Why are forum members so mean?

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UmSulaiman

New member
Apr 19, 2011
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Hey everyone.
I haven?t been a member very long, but long enough to have read a lot of posts and I have a serious question....why are so many forum members so mean? I mean, when I found this website, I was excited and grateful to be able to speak with other people who share my experience. No one has been mean to me personally, but I read time and time again, a newbie post who gets attacked for asking a question or people being attacked for their improper use of Spanish or English.....aren?t we supposed to be helping and or supporting one another? I?m sure I?ll be the next one attacked for this, but somebody has got to say something! Cheers all.
 

Chuck T

Banned
Nov 30, 2010
723
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Hey everyone.
I haven?t been a member very long, but long enough to have read a lot of posts and I have a serious question....why are so many forum members so mean? I mean, when I found this website, I was excited and grateful to be able to speak with other people who share my experience. No one has been mean to me personally, but I read time and time again, a newbie post who gets attacked for asking a question or people being attacked for their improper use of Spanish or English.....aren?t we supposed to be helping and or supporting one another? I?m sure I?ll be the next one attacked for this, but somebody has got to say something! Cheers all.
I think maybe many of the regulars are jealous of new comers or perhaps bored with themselves ? Be patient, you will find posters that are very nice and not all are A holes.
 

Anastacio

Banned
Feb 22, 2010
2,965
235
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Like everything in life it is a mixed bag, and mixed reactions. Some posters deserve it when they ask dumb questions, sometimes someone finds silly questions or naivety good sport, sometimes people are drunk or even just on a period and want to lash out at anyone, the majority of mean posts come from those who believe they are superior because they have lived here on a pension and propped up a bar for 10 years. Anyone can be nasty online, for some that is the beauty of forum posting, the only place they could get away with it.
 

Alyonka

Silver
Jun 3, 2006
2,757
155
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They express all the negativity encountered in real life on this site. Also, you kind of have to be a little bit mean and tough in a third world country so that people don't take advantage of you.
 

RacerX

Banned
Nov 22, 2009
3,390
376
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They express all the negativity encountered in real life on this site. Also, you kind of have to be a little bit mean and tough in a third world country so that people don't take advantage of you.

Could also be because many new posters hold a concept that if I live on an island that life will be fantastic(Fantasy Island). With that in mind you are waiting to be taken advantage of.

I dont think many of the posts are mean, but a splash of cold water in your face to get you to think proactively. Because it would suck to think that someone would post in a year and a half later that they were leaving the country because everyone is an a-hole. And they hate the board because no one steered them to the pitfalls and problems that exist.
 

MaineGirl

The Way Life Should Be...
Jun 23, 2002
1,879
89
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amity.beane.org
It's an internet forum so social norms are very different.

People who have been on here for a dog's age have seen many of the questions played out again and again so they get tired of it at some point and lose their patience or sensitivity.

Many people do not employ the search function to the best of their ability, although it can be hard to find info this way it can also be very easy.

In person many DR1ers are very kind and generous.

Back in the day we used to gather and raise money for good causes. It was great fun and a lot of people got to know each other that way. Maybe a renaissance of social gatherings should be considered.
 

j&t's future

Bronze
Mar 6, 2007
2,502
27
48
There's a fine line between 'nasty','mean' and Honest.
Some people don't have the balls to tell someone they are making a HUGE mistake particularly when it comes to making decisions that affect the rest of their lives. Purchasing a home in a bad area for instance, marrying someone they met at a resort on a two week all-inclusive holiday etc. Many posters on here try to help 'newbie?s' by sharing their GOOD and BAD experiences since moving here from other counties. Sometimes, there just isn't a nice way to say "Stop, you're making a mistake".
When a woman posts "I'm 21 and met this guy in the hotel, he loves me and I love him, we're going to live together, can i buy a home for us for $10,000 bla bla bla, surely "Wake up, get in the real world, don't be an idiot" is much better than "See how it goes, he's a keeper, you never know, he might be that one in 10,000000000000".
 

jrjrth

Bronze
Mar 24, 2011
782
1
0
There is a multitude of wisdom on this forum that can go a long way if applied correctly...at times just reading the words can be misconstrude as "Negative" or "Mean"..however are "sincere" and "Honest", things can easily be taken out of context....

~Just read between the lines, take what you must, and leave the BS behind:cool:
 

Ken

Platinum
Jan 1, 2002
13,884
495
83
Hey everyone.
I haven?t been a member very long, but long enough to have read a lot of posts and I have a serious question....why are so many forum members so mean? I mean, when I found this website, I was excited and grateful to be able to speak with other people who share my experience. No one has been mean to me personally, but I read time and time again, a newbie post who gets attacked for asking a question or people being attacked for their improper use of Spanish or English.....aren?t we supposed to be helping and or supporting one another? I?m sure I?ll be the next one attacked for this, but somebody has got to say something! Cheers all.

You make some good points and ask some good questions.

A lot depends on what you mean by "mean".

Posts that talk about how wonderful the guy in Animation is will not be responded to as the poster hopes. This is because most of us know that these guys are gigolos, called sankies here, and that when the poster's vacation ends, the guy will have an incoming vacationer on the string.

Re criticism of English and Spanish errors, there isn't an excuse for that. But it is sometimes done, but only by a few. Just ignore it.

What you have to do on this and most message boards is to develop a thick skin. Learn to ignore a lot of what goes on and take just what is of benefit to you.

Just as you quickly learn that just because somebody is an expat he/she is not somebody you want to associate with, you also discover which posters say things that make sense to you and which to ignore.
 

bachata

Aprendiz de todo profesional de nada
Aug 18, 2007
5,341
1,246
113
Mouth say what mind is thinking and heart is feelings!!!

That's the way I see people.

JJ
 

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
18,948
514
113
I will admit it: I have been a wee bit nasty every now and then. It is usually because of one of the reasons mentioned above or maybe my coffee was not like I wanted it to be. There are days when you wake up a little cross with the world.
My dear, dear friend Auntie Clara of Dominican Cooking.com fame, is one of the cleverest posters ever on this board. She said not so long ago that every post that corrects someone else's grammar or punctuation usually has a grammar or punctuation mistake in it, too!!!

However, since I cannot reach out there into cyber-space and grab these little ignoramuses by the scruff of the neck and ask them if they are out of their #$%#$^#%^#% Minds?????, I sometimes turn to less poetic means on a keyboard.

IMO, there are no DDD (Definately Different Dominicans) at any hotel, bar or restaurant on any beach in the country. There are some DDDs to be found inland, at the society gathering places in the towns and cities, but the social labyrinth of making the acquaintance and going through the complex rite of courtship etc etc, is beyond today's Gen Y..It has to be NOW and I want what I want!! NOW!....I know he/she is different!!! HAHAAHAHAAHAHAH...

I am reading one of Bruce Van Sant's books called Margarita Cat...and he talks about a guy that had bedded a lovely model-type young thing and he was foreplaying one hungover morning and he noticed some white spots around her navel and he asked what they were. She answered "Leprosy" !! (She never took her medicine because it was a "bother")..You can imagine the result...hehehe...

So, no, not really nasty, just the fruits of many, many decades of seeing and hearing and living in the oh-so-surreal place...

HB
 

donP

Newbie
Dec 14, 2008
6,942
178
0
What does mean mean?

It happens that a poster considers an answer as mean as it is not what he/she wanted to hear (e.g. hormonally affected posters).
Some even reject facts (with a quote to the source) and see an attempt to tarnish the country's culture and reputation (often posters with a business agenda).

donP
 

dv8

Gold
Sep 27, 2006
31,266
363
0
i was born mean. sometimes i force myslef to go against my nature and post something nice but it rarely happens. and to be honest some post are such a great invitation to a burst of rage it is hard to resist the temptation (see mars and venus forum, doh!).
in any case i think that majority of posters (me included, hopefully) are normally very informative. and opinionate. but then i always thought it was good to have an opinion :)
 

jrjrth

Bronze
Mar 24, 2011
782
1
0
~Poetically speaking my father said it best

"Opinions are like a$$wholes...everybody has one", "you can fill Yankee Stadium with Nice Guys", however the Grand Cannon overflows with the Bad Guys"....

~Life is too short to sweat the small stuff~ Take time, take advice and move on~In the end its ultimately your decision anyway~
 

justdoit

New member
May 3, 2011
19
0
0
It's human nature.. hiding behind a keyboard unleashes the "bully"? it happens everywhere where face to face (or voice to voice) communication is absent? some of the posters are do asking for it though? I still find this forum pretty good and informative, thanks to all regular contributors...
 

zoomzx11

Gold
Jan 21, 2006
8,367
842
113
Robert lets them get away with it. He has his own personal ideas about what goes and what does not. It seems to depend on his or his moderators mood. He is the king of the forum and does as he pleases. Its good to be the king!! But you are 100% correct as to how nasty some of the long time posters can be. They are also lacking a sense of humor. It there were another place to go I would surely be there but for now this is the only game in town and we do not have to like it.
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
i was born mean. sometimes i force myslef to go against my nature and post something nice but it rarely happens. and to be honest some post are such a great invitation to a burst of rage it is hard to resist the temptation (see mars and venus forum, doh!).
in any case i think that majority of posters (me included, hopefully) are normally very informative. and opinionate. but then i always thought it was good to have an opinion :)

LOL!

OP, I'd bet if you met a lot of the "nasty" posters in person, you'd find very different personalities.

You know what goes through your mind when you're talking in person to someone and they say something stupid/rude/annoying??? How you bite your tongue and say nothing most of the time?? Well, online in an anonymous group you can let your inner self break free.

You know, your "Alter Ego", hahahaha

AE
 

cobraboy

Pro-Bono Demolition Hobbyist
Jul 24, 2004
40,964
936
113
"Nasty" often means:
  • They don't post what I want to hear
  • They are tired of noobs not searching for the answer to their question that's been asked a bazillion times
  • They don't put up with my ignorant nonsense from my one trip to the DR
  • They tell me my resort BF is a sankie, or my barrio GF is a whore
  • DR1ers are, in fact, mean SOB's
DR1 is THE richest mine of the real DR information on the planet...

Welcome to the innerwebs...:cheeky:
 
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