Many Venezuelans had a good laugh at the names and went on with their business. What’s so odd, after all, about the occasional Nixon or Stalin in a nation where bestowing bizarre names on newborns has become a whimsically colorful tradition?
A glance through a phone book or the government’s voter registry reveals names like Taj-Mahal S�nchez, Elvis Presley Gomez Morillo, Darwin Lenin Jimenez, even Hitler Eufemio Mayora. Other Venezuelan first names, which roll off the tongue about as easily in Spanish as in English, include Yusmairobis, Nefertitis, Yaxilany, Riubalkis, Debraska, as well as
Yesaid? and
Juan Jondre — transliterations of “Yes, I do” and “One hundred.”
from the
New York Times
We read the above article in the Week in Review and had to laugh. Not because the Venezuelan names were so weird, but because we have spent time in a place where the names are MUCH weirder.
The province of Manabi, along the Pacific coast of Ecuador, has got to be the world capital of weird names. Where else could you find
Conflicto Internacional (International Conflict) Loor living next door to
Himno Nacional (National Anthem) Salgado?
Weird names in Manabi are something of a sport, a tradition and a regional idiosyncrasy in Manabi. When an Ecuadorian national newspaper organized a competition a few years ago to find the area with the strangest names, it was called the "Second Strangest Names in the Nation Competition" because it went without saying that Manabi had the top prize.
We know whereof we speak, as Manabi also happens to be the home province of our lovely and supremely tolerant spouse Norma Yvonne. Over the years, on multiple visits, we have met
Martes Trece Santana (in South America Tuesday the 13th is the equivalent of Friday the 13th, making this guy Friday Thirteenth Santana) and
Mar Pacifico (Pacific Ocean) Andrade.
Tomas, Jaime and Juan are in the minority here. Parents in Manabi like to use babies’ names to commemorate both happy and sad life events. Take, for example.
Perfecta Circuncision (Perfect Circumcision) Hidalgo and
Cadena Perpetua (Life Sentence) Vasquez.
Sometimes Civic Milestones are memorialized in names, like Inda Zambrano, named for the Spanish initials of the National Institute of Agrarian Development, or
Autoridad Portuaria (Port Authority) Centeno.
Other first names from the official Civil Registry include
Querido Ecuador (Dear Ecuador),
Se�or Licenciado (Mister Professional), Se�or Jesucristo (Mister Jesus Christ) and
Semen de los Dioses (Semen of the Gods). In this country, giving a kid a name like that would constitute child abuse.
Parents also like to name their progeny after favorite products or brand names:
Coca-Cola and
Burguer King are well-known men about town. Norma knows
Eveready Pilar Valencia Vasquez.
We suppose these names seem less weird in a province where one of the biggest cities is Jipijapa (pronounced "Hippy-Hoppa") and smaller towns have names like Tripa de Pollo (Chicken Tripe), Dos Culos (Two Assholes) and Caga Fuego (****s Fire). One town has as its official name a slang term which translates loosely to "Horny Town".
The rest of the country shows the usual Latin attraction to flashy names, with tons of Washingtons, Lincolns and even a few Stalins and Hitlers. But no one we spoke to knew why Manabi went so over the top as to make the Venezuelan names which prompted this whole rant seem tame by comparison. The names we mention above came from Norma Yvonne and two articles from the newspaper
El Universo (Guayaquil, Ecuador). They are official. legal given names, and we swear we are not making any of this up.
One of the articles did mention that some of these kids petition that their names get changed to normal names on or shortly after their 18th birthday.
The best of the names come with a story attached. One old guy was a scandalous and prolific womanizer who, although happily married, eventually caused another neighbor to become pregnant. They named the child
Olvido Romantico (Romantic Mistake).
But our favorite was the poor kid Norma knew growing up who had the unfortunate timing to be born during a crucial soccer match involving his father’s favorite team. He had to answer the roll every morning as
Dosauno (Two-to-one) Andrade.