Looking for a New Wife

frank12 said:

Hi, i'm looking to get married to a nice, honest, hardworking, intelligent, well-read, responsible, unmaterialistic Dominican woman. She must be in-shape and educated (possess at least a Master's Degree). She must be fluent in English and Spanish and be able to pass a language proficiency test in both languages. She cannot be materialistic. I cannot afford a woman asking me for new clothes, new designer shoes, new hair-do, new scooter, and new Iphone every few weeks. She should be on the pill, but i'm willing to get a vasectomy or use the rhythm method if necessary. Preferably no children...i'm sensitive to loud crashing noises and screaming children. She cannot talk on the phone too much, nor spend hours texting or watching cartoons & Novellas (Soap Operas). I need someone honest, dependable, and responsible--with a clear sense of what being "on-time" means. Also, she must possess a functional brain which knows how to think logically and rationally and use deductive logic when necessary. She must know how to balance a checkbook correctly; she must know how to tie her shoes correctly. She must possess a driver's license and know how to use turn signals. She must know where turn signals are located. She must know how to spell her name correctly and fill in an application form honestly and legibly. She must be willing to relocate if necessary and work for a living. We will both work. She cannot possess big hair, nor use a lot of after-market hair sprays or oil products in her hair--these stain my bed sheets and pillow cases and leave a thick residue everywhere--including on my teeth. She must have a nice, curvy body, and be willing to initiate sex and sexual experimentation. I cannot be doing all of the work. I have a bad back! Contact me ASAP, Frank

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frank12 said:

Hi, i'm looking to get married to a nice, honest, hardworking, intelligent, well-read, responsible, unmaterialistic Dominican woman. She must be in-shape and educated (possess at least a Master's Degree). She must be fluent in English and Spanish and be able to pass a language proficiency test in both languages. She cannot be materialistic. I cannot afford a woman asking me for new clothes, new designer shoes, new hair-do, new scooter, and new Iphone every few weeks. She should be on the pill, but i'm willing to get a vasectomy or use the rhythm method if necessary. Preferably no children...i'm sensitive to loud crashing noises and screaming children. She cannot talk on the phone too much, nor spend hours texting or watching cartoons & Novellas (Soap Operas). I need someone honest, dependable, and responsible--with a clear sense of what being "on-time" means. Also, she must possess a functional brain which knows how to think logically and rationally and use deductive logic when necessary. She must know how to balance a checkbook correctly; she must know how to tie her shoes correctly. She must possess a driver's license and know how to use turn signals. She must know where turn signals are located. She must know how to spell her name correctly and fill in an application form honestly and legibly. She must be willing to relocate if necessary and work for a living. We will both work. She cannot possess big hair, nor use a lot of after-market hair sprays or oil products in her hair--these stain my bed sheets and pillow cases and leave a thick residue everywhere--including on my teeth. She must have a nice, curvy body, and be willing to initiate sex and sexual experimentation. I cannot be doing all of the work. I have a bad back! Contact me ASAP, Frank

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frank12 said:

NO, i'm sorry, Sosua is not the place. I've looked there, extensively. No one knows how to balance a check book correctly, and their language proficiency and conjugation of verbs are poor at best.

However, thanks for the recommendation!

Frank

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frank12 said:

I need to be more specific? really? Ok, here it goes:

Looking for the perfect Dominican girlfriend to marry. Allow me to introduce myself; I am a Dominican/American living part time in both Cabarete and the North of Norway--above the article circle.

I am a diverse, eclectic figure, often seen performing surgery while kick boxing. I have been known to rearrange women?s hair-do?s on my lunch breaks, making them more elastic and aerodynamic. I translate ethnic Dominican slang for expats and foreigners, I write award-winning poetry and songs, and I manage time efficiently in what?s known in academic circles as ?Economy of time.?

Occasionally, I run for three days straight, trying to find dark chocolate on this crazy island. I seduce women with my 5 octave wailing, I can ride motorcycles up steep mountains while working on mathematical String Theory equations inside my head, and I can bake the world?s best hallucinatory catnip brownies in 15 minutes or less. I am an expert sword fighter and speed hair weaver, a professional studier of Kama Sutra positions, and a sexual outlaw wanted throughout the Cibao Valley.

Using only nail clippers and a Bic pen, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Cibao Valley--known as Bonao--from a gang of panty thieves. I play professional bluegrass Violin, was once scouted by the NFL, and am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large, elaborate tree houses in my back yard in Norway and will run from Cabarete to Puerto Plata in Dutch wooden shoes just to purchase dark chocolate and peanut butter on sale at La Serina on the Malecon.

I enjoy urban gardening and kick boxing. On Sunday?s, outside Jehovah Witness and Evangelical churches in Sosua, I offer free sexual advice and massages to widowers, divorcees and cougars free of charge. I am a professional oil painter?renowned for famous, highly coveted, collectible?black & red velvet paintings of Elvis Presley and dogs playing poker. I?m a financial advisor to the Dominican president, and a professional acrobat and circus performer.

Critics world wide fall over themselves for my hand-sewn red velvet suits that i make from old discarded curtains. I don't sweat. I am a world class heterosexual lover, yet receive fan mail from drag queens the world over. Divine was one of my pupils. I have been a serial poker player, womanizer, and winner of numerous World Series strip-poker competitions, and have the largest collection of women panties and bras as a part of my winnings. Last summer I toured Sosua with my one-man sex show along with Dolly the donkey. Dolly resides in Sabaneta and is available for hourly and weekly rentals. I have a rather large member in my pants covered with freckles?you can connect the freckles together with a magic marker and make out the map of Hispaniola on it.

My croquet skills have earned me world-wide fame and fortune in international croquet circles. Children trust me, women adore, even the ones that never saw me. I can hurl golf clubs at moving cars and fleeing caddies with deadly accuracy at Playa Grande Golf course--before the renovation.

I once read the Bible, the Koran, and Dr. Seuss?s Green Eggs & Ham in one sitting and still had time to play 18 holes of golf and make love to numerous women in the back of my 72 Chevy van. I know the exact location of every prostitute in Sosua. I have performed several covert operations with AMET.

I sleep once a month with one eye open in plastic lawn furniture on the beach outside of Jose O?Shay?s in Cabarete. While on vacation in Pakistan, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized my Kama Sutra Bible. I juggle, I sew, I cook, I seduce, and my balls are so enormous that I had to have a separate pocket sewn into my pants just to hold them up.

To relax, I participate in nude Yoga at Extreme Hotel with my instructor Molly. 20 years ago, right before falling into a deep sleep, I solved E=MC2 and the meaning of life?but was too hung-over to get up and write it down.

I have made extraordinary five course meals using only peanut butter and jelly. I breed prize-winning cockroaches and spiders. I have won cock fighting contests in Santiago, kissing competitions in Sosua, and Chess competitions in Moscow and Iceland. I have played Jesus Christ Superstar and Hamlet, I have performed brain surgery on a cat, and I have spoken with Jesus Christ?he?s a homosexual. I'm looking for a good match in a female of similiar qualifications.

Is that specific enough?
Frank

Click to expand...

frank12 said:

I need to be more specific? really? Ok, here it goes:

Looking for the perfect Dominican girlfriend to marry. Allow me to introduce myself; I am a Dominican/American living part time in both Cabarete and the North of Norway--above the article circle.

I am a diverse, eclectic figure, often seen performing surgery while kick boxing. I have been known to rearrange women?s hair-do?s on my lunch breaks, making them more elastic and aerodynamic. I translate ethnic Dominican slang for expats and foreigners, I write award-winning poetry and songs, and I manage time efficiently in what?s known in academic circles as ?Economy of time.?

Occasionally, I run for three days straight, trying to find dark chocolate on this crazy island. I seduce women with my 5 octave wailing, I can ride motorcycles up steep mountains while working on mathematical String Theory equations inside my head, and I can bake the world?s best hallucinatory catnip brownies in 15 minutes or less. I am an expert sword fighter and speed hair weaver, a professional studier of Kama Sutra positions, and a sexual outlaw wanted throughout the Cibao Valley.

Using only nail clippers and a Bic pen, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Cibao Valley--known as Bonao--from a gang of panty thieves. I play professional bluegrass Violin, was once scouted by the NFL, and am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large, elaborate tree houses in my back yard in Norway and will run from Cabarete to Puerto Plata in Dutch wooden shoes just to purchase dark chocolate and peanut butter on sale at La Serina on the Malecon.

I enjoy urban gardening and kick boxing. On Sunday?s, outside Jehovah Witness and Evangelical churches in Sosua, I offer free sexual advice and massages to widowers, divorcees and cougars free of charge. I am a professional oil painter?renowned for famous, highly coveted, collectible?black & red velvet paintings of Elvis Presley and dogs playing poker. I?m a financial advisor to the Dominican president, and a professional acrobat and circus performer.

Critics world wide fall over themselves for my hand-sewn red velvet suits that i make from old discarded curtains. I don't sweat. I am a world class heterosexual lover, yet receive fan mail from drag queens the world over. Divine was one of my pupils. I have been a serial poker player, womanizer, and winner of numerous World Series strip-poker competitions, and have the largest collection of women panties and bras as a part of my winnings. Last summer I toured Sosua with my one-man sex show along with Dolly the donkey. Dolly resides in Sabaneta and is available for hourly and weekly rentals. I have a rather large member in my pants covered with freckles?you can connect the freckles together with a magic marker and make out the map of Hispaniola on it.

My croquet skills have earned me world-wide fame and fortune in international croquet circles. Children trust me, women adore, even the ones that never saw me. I can hurl golf clubs at moving cars and fleeing caddies with deadly accuracy at Playa Grande Golf course--before the renovation.

I once read the Bible, the Koran, and Dr. Seuss?s Green Eggs & Ham in one sitting and still had time to play 18 holes of golf and make love to numerous women in the back of my 72 Chevy van. I know the exact location of every prostitute in Sosua. I have performed several covert operations with AMET.

I sleep once a month with one eye open in plastic lawn furniture on the beach outside of Jose O?Shay?s in Cabarete. While on vacation in Pakistan, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized my Kama Sutra Bible. I juggle, I sew, I cook, I seduce, and my balls are so enormous that I had to have a separate pocket sewn into my pants just to hold them up.

To relax, I participate in nude Yoga at Extreme Hotel with my instructor Molly. 20 years ago, right before falling into a deep sleep, I solved E=MC2 and the meaning of life?but was too hung-over to get up and write it down.

I have made extraordinary five course meals using only peanut butter and jelly. I breed prize-winning cockroaches and spiders. I have won cock fighting contests in Santiago, kissing competitions in Sosua, and Chess competitions in Moscow and Iceland. I have played Jesus Christ Superstar and Hamlet, I have performed brain surgery on a cat, and I have spoken with Jesus Christ?he?s a homosexual. I'm looking for a good match in a female of similiar qualifications.

Is that specific enough?
Frank

Click to expand...