Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wrong...

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Justin

Guest
I'm trying to be realistic about my situation, but can't help having a bias. I would like to hear people's reasons as to why I shouldn't get involved with a Dominican woman. I am from the US, and met her on my first trip down there. I've been calling her, and have been down there again since. It's been about 4 months that I have been with her. I have plenty of good reasons to be with her, but no reason not to. Please tell me what you think. I am just curious. I want to see how my arguments stand up against any arguments you may present me with. thanks, Justin
 
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bagamunda

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

Why do you need the opions of others? I am married to a Dominican and we have a great relationship, I never posted as to why or if I should...... You should no whether or not you should or not...........Don't go with what people say everyone is different and has different reasons, only yours and hers should be of value to you
 
J

Justin

Guest
Let me explain a little more...

Honestly, I have no doubt about my relationship with this woman. I'm not the one who needs convincing. It's some of my friends and family that are skeptical. They keep asking me questions about what I'm doing, for example:

how do you know she's not after your money? or: How can you have a relationship with a girl who's almost 2000 miles away?

so far, I've been able to contest their questions pretty well, but I want to be sure I've got all my bases covered. I want to be prepared to argue my point. Unfortunately, I come from a family that isn't very supportive of doing things in a manner different from the traditional. They don't understand why I can't just find someone near our town, or in our state. So what I really need, is help to convince my parents that I'm not crazy. So when I said, "try to convince me.....," it's basically practice for when my parents try to convince me not to be with her. Hope this clears it up a little. thanks again, Justin
 
D

Duck

Guest
Unsupportive family ....

.. about doing things different. I can sing a song about that, and a verse or two about long distance relationships.

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, especially Parents. You should however, keep your bases covered and not have to hear "told you so" in a few months/years.

Drop me an e-mail and I can tell a detailed story or two.
 
V

veronique

Guest
Re: Let me explain a little more...

I can understand you very well. I had the same problems with my family.

When I went to work there I met a Dominican... and we had a lovely litlle girl who's now 6 months old.
Unfortunately I had to come back to Belgium when I was pregant and because of the distance and some other problems with my man (and one of those was precisely my parents!), he staid there and could only see her daughter during 2 weeks but however he wants to come now. We'll see.
If you want, sent me an e-mail and I'll tell you more. I know which kind of problems you can meet and how we can try to solve them.
Hoping to hearing from you, I wish you good luck in your relation with her.
 
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Marvin

Guest
Don't look at this as a choice

between your family and your lover. Life is too hard to not have the support (no matter how diminished) of your family and friends. You can make new friends and your lover has a terrific family you say? Well, I can tell you that eventually, there will be issues that you will want to have someone with your perspective to discuss with you.

All I'm saying is - avoid making this an issue that will separate you from your present life (whether miles or ideas). It may require very hard work on your part and probably on everyone elses too. Find someone that you can talk to and help you see the way to get your family and friends to understand and respect your feelings for this woman.
 
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Doreen

Guest
Re: Don't look at this as a choice

Hi Justin,

same thing happened to me and is still happening. I am with my boyfriend now since almost 3 years. My parents and some of my friends were very sceptical about this relation. Why dont you have a German boyfriend? He is so far away - this is not a relation, only a vacation romance! a.s.o. A lot of bullsh.. I had to listen at. And somehow I understand them. How do they know what we feel for these people? They have never been to the DR, they dont know how nice and different these people are.

And it is absolutely worth to have a long distance relation because what you get, when you are together again is the most beautiful thing at all. And one day (in my future hopefully very soon) you will be together for good and the most beautiful part starts.

Since my boyfriend was here in Germany to meet my family and friends some of them changed their minds. My Mom was excited and she loves him. My Dad is still not really convinced and this botheres me a lot. But I will NEVER give up my relation or change anything just because of him. I have no idea how to tell him that Ruben and I are going to get married this summer. My Dad is worried that I am putting to much into this relation and not getting enough back. (typical material thinking of Germans). But that I am getting a lot of love and attention in a way like it is hard to find, doesnt seem to count.

Justin, all I can tell you is Keep on going, Enjoy what you have and let your parents and friends some time to get used to the reality, that you have a dominican girlfriend. Maybe you can invite her to meet your family?

However, I wish you all the best!!
Doreen
 
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Sonny

Guest
Re: Unsupportive family ....

Same here Justin drop me a line because I prefer to discuss this off the board.

Sonny
 
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Henry

Guest
Re: Don't look at this as a choice

I am married to a Dominican and this for seven years now! We are still a happy couple and we are looking forward to keep it that way!

To you I would say - don't care to much for your parents - mine where against it too, but ask your feelings (but this trouthfully, not through pink glasses like this I will change on him etc.) and if possible some of your personal friends!

Good luck!!!
 
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Donald C.

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

Hey Justin:

I found myself in the same situation several months ago. The women down there are very nice and all but I really think you can find the same quality women in your hometown. When you go to the D.R. you become enchanted. "Hit by a very powerful
spell," we tend to forget who we are. Before you went to the D.R. you had goals and you were focus. The D.R. is an interruption . A very beautiful interruption but nevertheless an interruption. Yes,if the women are on your same level, by all means get involved, but if don't have much in common except warm kisses, smiles, touchy-touchies then let it go my friend because you can get that anywhere. If you guys have common goals and/ or something you both have in common for example, a religion or an occupation, than you can build on a serious relationship. Other than that just call it for what it really is, " a fun relationship", or just " fooling around with a pretty girl," that may end any day. As long as you understand that you will be just fine. Try to turn it into something that you really don't want to and you will pay a terrible price. For example,pain , frustration, unwanted pregnancy, and broken dreams. Everybody suffers and everybody loses. All the fun goes out of the window.

Be careful
Donald
 
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bagamunda

Guest
Re: Don't look at this as a choice

Justin, I understand your situation and mine sounds just like Doreen the only difference being that my husband has yet to me my family they have never come down with me and we are in the prossess of him coming here to be with me. I got married a year ago without them even knowing I was and I never told them about him until we where together for 5 years why did it take me so long to tell, to avoid what you are going through, now they really don't say much and as for my friends ya they are worried but, some have met him and others can't wait.

I wish you the best of luck and do what you believe is right for both of you

email if you would like to discuss anything else
 
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Deb

Guest
For Bagamunda...

How's bringing your husband up here going? My guy and I talk about it, but it seems like it's next to impossible for a Dominican to come to Canada to live. How long have you been trying now?
 
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J.H.H.

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

you have to live your life for yourself.I heard the same comments and I told everyone to mind their own buisness.The only thing to add is to use your head Dominicans are people just like you and I.There are good and bad,I have been married to a dominican lady for 2and a half years,we have a 4 month old baby girl and we are very happy.If I had taken all the free advice I wouldn,t have what I have today
 
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helen

Guest
I concur...

Like many on this board have already said, You have to listen to your "Heart & Mind". Many people told me that it would not work out between myself and my Dominican husband but, like Bagamunda, I am in the process of bringing him here to Canada. It's a long drawn out process (the visa application)but, all worth it in the end I am sure!!! My parents are traditionalists but, even they have accepted my situation and is embracing my husband (they haven't even met him yet!)wholeheartedly. They are looking forward to the arrival of their first "mixed" grandchild!!!
 
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Mercy

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

Justin, I think Mr. Donald C. has wrote the words you needed to hear. His message has a lot of wisdom.

Best Wishes,

Mercy