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    Default post from a Dominican friend's blog.

    Playing The Victim « Nuala Knows The Victim


    July 28, 2010
    When passive-aggressiveness was invented, there is no doubt in my mind that its perfect execution would be in the hands of Islanders.

    The Island is the last frontier of third world complexes, remnants of colonial life when the European master pinned criollos, mestizos, and negros against each other. This unfortunately resulted in many Islanders being quite insecure, as evidenced by the use of flowery discourse (See April 9, 2010) as a way to overcompensate their pseudo-intellectuality.

    But the more generalized mechanism of defense that conceals the insecurity that surfaces as jealousy and perhaps even envy, is the crack-a-joke comment. This serves as a way to mask the fact that We will unavoidably acquire and accomplish more than Them. Thus it is no surprise that while on occasion you will get the genuine Qué lindos están tus zapatos or ¿Te vas para Irlanda? Me alegro por ti, it is more common to hear Aaaajo…¿y esos zapaticos? (note the emphasis on the diminutive) and ¡¿A IRLANDA?! Y a bu’car qué?

    Dominican passive-aggressive jokes serve two purposes. The first one being to ridicule, so that in turn (and as discussed in previous entries) They appear superior to Us. It makes sense. The most effective way to shroud the resentment of not being able to attain what we have is by engaging in gentle mockery (what I call simpatiquismo) that compensates for the ultimate question of self-reflection: Why haven’t I accomplished the same?

    The second purpose is to avoid giving you a compliment at all costs, because again in doing so, Islanders are put in the vulnerable position of admitting that you possess something they lack. However, while a joke at least acknowledges that you have done something worth noticing, the most obvious proof of Islander jealousy is the complete absence of a any remark whatsoever. This kind of envy corrodes Islanders so, they’ll remain completely silent even when a crowd of people is raving about your latest achievement.

    The place of choice where Islanders are most likely to utter such unsolicited remarks is not coincidental. It happens strategically at a rather large congregation of people that is small enough to capture the attention of all participants and large enough for the group to be considered an audience. In other words, in a gathering of four to six people, consider yourself somewhat safe. Eight to sixteen people means you’re screwed. Be prepared to face an unwelcome “funny” comment about the way you dress, your travels, your career choices, your sex life. Nothing is off limits. My advice to you is to polish your comebacks and carefully formulate one-liners that reminds them that if they keep it up, they better know not to ask of you ese favorcito de encargar una cosa de allá. I must warn you though, if you elicit an “Ay pero era relajando que yo ‘taba no te pongas así, tú sí que te lo coges a pecho,” I am sorry to say you have failed, for you came across too aggressively and now They’re playing the victim. Your goal is leave Them puzzled, unsettled, and a tad bristled about your sense of humor. This should result in your opponent’s release of an uncomfortable chortle.

    Here are my two favorite examples. During an angelito, a Dominican-York participant revealed herself as her husband’s secret santa. As she lovingly said that the surprise was also his Christmas gift, someone from the back shouted: “¡Diiiiiiiiiablo lo mató con un sólo regalo!” Smiling, she replied: “Lo maté pero chequea la bala.” As everyone poured their oooohhhhs and ahhhhhs at the ever so recognizable robin’s egg colored box delicately tied in a satin white bow, the culprit insisted “Mierda pero ella no ta fácil” as she elbowed me in search of a sidekick comment. “Sí…ella de seguro lo trajo de allá porque aquí no aparece eso,” I punctuated as I savored my digestif.

    My favorite anecdote though, is the time when a close friend of mine decided to cut her hair Demi Moore-circa-1990 short. During one of her visits to the Island, she was invited to a soirée. As the group of eight was enjoying the night’s tropical breeze, like clockwork, someone uttered: “Yo no sé por qué a las mujeres les coge con pelarse a lo macho. ¿Y Pablo no pensará que está con un hombre cuando te abraza, Eliana? To what she responded: “Él solo tiene que poner las manos más para abajo para saber que no es con un hombre que está”

    Oh snap! I thought as I quickly downed my ceniza.

    “Mentira Eliana. Te queda muy bien tu pelada,” he retraced with an uncomfortable chortle.

  2. #2
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    Wonderfully entertaining look at things Dominican...nice touch of sociology mixed with personal experiences...
    With a good hook on the language, too...

    HB

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    Quote Originally Posted by chicataina View Post
    Playing The*Victim « Nuala Knows The Victim


    July 28, 2010
    When passive-aggressiveness was invented, there is no doubt in my mind that its perfect execution would be in the hands of Islanders.

    The Island is the last frontier of third world complexes, remnants of colonial life when the European master pinned criollos, mestizos, and negros against each other. This unfortunately resulted in many Islanders being quite insecure, as evidenced by the use of flowery discourse (See April 9, 2010) as a way to overcompensate their pseudo-intellectuality.

    But the more generalized mechanism of defense that conceals the insecurity that surfaces as jealousy and perhaps even envy, is the crack-a-joke comment. This serves as a way to mask the fact that We will unavoidably acquire and accomplish more than Them. Thus it is no surprise that while on occasion you will get the genuine Qué lindos están tus zapatos or ¿Te vas para Irlanda? Me alegro por ti, it is more common to hear Aaaajo…¿y esos zapaticos? (note the emphasis on the diminutive) and ¡¿A IRLANDA?! Y a bu’car qué?

    Dominican passive-aggressive jokes serve two purposes. The first one being to ridicule, so that in turn (and as discussed in previous entries) They appear superior to Us. It makes sense. The most effective way to shroud the resentment of not being able to attain what we have is by engaging in gentle mockery (what I call simpatiquismo) that compensates for the ultimate question of self-reflection: Why haven’t I accomplished the same?

    The second purpose is to avoid giving you a compliment at all costs, because again in doing so, Islanders are put in the vulnerable position of admitting that you possess something they lack. However, while a joke at least acknowledges that you have done something worth noticing, the most obvious proof of Islander jealousy is the complete absence of a any remark whatsoever. This kind of envy corrodes Islanders so, they’ll remain completely silent even when a crowd of people is raving about your latest achievement.

    The place of choice where Islanders are most likely to utter such unsolicited remarks is not coincidental. It happens strategically at a rather large congregation of people that is small enough to capture the attention of all participants and large enough for the group to be considered an audience. In other words, in a gathering of four to six people, consider yourself somewhat safe. Eight to sixteen people means you’re screwed. Be prepared to face an unwelcome “funny” comment about the way you dress, your travels, your career choices, your sex life. Nothing is off limits. My advice to you is to polish your comebacks and carefully formulate one-liners that reminds them that if they keep it up, they better know not to ask of you ese favorcito de encargar una cosa de allá. I must warn you though, if you elicit an “Ay pero era relajando que yo ‘taba no te pongas así, tú sí que te lo coges a pecho,” I am sorry to say you have failed, for you came across too aggressively and now They’re playing the victim. Your goal is leave Them puzzled, unsettled, and a tad bristled about your sense of humor. This should result in your opponent’s release of an uncomfortable chortle.

    Here are my two favorite examples. During an angelito, a Dominican-York participant revealed herself as her husband’s secret santa. As she lovingly said that the surprise was also his Christmas gift, someone from the back shouted: “¡Diiiiiiiiiablo lo mató con un sólo regalo!” Smiling, she replied: “Lo maté pero chequea la bala.” As everyone poured their oooohhhhs and ahhhhhs at the ever so recognizable robin’s egg colored box delicately tied in a satin white bow, the culprit insisted “Mierda pero ella no ta fácil” as she elbowed me in search of a sidekick comment. “Sí…ella de seguro lo trajo de allá porque aquí no aparece eso,” I punctuated as I savored my digestif.

    My favorite anecdote though, is the time when a close friend of mine decided to cut her hair Demi Moore-circa-1990 short. During one of her visits to the Island, she was invited to a soirée. As the group of eight was enjoying the night’s tropical breeze, like clockwork, someone uttered: “Yo no sé por qué a las mujeres les coge con pelarse a lo macho. ¿Y Pablo no pensará que está con un hombre cuando te abraza, Eliana? To what she responded: “Él solo tiene que poner las manos más para abajo para saber que no es con un hombre que está”

    Oh snap! I thought as I quickly downed my ceniza.

    “Mentira Eliana. Te queda muy bien tu pelada,” he retraced with an uncomfortable chortle.
    The author of the "playing the victim" article is more lost in the facts than they seem to comprehend from their pseudo-intellectual reasoning...

    This article touches on nothing but air ever since the first paragraph, which makes the case to dismiss the rest completely...
    One Dominican at a time please!

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    Quote Originally Posted by PICHARDO View Post
    The author of the "playing the victim" article is more lost in the facts than they seem to comprehend from their pseudo-intellectual reasoning...

    This article touches on nothing but air ever since the first paragraph, which makes the case to dismiss the rest completely...
    Relax Peachy. It's not about the Metro.

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    Nice article. I would like to hear AZB's thoughts on this

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    uhh yeah dominicans are some criticones (quite critical)...y les encanta tirar pullas (and they love throwing subliminals). it doesnt phase me in the least anymore, though. if you honestly care, you'll jump off a bridge because its unending! LOL i quite enjoy their brand of sarcasm. you have to develop a thick hide because for us nothing is sacred. why wouldnt they talk about your hair? they talk about the disabled kid down the block, the whites ones, the black ones...en fin. they just dont care lol

    if you look at it from an american POV its ridiculously grating, though.

  7. #7
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    But that's the beauty of the blog. It's written by a dominican for dominicans. Finally! I just finished reading all of her entries and I think it's freaking hilarious and true. Hey Pichardo... feeling a little of that good ol' dominican jealousy Nuala talks about? hehehehe Why don't you tune in to get the whole picture. Nuala Knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by chicataina View Post
    Playing The*Victim « Nuala Knows

    When passive-aggressiveness was invented, there is no doubt in my mind that its perfect execution would be in the hands of Islanders.

    The Island is the last frontier of third world complexes, remnants of colonial life when the European master pinned criollos, mestizos, and negros against each other. This unfortunately resulted in many Islanders being quite insecure, as evidenced by the use of flowery discourse (See April 9, 2010) as a way to overcompensate their pseudo-intellectuality.
    Where does this applies to the DR, where "colonos" made up the majority of denizens then??? Criollos, Mestizos and Negros were never "pitted" against each other in any way during or after colonization. The only people that got pitted on were those slaves or tainos under the yoke...

    But the more generalized mechanism of defense that conceals the insecurity that surfaces as jealousy and perhaps even envy, is the crack-a-joke comment. This serves as a way to mask the fact that We will unavoidably acquire and accomplish more than Them. Thus it is no surprise that while on occasion you will get the genuine Qué lindos están tus zapatos or ¿Te vas para Irlanda? Me alegro por ti, it is more common to hear Aaaajo…¿y esos zapaticos? (note the emphasis on the diminutive) and ¡¿A IRLANDA?! Y a bu’car qué?
    Not even the slightest understanding of the diminutive expression on the Dominican Spanish. While the words themselves serve to lessen the tangible expressions, they do so NOT from the need to compensate or belittle the target of the comment. In reality the diminutive is used to "enhance" the actual tangible expression of the target and seeks to center the attention towards the "it". Where "zapaticos" indeed carries over to be the valuable being exalted, not belittled... Total loss of the minimum understanding of the expressions in Dominican language and culture, in contrast of how it's perceived in other Spanish speaking LA cultures..


    Dominican passive-aggressive jokes serve two purposes. The first one being to ridicule, so that in turn (and as discussed in previous entries) They appear superior to Us. It makes sense. The most effective way to shroud the resentment of not being able to attain what we have is by engaging in gentle mockery (what I call simpatiquismo) that compensates for the ultimate question of self-reflection: Why haven’t I accomplished the same?
    Incredible! So when I told my own kids "wow! Y esos zapatiiiicos tan bellos?" I was in fact [ridiculing" them and imposing my "superiority" even when I envy the same zapticos? Again, the writer is LOST in the language/culture mechanics that separates each LA nation's mannerisms and use of the colonist's idiom to our own presets.


    The second purpose is to avoid giving you a compliment at all costs, because again in doing so, Islanders are put in the vulnerable position of admitting that you possess something they lack. However, while a joke at least acknowledges that you have done something worth noticing, the most obvious proof of Islander jealousy is the complete absence of a any remark whatsoever. This kind of envy corrodes Islanders so, they’ll remain completely silent even when a crowd of people is raving about your latest achievement.
    This guy-gal is a train wreck going berserk, if he thinks for one second to have found the holy grail of Dominican mannerisms in our local language...


    The place of choice where Islanders are most likely to utter such unsolicited remarks is not coincidental. It happens strategically at a rather large congregation of people that is small enough to capture the attention of all participants and large enough for the group to be considered an audience. In other words, in a gathering of four to six people, consider yourself somewhat safe.
    B.S...


    Eight to sixteen people means you’re screwed. Be prepared to face an unwelcome “funny” comment about the way you dress, your travels, your career choices, your sex life. Nothing is off limits.
    Even more B.S...

    My advice to you is to polish your comebacks and carefully formulate one-liners that reminds them that if they keep it up, they better know not to ask of you ese favorcito de encargar una cosa de allá. I must warn you though, if you elicit an “Ay pero era relajando que yo ‘taba no te pongas así, tú sí que te lo coges a pecho,” I am sorry to say you have failed, for you came across too aggressively and now They’re playing the victim. Your goal is leave Them puzzled, unsettled, and a tad bristled about your sense of humor. This should result in your opponent’s release of an uncomfortable chortle.

    Here are my two favorite examples. During an angelito, a Dominican-York participant revealed herself as her husband’s secret santa. As she lovingly said that the surprise was also his Christmas gift, someone from the back shouted: “¡Diiiiiiiiiablo lo mató con un sólo regalo!” Smiling, she replied: “Lo maté pero chequea la bala.” As everyone poured their oooohhhhs and ahhhhhs at the ever so recognizable robin’s egg colored box delicately tied in a satin white bow, the culprit insisted “Mierda pero ella no ta fácil” as she elbowed me in search of a sidekick comment. “Sí…ella de seguro lo trajo de allá porque aquí no aparece eso,” I punctuated as I savored my digestif.

    My favorite anecdote though, is the time when a close friend of mine decided to cut her hair Demi Moore-circa-1990 short. During one of her visits to the Island, she was invited to a soirée. As the group of eight was enjoying the night’s tropical breeze, like clockwork, someone uttered: “Yo no sé por qué a las mujeres les coge con pelarse a lo macho. ¿Y Pablo no pensará que está con un hombre cuando te abraza, Eliana? To what she responded: “Él solo tiene que poner las manos más para abajo para saber que no es con un hombre que está”

    Oh snap! I thought as I quickly downed my ceniza.

    “Mentira Eliana. Te queda muy bien tu pelada,” he retraced with an uncomfortable chortle.
    My advice to you is to disregard all this B.S. and find out for yourself how unrelated the one liners work in the DR and for the situation/people it calls for in Dominican Republic. When you get to hear one like these, it means "you" just became an accepted "part" of the "Dominican" social group you so much hang or involve yourself with...

    In the DR true friends will be your most severe critics and will not shy away from peppering you over with one liners as well on the other conditions, always remember that!

    Incredible! The guy/gal who wrote this is more lost than anything else the more I read into it...

    If you really think this is true, then you have got yet to really understand the Dominican culture by at least 1%, let alone know when you're being ridiculed and unwarranted for compliment.

    Se quedo con los zapaticos de charol puestos, pero sin paseo!
    The more he/she wrote, the more it looks like llego al velorio pisando arañas...
    One Dominican at a time please!

  9. #9
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    Wow! You state not to waste our time on this, however you seem to be pretty worked up. The article seem to poke your soft spots or else you wouldn't be so agitated about it. What worries me is how you are not even willing to accept that the article, or the blog for that matter, is humorous. I my opinion the author is a witty risk-taker who uses satire to make fun of our relationship between Dominicans and NY Dominicans. The fact that a Dominican of your caliber is not willing to see that, and dismissed the article altogether makes me think that perhaps you fit the mold she describes so well, and perhaps this is what makes you so upset. Let me guess... I bet you are a socialist, a peledeishta or a boschista. Perhaps you are a poeta that writes Spanish using "flowery language" que sólo a Neruda le luce. I bet you have read the Manual de Historia Dominicana de Frank Moya Pons and feel to have enough authority to school everyone on Dominican history. You are never wrong, right? No? "No lo cojas a pecho. Es relajando que estoy contigo... no te pongas así camarada."

  10. #10
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    My my my.... aren't we offended? Did Nuala poke some soft spots? Mentira es relajando... no lo cojas asi. The fact that some are not willing to admit that the blog is at the very least witty worries me. Again, she talks about her personal experiences while living in DR, which she introduces in her first entry. I encourage you to read it since she says that it can pertain to some or all. I just think it's about time someone intelligent is writing a different kind of humor that is inherently New York with some good Dominicanisms which is far away from the usual balbuena, (RIP) cachita, la escuelota etc etc.

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