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  1. #1
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    Default The Signs that you are becoming Dominican

    The more I travel and work around Europe, the more Dominican i feel.

    1. Here in Norway, when the traffic gets congested, i take to driving on sidewalks all the time. In the DR, this would hardly get noticed. Here, people stop and stare at me with their mouths gaped open in horror.

    2. I work outdoors mostly. I find that when i need to urinate, i simply look around for some bushes or small potted plants to urinate on. Afterwards, because i'm nearly 50, i have to stand and shake it wildly and wait patiently while it continues to drip. After i'm finished dripping, i simply turn around and go back to work. My Norwegian co-workers stare at me in horror.

    3. When i see something i like, i simply pick it up and carry it home. I saw a bathtub that someone had thrown in the river. I stripped down to my shorts and waded into a 5ft cold river while people stood on the bridge above me and looked on in horror while i pulled the bathtub out of the river and carried it home. it weighed a ton and it took me nearly 2 hours to carry a 80lbs bathtub up 5 floors of stairs. it didn't fit in the elevator. It now sits on my balcony where i run a small garden hose from the kitchen and into the bathtub where i now use it as a Jacuzzi.

    4. Every time i get a new Norwegian girlfriend (they dump me every fortnight), i find myself "borrowing" their shampoos and hair conditioners and taking them home with me where they have been slowly accumulating around my apartment to the point where i am now considering opening a hair salon in town. Why do women possess so many shampoos and hair conditioners? How many shampoos & conditioners could one woman possibly go through in one lifetime?

    5. I find myself using hairnets, hairpins, hairspray, hair cream, hair bands, hair braids, hair curls, barrettes, hair straightener, hair grips, hair sliders, corsages, a garland, hair jewels, and a hair dryer just to get the right height, shape, width, and angle for my hair.

    Frank

  2. #2
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    Default

    Are those flower boxes built right in? On the buildings in the background, I mean.
    Ingenious.
    What's growing on your balcony Frank, besides the Jacuzzi?
    Surely you have at least a mint plant or some basil.....
    lol.......I'm a balcony person too.
    Sorry, no pictures.
    Maybe tomorrow.

    P.S. Are you sure your balcony will stand up to the weight.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by flyinroom View Post
    Are those flower boxes built right in? On the buildings in the background, I mean.
    Ingenious.
    What's growing on your balcony Frank, besides the Jacuzzi?
    Surely you have at least a mint plant or some basil.....
    lol.......I'm a balcony person too.
    Sorry, no pictures.
    Maybe tomorrow.

    P.S. Are you sure your balcony will stand up to the weight.
    Yes, those are flower pots built into the balconies behind me. As far as planted flowers on my own balcony. I mostly grow anything eatable or smokable. i talk about what i grow a lot in my book. I grow a lot of Catnip--which, as you know, is part of the mint family. For those of you who do not know much about hallucinogens and catnip. Look no further...i'm a botanist, horticulturist, beautician and a doctor.

    Catnip is a natural herb, full of medicinal qualities, part of the mint family, and ten times more effective than Deet in repelling mosquitoes. It also makes a wonderful tea, clears acne, and enlarges the penis by up to 30%. Itís not an accident that cats love it. It sends them into paroxysms of ecstasy. Thatís why American Indians used to smoke it; it makes you comfortably numb, calms the nerves, and gives you a different perspective, allowing you to see things from a different angle.

    I write a lot about hallucinogens and catnip in my book "The Sex Lives of Misfits.'

    Frank

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  6. #4
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    soon i will be going home to poland... so, few things i noticed in my last trip:

    i always catch myself looking for a bin after i wipe my ass. then a blissful realization comes i can now drop it in the loo, like god intended it to be.

    i address people as "hey, you, blondie" in public places (shops and so on).

    i feel deep regret that blondie is fully dressed, she'd look so much better in a barrio rat outfit. well, maybe not as such, but i'd be able to see her mammaries better and that would definitely be an improvement.

    i find that i am the only person within sight dressed in something else than black, grey or any other dim and grim colour.

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  8. #5
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    Frank, you are a crazy MF, but you are my hero!

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  10. #6
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    Please, do adopt or copy the GOOD things in the Dominican Culture. Go to meet a well-to-do-family those that went to University in the USA or Europe and still believe on a hand shake and will invite to their house and treat you without suspicion or measuring the cost. Note : You will not find them close to the ex-pat community because only the very poor goes to the gringo for a pitance.

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  12. #7
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    Do you do like my kids and call the sodas by their color now???
    "Yo quiero rojo!"
    "Y yo negro!"

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  14. #8
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    LOL!

    All true indeed. Love the one about the dripping and bushes, both classics man.

  15. #9
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    i believe the red one is actually universally called refresco rojo. but refresco is a good way of judging dominicans. you can be sure that if an adult dominican orderes refresco rojo or, worse still, uva then his facebook name is tU bEldaDeLO PApiiiiii veLLO prESioSo and the only tv show he ever watches is sponge bob square pants.

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  17. #10
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    Today Mr. AE and I were out in our yard looking at the vegetables in the garden, and I commented how many figs were already on our tree. He asked me if I'd seen the giant one, and raised his arm. I laughed and told him not to point at it. He was surprised, and I told him I've become more Dominican than he is. We both had a good laugh.

    [For those of you who do not know, some Dominicans believe if you point at a fruit or vegetable on a tree/bush, it will shrivel and die]

    Administrator
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