A little more about my and Jesus’ home in Cabarete. We live in a tie-dyed psychedelic 1979 VW Westfalia Vanagon. It’s our living room, space shuttle, and muse. Her name is Miss Vanagon. We’ve been living in Miss Vanagon for 4 years on the North Coast. Before that, we lived in another VW bus, Miss Free Love of 69', for two years before she broke down and left us stranded on the south coast near a town called Pedernales.
Miss Vanagon is temperamental. She’s air cooled, over heats if pushed hard, and sometimes gets angry and refuses to move until I sweet talk her and calm her down. Sometimes she needs caressing, massaging, and a little sweet talk in order to get her to move. She’s very temperamental and has some monthly periods where she leaks all over the place. But recently, she has gone through some extensive, meticulous, and pain staking restoration involving mostly shag carpeting, but a lot of other small but essential stuff as well.
With a little tender loving care--and maybe winning the powerball lottery--she could be put into showroom condition. But as she stands right now, she’s damn near perfect, and she’s always ready for a new adventure.
She has some minor dings and scratches, but overall, she is beautiful and possesses a curvy figure and can be flirtatious if spoken to right. Recently, I’ve taken the liberty of applying some new make-up and jewelry on her. $1000 dollars later, she now sports a new psychedelic colored rainbow across her body with three layers of clear coat, sanded and buffed to perfection.
But I wasn’t done there. Nope. I decided to give her a facelift as well. I super glued thousands of sea shells onto her hips and thighs--in the design of the mythological God Neptune.
Her front was in need of some polishing as well. So I added some new jewelry to her mouth: a shiny German VW chrome emblem. She now sports rear side marker lights to keep people around her alert as she prances down the catwalk. I shampooed up her head a little and gave her a new gravity defying hair-do--complete with pop-up top and a new luggage rack. And then I super glued seashells to the sides of her body in order to replicate a wave.
Her sunroof is also a nice added feature that Jesus loves sticking his out of as we drive down the road. Dogs love sticking their heads out of moving objects. It doesn’t seem to bother him that insects pepper his face and eyes like bullets at 55mph. Not to worry, he has sunglasses on--tied back behind his ears
.
I’ve recently added some more seashells here and there to make her sparkle. I’ve also strategically placed some Velcro in select places, which helps make things nice and tight and completes her curves.
No expense was spared with installing her brand new cotton skirt and pop top—the same material that the VW factory uses. The fabric is nice and taught when her top is up and her bra is showing.
She still has her original front windshield. But I’ve integrated a tint strip at the top of the windshield with Libra written across it. There’s nothing wrong with displaying a little flirtatious personality dynamics is there? I also replaced her eyelashes with new pair of wiper blades that help keep her face clean and bug free.
All of her windows are tinted to keep the sunrays out of the van and also to help keep Jesus and I cooler inside. And all of her door-handle seals, power mirror seals, escutcheon slider door seals are brand new. And all door handles were completely stripped and refinished in satin black, because, well, classy women look good in black.
Her kitchen area is nice and clean, as any woman’s kitchen should be. Jesus and I make our daily dinner of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches here. Both burners work perfectly and water pours out of the faucet with a simple twist of her knob. The propane tank was completely dismantled, inspected, and then powder-coated, with new filler and bleed valves. The tank is a work of art now because I’ve taken the liberty of super gluing sea shells onto her propane tank with a replica of Poseidon—another Greek mythological figure.
I treat every free space like an artist canvas. I’ve also added a brand new genuine German driver's side mud flap to keep debris off her propane tank so that people can get a glimpse of her new art work. Her refrigerator works on both ac/dc, and in propane mode as well. Her entire air conditioning unit has been completely gone through and now works perfectly. The a/c compressor is a rebuilt unit.
Her engine is a fully rebuilt 2.5 liter turbo charged motor. Her piston and cylinders have been replaced—and I’m not talking about some cheap face lift or cheap boob job either--I put new rod bearings in her, new main bearings, new cam bearings, new lifters, and a new oil pump. Her crankshaft has been rebuilt, as has both her heads. They’re ported and polished and are gorgeous. I also upgraded her thermostat housing in order to try and keep her from overheating and getting angry at me when she’s sweating from a workout. On top of that, I replaced her fuel lines from her rear end tank all the way back to her mouth. I even replaced all of her fuel injector inner and outer seals, and put in new intake runner boots. All of her intake housing as well as her intake manifold was completely refinished. Her alternator is fully rebuilt and charges effortlessly. Every part of her motor has been either upgraded or made more reliable. Why? Because like every German woman I’ve known, she’s a temperamental bitch when she’s not treated right.
Yeah, she’s temperamental, and grumpy, and she knows it. She likes to be warmed up in the morning before she is ridden hard. Oh well, she’s no different than any other good women out there. She likes to be caressed and sweet talked in the morning before she starts moving and grinding her hips. But once she’s warmed up, watch out baby, she will take you wherever you want to go. You won’t exhaust her, she’ll exhaust you!
She is now mechanically sound and quiet as a fox on the run. Occasionally, however, she will throw a tantrum like any good woman, and she will leak a little. But this only tends to happen when I push her too hard without warming her up the right way. Look, when women get older, they don’t like to be pushed hard without some sweet talking into their ears. That’s a fact. There’s no way of getting around that. But when she’s warmed up and lubricated correctly, she purrs like a pussy cat in heat.
Recently, I’ve treated her to some extra pampering: she now enjoys new jewelry—low and high pressure oil pressure switches, new oil pressure switch wiring kit, new chrome cap, new rotor, new air filter, new spark plugs, new sparkplug wires, and new serpentine belts. I also completely flushed her radiator out, and cleaned her reservoir tank out, and then I topped her off with a good drink and then I bled her whole cooling system with some new coolant. This is to tame her so that she doesn’t overheat when times get tough and she starts sweating.
Her 5 speed automatic transmission has been fully serviced and she now shifts more smoothly. Both her differential and automatic transmission drain pans were removed, refinished in glossy black eyeliner, and then both fluids were completely drained and refilled. Both of her pan gaskets as well as her transmission filter were replaced. She also sports a brand new cap seal, because, let’s face it, you don’t let a sexy lady leave the house without nice jewelry on her. Her O rings have been replaced as well. And so that she’s ready for a night on the town, I also adjusted her transmission for proper speed settings so that while she’s dancing down the highway like a ballerina, she can handle herself. She seldom leaks and her masquera now stays on without running all over the place in the pouring rain. Both of her rear CV axles are rebuilt because you don’t let a sexy lady leave the house with bad knees do you?
I also replaced her torque converter. And then I did a real number on her braking system and refreshed her legs and feet with new rotors, new rebuilt calipers, new brake pads, and new rubber brake hoses up front because, again, you don’t let your sexy lady hit the dance floor without a good pair of shoes on her feet. Her rear end got some special attention as well with new drums, new brake hardware, new wheel cylinders, and new shiny shoes. Everything that I didn't replace was cleaned up and painted. Her entire brake system was then flushed. Needless to say, she stops on a dime and can now do a Pas de Bourree and a Petit Saut like any good ballet dancer.
Her front brakes have brand new inner and outer wheel bearings, new seals, and while she was undressed, I went ahead and put in new upper and lower ball joints up front and new tie rods too. Oh yeah, I also put new power steering boots and sway arm bushings in as well. Now she steers tight with no shaking or shimmering while she dances down the highway like the sexy ballerina that she is. She now rides on four brand new shock absorbers, because, let’s face it, a woman needs a good pair of pumps before she goes out on the town. You don’t want your woman walking down some cobblestone street shaking all over the place do you? Now, her ride is nice and firm and she’s tight and ready for any action or any adventure that comes her way.
But wait, I didn’t stop there. Nope. I decided she needed a new pair of dancing shoes, so I slipped on some brand new glass slippers on her: Michelin tires 225/45r/17. Now she’s like Cinderella with her new glass slipper pumps and ready for the ball. I didn’t want her traveling down the highway without proper make-up on, so I detailed her, and put eye-liner on her, good masquera, and then I shampooed her head and cleaned under her arms and legs and put a dash of perfume on her so that she no longer smells like a cheap whore, but instead like the classy lady that she is.
Her front seat seats are still nice and firm, and sometimes Jesus likes sitting upright in his seat with his head back supported by the headrest while he sits frightened to death at her driving up and down mountains.
Her upper bedding is still in beautiful shape as well, and I often take it out and wash it thoroughly and then let it dry in the sun for a few days to get rid of any bed bugs that Jesus brings in with him. Her rear seat cushion does have some minor flaws—nothing excessive…just a little cellulite, but overall, I would say she’s in pretty good shape for an older lady.
She also has a new set of front, middle, and center floor mats. I like to keep them clean, so I take my shoes off when I drive. I like to drive barefoot. Jesus likes to drive barefoot as well. Sometimes Jesus will sit in the driver’s seat and drive for hours. Well, not really…he thinks he’s driving. I like to let him sit in my lap and pretend like he’s driving. Dogs love the feeling of freedom.
To help facilitate the whole Fahrvergnugen driving experience, Jesus and I like to let Miss Vanagon sing her tunes to us through her Am/FM radio. And now that she’s sporting a new antennae, she catches all the groovy tunes outside and starts whaling. Even Jesus joins in and starts howling. Jesus prefers country music: A boy named Sue is his favorite song and he knows all of the lyrics.
To keep the road noise out and the groovy tunes inside, I installed insulation in both of Miss Vanagon’s front doors, her slider door, and her rear hatch. Now, with her new insulating padding and cushions installed in all the right places around her gorgeous hips and body, her new insulation works wonders. Now when I close her doors, they close with a solid thump, like a Cadillac.
To help Miss Vanagon stay on the straight and narrow, I got another new piece of jewelry for her: GPS navigation unit; she uses it to talk to me and Jesus in case we get lost and find ourselves aimlessly wondering around without any idea where to find pancakes and bacon. Dogs love bacon!
Miss Vanagon’s pedometer was not working when I bought her. She was getting old and tired, and frankly, she hated walking very far for several reasons: first, she had old worn out shoes and bad feet and knees; secondly, she was on a bad diet; and thirdly, she possessed bad hygiene, bad make-up, and she lacked energy and couldn’t be bothered…she just didn’t give a damn anymore. Why? Because her last boyfriend didn’t take care of her or treat her right. Some men don’t know how to treat a sexy lady.
I have since fixed all that, and now her pedometer runs good and she keeps track of her steps perfectly. I estimate she has something like 300,000 miles on her, maybe more. Yeah, she’s got a lot of miles on her back, but look, like any good woman, if you take care of her, treat her right, she’ll keep you satisfied and happy…she’ll take you to the moon and back and satisfy your every kinky thought.
I have put a lot of pride, sweat, joy and tears into bringing sexy back into Miss Vanagon. You got to know how to treat a woman. Treat her right, and she’ll treat you right. Treat her like ****, she’ll treat you like ****; she’ll leak all over the place and leave you stranded. It’s a very simple philosophy.
I’ve recently decorated her with new jewelry: now she has new catnip curtains, magic mushrooms, and lot of different vegetables and herbs decorating her gorgeous body. She’s basically, for all practical purposes, a floating .08 acre of a garden. Sure, you may find other vans in better shape—some are younger, some are curvier, and some have better make-up, but honestly, I doubt any of them have anything on Miss Vanagon. She was born in 1979 and she has brought sexy back.
Frank
Miss Vanagon is temperamental. She’s air cooled, over heats if pushed hard, and sometimes gets angry and refuses to move until I sweet talk her and calm her down. Sometimes she needs caressing, massaging, and a little sweet talk in order to get her to move. She’s very temperamental and has some monthly periods where she leaks all over the place. But recently, she has gone through some extensive, meticulous, and pain staking restoration involving mostly shag carpeting, but a lot of other small but essential stuff as well.
With a little tender loving care--and maybe winning the powerball lottery--she could be put into showroom condition. But as she stands right now, she’s damn near perfect, and she’s always ready for a new adventure.
She has some minor dings and scratches, but overall, she is beautiful and possesses a curvy figure and can be flirtatious if spoken to right. Recently, I’ve taken the liberty of applying some new make-up and jewelry on her. $1000 dollars later, she now sports a new psychedelic colored rainbow across her body with three layers of clear coat, sanded and buffed to perfection.
But I wasn’t done there. Nope. I decided to give her a facelift as well. I super glued thousands of sea shells onto her hips and thighs--in the design of the mythological God Neptune.
Her front was in need of some polishing as well. So I added some new jewelry to her mouth: a shiny German VW chrome emblem. She now sports rear side marker lights to keep people around her alert as she prances down the catwalk. I shampooed up her head a little and gave her a new gravity defying hair-do--complete with pop-up top and a new luggage rack. And then I super glued seashells to the sides of her body in order to replicate a wave.
Her sunroof is also a nice added feature that Jesus loves sticking his out of as we drive down the road. Dogs love sticking their heads out of moving objects. It doesn’t seem to bother him that insects pepper his face and eyes like bullets at 55mph. Not to worry, he has sunglasses on--tied back behind his ears
.
I’ve recently added some more seashells here and there to make her sparkle. I’ve also strategically placed some Velcro in select places, which helps make things nice and tight and completes her curves.
No expense was spared with installing her brand new cotton skirt and pop top—the same material that the VW factory uses. The fabric is nice and taught when her top is up and her bra is showing.
She still has her original front windshield. But I’ve integrated a tint strip at the top of the windshield with Libra written across it. There’s nothing wrong with displaying a little flirtatious personality dynamics is there? I also replaced her eyelashes with new pair of wiper blades that help keep her face clean and bug free.
All of her windows are tinted to keep the sunrays out of the van and also to help keep Jesus and I cooler inside. And all of her door-handle seals, power mirror seals, escutcheon slider door seals are brand new. And all door handles were completely stripped and refinished in satin black, because, well, classy women look good in black.
Her kitchen area is nice and clean, as any woman’s kitchen should be. Jesus and I make our daily dinner of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches here. Both burners work perfectly and water pours out of the faucet with a simple twist of her knob. The propane tank was completely dismantled, inspected, and then powder-coated, with new filler and bleed valves. The tank is a work of art now because I’ve taken the liberty of super gluing sea shells onto her propane tank with a replica of Poseidon—another Greek mythological figure.
I treat every free space like an artist canvas. I’ve also added a brand new genuine German driver's side mud flap to keep debris off her propane tank so that people can get a glimpse of her new art work. Her refrigerator works on both ac/dc, and in propane mode as well. Her entire air conditioning unit has been completely gone through and now works perfectly. The a/c compressor is a rebuilt unit.
Her engine is a fully rebuilt 2.5 liter turbo charged motor. Her piston and cylinders have been replaced—and I’m not talking about some cheap face lift or cheap boob job either--I put new rod bearings in her, new main bearings, new cam bearings, new lifters, and a new oil pump. Her crankshaft has been rebuilt, as has both her heads. They’re ported and polished and are gorgeous. I also upgraded her thermostat housing in order to try and keep her from overheating and getting angry at me when she’s sweating from a workout. On top of that, I replaced her fuel lines from her rear end tank all the way back to her mouth. I even replaced all of her fuel injector inner and outer seals, and put in new intake runner boots. All of her intake housing as well as her intake manifold was completely refinished. Her alternator is fully rebuilt and charges effortlessly. Every part of her motor has been either upgraded or made more reliable. Why? Because like every German woman I’ve known, she’s a temperamental bitch when she’s not treated right.
Yeah, she’s temperamental, and grumpy, and she knows it. She likes to be warmed up in the morning before she is ridden hard. Oh well, she’s no different than any other good women out there. She likes to be caressed and sweet talked in the morning before she starts moving and grinding her hips. But once she’s warmed up, watch out baby, she will take you wherever you want to go. You won’t exhaust her, she’ll exhaust you!
She is now mechanically sound and quiet as a fox on the run. Occasionally, however, she will throw a tantrum like any good woman, and she will leak a little. But this only tends to happen when I push her too hard without warming her up the right way. Look, when women get older, they don’t like to be pushed hard without some sweet talking into their ears. That’s a fact. There’s no way of getting around that. But when she’s warmed up and lubricated correctly, she purrs like a pussy cat in heat.
Recently, I’ve treated her to some extra pampering: she now enjoys new jewelry—low and high pressure oil pressure switches, new oil pressure switch wiring kit, new chrome cap, new rotor, new air filter, new spark plugs, new sparkplug wires, and new serpentine belts. I also completely flushed her radiator out, and cleaned her reservoir tank out, and then I topped her off with a good drink and then I bled her whole cooling system with some new coolant. This is to tame her so that she doesn’t overheat when times get tough and she starts sweating.
Her 5 speed automatic transmission has been fully serviced and she now shifts more smoothly. Both her differential and automatic transmission drain pans were removed, refinished in glossy black eyeliner, and then both fluids were completely drained and refilled. Both of her pan gaskets as well as her transmission filter were replaced. She also sports a brand new cap seal, because, let’s face it, you don’t let a sexy lady leave the house without nice jewelry on her. Her O rings have been replaced as well. And so that she’s ready for a night on the town, I also adjusted her transmission for proper speed settings so that while she’s dancing down the highway like a ballerina, she can handle herself. She seldom leaks and her masquera now stays on without running all over the place in the pouring rain. Both of her rear CV axles are rebuilt because you don’t let a sexy lady leave the house with bad knees do you?
I also replaced her torque converter. And then I did a real number on her braking system and refreshed her legs and feet with new rotors, new rebuilt calipers, new brake pads, and new rubber brake hoses up front because, again, you don’t let your sexy lady hit the dance floor without a good pair of shoes on her feet. Her rear end got some special attention as well with new drums, new brake hardware, new wheel cylinders, and new shiny shoes. Everything that I didn't replace was cleaned up and painted. Her entire brake system was then flushed. Needless to say, she stops on a dime and can now do a Pas de Bourree and a Petit Saut like any good ballet dancer.
Her front brakes have brand new inner and outer wheel bearings, new seals, and while she was undressed, I went ahead and put in new upper and lower ball joints up front and new tie rods too. Oh yeah, I also put new power steering boots and sway arm bushings in as well. Now she steers tight with no shaking or shimmering while she dances down the highway like the sexy ballerina that she is. She now rides on four brand new shock absorbers, because, let’s face it, a woman needs a good pair of pumps before she goes out on the town. You don’t want your woman walking down some cobblestone street shaking all over the place do you? Now, her ride is nice and firm and she’s tight and ready for any action or any adventure that comes her way.
But wait, I didn’t stop there. Nope. I decided she needed a new pair of dancing shoes, so I slipped on some brand new glass slippers on her: Michelin tires 225/45r/17. Now she’s like Cinderella with her new glass slipper pumps and ready for the ball. I didn’t want her traveling down the highway without proper make-up on, so I detailed her, and put eye-liner on her, good masquera, and then I shampooed her head and cleaned under her arms and legs and put a dash of perfume on her so that she no longer smells like a cheap whore, but instead like the classy lady that she is.
Her front seat seats are still nice and firm, and sometimes Jesus likes sitting upright in his seat with his head back supported by the headrest while he sits frightened to death at her driving up and down mountains.
Her upper bedding is still in beautiful shape as well, and I often take it out and wash it thoroughly and then let it dry in the sun for a few days to get rid of any bed bugs that Jesus brings in with him. Her rear seat cushion does have some minor flaws—nothing excessive…just a little cellulite, but overall, I would say she’s in pretty good shape for an older lady.
She also has a new set of front, middle, and center floor mats. I like to keep them clean, so I take my shoes off when I drive. I like to drive barefoot. Jesus likes to drive barefoot as well. Sometimes Jesus will sit in the driver’s seat and drive for hours. Well, not really…he thinks he’s driving. I like to let him sit in my lap and pretend like he’s driving. Dogs love the feeling of freedom.
To help facilitate the whole Fahrvergnugen driving experience, Jesus and I like to let Miss Vanagon sing her tunes to us through her Am/FM radio. And now that she’s sporting a new antennae, she catches all the groovy tunes outside and starts whaling. Even Jesus joins in and starts howling. Jesus prefers country music: A boy named Sue is his favorite song and he knows all of the lyrics.
To keep the road noise out and the groovy tunes inside, I installed insulation in both of Miss Vanagon’s front doors, her slider door, and her rear hatch. Now, with her new insulating padding and cushions installed in all the right places around her gorgeous hips and body, her new insulation works wonders. Now when I close her doors, they close with a solid thump, like a Cadillac.
To help Miss Vanagon stay on the straight and narrow, I got another new piece of jewelry for her: GPS navigation unit; she uses it to talk to me and Jesus in case we get lost and find ourselves aimlessly wondering around without any idea where to find pancakes and bacon. Dogs love bacon!
Miss Vanagon’s pedometer was not working when I bought her. She was getting old and tired, and frankly, she hated walking very far for several reasons: first, she had old worn out shoes and bad feet and knees; secondly, she was on a bad diet; and thirdly, she possessed bad hygiene, bad make-up, and she lacked energy and couldn’t be bothered…she just didn’t give a damn anymore. Why? Because her last boyfriend didn’t take care of her or treat her right. Some men don’t know how to treat a sexy lady.
I have since fixed all that, and now her pedometer runs good and she keeps track of her steps perfectly. I estimate she has something like 300,000 miles on her, maybe more. Yeah, she’s got a lot of miles on her back, but look, like any good woman, if you take care of her, treat her right, she’ll keep you satisfied and happy…she’ll take you to the moon and back and satisfy your every kinky thought.
I have put a lot of pride, sweat, joy and tears into bringing sexy back into Miss Vanagon. You got to know how to treat a woman. Treat her right, and she’ll treat you right. Treat her like ****, she’ll treat you like ****; she’ll leak all over the place and leave you stranded. It’s a very simple philosophy.
I’ve recently decorated her with new jewelry: now she has new catnip curtains, magic mushrooms, and lot of different vegetables and herbs decorating her gorgeous body. She’s basically, for all practical purposes, a floating .08 acre of a garden. Sure, you may find other vans in better shape—some are younger, some are curvier, and some have better make-up, but honestly, I doubt any of them have anything on Miss Vanagon. She was born in 1979 and she has brought sexy back.
Frank
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