Kids and a Extranjero/Local Relationship

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Richard Alberto

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Once a guy get's to know a local woman, he usually get's ingrained into the family. If the women has little ones or teenagers the man obviously helps out with a little stipend to help make ends meet.

Observation:
Does this play into the decision by the local Dominicana thought process, feeliing that the guy will not totally abandon the little ones or teens. Local men, don't look forward to picking up the tab.

Share your observations on this topic?
 
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Richard Alberto

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Yes in a sense PG

.. I'm looking for you guys to share expereinces and observations on how this plays into the selection process. Do the men find it hard to dis-engage from the woman AND the kids, ss it normal to date a local woman with kid(s) and no biological father anywhere around.
 
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pollogringo

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Richard Alberto said:
Yes in a sense PG

.. I'm looking for you guys to share expereinces and observations on how this plays into the selection process. Do the men find it hard to dis-engage from the woman AND the kids, ss it normal to date a local woman with kid(s) and no biological father anywhere around.
Click to expand...

This isn't just a Dominican issue. Once you start dating women of a certain age there will probably be kids around. That's the norm. Then the questions become: Where is the father? Is the identity of the father known? Were they ever married? If so, are they divorced? Is he involved in the raising of the children? Does he see the children? Does he call the children? Does he pay support, regularly or sporadically? Does he have weekly, monthly or annual visitation? You can ask all these questions and then observe as time reveals all things.
 
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beyondnyc

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I would say depends on the person. I dated a girl that had a 4 year old boy. Within the first week she asked me to help send her son to school. I asked her to give me time. We went out for a couple of months. DerFish is right the daddy was never too far. Saw him drinking at the corner colmado all the time. When the money started to dry up she was not as affectionate anymore. I even went so far as to try to give her money to send her son to school after we broke up. She did want it. But she always had money for new sunglases and pocket books. So I lived and I learned. I am not saying this is everyone. Just what happened in this case. Her brother became a better friend to me and still helps me out when I need it. Just life here.

Liong
 
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pollogringo

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I ask questions to the point of being annoying, then:

1. Listen to the answer given.
2. Note the reaction to the question(body language/facial expression/tone of voice/hesitance, etc.).
 
Africaida

Africaida

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beyondnyc said:
I would say depends on the person. I dated a girl that had a 4 year old boy. Within the first week she asked me to help send her son to school. I asked her to give me time. We went out for a couple of months. DerFish is right the daddy was never too far. Saw him drinking at the corner colmado all the time. When the money started to dry up she was not as affectionate anymore. I even went so far as to try to give her money to send her son to school after we broke up. She did want it. But she always had money for new sunglases and pocket books. So I lived and I learned. I am not saying this is everyone. Just what happened in this case. Her brother became a better friend to me and still helps me out when I need it. Just life here.

Liong
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At the end of the day, it all depends on the woman. If childless, another guy could also be around, except this time you have no idea, or worst you think he is just a primo, LOL :)
 
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Richard Alberto

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Derfish said:
When I was dating women with kids herethe daddy was always just around the corner out of site. Kids went to see him while she was out with me etc... Also I wasn't allowed to see where they lived with some excuse that daddy paid the rent and so she couldn't bring me there, or suegra lived next door or whatever. DIdn't fall for it too hard, myself.
Der Fish
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Wow, that's pretty deep though. You were never given the title as "padastro" to any of the women's kids?
 
malko

malko

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My wife doesnt have kids, but loads of sobrinos and sobrinas... I dont help any of them, save for xmas presents like toys for the young ones and university fee for one of gown up sobrinas. Used to feel sorry for 2 kids next door, dad earns a living but drinks it all, always leaves it up to mother or my wife(his sister) even just feeding them.
 
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Richard Alberto

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pollogringo said:
This isn't just a Dominican issue. Once you start dating women of a certain age there will probably be kids around. That's the norm. Then the questions become: Where is the father? Is the identity of the father known? Were they ever married? If so, are they divorced? Is he involved in the raising of the children? Does he see the children? Does he call the children? Does he pay support, regularly or sporadically? Does he have weekly, monthly or annual visitation? You can ask all these questions and then observe as time reveals all things.
Click to expand...

True. But I find that many many men, not biological fathers, give a little to help: 1. endear themselves to the woman and show what a good catch he is
2. Because he feels bad for the struggles.

Once the relationship is over,,what happens?
 
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pollogringo

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Richard Alberto said:
True. But I find that many many men, not biological fathers, give a little to help: 1. endear themselves to the woman and show what a good catch he is
2. Because he feels bad for the struggles.

Once the relationship is over,,what happens?
Click to expand...

Let the next guy take care of it. It's a package deal.
 
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Richard Alberto

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beyondnyc said:
I would say depends on the person. I dated a girl that had a 4 year old boy. Within the first week she asked me to help send her son to school. I asked her to give me time. We went out for a couple of months. DerFish is right the daddy was never too far. Saw him drinking at the corner colmado all the time. When the money started to dry up she was not as affectionate anymore. I even went so far as to try to give her money to send her son to school after we broke up. She did want it. But she always had money for new sunglases and pocket books. So I lived and I learned. I am not saying this is everyone. Just what happened in this case. Her brother became a better friend to me and still helps me out when I need it. Just life here.

Liong
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Dam, so the dad was around and very close by. Probably hoped you stuck around longer, you think?
 
malko

malko

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sorry wrong click.... When I started living here I told him no way I m feeding or helping u out, cos all u do is go and drink and shag, so bug off....by the way he has like 7 kids with 4 diffrent woman and lives in his mothers house( that my wife built) and he is past 40. Funny thing is we get on quite well, he s a fun kind of guy.Any way no that were broke(sic!!) thers no helping any kids( or anyone for thst matter). I do slip a couple of pesos to his 2 kids when they leave for school, but no way am I helping out on household or other parental reponsibilities. And of course I do help my mother in law, but my wife still says I am acold harted bastard!!!!!!!!!
 
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Richard Alberto

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malko said:
sorry wrong click.... When I started living here I told him no way I m feeding or helping u out, cos all u do is go and drink and shag, so bug off....by the way he has like 7 kids with 4 diffrent woman and lives in his mothers house( that my wife built) and he is past 40. Funny thing is we get on quite well, he s a fun kind of guy.Any way no that were broke(sic!!) thers no helping any kids( or anyone for thst matter). I do slip a couple of pesos to his 2 kids when they leave for school, but no way am I helping out on household or other parental reponsibilities. And of course I do help my mother in law, but my wife still says I am acold harted bastard!!!!!!!!!
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tacano lol,, not a bad thing sometimes.
 
malko

malko

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No not true I mnot tacano, but ure not helping anyone by taking away responsibilities. I will host the family for xmas, easter and stuff like that. But Ive worked hard to have a normal life( 33 years old...) and it just wouldnt be the same if I did like everyone here and never think about tomorrow.....
 
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