My story, your thoughts?

Tried this earlier but must've got 'timed out' and had to re-log in and it never appeared again?? Anyway....



I have read all of the tips about 'sankies' and what to watch for, who they prey on and so forth. Some of it got me worried & some put me at ease. I have my own story to share & am SURE I'll get some negative feedback to it as I have with others irl. That's OK, I want opinions, without insult of course. That being said, here's "MY" story.

Went this past January to a resort in Punta Cana. LOVED it. Had NO intention on meeting anyone or anything much, other than relaxing before the new year began. I had been on a leave of absence from work & this trip was scheduled just before my return to work. My aunt was getting married & a big group of family went for some fun in the sun along with the upcoming 'nuptuals'.

We had been there for a few days (stayed a week) and we hadn't really mingled with anyone, other than a few words with other tourists & of course the wait staff/bar staff etc. we had a 24hr bar that was open & decided to check it out one night. We were minding our business and three of the entertainment staff came in to get something to eat before leaving for their 'dorms'. One approached me, introduced himself to all of us & seemed to focus his attention on me, asking me to join them at the disco. We said maybe we will see him there but if not perhaps another night? We didn't go. The next day he sought me out & chatted saying he watched for me. I had the whole rolling my eyes perception & figured these were just lines. I DID watch him thru the day with other tourists & he was equally friendly, even flirtatious but always made a point to come to me. I never gave ANY indication I was interested, I was visiting with family at a table, waiting to watch the nightly entertainment and he appeared out of nowhere, planting a big kiss on my cheek. I was actually a bit embarrassed b/c the whole family was RIGHT there, but whatever, I laughed it off and continued having fun. We did end up going to the disco that night b/c we hadn't done ANY socializing up to that point. We had a ton of fun. The three boys came with us & we all talked, danced etc. There were no real expectations, no one bought anyone drinks except for ourselves, they bought theirs, we bought ours. He tried a few 'smooth lines' on me about sleeping together, but I just laughed it off.

I never slept with him... I did kiss him & we did hold hands a few times. We talked, laughed & danced. That was it. By the end of our trip, he had wanted to spend time "alone" with me which never happened b/c I wasn't comfortable leaving the resort & my family would never have let me anyway. He said he wanted to keep in touch, as did I, so we exchanged emails. He also gave me his phone number. We have remained in touch, but not everyday.

We have discussed him coming to visit here at some point and I definitely am going back there, despite him, but will definitely visit him if he's still around, lol. He does refer to me as his 'girlfriend' but I don't take it seriously at all. I consider myself (and him) single. He has mentioned that he would come visit me but would need help with the paperwork/passport etc. (financially) I told him I don't have the money. I don't... really, lol. I have considered saving & sending the amount needed for the two forms I looked up & if he 'scammed' me out of that, lesson learned. But I haven't yet done anything.

We have discussed me coming there, even living there (a desire of mine, again despite him, but I'm not gonna lie & say he wouldn't be an added bonus to it all) He told me that it's difficult to live there financially but he would love to spend time with me if I came. He has given me words that make me feel he is for real... and after reading the sanky stuff here, I thought "Uh Oh" to some of it. In particular the being the center of his attention and "Why me?" thoughts going thru my mind. Also "the moment I saw you" line rang a bell. I just figured it was a corny pick up line to be honest. I do in my own country too, lol. But he hasn't asked me for any money at all, never given me any sob stories of needing money or sick family etc. He has discussed his own finances & how he doesn't make much, but it was more in a letting me know kind of way. And when he mentioned his needing money for the passport or visa he just said that he didn't have it right now & if I was serious about him coming he would need help with it. He's not persistent about it tho, it's almost like he has just been putting it out there for me to know & decide for myself. I haven't sent a dime or promised anything. I said I want to come back, he even suggested staying somewhere else (cheaper to save money) & he could take the week off work so we could spend the whole time together. I had no idea he could do that, he even said that with the right amount of money he could do anything there, that the way of life is like the mafia, that you pay & you get. And that he would talk to his boss & get the time off but he would need to know 'when'. And as of yet, I don't know... cuz I don't have the money to travel so soon.

It's weird b/c my gut feels ok about it all. I don't get those pangs or worries... I don't get the little voice giving me the 'lecture'. I just feel a sense of calm with it. I dunno...

I guess I wanted to share this to see what others thought?? I also read the ways to try to find out if he's for real... and that's awesome. If anyone has any other suggestions I'm open!! lol

And no biggie if you think I'm just a sucker falling for his manipulative ways, I've heard it before. I just don't know what he's after cuz I've pretty much laid it on the line that I have nothing, lol. Yet he keeps asking when I can come back to see him again.

I'm not naive to the possibility that I'm swept off my feet & everything, but I'm also not a negative Nelly that can't enjoy the moment and let whatever was meant to be, be. Ya know?

Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Oh I wanted to add that he more recently mentioned he wanted to get out of working for the entertainment part of the hotel, work a different job, different hours etc. He offered this information himself, telling me he might apply if/when the job he desires comes open.

Sucks not knowing what's real & what's wishful thinking... I try to follow my gut instincts & not let my 'heart' get in the way. Thought I was doing a decent job so far? I try not to get wrapped up in the daydreaming & imagining this and that. I also know myself & how easily I can get swept off my feet.

I think he wants to ~dare I say~ know me better tho... b/c everything we talk about is about spending time together. He's given me information, sent me links for apartment rentals & what I'd need to 'get around' & so forth.

When we discussed him living in Canada he admitted he would live here, but would need to go back to visit his family....

He asks me about my family, my friends, my work, my kids etc. He even said he could go look for a place for me to live/stay if I really did come there, like 'check it out'. lol

I am going to learn spanish, again despite him, but also b/c it will make it easier to talk. I use a translator to help right now.

There was something else I wanted to add, but can't remember... oh well, another time.

Interesting how replies can't just be dished out without insult as I specified. But it doesn't surprise me in the least.

What exactly AM I falling for exactly?? I haven't done anything or agreed to do anything & certainly don't even have the means to do it even if I really wanted to send him money. (as mentioned)

I have no expectations with this whole situation, nor do I live my life revolved around "him" and what I've written above. I wrote this b/c after reading the 'warning signs' and so forth, I also wondered about the things that WEREN'T mentioned & didn't apply to what was said about "sankies". Guess what you're saying is there's no point in wondering cuz everyone has their mind's made up before even knowing details?

In any event, I've got my eyes open & am not being suckered into doing anything for anyone... never have been & certainly won't start now. I just don't understand how or why someone would even bother if their plan was to get something from someone, when that someone told them multiple times they have nothing?



Thanks for the insults, nice to know that's the way ppl are treated on here when all they really want are honest opinions... without the insult.



Oh about who I'd choose to date in my own country doesn't matter, I've dated all kinds of idiots with and without money, status, future etc. Doesn't make a difference who it is or what he has to offer, there's more to it than that. I'm not looking for someone to "take care of me".

As for the other insinuations/attempts at insulting me, what I may look like etc. "I" am the one who is supposed to "grow up FFS"??? "I" am the immature one in need of growing up?? I think NOW I'll add the LOL.

AnnaC said:

Oh come on guys don't be so harsh! This story is certainly different. :cheeky:

He didn't ask for money, wants to come to Canada but the poor guy has no money for the application of even to get himself a Dominican passport. I mean how many people will he have to push the "I want to come visit you if only" before someone does it for him?

Let's see, two bus loads of fresh meat a week = ????

Ok I'm bored here in cold snowy Canada :tired:

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Fair enough... but I made it clear I am not paying. So??

But I didn't have money to travel... and he knows that. My mother paid for my trip b/c I took my youngest brother in for 6months & had a helluva time with that, so that was as thanks for doing what I did to help him & her. He was told that.

Maybe they don't believe there's no money & maybe he is out for cash?? But he won't be getting any from this chiquita.

I asked not for someone to tell me what to do, but to see if anyone thought this was the same as every other story told?

I met a woman who had the same story as me & is now married & living in DR... so they can't all be bad.

But for the record, I'm not expecting anything from this.

dulce said:

The insults hit you hard because you do not want to hear the truth that this guy is a sankie. ALL the signs are there. Go play with him if you want but keep it as play and go home with a smile on your face.

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I don't consider someone telling me their true thoughts on the subject to be insulting, I'm talking the actual insults of me as a person without knowing me. Insinuating I'm ugly, fat, insecure and so on... those are insults and unnecessary.