About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another
'Winter Fuel? payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and
I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel? payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and
electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the
economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by
spending your 'Winter Fuel? cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China
, Taiwan or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras
and Guatemala * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or
Korea
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on prostitutes 4. Buying beer or
whisky 5. Getting yourself a Tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the
only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed
prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night
!
No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.
'Winter Fuel? payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and
I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel? payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and
electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the
economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by
spending your 'Winter Fuel? cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China
, Taiwan or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras
and Guatemala * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or
Korea
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on prostitutes 4. Buying beer or
whisky 5. Getting yourself a Tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the
only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed
prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night
!
No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.