Adventures in Chaos

cobraboy

Pro-Bono Demolition Hobbyist
Jul 24, 2004
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It doesn't take long to realize that stores and Christmas Eve are a challenge to navigate. And that's in the states. I assume Cananada and Euro are somewhat similar. The DR is chaos with an exponent.

It's like a glowing burner on an electric stove: Don't touch lest you suffer the consequences.

However, sometimes you must.

We drove to La Romana to pick up a guest at the airport. It's quite the drive so we left Jarabacoa with plans to get there early, plenty of time to spare. And we did: 45 minutes to spare.

So we decided to "jump" into the big Jumbo in town to pick up just 3 items for our Big Festivus Feast of Pavo Aserdo, cornbread/celery stuffing, bean and broccoli caserole, cranberry sauce (Ocean Spray, of course!:cheeky:) and cherry cheesecake.

Holy Guacamole!

The place was PACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean elbows to elbows and cheek to cheek!!!

We grabbed our items and headed for the "10 items or less" line. Clearly the local school system is remiss, because folks couldn't tell "10" from "30." EVERY check-out line was at least 15 deep and you couldn't even walk through the lines in the front of the store.

And in typical Dominican fashion, entire families wandered aimlessly, totally unaware of everyone else around them.

(Note to stock help: Yes, I know it's very important to restock the shelves. But just a tip: try not to stop your cart in the MIDDLE of the aisle while standing between it and the shelf. Try putting it against the shelf instead and work from the back/front of the cart. That way customers can get by...;))

We had a plan: Alida and I took 2 different lines; whoever got to the check-out clerk first would text the other and we'd consolidate our booty there.

After 30 minutes in line, during which the highly efficient check-out staff proceeded to process 5 (yes, 5, not a typo) clients, we had to leave for the airport. I texted Alida and we put our items down on the nearest shelf and left for the airport. Yes, I know, poor form. Oh, well, just a crude and crass Gringo in a hurry.

Got to the airport on time to find Jet Blue had delivered our guest 30 minutes early. No problem. Loaded him up and back to Jumbo we went, this time without a timetable. Not to our surprise, the items were where we had left them. So we took them to the cosmetic area where the clerk looked somewhat bored with the 2 customers in line. Checked out there in 10 minutes and out the door.

Never again. Next year we'll plan MUCH better...
 

frank12

Gold
Sep 6, 2011
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Cobraboy,

Haha, from reading your hilarious story of trying to shop during the dominican holidays, it reminds me of the supreme mistake i made one year when, unbeknownst to me, UFO's had landed in the heart of Santo Domingo and i walked into PriceMart looking for chocolate for my medical condition i have.

While in PriceMart, i tried to buy some other medical provisions (Chocolate icecream) to get me through the weekend. i could not believe the lines of people and livestock i saw in PriceMart. I ended up standing in a line for two days whole days, behind people stockpiling for a nucleur fallout from the arriving UFO's. Families directly in front of me, standing in line, had beds, bicycles, barbecues, trampalines, generators, and palet's full of cashew nuts, cereal, condoms, carnation milk, salami, Bacaloa, smoked mackerel (they use smoked Mackerel here--known as "Arenque"--to chase away mosquitoes, cockroaches, demons, bill collectors, and mother-in-laws from one's house.) and an assortment of other smelly items that ward of parasites and other "Hosts" that like to camp out inside one's intestines beyond their welcome.

Luckily, being aware of the coming Apocalypse every Christmas season, i prepare by bringing extra-strong Pepper spray into the supermarket disguised as "Hair spray". I then proceed to spray down the supermarket isles--including women standing in line with their 9-inch high-heels and large bee-hive hair-do's that get caught in the cieling fans. While i stand there spraying everything down, saturating the bee-hive hairdo's in front of me (i tell the women that its a special hair-spray) i slowly creep up in place in line until, before i know it, i've reached the front of the line, albeit with my gas mask on. still it's an effective clearing agent (other than Agent Orange) and it works.

Frank
 

captboink

New member
Mar 3, 2011
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Yeah had my first and maybe last shopping expierience during the holidays in SD on Wednesday. Took my girlfriend so she could get some clothes for the 2 girls. I had to get a couple things at Plaza Lama on Duarte and she want to shop on J Marte, 1 street over. So told her to go ahead and start shopping and I would meet her somewhere along her shopping route. Well there was ALOT of people everywhere, more than I expected, and the traffic was horendus as usual. I made it to 27 DE Febero and J Marte and decided to park myself under the elevated highway in the median. Good place could see if she was coming back my way. Was getting a kick out of the people and traffic as I was standing there waiting. Had some fun with it though. Danced a little bit, sang a little bit( in english of course), said some goofy things to the people(english again) like when a crowd made it across one side of the street and was waiting to get to the other side, said "Move along folks, there's nothing to see here." Got a few smiles but more strange looks than anything.
 

captboink

New member
Mar 3, 2011
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Also spent my 1st Xmas Eve with my girlfriend and her family in Andes, I live in Boca Chica. Was pretty neat, good food, bunch of stuff other than rice and beans. Visited with the various family members for awhile then it degenerated into the usual Dominican drunkfest. I don't drink, so after about an hour and a half and one near fight, I headed back over the girlfriends with the kids and went to bed. I had spent a New Years Eve there 2 years ago so was aware of the cerveza and rum consumption, thought Xmas Eve would be a little different. Was suppose to do this at the fathers house in La Caleta but that situation fell apart early Saturday morning. No food and some other problems. I suspect Senor Brugal had something to do with that whole situation!
 

Chirimoya

Well-known member
Dec 9, 2002
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Jumbo in La Romana is almost as crazy as the OP description all year round.

I noticed that while the supermarkets in SD were busy on the 22nd and the 23rd, other shops like Cuesta Hogar and Jugueton were noticeably empty.
 

frank12

Gold
Sep 6, 2011
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Pepper spray as a clearing agent

<O:p</O:p
It was nearing the Christmas holidays and I made the supreme mistake of walking into the supermarket to purchase some provisions. Unbeknownst to me, UFO's had landed in the heart of the city when I walked into the store looking for chocolate for a diagnosed medical condition.

For those who have never been into a supermarket here in the Caribbean, let me some it up with one word: chaos. And not like a little chaos, but like totally disorganized madness and mayhem. Here, no one waits in line; people cut in line, pushing and shoving; grandmothers and mothers will use their hefty weight advantage to push you out of line and back out to the parking lot. Islanders will place things down at the check-out and then in the middle of being rung-up, they suddenly remember a half dozen other things they forgot, and tell the cashier, “I’ll be right back!” Then they disappear for 30 minutes or more; you can always find them in the food court shoveling food down--usually rice & beans in what can only be described as a food eating contest. Meanwhile, back in line, people are standing in a line so ****ing long that it wraps around the island, twice. <O:p</O:p


Most islanders specifically look for the line that says, “10 items or less,” despite having three grocery carts full of hundreds of items. Meanwhile, the cashiers, unable to count to ten, and totally oblivious to how many items the customer has in his or her cart, proceeds to ring things up while talking on their cell phones. In the few historically documented occasions where the cashier noticed that the amount of items exceeded the limit by 1000, the customer—not the least bit dismayed by this revelation—starts to lie and begins pointing at distant relatives standing outside in the parking lot and in the food court, claiming that each one them represents ten items in his or her cart. Lying is favorite pastime here. Case closed.
<O:p</O:p

My supreme mistake this weekend, however, was that I was in bad shape. Very bad shape. I was on a life-threatening, unsupervised, medical mission given to me by my doctor. I needed medical supplies, and I needed them fast! I was standing in line with my medicine: peanut butter & jelly. But I could not break the blockade that was directly in front of me. Lucky, I always come prepared.<O:p</O:p

Still, I could not believe the infinite line of people and livestock that showed up the day before Christmas to shop. I witnessed donkey, donkey carts, mules and horses, all tied up out in front of the store, many of them chewing on cardboard for the nutrition requirements needed to fight city traffic and motoconchos.
<O:p</O:p

I ended up standing in a line for two whole days, behind people stockpiling for the coming apocalypse. Families directly in front of me, standing in line, had beds, bicycles, barbecues, trampolines, generators, and 3x3 pallet’s full of cashew nuts, cereal, condoms, carnation milk, salami, Bacaloa, smoked mackerel—known as "Arenque" (used to chase away mosquitoes, cockroaches, demons, witches, bill collectors, and mother-in-laws away from one's front porch) and an assortment of other rank, putrid, acidic, smelly items—used to ward off parasites and other uninvited "Hosts" that like to camp out inside of one's intestines during the holiday season beyond their welcome.

Luckily, being aware of the coming apocalypse during the holiday season, I’ve learnt to prepare myself by bringing along category 3 Pepper spray with me. While I’m camped out in lines that defy Einstein’s theory of relativity, I take out my pepper spray and proceed to thoroughly douse the immediate vicinity of where I am standing. I pay special close attention to screaming children and women sporting enormous bee-hive hair-do's that reach the ceiling. The problem with bee-hive hair-do’s is that they have a tendency to get caught in the ceiling fans and it makes it difficult for people standing further back in line to see ahead. <O:p</O:p


Taking my pepper spray out, I thoroughly douse everything down, completely saturating everything around me—including the bee-hive hairdo's directly in front of me—I tell the women that its hair-spray. Then, while people vacate the general vicinity, I slowly creep up in line until, presto; I've reached the front of the line, albeit with my gas mask on. Other than Agent Orange, pepper spray is a very effective clearing agent.

Frank
 
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CaptnGlenn

Silver
Mar 29, 2010
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second draft, frank???? LOL good story. Unfortunately, due to widespread media coverage of a pepper spray incident on "Black Friday" at a Wal-Mart (iirc), has lead to copy-cat through the holiday shopping season. We might all need to pack our gas masks when we go shopping in the future. LOL
 

frank12

Gold
Sep 6, 2011
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CaptnGlenn,

Yeah, i had to go back and add the part about people leaving the check-out line right in the middle of being rung up. I often remember things right after the 10 minute time frame runs out. Unfortunately, i do my best brain storming right at the 9 1/2 minute mark.

Frank
 

dv8

Gold
Sep 27, 2006
31,266
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i carefully avoided all shopping in the last 10 days. as a result i am turning a hungry eye upon our cat alias "comida navidena". he looks very succulent, he does. come here, my precious...

....

well, what was i about to say... ? yes, i avoided shopping but shoppping did not avoid me as i had to work on christmas eve. strangly the most sold product was prodom (local version of imodium). and some say dominicans cannot think about the future. and plan accordingly!
 

dv8

Gold
Sep 27, 2006
31,266
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still refusing to go shopping. starting to look over yanandu threads about sea weed sunday roast.