expat raising a daughter in this "machista" country? I think better not ...

rubenpriego

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Feb 28, 2011
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I was really curious about posting this to know what people thinks about ...

Im an expat here, in the close future Im gonna be daddy of a little daughter. Just knew some days before it will be a girl.

Before knowing this, I was thinking a lot, a lot, about what I would do if being a girl, what I would do in the future, talking about this country and my own family.

My big concern was always thinking that if baby would be a girl, that would be future headaches in this country.

I have been living here enough time to know how many (not all, but many!) dominican men behave with women

I have had many examples given by my wife, unfortunately examples she has not only have heard but lived by her own too or seen in front of her. Some examples have made me so indignant, angry, outraged that I could not believe how men could do and behave that way ...

So I got the conclusion that I dont wanna raise a girl in a country where men respect women that way. It would be a nightmare when my daughter becoming a teenager and a woman ... I think I would finally be involved in many arguments, fights, etc many times, or having to visit some men with a baseball stick in my hands ...

As I said before, not all dominican men are that way, of course, but it is a fact, this country is plenty of that kind of men who dont respect women at all, and I have noticed that being a pretty (and decent) woman in this country, can be quite tough ...

Ok, lets go for your thoughts ....
 

Bronxboy

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Jul 11, 2007
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I always say "A man is not a man, until he has a little girl".

I have 2 boys ages 21 and 16, therefore I still do not respect women the way I would if I were to have a little girl.

Oh well, I still have my mom!!!!!
 

dv8

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Sep 27, 2006
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listen, you can grow a daughter to be a stupid ho in any country. you and your wife are here to introduce your child to this reality, to teach it, to build its moral background. part of the work is up to you.
and dominican men? they are not all bad, there are some DDDs around :) if your daughter is smart and grows in an exemplary family she has a good chance of starting one herself, with a good man.
and if she is stupid... she will run into trouble no matter where you bring her up. so there, don't blame it on DR. roll up your sleeves and get to work. being a parent is a responsibility. but i am told it pays off :)
so embrace it, man :) :) :)
 

Givadogahome

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Sep 27, 2011
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I know your pain. We have a little girl coming up to 3. To cut a long tale short, I wouldn't trust a male here in any way, shape, size or colour, they never grow out of adolescence from the age of 10 till the day they die, they will stick it in anything with or without a heartbeat. Sex crazed is not the word for it, I'm an ugly hairy bloke and I wouldn't bunk down with a drunk Dom for fear of being probed. No way my child is going to school in DR and be subject to being a sexual object. I know she will grow the way lead her, but why should I have to worry about these guys, parenting is difficult and stressful enough without worrying about what others kids are doing, thinking, contemplating.
Hence, we moved away from the Dominican several months ago to prepare for her starting school in a civilzed world. It really isn't a difficult decision when you have a daughter, a son might be different, but I have one little girl and she is not a sexual object, in the DR in the eyes of men, before anything else that is exactly what they see her as. Not yet obviously, but time goes by fast.
 

rubenpriego

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I agree in many things you said givadogahome.

I know your pain. We have a little girl coming up to 3. To cut a long tale short, I wouldn't trust a male here in any way, shape, size or colour, they never grow out of adolescence from the age of 10 till the day they die, they will stick it in anything with or without a heartbeat. Sex crazed is not the word for it, I'm an ugly hairy bloke and I wouldn't bunk down with a drunk Dom for fear of being probed. No way my child is going to school in DR and be subject to being a sexual object. I know she will grow the way lead her, but why should I have to worry about these guys, parenting is difficult and stressful enough without worrying about what others kids are doing, thinking, contemplating.
Hence, we moved away from the Dominican several months ago to prepare for her starting school in a civilzed world. It really isn't a difficult decision when you have a daughter, a son might be different, but I have one little girl and she is not a sexual object, in the DR in the eyes of men, before anything else that is exactly what they see her as. Not yet obviously, but time goes by fast.
 

greydread

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Jan 3, 2007
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I know your pain. We have a little girl coming up to 3. To cut a long tale short, I wouldn't trust a male here in any way, shape, size or colour, they never grow out of adolescence from the age of 10 till the day they die, they will stick it in anything with or without a heartbeat. Sex crazed is not the word for it, I'm an ugly hairy bloke and I wouldn't bunk down with a drunk Dom for fear of being probed. No way my child is going to school in DR and be subject to being a sexual object. I know she will grow the way lead her, but why should I have to worry about these guys, parenting is difficult and stressful enough without worrying about what others kids are doing, thinking, contemplating.
Hence, we moved away from the Dominican several months ago to prepare for her starting school in a civilzed world. It really isn't a difficult decision when you have a daughter, a son might be different, but I have one little girl and she is not a sexual object, in the DR in the eyes of men, before anything else that is exactly what they see her as. Not yet obviously, but time goes by fast.

It's home training that makes the difference. If you raise her to understand that she's as valuable as any person of either gender and she is taught self respect, she will be more than prepared to handle the type of guy that you're talking about.

I've seen Women in the D.R. back a tiguere down with a look, never saying a word. They only prey on the weak minded.
 

rubenpriego

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Feb 28, 2011
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Dv8, dont have any doubt about we, my wife and myself, will raise our daughter in the best way, teaching her the most moral and ethical behaviours, but ...
WILL THAT REMOVE ALL THOSE NASTY GUYS I HAVE SEEN AND HEARD TALKING ABOUT???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Just to make you understand: being a good driver, that makes you free of having an accident due to having the bad luck of crossing with a bad, crazy driver???? no, right????? so it is the same example for having a daughter in a country where there are many machista men ...
Remember, I said many, NOT MOST OR ALL, just many!
Cheers.

listen, you can grow a daughter to be a stupid ho in any country. you and your wife are here to introduce your child to this reality, to teach it, to build its moral background. part of the work is up to you.
and dominican men? they are not all bad, there are some DDDs around :) if your daughter is smart and grows in an exemplary family she has a good chance of starting one herself, with a good man.
and if she is stupid... she will run into trouble no matter where you bring her up. so there, don't blame it on DR. roll up your sleeves and get to work. being a parent is a responsibility. but i am told it pays off :)
so embrace it, man :) :) :)
 

rubenpriego

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Feb 28, 2011
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my god ....
Having self respect does not mean that she will never be harassed!!!
Having self respect will make her getting into less troubles, for sure!!!! lesss but not free harasment
But she will have to deal with those nasty, vomiting harassements I am used to see and heard from many men here ... it is a fact, period.
And no one tell me it is not true, because my wife is absolutely tired of those behaviours happening very very often ... ok??????
If Im telling this is because I know well what I am talking about ...
Cheers.
 

AlterEgo

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Ruben, I agree with dv8. If you raise her the right way there is no way she'll have those problems. These creeps can spot the girls they can smack around a mile away - and they also know who won't take their basura.

There are plenty of decent Dominican guys, and they look for a decent girl to date and marry. If you're a good role model as a husband and father, she'll look for someone like you. Teach her to respect herself, and the guys will respect her too.
 

BabyBlu

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I worry about that too, my daughter is due in 7 weeks. But hopefully we will have many years before running into any "boy" issues.
This saying is always in the back of my minds tho.. When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one prick in the neighborhood..When you have a girl you have to worry about EVERY prick in the neighborhood...
 

Givadogahome

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It's home training that makes the difference. If you raise her to understand that she's as valuable as any person of either gender and she is taught self respect, she will be more than prepared to handle the type of guy that you're talking about.

I've seen Women in the D.R. back a tiguere down with a look, never saying a word. They only prey on the weak minded.

This is all true and dandy, but all the home training, education, self confidence and anything else I can give her does not change the way other boys/men look at her, consider her, disrespect her etc. why would a father put himself and his daughter through this if he didn't have to, if there is a better education, higher degree of respect elsewhere. I don't see why a father would do that, there is a high chance I'd end up in trouble somewhere down the line.

We can holiday in DR, my responsibility now is what is best for her, our needs now are second.
 

DRob

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Aug 15, 2007
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Prayer.

Instilling them with a strong sense of values and self-worth.

A 12-gauge.

Any two of the above will be a good start, but all three will be the trifecta....:pirate:
 

Bronxboy

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I have the answer!!!!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eNAohtjG14c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 

Givadogahome

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Ruben, I agree with dv8. If you raise her the right way there is no way she'll have those problems. These creeps can spot the girls they can smack around a mile away - and they also know who won't take their basura.

There are plenty of decent Dominican guys, and they look for a decent girl to date and marry. If you're a good role model as a husband and father, she'll look for someone like you. Teach her to respect herself, and the guys will respect her too.

With the greatest of respect. Wake up, surely you're dreaming.
 

cobraboy

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It's home training that makes the difference. If you raise her to understand that she's as valuable as any person of either gender and she is taught self respect, she will be more than prepared to handle the type of guy that you're talking about.

I've seen Women in the D.R. back a tiguere down with a look, never saying a word. They only prey on the weak minded.
Solid post.
 

cobraboy

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She will learn to be a woman from her mother, the same was a son learns to be a man from his father.
 

dv8

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ruben, take my sister in law: she grew here, went to good schools, she is a good christian and a specialist in her field. and did i mention she beats those dominican next top model uglies to the ground? her parents gave her the best background both when it comes to morale and education. but she is very level headed herself. is she being hit on by dominicans? yes and no. yes, because she is beautiful and she has many admirers. and no, because she never was of interest to dominican tigueres: she is smart, confident, rich and totally out of their league.

as far as being a sex object - give me a break, dude. do you know our own matilda calls me "tits" or "boobies"? because yes, this is, basically, the first thing (two things, really) people notice about me . do i care? i cannot be bothered. people look. i look. it means nothing. unless your daughter grows up to be some crook faced cow men will pay attention to her. in any country.
 

rubenpriego

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As givadogahome said, just like me, my daugther having the most powerful ethical and moral behaviour, that will not change the behaviour many many men will have towards her unfortunately ....
there is NO SOLUTION to avoid that in the daily life here ...
 

greydread

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Jan 3, 2007
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This is all true and dandy, but all the home training, education, self confidence and anything else I can give her does not change the way other boys/men look at her, consider her, disrespect her etc. why would a father put himself and his daughter through this if he didn't have to, if there is a better education, higher degree of respect elsewhere. I don't see why a father would do that, there is a high chance I'd end up in trouble somewhere down the line.

We can holiday in DR, my responsibility now is what is best for her, our needs now are second.

I agree that you wish to give your kids (gender nonspecific) the best chance at a healthy childhood environment possible. I did. There's no way I'd have cosidered raising my kids where I grew up in NYC. All the nurturing in the World can't overcome some environmental considerations.

My point is this....do all you can do to give them the best that you and your wife have to offer as Parents and if you can afford a more desireable location to raise them then by all means do it but all your best efforts and all that nurturing will guarrantee nothing. It's like studying for a big test...it won't guarrantee passage but the failure to do so will guarrantee failure.