One Question: Is it worth it?
I must say after reading the romance gone wrong posts by tourists swindled in DR love affairs, I concluded that:
1. I didn?t see much difference in the tactics used by the guys in the DR from the tactics that I'm used to from the guys I?ve dated in my hometown of Baltimore and
2. That I came to the question that I decided to title this post: Is it worth it? Is my Dominican love story another one of those ?wake up and smell the coffee? posts...or is there something more. Back to the previously stated: Is it worth it?
Let me start by saying that I?m 21 years old. Black. Female. Born in Baltimore and currently in college near DC. This March I went to DR to do comparative research on the DR school system and the DC school system that I have had much experience with. I mentor minors with juvenile charges trying to worth their way back into the school system and make a better life for themselves. Shortly put I get cussed out a lot, have a thick skin and can usually tell when someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
Coming from an area with a strong Latino population (Washington DC) I had heard it all about Dominican men and their game (ladies, they know how to get us caught up). A lot of my friends have even dated them?wait did I not mention I was a black women? (insert lol here) how many times do you think I hear horror stories about black men in the US?.again?the stories I?ve read on here weren?t much different from the ones from my friends back at home in Baltimore. (this is my disclaimer: all black men are NOT the same?.just the ones in Baltimore?that was a joke?by the way)
Back to the story- Part of my stay was in Santo Domingo, the other half in Andres, near Boca Chica. One day, while on the beach with some friends I caught eyes with this guy. Immediately I felt moved to say something, I mean this man was gorgeous- but of course in the back of my mind the results of Toni Morrison?s real life after her ?How Stella Got Her Grove Back? were stuck on repeat in my mind. ?Look away? is what I think I even said out loud to myself like an idiot.
At this point in time, I was currently being hounded by a group of teenage boys who were trying to convince me they were old enough to take me out on a data. I was not impressed. Interjecting on the attempts of these teenage guys, the guy I connected eyes with walked over to us and started making fun of me and my friends asking why we were talking to such young boys when we were women..beautiful women at that. (Guess he was trying to say prove his manhood.) Nonetheless, I found this a typical macho move, but it was pretty funny. Hes 24 years old.
Breaking all the rules that my mom drilled into my 21 year old head before I left the States, me and my friends ended up later meeting up with some of his friends to go to the discotecha that night. College kids right? Lol. Can someone say this is how you end up on the news? We rode with him and his friends via los motors and arrived at this club that I swear looked like Lapiz Coniciente or Secreto el Biberon were going to pop into the scene anytime. It was like a music video. Literally.
After a night of dancing, and a little drinking, one of my friends was dissatisfied with her date and we were taken back home. Before I left, my guy and me said our goodbyes and I promised to meet him again the next day at the corner at 3 clock. After a goodbye scene that seemed to be out of a sappy old soap opera, the next day I was there at 3. And he was too.
This was how our mornings went for the rest of my stay. He met up with me everyday, only at my request. I didn?t have his number, didn?t know where he lived at the time, but if I would asked him at the end of our day to meet me again, he would come. If I didn?t ask he wouldn?t. He said it was up to me because he trusted God that I would always come back to him?.(that?s Dominican pimpin 101 if you ask me?these American dudes need to touch up on their skills) The rest of my stay we went to the beach, went out to eat, went sight seeing, visited some of his co workers homes for dinner, went out with his friends and to bars ( almost every night) and he even assisted me in my research when I went to the schools. He is very polite, hilarious, fun to be with, of course romantic and so interested in just learning...anything. Even when I know he has no IDEA what I'm talking about, he has a sense of intrigue for anything new. Sports..politics..you name it..
The day before I left, he told me he wanted to talk to me?at this point we had gotten pretty close, and it was sad it was all coming to an end. It was especially pretty sad for me, knowing some of the harsh realities I had to return to at home. I can't imagine what it had been like or him. Everything we experienced together had been like a breathe of fresh air for both of us.
When he was 11 his mom passed away from cancer. One of his co workers that I met told me how things had been for him?his father was also no longer living and he had been on his own since he was a kid. In my mind I?m thinking look I?ve heard every tale from the hood you can imagine. Crack head mothers, drug dealing fathers, abusive uncles (I did say I was from Baltimore right) so I wasn?t surprised at the story, but something in this man really touched me. Something about his perseverance and intelligence despite everything he?s been through was very admirable. He hasn?t had much education, but has really educated himself of politics and global and social issues. All things that I am very involved in at my university.
I?ve been through a lot in my life, and that may be part of my superior defense system, but when this guy places a ring in my hand that after he says he wants to talked to me, and he says that the ring belonged to his mother- I was really moved and skeptical at the same time. He told me to take it so that I would always remember him when I went home. After refusing to several times he told me that he would be offended it I didn?t take the ring. Now I must say that this wasn?t this wasn?t kind of ring that you get out of a Cracker Jack Box. I know he doesn?t have a lot. He works in carpentry, and is a very hard worker. He doesn?t smoke. Doesn?t drink. He really works hard to make what he can with the little he has. I finally ended up taking the ring.
For both of us, life has really been an uphill battle. I don?t have a lot of money, I?m a college student...and even though he knows this?we all know that being American puts a dollar sign over my head- no matter what my working status is. Forget the college student part. I know all of these things. And Ive dated men in the same situation in the states?.from (unfortunately) from convicts, to peoples baby daddys I?ve dated it all. But I?ve also had some really great men in my life.
It?s been two months since I left and we talk twice a day. I write poetry and we exchange poems to one another and send each other jokes to get us through our stressful days. I laughed out loud at one of the comments someone said to a love story, ? believe me as he?s in the internet caf? talking to you, he?s messaging 80 other women at the same time? I wouldn?t be one to say ?he would never do that? -Not to say my message inbox isn?t full of guys either- But aside from the romance (I guess I forgot to mention the hot steamy sex scene part?yeah about that?that?s always a plus) we have a really strong connection that?s hard to describe?an understanding of one another?s struggles some how, despite the cultural differences.
I am returning to the DR in August teach an English program at a school for a month, and of course I plan to see him while I'm teaching. Sometimes I feel like it?s hard to believe this story has happened to me, and that I?m ?one of those people? posting on a forum?but it has happened to me. So now I?m stuck on the first question I stated earlier: Is it worth it? Should I continue this love affair knowing how often these love affairs happen to be just another scheme to make it out? Or should I see what happens over the month of my stay this summer and believe things like this really do happen to people?
I know he?s got dreams of going to school...he has a brilliant mind, as I've stated before and he is a really critical and analytical thinker..that alone is just one of the admirable things about him. We all have dreams?I had dreams too. The only reason why I am where I am today, and made it through all the struggles to get there was because someone helped me to get here. I didn't do it on my own. No telling what the future will hold, but if things continue to run smoothly I would definitely make an investment in helping to enroll him in a program in the states to further his education- but of course I have my doubts, and questions and concerns with how things may turn out. My major concern is that we can communicate well because I know enough spanish and he knows enough english to understand one another when my spanish can't fill in for the words that just cant be translated into spanish. Of course teaching in the DR for a month will sharpen my skills, but I am concerned with how much of a challenge it will be for him to completely shift to only speaking English...or if it even really matters since I live in such a heavily spanish speaking neighborhood. If anyone is familiar with the Silver Spring, MD area then you know exactly what I mean.
So my question is, is there sincerity in this- or is this another sad love story only to result in me locking myself in my room with a box of tissues and ice cream to?