A liitle Humor

The first grade teacher was geeting ready for the First day of school. All the children were seated. The teacher told the students that from now on, they must use "grown-up words" no more baby talk.
She asked Mary.."What did you do during the summer"?
Mary replied." I went to visit my Nana " No said the teacher, you went to visit you'r GRANDMOTHER. No more baby talk.
Teacher then asked Bobby what he had done during the summer?
Bobby stated " I went on a CHOO - CHOO
No said the teacher, You went on a TRAIN ride!!
Teacher then asked Jonny what he had done.
Jonny said " I read a book"
Great said the teacher, "which book did you read"?
Jonny thought a minute then said. " read WINNIE THE SHIT"

A guy was doing 100 miles plus on his Harley Davidson.

Suddenly a Parrot takes off across him. Unable to do anything at this speed the guy hits the parrot with his bike and looking back in his rear view mirror sees the parrot still alive and struggling on the pavement.

Being a kind soul he picks up the parrot and takes him home. He gets a vet to see the bird, looks after the parrot and finally it seems like the parrot will make it.

He goes out and buys the parrot a cage.

After a week the Parrot finally comes around and on finding himself in a cage exclaims.

?Son of a bitch......I killed the motorcyclist

A liitle MORE Humor

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel,the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,
the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the
man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in
one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood
and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows,"
complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions,
the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Re: Some more humor

First grade, 1st day of school.

Teacher says I have rules in my class,
Raise your hand when you want to speak.

Johnny puts up his hand and the teacher asks what do want Johnny?
He replies "I have to pee".
The teacher says thats another rule: you must say urinate.
Johnny replies "I have to pee"
The teacher says go to the bathroom, but make up a phrase using the word "urinate" before you come back.

Johnny returns and the teacher asks what his phrase is?

Johnny say "URINATE", the teacher says that is not a phrase and Johnny says it is too, URINATE and if you had bigger boobs you'd be a 10.

And some more

THE HAT PIN
> A man goes up to the minister at the local church.
> "Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling
> asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention
> disrespectful.
> What should I do?"
> "I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the
> minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I will be able to tell when
> Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times.
> When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."
> In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
> preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for
> you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
> "Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg
> with the sharp object.
> "Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
> Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again, the minister noticed.
> "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward
> Mr. Jones.
> "My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
> "Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.
> Before long, Mrs. Jones again winked off. However, this time the
> minister
> did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
> hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poked his wife
> with the hat pin yet again.
> The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his
> 99th son?"
> As Mrs. Jones screamed, "You stick that f...... thing in me one more time
> and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
> "Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation.

Re: And some more-"Oh so funny" my wife loved it.

Well done you guys, I just laugh myself silly///.You made my night ,jajaja,lol.