Why don't they take the baby father to court?

Apr 13, 2011
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In a different thread, bronzie pointed out an observation that many women in the DR do not take the father of the child to court for child support.
I have noticed this as well, even with fathers that seem to have decent jobs. If the father is still in the neighborhood, they might give a Birthday gift and Christmas gift - but they never pay for anything else.
Is it a cultural issue that I do not understand as to why they do not want to fight for child support money.

(And - I do not mean to generalize - I know there are some good Dominican men who support their children who live with their ex-wives. But it does seem odd that so many Dominican men do so very little for their children from a previous relationship.)
Help me understand the logic, if there is any...
 
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windeguy

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I would love to see CHIP chime in on this topic with his perspective based upon his opinion that this is a wonderful Catholic country.
 

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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In my experience they don't take them to court - they just get them arrested till they pay.

matilda
 

dv8

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there are multiple reasons. here are few i can think of.

women who do not know how to do it or have no access to the court:
some may be analphabets or functional analphabets. they do not know how to fill up the paperwork, they may not even have any paperwork, especially if the father run away before the child was born and it is not registered or registered under mother's name only. some women live in a campo and they simply have no access to the tribunal, they cannot make a claim and they have no money to travel.

women who do not want to owe anything to anyone:
some women get kinda cross when left alone with a child. they get determined to go on without any help from no man. they do not want to accept help nor seek it, they completely delete the father from their lives and the lives of their kids.

women who cannot be bothered:
the alimony awarded is often quite meager and even if you have a decision from the tribunal you still have to drag this money out of your ex every month. for 1 or 2 thousand pesos it may not seem worth the effort.

women who have no clue who the father is not where he is now:
it goes for all kinds of accidental pregnancies. some women really do not know who was the lucky jizz provider. some because they were too drunk/drugged, some because there were so many men, some because they were raped and some because they have some mental problems and were abused.
 
Apr 13, 2011
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women who do not want to owe anything to anyone:
some women get kinda cross when left alone with a child. they get determined to go on without any help from no man. they do not want to accept help nor seek it, they completely delete the father from their lives and the lives of their kids.

women who cannot be bothered:
the alimony awarded is often quite meager and even if you have a decision from the tribunal you still have to drag this money out of your ex every month. for 1 or 2 thousand pesos it may not seem worth the effort.

These two seem to be the responses I hear more - and can somewhat understand that logic.

Though it still baffles me that the fathers, in these scenarios, do not feel any sense of obligation for their child (or children) from a previous relationship - or any guilt for not doing even what little they might be able to do.
 

greydread

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Jan 3, 2007
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I would love to see CHIP chime in on this topic with his perspective based upon his opinion that this is a wonderful Catholic country.

Next time you see him give him this will ya?


sodomyabortpink.gif


It is not uncommon for a Dominican Man to beat and kick a pregnant Women to miscarriage. Most Men there would never do this but everyone there knows someone who has been the victim of this level of violence. With other major factors stacked high against them like extreme poverty, illiteracy, misogyny and abuse from many directions it is impractical to question why many Women think that they don't have a realistic chance of forcing their Childrens' Fathers into acting responsibly toward their Children.
 

Castle

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Sep 1, 2012
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...And, if the father gets mad because she took him to court, she will feel lonely in rainy days. Additionally, if the father is ordered by a judge to pay a given amount, he can then take HER to court for using part of that money pa compral minuto for her cell hone and keep on chatting....
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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All my Dominican friends and relatives who are single mothers are or have been in this predicament. Most don't pursue it because they don't want to antagonise their ex and the small amount of money they would get is just not worth the time and trouble. Even if the ex does start paying it doesn't last for long.

Someone I know has had to take her child out of school because her ex has not paid the fees for over a year. It was his stipulation that the child should attend this particular private school, which the mother cannot afford - and he undertook to pay the fees.
As things stand, the child can't start at another, less expensive school until the old school issues a letter confirming there is no debt. Ex has gone on to have a couple more kids with new wife and is claiming he can't keep up, but is still raising hell because he doesn't want his child to go to a less prestigious school.

Mr C says he should have it cut off before it does any more damage. :tired:
 
Apr 13, 2011
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Hmm - interesting - I guess the idea that both parents (even if they separate) are both responsible for the child (or children) until they are at least 18 is not ingrained into the culture here - sad.
 

bronzeallspice

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Mar 26, 2012
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In many situations the women can take the fathers to court( and some have)
and obtain some amount of child support. Even if it's meager these women need
to pursue it they should not just let them roam free from their obligations and
have them coming and going in the child's life whenever they feel like it. It should
not be about the amount, if that's what they're concerned about but not letting them
off the hook from their responsibilities.

Until they realise this it will continue to be an unending cycle. In all the years
that I've been to the DR, it hasn't changed.
 

dv8

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i agree with bronzie. i know this dominican girl, a single mother. father left when she was pregnant, and she was just a teen herself, 16. she went to give birth and provide for her daughter alone. left her with grandparents and went to work in various nearby cities, visiting every weekend. never wanted anything from the father. i tried to explain that even a little bit counts and that this is about her daughter now and not her pride but she would not listen.
now the father is back in the area and he wants to help out. she is very pi**ed off about that, as if scared he will steal her daughter's heart and love. again, i explain that right now this is also daughter's decision (she is in early teens) but again, this is to no avail. but i know this woman wants the best for her child, that she wants her to have education and do not struggle. and every little bit helps. accepting money from the father may just be enough to send the daughter to the university, help with the costs.
 

bronzeallspice

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Mar 26, 2012
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i agree with bronzie. i know this dominican girl, a single mother. father left when she was pregnant, and she was just a teen herself, 16. she went to give birth and provide for her daughter alone. left her with grandparents and went to work in various nearby cities, visiting every weekend. never wanted anything from the father. i tried to explain that even a little bit counts and that this is about her daughter now and not her pride but she would not listen.
now the father is back in the area and he wants to help out. she is very pi**ed off about that, as if scared he will steal her daughter's heart and love. again, i explain that right now this is also daughter's decision (she is in early teens) but again, this is to no avail. but i know this woman wants the best for her child, that she wants her to have education and do not struggle. and every little bit helps. accepting money from the father may just be enough to send the daughter to the university, help with the costs.

She is carrying that bitterness and that's her way of lashing out at the father of her child for
abandonment. She is still carrying a grudge but at the same time depriving her daughter of an education.

Some Dominican women can be very stubborn and not see reason. She must realise that now it's about her daughter and not about her anymore. She has to learn to let go of her resentment.
 
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Apr 13, 2011
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i agree with bronzie. i know this dominican girl, a single mother. father left when she was pregnant, and she was just a teen herself, 16. she went to give birth and provide for her daughter alone. left her with grandparents and went to work in various nearby cities, visiting every weekend. never wanted anything from the father. i tried to explain that even a little bit counts and that this is about her daughter now and not her pride but she would not listen.
now the father is back in the area and he wants to help out. she is very pi**ed off about that, as if scared he will steal her daughter's heart and love. again, i explain that right now this is also daughter's decision (she is in early teens) but again, this is to no avail. but i know this woman wants the best for her child, that she wants her to have education and do not struggle. and every little bit helps. accepting money from the father may just be enough to send the daughter to the university, help with the costs.

I agree that any money can help.
Though - building on this - a single mother I knew (well, my wife knew) had a father come back in the area and, rather than help, he was threatening/trying to take the child away - which was kind of upsetting, because I wanted to say "why don't you pay the 7 years of back child-support that you should have been paying and never did anything - and then you might have a case to even think about asking anything".
 
Apr 13, 2011
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The only thing that seems more frustrating than seeing a father who does not support his child with whatever amount of money he can (because yes, I understand that many do not have good jobs, etc, etc - but they should do what they can)...
Worse is the father that has 5-6 children from different mothers and can not afford any - and does not even try to help his kids - yet you see him at the colmado, or billar, drinking Presidente and trying to pick up a new "wife"...

(Wow - that was post 300. I wonder if it will take another couple of years to reach the magical 501st post...)
 

RGVgal

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May 26, 2008
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Is not just about the money, but the number of men that abandon their kids after they are no longer with the mom. They don't even bother to call or see the kids. They move on and start another family as if the one they had never existed.

It is very sad to see. A cousin of mine was married with 3 kids and they divorced after 15 yrs. Her husband was an involved father while they were married and once the ink on the divorce was final, the kids see him maybe once a yr if they make the effort to seek him out. He has since remarried and has a kid with the new wife, I don't know how a woman can have kids with a man that doesn't take care of the children he already has. I guess she thinks it will be different for her, until he moves on and leaves her and her children behind.

Oh, am I'm talking about college educated professional men and women here, not some barrio girl or campesina.
 

bronzeallspice

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Mar 26, 2012
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There are many reasons as there are many different situations. But it's still up to
the mothers to pursue child support because obviously there are many men who
are not responsible and will not support their children on their own volition unless
threatened by law.
 

RGVgal

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May 26, 2008
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There are many reasons as there are many different situations. But it's still up to
the mothers to pursue child support because obviously there are many men who
are not responsible and will not support their children on their own volition unless
threatened by law.

It is also up to us as Dominican mothers to raise our sons to be responsible and take care of their children. It is not shameful in the DR not see your kids or be involved in their lives, specially if they are born out of wedlock.
 

delite

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Oct 17, 2006
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The only thing that seems more frustrating than seeing a father who does not support his child with whatever amount of money he can (because yes, I understand that many do not have good jobs, etc, etc - but they should do what they can)...
Worse is the father that has 5-6 children from different mothers and can not afford any - and does not even try to help his kids - yet you see him at the colmado, or billar, drinking Presidente and trying to pick up a new "wife"...

(Wow - that was post 300. I wonder if it will take another couple of years to reach the magical 501st post...)


We are in the same predicament as far as post count goes...

That same guy you spoke of probably never saw his father, or even worse, probably never received any support- both financially or paternally. I believe a contributing factor also is the close knit Dominican family. That presidente drinking, colmado lurking, domino playing "tipo" knows that his offspring would be taken care of by his "suegros and cu?ados" in the household.
 

dv8

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Sep 27, 2006
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on the other hand we have someone like our maid. she lives in a poor barrio and has no education. yet she chased the father of her younger child for a monthly alimony. of 1000 pesos. she recently went to court again to have it increased to 1500. she says that even this little will make a lot of difference. and she is prepared to fight for it. go gurl!

of course i still question the fact that she has two kids with two different men who left her when she was pregnant and did not contribute towards the costs of living unless forced. but then her own mother left her with neighbours - complete strangers - when she was few months old, never to come back. she had zero example on good parenting. given that i know she is trying her best.
 

bronzeallspice

Live everyday like it's your last
Mar 26, 2012
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It is also up to us as Dominican mothers to raise our sons to be responsible and take care of their children. It is not shameful in the DR not see your kids or be involved in their lives, specially if they are born out of wedlock.

I agree wholeheartedly.