Visit to the Mental Hospital

bronzeallspice

Live everyday like it's your last
Mar 26, 2012
11,009
2
38
During a visit to the mental asylum,a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director,"we fill up a bathtub,then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient
and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor."A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon
or the teacup."

"No." said the Director,"A normal person would pull the plug.Do you want a bed near the window?"
 
Dec 26, 2011
8,071
0
0
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'
The fence was too high to see over,but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
 

jinty05

Bronze
Feb 11, 2005
925
38
48
LOVELY FISH STORY...

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner."



"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!"

"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.

The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said,

"You ****ers are my kind of people!"
 

Zulu

New member
May 27, 2012
106
1
0
The Minister of Health and Education took an opportunity to visit a mental institute for some PR stunt, escorted by his bodyguards in a 10 car motorcade, as they were driving towards the entrance of the mental institute with their sirens on, the staff received the minister in the hall way gave him a tour of the facilities & premises as the minister was heading towards block D where the doctors conduct experiments as well as keep notorious patients he met an inmate in the corridor and asked him "good day sir how are you doing" the patient replied "well i am doing better than you Mr. you see when they brought me here they escorted me with just 2 police officers but in your case you got it worse than i did, it took the whole police task force just to bring you here"