Need an opinion...

Isabel85 · Feb 11, 2011

Hi, i'm new to this forum so this is my story...
I've met a dominican guy on internet last october and we've talked a lot via msn (i speak perfect spanish)...at first it was just for fun because i don't beleive in that kind of relationships but more we talked and more i wanted to know him better. I was curious i guess...
So, in january i went on holiday to DR (first time there) and i spend two weeks with him and well...now i miss him a lot but i don't know if this relationship could have future...
I've read all the posts in the section sankie 101 and i knew a little about that stuff before going to DR...i've always this stuff in my head.
I live in europe, I'm 26, good looking (never had problems whith dating)...I'm not rich but i have a good job.
He is 29, not married, no kids, extremely good looking, lives in a small non-touristic town ( the two weeks i've spend there i didn' see any tourists, just some old italian men who live there)
I've seen where he lives, his house, his family and i didn't find anything strange, it was like dating somebody here...everybody was kind to me but whitout but not too much...just normal
We keep in contact since then by phone and msn...
The only thing is that yes, he is poor and has no stable job for now, he works and study but his situation is not stable ( but he has no bills to pay unlike me).He just want to finish his studies and find a stable job so he can have a family. He says he loves his town, his country and he doesn't want to live anywhere else and anyway he knows he cannot come live with me... so i don't think he's with me for visa.
I just want to have an opinion because i don't know if i should get more involved or forget all and carry on with my life.
I've spend the best holidays in my life, i didn't know DR before that but i felt in love with the country, the food, the culture...all. I want to return but i don't know if i should...

greydread · Feb 11, 2011

Isabel85 said:
Hi, i'm new to this forum so this is my story...
I've met a dominican guy on internet last october and we've talked a lot via msn (i speak perfect spanish)...at first it was just for fun because i don't beleive in that kind of relationships but more we talked and more i wanted to know him better. I was curious i guess...
So, in january i went on holiday to DR (first time there) and i spend two weeks with him and well...now i miss him a lot but i don't know if this relationship could have future...
I've read all the posts in the section sankie 101 and i knew a little about that stuff before going to DR...i've always this stuff in my head.
I live in europe, I'm 26, good looking (never had problems whith dating)...I'm not rich but i have a good job.
He is 29, not married, no kids, extremely good looking, lives in a small non-touristic town ( the two weeks i've spend there i didn' see any tourists, just some old italian men who live there)
I've seen where he lives, his house, his family and i didn't find anything strange, it was like dating somebody here...everybody was kind to me but whitout but not too much...just normal
We keep in contact since then by phone and msn...
The only thing is that yes, he is poor and has no stable job for now, he works and study but his situation is not stable ( but he has no bills to pay unlike me).He just want to finish his studies and find a stable job so he can have a family. He says he loves his town, his country and he doesn't want to live anywhere else and anyway he knows he cannot come live with me... so i don't think he's with me for visa.
I just want to have an opinion because i don't know if i should get more involved or forget all and carry on with my life.
I've spend the best holidays in my life, i didn't know DR before that but i felt in love with the country, the food, the culture...all. I want to return but i don't know if i should...

You don't need to ask any opinions. Just enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Africaida · Feb 11, 2011

Nothing odd and you seem to have a good head on your shoulder, just keep your eyes open.

The only thing: if he loves his country so much and does not have any plans to live anywhere else, why is he looking for a foreigner girlfriend on the internet ??

Anyway, only YOU can tell, no need to be paranoid either.

Best of luck !

Gilles Beaulieu · Feb 11, 2011

I live in europe, I'm 26, good looking (never had problems whith dating)..

Oh yea, If you never had problem whit dating tell me why you're looking on the web?

You're 26,and him ?
Wow he spend his time in R.D. ?
Why he don't have a novia ?
Where he is living ?
He is the son of ?
Why he cruse on the web ?
And finally Why you **** whit him ?

Isabel85 · Feb 12, 2011

Africaida said:
Nothing odd and you seem to have a good head on your shoulder, just keep your eyes open.

The only thing: if he loves his country so much and does not have any plans to live anywhere else, why is he looking for a foreigner girlfriend on the internet ??

Anyway, only YOU can tell, no need to be paranoid either.

Best of luck !

Thanks for your reply
I don't think he was looking for a girlfriend on internet...we all use social networks. I saw his photo and i just clic that i like it and we start messaging after that...
He has a way to see life very strange to me, like he has nothing material but he seems to be happy with that...never worries, don't think too much about the future...well the opposite of me who always have to plan everything

I try to be not paranoic but every time he says something i always remember what i've read about sankies...I think if he was not dominican i don't think about that and i trust what he says...

sorry for my bad english...

Isabel85 · Feb 12, 2011

Gilles Beaulieu said:
I live in europe, I'm 26, good looking (never had problems whith dating)..

Oh yea, If you never had problem whit dating tell me why you're looking on the web?

You're 26,and him ?
Wow he spend his time in R.D. ?
Why he don't have a novia ?
Where he is living ?
He is the son of ?
Why he cruse on the web ?
And finally Why you **** whit him ?

I'm not looking for a boyfriend on internet...we all use social networks, just for distraction...I didn't use to do that but i moved recently to a new town and i don't know many people here so i've spend more time on the web but that's all.
I'm 26 and he's 29
he spend his time in RD normally...working when he can and studying at university.
He says he doesn't have a novia because the girls in his town are only interested in money (he doesn't have much) and that they are not serious, they cheat...etc
He lives in nagua, with two of his brothers. He is the son of he's father and mother

( I don't understand this part) i know his father has some money..and that he helps him to pay university.
I think he cruse on the web like everybody does..like i do, i don't know.
And finally, I **** with him because i wanted to...he is so attrractive and sweet. Mens here are not like that (the majority) so...

Just one question, are you french? because the way you talk...

RacerX · Feb 12, 2011

Isabel85 said:
he spend his time in RD normally...working when he can and studying at university.
He says he doesn't have a novia because the girls in his town are only interested in money (he doesn't have much) and that they are not serious, they cheat...etc
He lives in nagua, with two of his brothers. He is the son of he's father and mother ( I don't understand this part) i know his father has some money..and that he helps him to pay university.

The emboldened part is true if he is broke. Those women will have no loyalty to him. They try to get the best thing they can for themselves which often means juggling a bunch of guys to see who will GIVE them the best life. It seldom works, ignorance is bliss and bliss is blindly transient.

I say you are fine doing what you are doing. Just as long as you dont feel compelled to EVER wire any money. If you start hearing sob stories then you might want to flee like 'Godzilla coming!'.

The son of his father & mother means he thinks just like his father and wants a woman just like his mother.

Berzin · Feb 12, 2011

RacerX said:
Those women will have no loyalty to him. They try to get the best thing they can for themselves which often means juggling a bunch of guys to see who will GIVE them the best life. It seldom works, ignorance is bliss and bliss is blindly transient.

I suggest to the Isabel85 that if she is looking for loyalty she should buy a dog.

As far as these type of women that RacerX is referring to, Nagua is a particular type of place with it's own distinct atmosphere.

Judging from the people I've met from there (both natives and gringos looking for love), I would suggest to the OP to expand her horizons.

As for this particular guy, there are plenty of broke-ass Dominicans who are smooth, charming and have excellent dance skills both in the vertical and horizontal planes.

If this guy doesn't have any money, of course no woman is going to want him. For what? Who wants a sirve pa' na'?

So my question to you is, what do you want him for? He sounds pretty useless to me. He'll tell you anything to get off the island.

Here's something you can do-Look into his eyes when he tells you he loves you, and then sit there and tell him about any problem you may be having and that you just want someone to talk to.

When he gives you that glassy, thousand-yard, guppy-in-a-fishbowl stare it only means one thing-he doesn't care about YOUR problems, he just wants you to hurry up and solve HIS.

Isabel85 said:
He is 29, not married, no kids, extremely good looking, lives in a small non-touristic town ( the two weeks i've spend there i didn' see any tourists, just some old italian men who live there).

Tourists-they are there. They go there, trolloping for whores dressed in sheeps' clothing. Believe me, you just weren't looking or didn't notice.

Isabel85 said:
He says he loves his town, his country and he doesn't want to live anywhere else and anyway he knows he cannot come live with me... so i don't think he's with me for visa.

Any poor Dominican who says that with straight face you should run from as fast as you can.

Celt202 · Feb 12, 2011

Berzin said:
I suggest to the Isabel85 that if she is looking for loyalty she should buy a dog.

......If this guy doesn't have any money, of course no woman is going to want him. For what? Who wants a sirve pa' na'?

.....

Here's something you can do-Look into his eyes when he tells you he loves you, and then sit there and tell him about any problem you may be having and that you just want someone to talk to.

When he gives you that glassy, thousand-yard, guppy-in-a-fishbowl stare it only means one thing-he doesn't care about YOUR problems, he just wants you to hurry up and solve HIS.

....

Coffee out my nose!

guppy-in-a-fishbowl stare!! hahahahaha

Soooooooooooooooo true

Get a dog? Get two! Watch Cesar Millan and start your own 'balanced pack'.

Come to think of it some people apply the 'balanced pack' concept to their personal lives.

Isabel85 · Feb 12, 2011

First of all thanks for your opinion i appreciate your honesty

Berzin said:
As far as these type of women that RacerX is referring to, Nagua is a particular type of place with it's own distinct atmosphere.

Why do you say that? what atmosphere?

Berzin said:
If this guy doesn't have any money, of course no woman is going to want him. For what? Who wants a sirve pa' na'?

So my question to you is, what do you want him for? He sounds pretty useless to me. He'll tell you anything to get off the island.

why useless? I don't think having no money is being useless...I was married to a man (from my country) and when we met has no money but he worked a lot and we were fine financilly (at least), we built something together. I don't need a man with money, it's not what i'm searching for. If i need or want something i'll get it by myself.

Berzin said:
When he gives you that glassy, thousand-yard, guppy-in-a-fishbowl stare it only means one thing-he doesn't care about YOUR problems, he just wants you to hurry up and solve HIS.

While i was there i didn't notice he has any kind of problems, he always seemed to be fine and happy. And he knows perfectly that it's impossible for him to come where i live.

AnnaC · Feb 12, 2011

Humm good looking 29 year old Dominican with no novia, wife or kids, what's wrong with this picture?

Isabel did you know that a majority of Dominicans do not get legally married but live common law?

BTW what is he studying for?

AnnaC · Feb 12, 2011

Isabel85 said:
I've seen where he lives, his house, his family and i didn't find anything strange, it was like dating somebody here...everybody was kind to me but whitout but not too much...just normal
We keep in contact since then by phone and msn...
The only thing is that yes, he is poor and has no stable job for now, he works and study but his situation is not stable ( but he has no bills to pay unlike me).He just want to finish his studies and find a stable job so he can have a family. He says he loves his town, his country and he doesn't want to live anywhere else and anyway he knows he cannot come live with me... so i don't think he's with me for visa.

I've spend the best holidays in my life, i didn't know DR before that but i felt in love with the country, the food, the culture...all. I want to return but i don't know if i should...

I love my country and never want to move is everyone's opening line.

I suggest getting this book Amazon.com: Dominican Republic - Culture Smart!: The Essential Guide to Customs & Culture (9781857335279): Ginnie Bedggood, Ilana Benady: Books and learn about the culture. You can't say you love the culture from one trip

Isabel85 · Feb 12, 2011

well, i was asking myself the same thing when i met him, i even ask him if he was gay or something but while i was there i saw where he lives, his family and didn't see anything strange...I know that you can have kids and wife and not been married...
He studies programation (computers) i don't know exactly the name in english because it's not my language.

My problem is before i going there i have a lot of doubts, if he was telling the thruth or lying. But all the time i spend with him, there is nothing that make me thought that he was lying, nothing.

Isabel85 · Feb 12, 2011

AnnaC said:
I love my country and never want to move is everyone's opening line.

I suggest getting this book Amazon.com: Dominican Republic - Culture Smart!: The Essential Guide to Customs & Culture (9781857335279): Ginnie Bedggood, Ilana Benady: Books and learn about the culture. You can't say you love the culture from one trip

ok that's right, i understand but it's impossible for him to come live with me and he knows that so...what is his interest?

I said i love the culture because i loved what i see, what i feel there i didn't say that i know the country..

Thanks for your reply

SKY · Feb 12, 2011

Isabel85 said:
ok that's right, i understand but it's impossible for him to come live with me and he knows that so...what is his interest?

I said i love the culture because i loved what i see, what i feel there i didn't say that i know the country..

Thanks for your reply

When he calls you and tells you his mother is sick and needs an operation you will figure out what his interest is.

davethebodyguard · Feb 12, 2011

Don't let all of this negativity get to you. I am marrying a Dominican woman and had all the same misgivings you have and actually made things worse for us because i never believed anything she said and turned her words around to hear what i wanted to hear negatively. I have stopped this way of thinking and our relationship is stronger than ever.
Don't worry if she is just acting, like people on here would have you believe,then I will go from being her poor husband to being her rich agent because this girl would deserve an oscar.
Most of these negative people have been burnt in the Dom Rep.before, guess what I have been burnt in this Canada too. Unless you are in a hurry to get married then just take it slow everything always comes out in the wash eventually.

Berzin · Feb 12, 2011

Isabel85 said:
Why do you say that? what atmosphere?

Nagua is a small, dusty one-horse town. I don't need to tell you if you've been there. The chicas I met were ridiculous, all on different websites looking for gringos to snare, lying about almost everything with their family's active support in perpetrating the scam. They get together and compare notes because sometimes the same guy sends out messages to chicas who are friends. That whole scene is funny, actually. I still get a good laugh whenever I think of those idiots, both the chicas and the gringos who I've known to fall for their crap.

I still get emails from one pathetic broad talking about wanting to have my kid, years after I've last seen her. I always wondered why after so much time she failed to snag one of those suckers.

Isabel85 said:
Why useless? I don't think having no money is being useless...I was married to a man (from my country) and when we met has no money but he worked a lot and we were fine financially (at least), we built something together. I don't need a man with money, it's not what I'm searching for. If I need or want something I'll get it by myself.

A poor Dominican with nothing to offer you-if you want to make excuses for this guy be my guest. You're not the first, you won't be the last.

Isabel85 said:
While I was there I didn't notice he has any kind of problems, he always seemed to be fine and happy. And he knows perfectly that it's impossible for him to come where I live.

It seems as if you won't be too difficult to talk into marriage by this guy. Good luck and don't say no one told you.

Condorito · Feb 12, 2011

Dear Isabel,

What you found was a very nice, harmles 29 year old child, still living at home and having Dad pay his bills. If you go ahead on this, prepare yourself for a life of grief.

My advice: Seek a mature, independent, risk taker, harding working man anywhere. You deserve better.

Signed: An old man with daughters.

Bronxboy · Feb 12, 2011

Condorito said:
Dear Isabel,

My advice: Seek a mature, independent, risk taker, harding working man anywhere. You deserve better.

Signed: An old man with daughters.

Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

RacerX · Feb 12, 2011

AnnaC said:
Humm good looking 29 year old Dominican with no novia, wife or kids, what's wrong with this picture?

Isabel did you know that a majority of Dominicans do not get legally married but live common law?

BTW what is he studying for?

No job=no girl. You know how it goes. "What can he give me?" (This is something that continuously has me dumbfounded) Nagua has many many pretty women, flirtacious and all that but everyone is looking for the Coronel who is big in the Policia Nacional o Ejercito Nacional who is big in the Capital. And then the dreams begin "He will...", "I am...".

Another way to look at "I am the son of my mom and dad? is that his folks got together because they loved each other whereas the women he meets are looking to be showered with gifts and money. So a dude with no money going to school studying computer programming isnt as interesting as El Coronel with the pressed suit and the Nissan Pathfinder.

Berzin's chick is hounding him because after all her vain efforts at locking Principe Azul, all she is is older and ran through. You go through 3,4,5 of these Mr. Rights' a year(from 18 to 40 years old) and it compromises your judgment. Now, NOW, she is actually looking for a guy who she actually liked THAT IS STILL TALKING TO HER. You know, a dude who has his stuff together and give you a square deal not all the flim-flam machista stuff. But the baby is just a way to secure her future to his.

To the OP I think you should do what you want to, but have your George Bush mind on you. Ask yourself if you are 'misunderestimating' things. If or when he asks for something try to anticipate his 'strategery' and the likelihood he will have 'mission accomplished'.

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