New Book: Sex, Drugs, the Caribbean, & Rock-n-Roll

Brief Description: This is a book of expats, tourists, eccentric characters, losers, misfits, and a wide assortment of people who gravitate to the Caribbean to reinvent themselves.

The book is slightly over 100 pages. I wanted to keep it short and fast. It's the funniest, most absurd book you will ever read about the North Coast. Period. But the craziest thing of all is this: It's all true stories, with real people--i even posted pictures of all of the characters that i describe in the book a couple of months ago right here on DR1. I think many people--especially the ones who do not live in Cabarete and know the characters--will think it's bullsh1t. It's not. These are real people, real lives, and no amount of books could ever describe some of their idiosyncrasies, eccentricity, crazy, funny, absurd, frightening, amazing, outrageous behavior.

The book is available from these links below:

1.) Apple Ipads, Nook, Sony E-reader link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/338731

2.) Amazon.com link: Amazon.com: Sex, Drugs, the Caribbean, and rock n roll eBook: Frank Genao: Kindle Store

Frank

appleman said:

There's more??? I thought all the characters were in the first book!

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Has there ever been a shortage of positively funny, bizarre, eccentric, fascinating, and absurd characters flooding the North Coast of the DR?:cheeky:

Frank

I put this in another thread, but it's a true story about a girl here in Cabarete. She's in my book:

I know a girl here in Cabarete that has babies every nine months. She is always pregnant. I've never seen her unpregnant. She consistently goes into heat every few months and manages to find someone to plant their seed in her. Everyone in Cabarete knows her, and i go into very specific details about her and her unique gifts in my book.

This girl and i have had our differences throughout the years. But we managed to patch them up and come to an amicable agreement; we now mutually respect each other's position. It wasn't always easy; I had to use a fire extinguisher for several weeks on her crotch and mouth area to make her come over to my side of insanity. Now, we're practically best friends. No joke. This girl only listens to me. I've never seen her listen to anyone else. Ever. So, if i say to her (hypothetically of course)--while pointing at someone--"Get pregnant by this man right now!" She will do it...no questions asked. She will straddle you and ride you like a horse right there and then. "Ride the black pony, now!"

But, look, that's not what I focus on in my book. I mostly talk in a language that is easy to understand: I talk a lot about Dominican seasoning, herbs, spices, and different cooking methods. But i also talk about the Vagina...how to make the Vagina work for you, how to talk to the Vagina, and how to make the Vagina talk back to you, oh...and how to make it your best friend. I go into great detail about it in my book.

Anyway, I think you will find my book a plethora of information about the DR--and all things related to the DR. I have a quantity of information in excess of what is practical for the normal human being. I practically invented useless information. I read a lot. I have a GED in useless information. I also have a GED in dishwashing, but that's another subject.

Frank

dv8 said:

frank reminds me of glen cook, i just realized it now, putting down dread brass shadows. great writer, glen. i read his books every year or so. the same books, i mean, maybe 10 or 12 of them. time and again. he is predictable, of course, but he's still funny, even umpteenth time. frank's the same. i love frank's little adventures...

i just wish he'd stop with this boring geriatric music he likes, thou. you cannot write about crazy caribbean life and bring in old, dead music of reanimated corpses. you'd do much better writing about mozart la para and amara la negra. and i'd buy him a chocolate to see him dance to ay.

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HAHA...if only you grew up in a family of musicians who loved playing American music: (Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, Doors, Frampton, Hendrix, Nilsson, Santana, Steely Dan, Steve Miller, Traffic), R&B (Curtis Mayfield, Bill Withers, Cymande, Donald Byrd & Blackbyrds, Maceo Parker, Bobby Womack, Fred Wesley & JB's, Harold Melvin, Isley Brothers, O'Jays, Sly & Family Stone), and Soul (too many to mention one single page), then you would understand.

My Dominican father never understood American music. How could he? He was from the Campo--up in the mountains of Bonao. He was never introduced to American music until he came over to the USA when he was in his 30's.He thought Chuck Berry & Elvis was brain damage. He covered his ears and ran for cover. He locked himself in the garage and tried to hang himself! He never understood any music outside the DR. He didn't play any instruments. He didn't understand rock. And when my family (brother, sister, mom, and I) sat on our porch in the 70's hooked up to amplifiers and a wa-wa pedal (it distorts the signal and alters the tone of the guitar, sometimes making it sound like a human voice) and cow bell, he ran outside and tried to hang himself on the nearest tree. No joke. We had to cut him down all the time.

I tried introducing American music to my Dominican cousins, aunts, and uncles to no avail. They're simple people, from the countryside; they only know three types of music: Merengue, Salsa, and Bachata. None of them know how to play music, read music, or even know anything about the history of music. They know nothing. Zero. Hence, they don't get it.

I tried introducing American classic rock, R&B, and Souls to the Russians who live with me. They ran out of the house and tried to hang themselves on the nearest tree (just like my dominican father.) They didn't grow up with American music, and hence, they don't get it. Never will. To them, American music is just a bunch of noise. They don't understand the lyrics, they don't understand chord changes, and they don't understand genius when they hear it. Like my father, they also don't know how to play music. They're a lost cause. Trying to introduce American R&B, Soul, & Rock to Russians while they're in their 30's, 40's, 50's is a lost cause. Since many of them have only been outside of Russia a few times, trying to introduce them to classic rock & R&B music now is like introducing them to another language not from this planet. Can you believe not one of them or their friends has ever heard of Led Zeppelin, Curtis Mayfield, Maceo Parker, or Sly & the Family Stone? When i tried to introduce them to some classic American R&B and Rock, they projectile vomited on me and my computer speakers. When i tried to introduce them to the 2-minute drum solo of Iron Butterfly's 'In-A-gadda-De-Vida, they pulled an automatic handgun out on me, covered their ears to stop them from bleeding, and told me to turn it off immediately. I complied.

What can you say? Some people recognize musical genius when they hear it, while other people run in the opposite direction. Think of all the parents in the 50's,60's. & 70's hearing rock music for the first time--I.E Elvis Presley, Beatles, CCR, Animals, Chuck Berry, CSN&Y, Bo Diddley, Cream, Kinks, Moody Blues, Quicksilver, Janis Joplin, Sam& Dave, Small Faces, Who, Yardbirds, etc. All they heard was noise. They didn't understand the lyrics, the message, the poetry, and hence, the revolution taking place.

American Rock, R&B, and Soul is an evolution of the human spirit, and the rebellion and revolution of the status quo.

Love Frank

Good evening girls. My name is Frank. I hope my introduction finds you mightily blessed in your state of awesomeness. I’m a Dominican/American from Ohio, but don’t let that put you off. I’m fluent in several languages, including--Ohiokin, Hillbilly, Donkey talk, Beaver Whispering, and Aunt Jemima.

I’m releasing another book next month and will be traveling around the island to conduct interviews for my book tour. I’m looking for hot girls who can go on a book tour with me. You can be big. I like big girls. In fact, the bigger the better! If we hit it off, I’m willing to build you a nice corrugated tin shack made from driftwood, cardboard, and tin that I’ve collected over the years along the north coast. Most of the materials I’ve collected have washed up on beaches after heavy rain storms and hurricanes. They tend to wash down the river’s mouth along with livestock, farm animals, chickens, donkeys, and small children. I take them home and clean them up and resell them. I’m a professional scavenger of treasures. You know what they say: One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. I’m also a professional dumpster diver, but that’s another story.

Look, I want to be completely honest with you: I have an outstanding warrant for my arrest back in Ohio, but to be honest, that’s for a late alimony and child support payment for a woman that is certifiably crazy—she insisted on urinating over our balcony railing to save us money on our water bill.

Here, I live a quiet life. But I do have a pet monkey which is not quite tame yet, is slightly wild, flings poop at people she doesn’t like, but understands commands in Russian or a quick shot of mace directly into her mouth or groin area. Sometimes I think the monkey is the devil incarnate--she can turn her head around 360 degrees and projectile vomit across the room and hit the trashcan. Very talented. She’s almost domesticated.

Yes, I have a few children, but you know, there’s no way to prove that any of them are mine. I have a suspended driver’s license as well, but that’s never stopped me from driving. I can pick you up and drive you around to hair salons and what not. I’m an excellent driver when sober…after 6pm, not so good. Let me know if you are interested by sending me sexy pictures of yourself, preferably in flexible, agile, gymnastic-style positions that defy gravity.

PS. I like big hair! Gravity defying hair, crazy hair...the crazier the better! Sincerely, Frank