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  1. #1
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    Default Where is the Love?

    I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

    It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

    Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

    Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackcrew View Post
    I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

    It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

    Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

    Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?
    How does anyone ever know their love interest. People can be married for 40 years and still be finding out stuff about their partener. As far as friends my wife has many life long friends that she is still close to. Explain what you mean by sacrificing a friend.

  3. #3
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    Your response is exactly what I am asking...how does one know if the love is real in the Dominican Republic? Clearly love changes and evolves over time in any relationship...as in your case with 40 years of marriage. But finding love in the DR seems even more fraught with obstacles than in other places (at least according to the post I have read).

    By the "friends" comment, the way I understood it is loyalty (even to long-time friends) goes out the window at the first chance to make some money. Not little money, but long-term potential money such as having a foreign friend send remittances or a marriage proposal. My friend believed that money trumps loyalty in the DR. I have difficulty believing this so I am asking for others' opinions.

  4. #4
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    Most of the time foreigners know that it isn't for real, quite aware they are paying in some way or another for companionship.
    Navigating the whores and users simply requires you to use your head instead of thinking in your pants.
    Make sure she has a real job, if she doesn't work at all then avoid it.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackcrew View Post
    Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land.

    Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years.

    All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions.

    Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

    Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true.

    I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

    Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?
    Many Dominicans prefer to stay in their own country. Separation from friends and family would be unthinkable to them.

    Length of time for any relationship might be "a few weeks or several years" or an entire lifetime depending on the people in the relationship. Are they growing at the same rate and in the same direction? This is what determines success or failure in their relationship and about a million other variables.

    Your foreigners are pretty good at "pulling the wool" over their own eyes and don't really require much help from Dominicans. Most of them would make the same bad choices in the Phillipines or Panama or any of 1,000 choice destinations. We see this all the time, all throughout the developing World. Think about it like this: On Krypton, Superman would just be another mug.

    Your "American friend" knows jack about Dominicans. Don't listen to him.

    Dominican culture is not a culture of poverty. It is affected by poverty but there are rich traditions that supecede the introduction of the concept of money and the advent of colonialism. Take some time to explore this and you will learn that most of Dominican history did not begin with the arrival of Columbus.

    I hope that you never miss a meal or experience poverty. It forces people to make hard, sometimes destructive choices and it leaves permanent scars. You want to know how you can tell if love is real? You'll never know until the end. Real love is like the spark of life in each of us. It can mature into an old, toothless kiss or it can drop dead tomorrow from natural causes. Nobody knows why.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackcrew View Post
    Your response is exactly what I am asking...how does one know if the love is real in the Dominican Republic? Clearly love changes and evolves over time in any relationship...as in your case with 40 years of marriage. But finding love in the DR seems even more fraught with obstacles than in other places (at least according to the post I have read).

    By the "friends" comment, the way I understood it is loyalty (even to long-time friends) goes out the window at the first chance to make some money. Not little money, but long-term potential money such as having a foreign friend send remittances or a marriage proposal. My friend believed that money trumps loyalty in the DR. I have difficulty believing this so I am asking for others' opinions.
    Certainly not in my wife's case. She is very loyal to her friends, and closer to some than she is to family. Many of her family wouldn't receive a peso from her, as she knows they'll waste it and ask for more. None of her friends would ask for money, but she has helped several out regardless. She believes in giving opportunity to people, once. She has helped three of her teachers purchase land and build houses, by giving them almost interest free loans. One is a first cousin, and the other two former students. Dominicans as you say, can be devious, but this also allows them to develop a keen B-llsh-t detector. My mind works without guile, although have been burned at least once ( not by a Dominican), I'm more aware than I used to be. Dominicans do see Foreigners as an opportunity.

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  8. #7
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    I think that there are two very clear groups of "Dominicans" that we are referring to.

    The first is the group of Dominicans that live and work in tourist areas. They work at hotels, in tourism taxis, bars or they are prostitutes, strippers etc.

    OP - The type of Dominican that a tourist will have access to is who you describe in your post. Often they will sell their firstborn for a chance to get out of here. They have an unrealistic expectation of what is OUT there.

    The second group are the rest of the country. They love their country and look for opportunities here. They would not sell their first born for anything. Tourists do not have access to this group - for the most part! Once you have lived here for some time - you may or may not access this group, depends where and how you live.


    A marriage or relationship with the first group will be hazardous at best and NOT likely to survive. A marriage or relationship with the second has a much better chance of surviving and thriving.

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackcrew View Post
    But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?
    It seems there are sankies everywhere - even the UK. Saw this story on the Today Show this morning, the women "got" their man:

    TODAY Video Player

    And on the web: Express.co.uk - Home of the Daily and Sunday Express | UK News :: Jailed...love-rat conman trapped by 4 girlfriends

    AE

  10. #9
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    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by AlterEgo View Post
    It seems there are sankies everywhere - even the UK. Saw this story on the Today Show this morning, the women "got" their man:

    TODAY Video Player

    And on the web: Express.co.uk - Home of the Daily and Sunday Express | UK News :: Jailed...love-rat conman trapped by 4 girlfriends

    AE

    Replace the word sankie with the word scam artist so yes there are scam artists all over the world. At home when someone offers something that seems too good to be true we question the motives behind these offers and so triple that when it comes to the heart.

  11. #10
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    Thumbs down

    Here we go again; we do the same thing about skin color, religion and culture….. same with Dominicans yes there are a lot of people that want to just go to different country and have what they call a “better life”.. just like in many other places and yes some of them do the unthinkable in order to get what they want, but that is not how DOMINICANS are, I think the bigger problem is
    “a woman comes for a vacation she meet this “incredible” guy who can’t believe that she is so beautiful and that in the next 24 hrs he cannot be without her “and she says WAO HE LOVES ME!!! … Whose fault is it???? And that is just one example.

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