Filing for custody: Help

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ricardofb03

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My husband and I brought our stepdaughter of 3 years old to the US on a K2 visa. Her mother agreed for her daughter to come her and signed the poder for her to leave the country. We discussed everything with her about this process and how it would take time and she would have to reside here. She has only been here 3 weeks.

She has now decided that she wants us to abandon this case and send her daughter back immediately. She says that she went to a lawyer who told her she could abandon this case and if my husband really wanted to help her, he could do it when he becomes a citizen, and that the US would forgive her because she is a child. So needless to say, she's demanding that we send her back for good, and that when my husband has citizenship then she could come here for vacations.

We have already spent money on getting her here and are about to adjust status. However, we're considering on fighting for custody so that she can remain here and visit her mothers every summer. Does anybody know what procedures we should take or been through anything similar to this?
 
Hillbilly

Hillbilly

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GET A LAWYER

That is your only path right now. DR custody is not an issue in my mind, but I am not a lawyer. What is at issue is here "adjustment of status"....I wish you good luck..

This could get messy, unless amicably settled.


HB
 
C

Criss Colon

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Agree on the mother's "FEE", which is what she and her lawyer want anyway.
She is just using her daughter as her bargaining chip.
You have your stepdaughter there, with her father, you have the best hand.
The girl, assuming a stable, long term relationship with her father, will be MUCH better off with you.
As "HB" says, "Good Luck"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 
L

La Rubia

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ricardofb03 said:
She has now decided that she wants us to abandon this case and send her daughter back immediately. She says that she went to a lawyer who told her she could abandon this case and if my husband really wanted to help her, he could do it when he becomes a citizen, and that the US would forgive her because she is a child. So needless to say, she's demanding that we send her back for good, and that when my husband has citizenship then she could come here for vacations.
Click to expand...

Yep, absolutely, a lawyer NOW in the US.

What type of written agreement do you have? You can change your mind, but you can't just "abandon" a written agreement by saying you changed your mind. If she knowingly signed papers for a long-term extended stay in the US, she'd have to show some compelling reason to want to reverse it that quick. Get ready to contest, but do you really think she's going to file in court? Getting a lawyer to say something is easy. Going into court may be an entire different matter.

IF you don't have any other written agreement on custody already, you'd want to file quickly for custody. As the type of visa the mother agreed to is for long term and father is in possession of the child by mothers agreement he's actually in a much better position to do it than if the child was still with the mother. As an outsider, it would look as if the child is in the US by the mother's agreement, which works in your favor.

Now, having said that there was a poster recently who lived in fear of sending the child back to mother during the summer as she feared she'd keep the child and not send her back. You've got to work this out not only legally so you "win", but also socially so the mother is onboard, or it won't work in the long term. And as distateful as it seems, if it is money that she wants and you can afford it, that might be what is best to allow the child grow up with some harmony between both parents.

Some will suggest she wants money, (she may). I'd add, as a mother, being separated from a three year old is excruciating, so make sure she is getting face time, skype, facebook, daughter draws things for her mother, continues to speak Spanish says how she misses her, etc. Reassuring the mother may be as helpful to getting through this as the legal, so make sure you work on both angles.
 
keepcoming

keepcoming

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It is a hard situation to be in. But since this is the second time reading similar sitautions it should serve as a "warning" to those that may be thinking about doing this. I too as a mother would have had a very hard time being away from my child when he was 3 years old. I do question why the mother would sign permission for a child that young to be away from her. While in the end it will be benefit the child by becoming a LPR I do think 3 years old is rather young. On the other hand the mother agreed to this and per the OP had a good understanding of the timeframe involved. I do believe in these cases the mother (s) is being "pressured" by others to have the child sent back. Money more than likely plays a role in this. Does she really have a lawyer? Anyone could have given her the information regarding obtaining citizenship and how that would benefit the child. There are many what I call "street lawyers" in DR. If she signed the papers giving permission legally I would question what recourse she has. Emotionally / financially it is another issue.
 
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ricardofb03

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You guys may be right about her obtaining the information from a friend. Her claim is that she obtained it from a lawyer from the embassy. The lawyer told her she couldn't travel for 4 years, which we all know isn't true.

I explained the whole process to her, except she was under the assumption that upon receiving her residency, that she could file for a permit for her to stay in DR for 2 yr.'s without being penalized for it. I didn't suggest this or mention it ever, she heard this from a friend. So now that she went the lawyer and he told her that it couldn't be done immediately, because she is receiving a conditional residency she wants us to stop everything we're doing!

We don't have custody of her, the only thing that she signed was a poder. We are trying to convince her to come into an agreement, in where my stepdaughter could remain here and go to school here in the meantime. She is going to be 4 years old next month and could attend Pre-K. Then upon receiving permanent residency then filing for her to stay in DR for 2 years to study and renewing the permit for her to stay for another 2 years.
 
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ricardofb03

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She hasn't mentioned a FEE, but she does complain how she doesn't have money to even call. But she hasn't asked for money
 
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La Rubia

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ricardofb03 said:
She hasn't mentioned a FEE, but she does complain how she doesn't have money to even call. But she hasn't asked for money
Click to expand...

It's never going to be as blatant as her telling you a dollar amount and you sending it. It's much more subtle than that, and more complicated.

So she can't call when she wants? Make sure you call her every day at a set time. Buy her minutes if you must, and possibly internet. But then you CAN say no to random requests, and invent a very good reason each time. You can't give in to everything. And you use the "what's best for the child" line of thought. It's best for the child she stays in contact with her mother, so you make it happen. The daughter will want to send some things to her mother for Christmas and her birthday, so ask her what she wants and send it. You're teaching the child to give and remember her mother, no worries that mom doesn't return the gesture. These are just ways of "paying" mom--not a fee involved in the least. Spending a few dollars a month will pay off in the long run. You'll pay much, much more to your lawyer and immigration through it all, so just consider it another cost of the many in raising the child.

Yeah, mom will test you, but if you're firm while helping she'll likely decide that something is better than nothing. (I'm not convinced she just wants money, only she knows that.) It's not that hard for you to tell if it's loneliness for the child or something else. Immigration rules change, and the residencies are different than in the past. Keep the communication going, explain to her things may be different now than what filano experienced. Although it may not seem like a positive, at least you're talking. (Yeah, I know it'd be much easier to just say f-you, but grace dictates otherwise.)

You still need to get legal custody. The lawyer in this forum sometimes takes awhile to answer, so the best advice is still get a lawyer in the US. You can't depend on her whims and need to get something legal before you allow the child to travel back to see her mother. DO not under any circumstances let the child go back without legal custody documents. (Dad needs to have independent right to travel so he doesn't need mom's permission when he leaves with the child, in addition to the custody.)
 
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Jenny429

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My heart breaks for the little girl and her mother.. Sometimes the sacrifices people think they should make in hopes that their babies will have a better life, or that one day THEY will reap the benefits outweigh the reality. Reality just hit this mom.. As a mom I'm heartbroken for her.

Living here in this country, I can see many women who let their kids go without any problems, but this one is a good solid mom who thought it was the best decision.. And realizes it's not ..

As a stepmom, who brought my stepbaby over from the DR, would say.. Let her go back home.. It would be nice to raise her, but she's not yours.. Your husband will have to work full-time and wont be the dad you are hoping he will be it will probably fall back in your lap..

My stepbaby is now 18 years old. He is the love of my life, not born of my womb but born of my heart. It's been tough raising him the past 5 years on my own.. But I think I did a helluva job. I brought him over when he was 3.. in 3 weeks he spoke perfect English. He really makes a mother proud.. In our situation it was different.. His birthmom gave him up at 3 weeks to my ex's mother.. Grandmother was raising him, and we brought him here at 3. Birth mom NOW is calling and reaching out to him, but guess what? My baby boy wants NOTHING to do with her and knows she is just for a visa.. But your situation is different.. Do what's best for the baby.. I really think you should send her back.
 
R

ricardofb03

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Jenny429 said:
My heart breaks for the little girl and her mother.. Sometimes the sacrifices people think they should make in hopes that their babies will have a better life, or that one day THEY will reap the benefits outweigh the reality. Reality just hit this mom.. As a mom I'm heartbroken for her.

Living here in this country, I can see many women who let their kids go without any problems, but this one is a good solid mom who thought it was the best decision.. And realizes it's not ..

As a stepmom, who brought my stepbaby over from the DR, would say.. Let her go back home.. It would be nice to raise her, but she's not yours.. Your husband will have to work full-time and wont be the dad you are hoping he will be it will probably fall back in your lap..

My stepbaby is now 18 years old. He is the love of my life, not born of my womb but born of my heart. It's been tough raising him the past 5 years on my own.. But I think I did a helluva job. I brought him over when he was 3.. in 3 weeks he spoke perfect English. He really makes a mother proud.. In our situation it was different.. His birthmom gave him up at 3 weeks to my ex's mother.. Grandmother was raising him, and we brought him here at 3. Birth mom NOW is calling and reaching out to him, but guess what? My baby boy wants NOTHING to do with her and knows she is just for a visa.. But your situation is different.. Do what's best for the baby.. I really think you should send her back.
Click to expand...


I understand what you are saying as well. Her mother right now is going to college ad working. She leaves her house at 7am and comes back at 11pm Monday through Friday. She only is able to spend the weekends with her. My stepdaughter stays at the moms aunt's house everyday.


When he arrived to the US she had 2 bruises on her arm and when asked she said "mi mama me da golpe pero no quiere que diga nada " when I asked the mom she said it was an accidental scratch and that she supposedly bruises easily.. Which I hat yet found to be true.

When my husband and I would Travel to DR and pick her up, she was never home, or when she was, she was out hanging in the front drinking will my stepdaughter was upstairs sleeping with her other little cousins by themselves..

My stepdaughter was always at the doctors for malnutrition. She eats so much at my house!

Theres just a lot of factors which makes me think if she's truly better off over there.
 
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ricardofb03

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La Rubia said:
It's never going to be as blatant as her telling you a dollar amount and you sending it. It's much more subtle than that, and more complicated.

So she can't call when she wants? Make sure you call her every day at a set time. Buy her minutes if you must, and possibly internet. But then you CAN say no to random requests, and invent a very good reason each time. You can't give in to everything. And you use the "what's best for the child" line of thought. It's best for the child she stays in contact with her mother, so you make it happen. The daughter will want to send some things to her mother for Christmas and her birthday, so ask her what she wants and send it. You're teaching the child to give and remember her mother, no worries that mom doesn't return the gesture. These are just ways of "paying" mom--not a fee involved in the least. Spending a few dollars a month will pay off in the long run. You'll pay much, much more to your lawyer and immigration through it all, so just consider it another cost of the many in raising the child.

Yeah, mom will test you, but if you're firm while helping she'll likely decide that something is better than nothing. (I'm not convinced she just wants money, only she knows that.) It's not that hard for you to tell if it's loneliness for the child or something else. Immigration rules change, and the residencies are different than in the past. Keep the communication going, explain to her things may be different now than what filano experienced. Although it may not seem like a positive, at least you're talking. (Yeah, I know it'd be much easier to just say f-you, but grace dictates otherwise.)

You still need to get legal custody. The lawyer in this forum sometimes takes awhile to answer, so the best advice is still get a lawyer in the US. You can't depend on her whims and need to get something legal before you allow the child to travel back to see her mother. DO not under any circumstances let the child go back without legal custody documents. (Dad needs to have independent right to travel so he doesn't need mom's permission when he leaves with the child, in addition to the custody.)
Click to expand...

The hard part is convincing her to give my husband custody. He is planning on calling her today to see if they can come into an agreement.

Well she can call when I'm with her in afternoons, but she says that every time she calls she has to put a phone card of 200 pesos. I call her every few days especially when I see that she hasn't called. I put her on video chat most of the times that she asks me to. I also made her own FB page in which I post pictures everyday and videos.

But that is a good idea of possible sending her money so that she could call her daughter.. She's barely home so it would be pointless for me to put Internet at her house. Also considering having her call everyday from here so that things get a little smoother.

I have mentioned what's best for the child, she insists that the best interest is for her daughter to be with her. She's scared that she will forget her and although I reassure her, it's not enough.
 
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La Rubia

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ricardofb03 said:
I have mentioned what's best for the child, she insists that the best interest is for her daughter to be with her. She's scared that she will forget her and although I reassure her, it's not enough.
Click to expand...

Just be careful how you word that. I'd phrase it in terms of her "future" and the "opportunities" and her "education." It would be hard for me to hear that it's better for my child to be away from me.

As for the reassurance, that's why you have to get a legal document that is "win-win". So have the custody agreement include requirements that you send the child every Christmas and summer. (or spring break, etc.) IF you don't send her, you lose custody. Mom has to be contacted on major things--just like you'd have if the parents were separated and living near each other. Joint managing custody with physical custody to the father. Give her something that makes her feel she's not signing her over forever.

I feel for the situation, it's never easy on kids, but if you can find a solution, the child can benefit from having both parents a part of her life.
 
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ricardofb03

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La Rubia said:
Just be careful how you word that. I'd phrase it in terms of her "future" and the "opportunities" and her "education." It would be hard for me to hear that it's better for my child to be away from me.
Click to expand...

Yes I do reassure her and tell her that I'm certain the best place for her would be with her mother, but unfortunately the condition of the country doesn't help. Here there are more opportunities, and all of that stuff.. I say this to her.. but she doesn't accept it.

La Rubia said:
As for the reassurance, that's why you have to get a legal document that is "win-win". So have the custody agreement include requirements that you send the child every Christmas and summer. (or spring break, etc.) IF you don't send her, you lose custody. Mom has to be contacted on major things--just like you'd have if the parents were separated and living near each other. Joint managing custody with physical custody to the father. Give her something that makes her feel she's not signing her over forever.
Click to expand...

My concern is how to get the custody. If my husband files for it and she just gets the documentation, she may take it as he's trying to take her away from her. She's having a problem for being here for 3 weeks, so I can't see her willingly giving him custody. Maybe if things change in the future, she might... but as of now, it seems nearly impossible. I'm just not sure how to approach it yet. Should I get a lawyer and file for the custody and or keep trying to convince her, if that's even possible!
 
bronzeallspice

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ricardofb03 said:
I understand what you are saying as well. Her mother right now is going to college ad working. She leaves her house at 7am and comes back at 11pm Monday through Friday. She only is able to spend the weekends with her. My stepdaughter stays at the moms aunt's house everyday.


When he arrived to the US she had 2 bruises on her arm and when asked she said "mi mama me da golpe pero no quiere que diga nada " when I asked the mom she said it was an accidental scratch and that she supposedly bruises easily.. Which I hat yet found to be true.

When my husband and I would Travel to DR and pick her up, she was never home, or when she was, she was out hanging in the front drinking will my stepdaughter was upstairs sleeping with her other little cousins by themselves..

My stepdaughter was always at the doctors for malnutrition. She eats so much at my house!

Theres just a lot of factors which makes me think if she's truly better off over there.
Click to expand...

Under these circumstances,abuse,malnutrient,negligence are grounds for custody.By all means
go for it,if you can prove it.God forbid that one day the mother leaves the child alone and some
one rapes her.It happens very often.
 
C

Criss Colon

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You can't Change a dominican's MIND!
Once it's There, It's THERE!
Forget trying to appease the birth mother.
She will NEVER change her stance
"It's ALL, about the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 
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ricardofb03

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Feb 9, 2013
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My husband spoke to her and as Criss Colon said, she has her mind made up. We are planning on adjusting status for the child, and continuing with the procedures. Once she has her permament green card we will file for the permit for her to study in DR for 2 years and renew it once it expires while she visits us.

In the meantime we will probably see what we can do in regards to custody. It's definitely not going to be on amicable terms because she is not giving in. Has anybody gone through this that you may know?
 
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