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  1. #1
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    Default I Plan on Being Installed as Benevolent Grand Poobah for Life of the DR Shortly

    I should make all potential subjects aware of upcoming Poobian Dictates that will be outlined in my Coronation speech, to wit:

    -All styrofoam containers that in the remotest imagination could be used for food or drink packaging will be permanently banned. First time offenders will be required to totally clean a designated 4000m2 lot and must pass the close scrutiny of one of my Environmental Inspectors. Second offense will be a 16,000m2 area, third a 64,000m2 area, etc. The entire country will be styrofoam container free by December.

    -All bags used by any commercial outlet shall be of material that decomposes within 30 days. The penalties will the same as above.

    -All glass bottles must be purchased from the Central Poohbah for RD$100ea. No exceptions. The Central Poobah will pay RD$75 each for their return. That will take care of strewn bottles by next week.

    -All cell and wireless innerweb providers will guarantee their coverage maps are 100% accurate. If 3 consumer complaints are received by the Central Poohbah prove to be accurate, all cell/innerweb provider employees with a salary above RD$50,000, without exceptions, will be subject to the clean-up penalty above.

    -Beef more than 90% lean is banned. The penalty will be to eat the entire lot.

    -A Central Poohbah Litter Patrol will be formed. The fines for littering will start at RD$500 and quadruple for each subsequent offense. Litter Patrol Agents will be paid on commission: 20% of the fines levied. I envision aggressive competition for the jobs.

    -Elected or appointed officials will be summarily executed upon conviction of taking any consideration in their line of duty not authorised, in advance, in writing my me. I am subject to this dictate.

    This will be a start.

    Additionally, I will be interviewing for newly created Ministry positions, such Ministries to be announced later.

    To apply, please offer what Ministry Position you would form and the specifics of your proclamations to make Quisqueya a better place.

    The floor is now open for Ministry applications.



    Proceed.

  2. #2
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    Nov 2004
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    Default

    Yo, yo, yo... yo ma plimero!!!

    I'd like to apply to the ministry of discipline and education.
    I have some very neat little ideas which I however can't post on a public forum. But I promise to erradicate ALL tigueraje and vagabunderia during your Excellency's first term... well, YOUR terms, so to speak, you plan to be the country's DESTINO, belda (now, where did I read that Destino thing just recently.... funny... ehmmm...?

    My (yo) ministry shall also supersede all other ministries (yo ma plimelo... somethings just never can change!)

    ... J-D.

  3. #3
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    Apr 2005
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    Default

    I would like to apply for a job. I have a PhD in doing absolutely nothing and heard the pay is real good...

  4. #4
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    Default

    Before I stake my claim, I think AZB should be bestowed with the Minister of "Women's Education" postion and provided with significant funds to start a "Chopa" re-education program.

    Moving on...

    I'll put my name in the hat for the Ministry of Public Works.

    1st order of the day... Put PICHARDO in charge of the Metro.
    If the numbers he publishes here cannot be met, then he will have to "piggy back" passengers between stations for the duration of the Grand Poobah's term in office.
    NALs will be in charge of the feeder routes, but not allowed to drive any of the buses for fear of crashing into POLLS. Sorry, I couldn't resist

    2nd: Build a purpose built drug trafficking airport.
    The Government will hold a 50% equity stake along with the FARC.
    This will keep it in line with current Government ownership rules for the drug trafficking business.

    3rd: "Yola" port on the east coast. Offering docking and maintenance facilities. The government can raise revenue on a "salida" tax and docking fees.

    All those "chopa's" that do not pass their final exam at the AZB school of re-education will have the salida tax waived and offered 1st Class upgrades on the super fast stealth Yolas.

    4th: Huge big ass wall between the DR and Haiti. I predict a mass exodus from Haiti after they have been subjected to a few years of Wyclef.

    I'm going to be busy!

  5. #5
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    Jul 2004
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    Default

    And as Grand Poobah I believe youre eligible for free buriel in the Racoon National Cemetary located in Bismark North Dakota!!!

  6. #6
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    Mar 2010
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    I want the Ministry in charge of Harrassing AMET

    First order of business - get rid of those butt ugly uniforms.

    Any officer caught harrassing expats without reason - subject to penalty one as set out by the grand poobah

    Any officer caught taking bribes, gifts, gum, mints or any other form of offering - will be subject to penalty one AND be forced to stand in the center of the busiest intersection in town wearing nothing but his girlfriend or boyfriends underwear and a sign stating - NO GRACIAS........... for a full 24 hour period!

    All officers of AMET must first pass a rigorous driving test that proves they know the *&&^%% rules of the road.

    Once passed I will grant them a salary of 15,000 RD per month!!!!! Cause they bloody well might be worth it!

  7. #7
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    Feb 2006
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    DMV,
    that's the hard Point,
    You won't find any, he he.

    Poobah,
    I wanna be in charge of all the Yola Traffic on the East Coast,
    I have the Port, I have the Piers, I have the Boats and We know the Route, ha ha.

    Robert,
    absolutely agreement on the NON-Driving Licenses for Nals for anything, not even a Bicycle, such license would be a Death Penalty for all POLLS.

    Mike
    Mike

    www.MikeFisherPuntaCana.com
    [email protected]
    Punta Cana/Cap Cana/Dominican Republic
    Mike Fisher Facebook Group on

  8. #8
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    Aug 2008
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    I want the Ministry of Noisy Bikes & Loud Music.

    A distortion tax is to be levied on anybody who turns their stereo up beyond what it can reasonably tolerate.

    Enforced ear-waxing will be imposed on all those who transgress.

    School children will be exposed to at least 1 hour of non Dominican style music every day.




    Motoconchistas that are audible above the state regulatory stereo levels when within 100 feet of any house will, by way of rehabilitation, be shot.

    All 2 stroke engines will be exported immediately to anywhere.

    Tax shall be raised on Motoconchos depending on how heavily loaded they are. A maximum of 5 adults at any one time will be permitted on any bike of engine capacity 125cc or less.

    Tax shall be imposed upon those attending the oggling of any motoconcho accident. This will be double if any limb has been severed.


    I would lobby for -

    Any drug cartel must be at least 51% government owned.

    All wooden dining chairs will be made to weigh a minimum of 70Kgs.

    People will pay for their electricity - I know this one sounds a little naive and idealistic but it is worth considering in the future.

    And definitely AZB for the Ministry of Womens' affairs.

    And we call for his immediate recall from his current sabbatical.
    Last edited by pedrochemical; 08-07-2010 at 01:25 PM.

  9. #9
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    Feb 2006
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    nooo,
    leave AZB where he is, on Vaca.
    so he has the Time to prepare all needed thingies for the new Ministry,
    even that I still assume he will be the wrong "Man" for the job.

    like I will take charge of the Yolas/Waterways,
    my Ministry could include the Drugtrafficking.
    I plee to make it fully governmental taxed,
    we anyways ship and handle the incoming and outgoing substances, so they get properly weighted and highly Taxed, with that money we can pay the Electricity Bills for the whole Island plus we will have the Funds for the needed Subsidies of Pichardo's Metro.
    the End Users/American Tax Payers will pay the added Fees to that product,
    they anyways want to have it Taxed, so let's Tax it here before they do it there.
    Mike
    Mike

    www.MikeFisherPuntaCana.com
    [email protected]
    Punta Cana/Cap Cana/Dominican Republic
    Mike Fisher Facebook Group on

  10. #10
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    Nov 2006
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    Default

    I would like to apply as the Poobah in charge of public transport.

    Firstly, I would outlaw the sale of the Star Trek style force field that is standard equipment on these new Chinese motorcycles. These force fields are so effective that a two tonne jeep will simply bounce off a moto that pulls out in front of you. It also means that you don't need any lights on your bike at night.

    Secondly, I would make it law to have all of the horns removed from carro publicos and introduce an amnesty program called "Indicators and brake lights for horns"

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