Dominican Rules, Part 1

frank12

Gold
Sep 6, 2011
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I had this in the Clown Bin but i decided to modify and expand on these rules:
Dominican rules to live by, Part 1:

1.)Never ask a Dominican for a cure for a cold unless you want to get drunk on rum, honey, and lime.
2.)Never get angry at a Dominican for cutting you off in the road; wreckless driving is part of the driving culture.
3.)Never take a Dominican lawyer to court to try and defeat another Dominican lawyer.
4.)Never walk home drunk and alone after midnight...unless your pockets are completely empty.
5.)Never agree to store anyone's property on your property without documentation.
6.)Never call a cop because a hooker has your money or cell phone in her hand, and refuses to give it back.
7.)Never use an ATM machine alone after midnight, and if the ATM eats your card, walk away. do not re-type your pin number into the ATM machine.
8.)Never tell a Dominican girl the combo to your safe, and then leave for vacation.
9.)Never live in a non-secure, remote area where either a truck or donkey cart can comfortably pull up to your house while you?re on vacation.
10.)Never go into the car rental business with a Dominican. His whole family will use the cars and none will be available to rent to customers.
11.)Never buy a Dominican girl something very expensive and assume she?ll appreciate its value.
Never make direct eye-contact with a Dominican girl sitting at the bar alone.
12.Never get into a bar fight with a Dominican.They will grab the nearest rock, coconut, or beer bottle to even the odds.
13.Never pay attention to a Dominican speed limit sign, red light, or traffic cop.
14.Never leave a drink on the bar next to a hooker to use the bathroom.
15.Never allow yourself to be persuaded by sanky you just met in a bar, to go to another bar out of the way.
16.Never allow yourself to be coerced into buying drinks for a Sanky, a working girl, a donkey, and all of their friends, and friend's-friends.
17.Never allow yourself to be persuaded to go home with a Sanky or donkey.
18.Never take a Dominican girl home that squats down and urinates in the street.
19.)Never take a Dominican girl home who insists on urinating over your balcony railing.
<o:p</o20.)Never take a Dominican girl home who insists on urinating into your kitchen sink while dirty dishes still lay in the sink.
21.)Never make direct eye-contact with a beach or street vendor.
22.)Never make direct eye-contact with a street dog.
<o:p</o23.)Never make direct eye-contact with a toothless street hooker.
<o:p</o24.)Never make direct eye-contact with a stray donkey.
25.)Never take a stray donkey home.
26.)Never try and convert a street donkey into something it is not.
27.)Never expect the advertised price of something to be the final price.
28.)Never assume a Dominican girl or boy doesn't have a boyfriend just because they tell you so.
29.)Never give money to a Dominican who claims to represent a charity. In fact, never give money to a Dominican and assume that it will go to a charity.
30.)If a street vendor or hooker tells you its happy hour, don?t assume you?ll end up very happy.
31.)Never try to turn an uneducated, drug using, lesbian, kitchen-sink-urinating hooker into a sophisticated girlfriend. It never works. Pretty Woman was just a movie.

Frank
 

beeza

Silver
Nov 2, 2006
3,479
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32) Never lend a Dominican workman your tools
33) Never lend a Dominican workman your tools
34) Never lend a Dominican workman your tools
35) Never lend a Dominican workman your tools
36) Never lend a Dominican workman your tools
 

beeza

Silver
Nov 2, 2006
3,479
731
113
37) Dipping your headlights at night is a sign of weakness.
38) Never make eye contact with the taxi driver ahead, he will pull out in front of you.
39) Never buy a Dominican a cell phone. What are they supposed to buy minutes with?
40) Never assume that things like paying bills or using a Dominican bank is going to be straightforward.
41) Never introduce a Dominican to Facebook.
42) Mi amor is another word for mi cajero
43) Never suggest to go and meet your Dominican sweetheart's family. You will spend the whole day sat in a plastic chair listening to the women talking about shoes.
44 Never lend a Dominican workman your tools.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
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0
45) If you really love your dog and will not be at home all day with him, find him a new loving home before leaving for the DR, it is a lottery and they deserve better!
 

VJS

Bronze
Sep 19, 2010
846
0
36
46) Happy hour is going to finish 1 hour earlier than advertised on the menu
47) A menu or sticker price is merely a suggestion
48) Never lend a Dominican anything at all if you didn't just want to give it away in the first place, including money. Especially money.
 

beeza

Silver
Nov 2, 2006
3,479
731
113
51) Do not drink coffee made by Dominicans unless your blood sugar level is dangerously low
52) Do not drink Dominican tea expecting the beverage to contain tea
 

BermudaRum

Bronze
Oct 9, 2007
1,206
369
83
53) Never ask a Dominican what they named their dog. The answer is usually; no importa , negro, or blanco:rolleyes:
 
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Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
21,843
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yahoomail.com
54.ALWAYS have a "Sadder","Sad Story" than a Dominican.
If they need "Minutos" for their cell phone,your's was just stolen.
If they need money for a "sick mother",BOTH your parents are in the hospital.
If their "Child" is in the hospital,your's just died!
The better question is,"WHY did we do it in the first place?????
These days,if I saw a Dominican on fire,I wouldn't PI$$ on him to put it out!
"What Goes Around,Comes Around"!
CCCCCC
 

lisagauss

Bronze
Feb 16, 2011
721
0
0
54.ALWAYS have a "Sadder","Sad Story" than a Dominican.
If they need "Minutos" for their cell phone,your's was just stolen.
If they need money for a "sick mother",BOTH your parents are in the hospital.
If their "Child" is in the hospital,your's just died!
The better question is,"WHY did we do it in the first place?????
These days,if I saw a Dominican on fire,I wouldn't PI$$ on him to put it out!
"What Goes Around,Comes Around"!
CCCCCC

A bit harsh but ok!

If you want a Dominican to meet you somewhere at 9am, tell him to meet you there at 8am.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
2
0
55) Any Dominican who speaks English especially with an American accent and lives in the Dominican Republic and is in a colmado or bar with his trousers below waist level has been deported, so unless you want to buy drugs and get lined up for a back handed tip off with the local National, visit the loo and leave!
 

waytogo

Moderator - North Coast Forum
Apr 3, 2009
6,407
580
113
Santiago DR
If you want a Dominican to meet you somewhere at 9am, tell him to meet you there at 8am.

Are you kidding me
.......if they show up the same week consider yourself lucky...or unlucky...depends how you look at it....

B in Santiago
 

william webster

Platinum
Jan 16, 2009
30,247
4,328
113
Well, to be contrary, I had freddy (plombero) scheduled for Monday coming. He came yesterday... job is done.

The point is - they rarely come when called - can be early or late, but NEVER as scheduled.
 

La Profe_1

Moderator: Daily Headline News, Travel & Tourism
Oct 15, 2003
2,287
863
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A bit harsh but ok!

If you want a Dominican to meet you somewhere at 9am, tell him to meet you there at 8am.

How true! I got a phone call this morning from someone who wanted me to change the display language on his computer. Told him it would be ready at noon. He said, OK. Talked to him at noon and he said, "Estoy en Pedro Garc?a, no puedo venir hasta la uno, uno y quince." He showed up at three PM!

It is sort of a reversal - was doing a favor for a Dominican instead of waiting for a Dominican work man.
 
56 Some Dominican girl terminology Borrow=give, lend =give, help means give money.
57 When calling a Dominican in DR never ask "How are you?" That gives them an opening to tell you all the worlds problems and how only you can help them!!!
58 When a Dominican calls you and actually stays on the phone and doesnt hang up, especially if they are calling out of the Country either hang up immediately or start telling them your tales of woe or you will be heading to Western Union in very short order.