUALITY OF LIFE ????
SHALENA

Shalena these are trying times all over the world, financial security trumps "all" before it. Sit down with the kids and take your time explaining to them how the financial situation "reality" would affect their lives in Santiago as well. Make it a group decision not yours alone at the end; try as best you can to make them see that it would only be for a set number of years, after which Santiago will be the destination on better terms.

Kids are very receptive when treated with the given respect and democracy, we parents sometimes forget to impart at home.

This is not a great time to make financial shortcuts, which can spell disaster later on for the whole family. But you must also take under account and consideration how much they're willing to sacrifice, in order to have that Santiago living in the DR. Find the neutral ground between both and compromise a bit!
 

Africaida

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Jun 19, 2009
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Very interesting as I find myself kinda in a similar situation: I am ready to move from NYC as I am realizing it is less than perfect to raise kids (plus crazy expensive), but I need to advance career wise and complete my Master. Thus, I chose to stay and go to night classes while working full time, but I think it is a easier choice to make as my kids are much younger.

Tough decision but Santiago, or the world, is not going anywhere, It still be there in 4 years. 4 years seems like a lifetime but time flies. Plus, NC is not a bad place to raise kids either.

You also have to take into account what your baby father thinks. Good luck!
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
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Shalena, I can feel your emotions in the original post. First of all, congratulations on the new job offer, you are obviously a wonderful nurse and this will be a tremendous boost to your career. I personally believe that should be first and foremost in your mind - the life that you will lead in 4 years should sustain you and the kids. Kids are nothing if not resilient, and they will adjust to NC. Visit Santiago as often as you can afford in the meantime. It will still be there when you're ready to move back. Four years will be gone before you know it. IMHO, you need to think about your future too - this job sounds like it will be very good for you and your family.

AE
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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This is all great advice and exactly why I posted here. I do feel that I would need some sort of anti-depressant though if I were to stay here :)
SHALENA

Please keep the advice coming... No se que hacer
 

DMV123

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Mar 31, 2010
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In my opinion - take the position - advance your career - do what you need to do to insure your future!

Your kids will learn the lesson that we can't always have what we want. They can get a good education there and once you make the move back to Santiago you will be so much better off.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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BTW...my son's father, like most Dominicans raised in the campo, thinks the USA is the best thing since mangu. The more time that the baby is here, the better, according to him. It doesn't seem to bother him that he will be seeing us only 2-3 times per year because he says to me "Tu pais es mucho mejor". He is crazy like that, he is especially paranoid of my son's English, telling me that when he starts learning to speak he does not want him around alot of Hispanics who will "damage" his English by having him speak English with a Spanish accent. He needs help, but that's another thread :)
SHALENA
 

Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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You're what, in your 30's? Take a mental journey 20 years into the future, then 'look back' & ask yourself, what would I have wanted to do?

Kids grow up & leave home. Some kids might not even be speaking to a parent in 20 years time :cheeky:, You, however, will always be speaking to you.

I know what I would choose but my choice will have little relevance since I'm not you. Just don't be one of those folks on whose tombstone is writ 'If only I'd done so-and-so when I was younger...................'
 

Africaida

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Jun 19, 2009
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In my opinion - take the position - advance your career - do what you need to do to insure your future!

Your kids will learn the lesson that we can't always have what we want. They can get a good education there and once you make the move back to Santiago you will be so much better off.

I agree with DMV, it is a great lesson for your kids. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice in the present for the long run. You could rub into their faces, when they will want to party instead of studying for their finals ;).
 
Mar 1, 2009
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Ur lucky Shalena this is good advice your getting. What the heck 4 years does go by quicker than one believes and Santiago can be visited once or twice a year! Plus you can do what Domo's abroad do buy el ranchito, and everytime you visit you stay there and tell the kids like my dad would say to us, "esto es de ustedes". I lost out on an opportunity because of a relationship once and I've always kicked myself since. Go for it amiguita. You can have both the career and Santiago.
 

El Tigre

El Tigre de DR1 - Moderator
Jan 23, 2003
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Ok...here is the tally Shalena...11 for stay and take the position 1 for go back to Santiago.

With me it will be 12 for stay and take the position. It is truly an amazing oportunity because I have a nurse friend that is going through the same program here at Montefiore hospital. She was chosen for one of 10 positions available...over 300 nurses interviewed. I would not think about it twice. I would take the job...work my a$$ off and return to Santiago with more money in my pocket in 3 - 4 years.

And...like everyone said...you can always visit. It is not going anywhere.

Good luck with what you decide.
 
?

? bient?t

Guest
Shalena, baby, make yourself and the kids happy: move to Santiago.
 

CoreyH

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Mar 5, 2010
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Money isn't everything and you'll never get the time back with your children; they're on young once. You don't really mention a significant other, are you pretty much a single parent? Please understand I'm only asking for information, not passing judgement. Who will raise your children if you stay in the US? Not trying for a guilt trip but they need their mom.
 
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