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  1. #1
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    Default Higuey for a noob

    Hi everyone, after lurking through the site for some time now I have decided that it's time I ask for some advice.

    Firstly, I'm glad this site exists which gives me an outlet for my questions, so thank you all in advance.
    After a few trips to the Dominican Republic (Santo Domingo) I have now found myself with a serious girlfriend and we are looking for a good area of Higuey to call home.
    I'm 34, Caucasian, Canadian, native English but can read/write/speak French and have been learning a lot of Spanish but I still am not to the point of feeling comfortable having a conversation in it. Fortunately her English is good enough that with my Spanish we can discuss anything but she has to do most of the Spanish negotiations. She's sharp and fast like most Dominicans so there's no issue when we work as a team.
    My work schedule provides me with 1 week off per month in which I plan on spending in the Dominican.
    She is from Higuey and wants to stay there where she can work, shop etc. I on the other hand don't much care where I live as long as it's not -45C and realistically only need a safe place for us.

    Currently we are looking to rent until things progress. My only concerns are her safety while I am back in Canada and our safety when we are together.
    I've already got her looking, but I would love to hear some input from a non-Dominican or a Dominican who has experience with sort of thing.

    Thanks again

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mi_Vida_Loco View Post
    Hi everyone, after lurking through the site for some time now I have decided that it's time I ask for some advice.

    Firstly, I'm glad this site exists which gives me an outlet for my questions, so thank you all in advance.
    After a few trips to the Dominican Republic (Santo Domingo) I have now found myself with a serious girlfriend and we are looking for a good area of Higuey to call home.
    I'm 34, Caucasian, Canadian, native English but can read/write/speak French and have been learning a lot of Spanish but I still am not to the point of feeling comfortable having a conversation in it. Fortunately her English is good enough that with my Spanish we can discuss anything but she has to do most of the Spanish negotiations. She's sharp and fast like most Dominicans so there's no issue when we work as a team.
    My work schedule provides me with 1 week off per month in which I plan on spending in the Dominican.
    She is from Higuey and wants to stay there where she can work, shop etc. I on the other hand don't much care where I live as long as it's not -45C and realistically only need a safe place for us.

    Currently we are looking to rent until things progress. My only concerns are her safety while I am back in Canada and our safety when we are together.
    I've already got her looking, but I would love to hear some input from a non-Dominican or a Dominican who has experience with sort of thing.

    Thanks again
    Here's some advice: "DON'T DO IT!"

    She's "sharp and fast" alright and you guys are working as a team against your best interest. Do you think the plane home will actually lift off each month before her Tigre moves back in with his sh!t and drinks up all your Presidentes while fixing the plumbing?

    Let me get this straight...she's from Higuey which indicates that she knows the town well and has family and a life-long network of friends and associates there but you're "worried for her safety when you're not there"?




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  4. #3
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    I second the DONT DO IT!!!!!! You truly don't understand the culture. She's found herself a nice gringo to possibly pay for her own bachalorette Pad.. I mean.. You are ONLY going to be there 1 week out of every month.. You think that is enough to pay for a freaking place? She's living just fine with her family.. and there is NO REASON why you can't stay with them while you are visiting. The added expenses will eventually put you in a bad spot..

    Look.. You two aren't married, and EVEN if you were married.. YOU are not living there fulltime. not even part-time. It's just ridiculous.. First she will want you to get an apartment for you two.. (The three weeks you aren't there, chances are HE will be) right, we know.. your chick is different.. And THEN you will need to FURNISH the apartment.. THEN you will need to pay for someone to "watch" the apartment.. most women don't like to stay alone at night in their own place.. and sure SHE will be safe while you arent there.. You really aren't thinking clearly..

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  6. #4
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    Default The safety issue

    You've mentioned safety as a concern. She is presumably now safely living with her family.

    Most female Dominicans of any age do not live/sleep alone. So, for example, if you were married and away three weeks of the month a trusted male family member would sleep there. Sometimes a girlfriend will come etc. So on the safety issue alone she is better off with her family.

    Consider that you may be putting her at more risk by moving her away from her family and signalling to all those looking for an easy mark that one has arrived--compounded by the knowledge that she has money coming from abroad.

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  8. #5
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    Default on the playing house

    "Currently we are looking to rent until things progress."

    This is perfectly acceptable to you as a Canadian and to me as an American. If she is a good girl, the type that you would marry, you have ruined her reputation among Dominicans if it doesn't work out.

    To her family once you've gotten that apartment, you have decided to marry her, you will be called her marido. So while you think of it as having some time to progress, she's thinking of it as a sign of committment.

    So you are willing to pay for the apartment, but can only committ 1/4 of your time. So of course she's going to ask for "things" to be assured of your committment--because three weeks is along time to think about what the other is doing. And for most Dominican women, they know that men have needs, so she knows you love her but that you are also getting your needs filled. She needs something, too, and because it's not you there 24/7 the things can be her reminder.

    I think if she is possibly the one for you (and you say it's getting serious so she's in the running) don't create a situation where she begins to take advantage of you because you've laid it out that way or you begin to feel resentful of being asked for things.

    Start putting that money you would have spend on an apartment to save for a good down payment on a house or a move to the DR if that's what's in the cards for you. And continue visiting and doing what you are doing now, staying with friends, staying with her family, staying at hotels. Continue doing the boyfriend stuff, leave the living together for when you are actually married. (And I'm not old-fashioned, per se, just think the culture warrants it.)

    Just some things to think about.

    And congratulations on finding yourself with someone that you'd like to spend more time with.

    Love is a good thing!

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  10. #6
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    To her family once you've gotten that apartment, you have decided to marry her, you will be called her marido. So while you think of it as having some time to progress, she's thinking of it as a sign of committment.
    That makes me wonder about the common law marriage laws in the DR. My understanding is after six months(?) sharing a common household you are de facto married. Wouldn't that entitle the esposa to half of the marido's property, including any assets back home if they split up?

  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterInBrat View Post
    That makes me wonder about the common law marriage laws in the DR. My understanding is after six months(?) sharing a common household you are de facto married. Wouldn't that entitle the esposa to half of the marido's property, including any assets back home if they split up?
    I remember reading a Guzman post saying that there is no common law marriage in the DR.

    To the Op, she is safest living at home with her family. Her "Dominican friends" can visit her there in safety. DO NOT go getting apartments and furniture and stuff.

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterInBrat View Post
    That makes me wonder about the common law marriage laws in the DR. My understanding is after six months(?) sharing a common household you are de facto married. Wouldn't that entitle the esposa to half of the marido's property, including any assets back home if they split up?
    I think that Mr. Guzman has said no to the common law issue.

    But I think it gets complicated quickly once an unplanned pregnancy happens. Even if you have a pre-nup and are married, if she's living in the house, you come off as the schmuck if you kick her and the baby out.

  13. #9
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    Default

    Wow. I had assumed that the help I would receive would come in the form of straight information rather than conjecture and assumptions.
    The best part about the responses thus far is that they are meant to make me out to be the ill-informed because I didn't write a 10,000 word essay on my entire life and situation rather than you being the ill-informed people.
    Yes, this is a facepalm moment.

    Thanks for the straight answers. If anyone has some actual information, I'd like to know it.

  14. #10
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    Default

    Sorry, La Rubia, you're not lumped in with the others. Safety is the large concern. And your mention of single women living alone is the exact reason why I inquire about this in the first place. She works in Santo Domingo and stays with friends while working there and spends anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks in her own apt in Higuey. She's from La Romana but likes Higuey.
    Her church, friends, shopping and doscos she likes are all there. Her happiness and safety are my primary concerns.
    Her Apt is small and in a very Dominican neighbourhood. I'd hate to have something happen to her because nosy neighbours know she is never home. As for the racism, in case some of you don't know, there's plenty of Italians living in Higuey. I'm bilingual French and my spanish accent rivals any latino. So cram your gringo talk.
    If most of you took your heads from your rear ends long enough, you might also learn something about your own towns/cities that you didn't know about. I've lived in Vancouver for the past 5 years and still learn new things about it all the time so is it so out of your grasp of reality that she may not know everything about everything?
    Sheesh..

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