Why I think I'll be leave the DR

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silkesmo

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DISCLAIMER:
I know that writing a post like this opens me up to ridicule from the jaded and those who think that they are funny, but honestly this post is not for anyone but myself. It's 6:30am and despite my having a few drinks (cuba libre) last night, I find myself wide awake FRUSTRATED about recent incidents in what I once thought was paradise. HONESTLY, I just need to vent and as I am a writer this is what I do.

When I first visited this country last April I immediately fell in love with the country as a whole. Granted my perspective was that of one who was coming as a tourist from the US, but I am well traveled and have lived outside of the US and brought more of a world view with me. Obviously the country environmentally-wise is a paradise. Food literally lying in the street ready to eat. The beautiful birds and trees, it's just breath-taking. Then the Dominican culture, a bit slower than what I was used to, even in the south, but people seemed happy. I had never experienced a place where people had so little and yet were so free and happy. Even in my voyages through Africa and Asia I hadn't encountered this. The closest I came was certain pueblas in Mexico, but even there they hadn't reached this level.

Upon doing my do-diligence, I returned to the country a few months later this time to the other side of the island. I absolutely loathed Santo Domingo. Though I found the pace to be much more what I am used to, the humidity and noise, coupled with not being able to walk down the street without being molested by literally everyone was very annoying. I also found the people to be a lot more rude and ungrateful than in the North Coast. I chalked my bad experience to just being Dominican city life. City life is always different no matter where you go. TANGENT: why does noone in the country say 'please' or 'thank you'

When I arrived in POP, this time to live, I felt rejuvenated. A bundle of money in my pocket ready to start a new life. I found a wonderful apartment overlooking the ocean. I found a nice Passola, and I was ready to begin my journey to becoming platanado. Well, that's where things started to go downhill.

I found making Dominican friends to be very difficult. Even to this day i don't have 1 dominican that I hang out with consistently. The ones I had kept in contact with, I quickly realized were using me. Honestly, what man allows another man to always be buying him beer and wanting gas money when you go out. Maybe its just my American way of thinking, but in my opinion that makes you a puta...Just saying. Not that big of a deal, lesson learned, and it only cost a few hundred pesos. Not too worried about it because I can find solace with my fellow gringos at the local hangouts. Much Love the BIG LEE's BAR.

Dating in the DR... I won't even go there.

Recently, the tension has been building up and I'm about fed up. I know that you have to take the good with the bad, and I was willing to do that to live in paradise. But as the bad continues the grow and the good remains consistent, I'm beginning to change my mind. For instance, during the day I park my passola in front of my building. There is a small little store where I buy my drinks and chat with the family that lives there. They are by no means poor, as there vast family owns much of the buildings in the area. They know me by name and I them. Well, the other day I parked my passola and not being able to find any cardboard, placed my dirty, gasoline smelling rag that I keep in my passola, on the seat cover so the sun wouldn't heat up the seat. When I returned I found the rock I used to anchor it on the ground and the dirty rag stolen. Noone was willing to look me in the eyes. I just smiled at them and thought, really you're going to steal a dirty rag not even worth 15 pesos. I know they saw who did it, if it wasn't them, because they were/are always in front playing dominoes and drinking. My Passola was 5 feet from them. Again...why would you steal a dirty gasoline stained rag?
Yesterday, I went for a run. I only take 2 keys with me when I run. These keys will only get you into my private building, nothing more. Upon beginning my run I noticed that I had dropped my keys. I searched the small area where I was stretching near a bench, the only place I could have dropped them, and of coarse someone had stolen my keys. This infuriated me, because I'm thinking "who steals keys?" 1. You don't know where I live 2. even if you did you can't get in (You'll get shot trying to steal from the building) 3. Who the F@#k really steals keys.. I mean seriously.

I understand poor people stealing to survive, but people taking things just to take them. It's annoying to say the least. I've never been lied to with such frequency in my life as I have since moving here. It's like the people are allergic to the truth. They lie so much, that the lie comes out before they can even think of a response.
The lack of motivation/laziness is becoming detrimental to my health. I originally thought that Dominicans just knew how to live life better. Not worrying about the small things in life etc. Now I see it's just laziness. I'm tired of people asking me "regalame su (fill in the blank)" Really?????.... gift you my sunglasses? How about you get off you ass and do ANYTHING for 100 pesos and buy your own. A country full of people with their hands out. I understand that is the culture, but how is that beneficial to anyone. I honestly wonder how this country ever won the war against Haiti. (Though I will say I've never been to Haiti lol)

I was looking to start a business here, and the blatant disadvantageous business practices are ridiculous. I understand that they are uneducated and overall not business savvy, but what makes you think that I am going to build the infrastructure, thus making your land more valuable, pay for all city fees and taxes and labor, pay for water and electricity hookup and everything to put a building in an empty lot, AND give you a year's worth of rent upfront and a deposit. I try to explain to people the benefits of not being a "tigre" and the advantages of making long money instead of short money and they all say the same thing "That's how it is in the Dominican Republic." I have more comments but I will leave it at that.

It saddens me, I really like this place. But the culture I loved is not so endearing anymore. Maybe that's why so many on here have become jaded. I fear living here may do the same to me. So, I don't think I will be investing in the country. Cruise ship port or not, I can and do, make good money elsewhere. I don't know where my next journey will take me, but I don't know if I will be extending my lease in the summer.

I feel like I am about to break up with a girlfriend.

Dear RD,
We had a great run. I really do love you, but I feel as though we have just grown apart. We've had some amazing times, and I choose to end this now before those good memories become polluted with a bitter break up. Believe me, this is for the best. I just feel, well I just feel like I deserve to be treated better. I brought so much hope and love into this relationship and I don't feel like it was reciprocated. I tried and tried to make it work, but you just didn't seem willing to put in the work necessary to make this relationship last. So, I am letting you go free. If you come back to me in the future, then I know you are mine to keep. I love you RD. Farewell


~~~~ I feel a lot better now :)
 

RubyDiamond

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The rock rolled off the rag blew away and you dropped your keys somewhere else
 
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Timotero

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Good that you came to this realization after only a year here. I've seen stories of people who also feel the way you do, but remain here for 10-15 years. (And still bitch and moan!) :)-)
 

PanfilodeVaca

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I was hoping you'd tell us more about the dating. Unless it involves the rock and the foul-smelling rag.
 
It sounds like you are making the right choice by leaving, doesn't look like the DR is for you!

Just a suggestion, people don't usually like when new people come to their Country and tell them how they should do things.

I can also say it can take some people longer to settle in, get used to the Culture shock and meet new people. There are good Dominicans out there but it takes some searching!

It is a frustrating Country that is for sure!

Good luck wherever you end up!
 

ctrob

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Nov 9, 2006
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Nothing to ridicule in your writings. We all know how taxing this place can be. Hey, you gave it a shot.
Wish you the best of luck in your travels.
 

LTSteve

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Jul 9, 2010
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You forgot to add it's me not you or in your case you not me. Paradise doesn't come without a price. It is difficult to come here and leave your North American thinking behind. Try another island, maybe Staten Island.

LTSTeve
 

bob saunders

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You also made the wrong choice in where you decided to settle. The North Coast may not be as busy, nosy, and aggressive as Santo Domingo, but it is full of parasitic people that learned to suck the money out of tourists. Most self-respecting Dominicans that live elsewhere on the island only go to the resort there.
Saying please and thank you and the rest of the niceties called manners are learned behavior, as is lack of manner. Brutos spawn little brutos. A great deal of patience and grace are required in this country and usually if you are that way you'll attract other people full of grace and patience (likes attract more so than opposites attract).
I feel your pain. I deal with hundreds of rug rats everyday, and the only saving grace is that some of them are worth the effort to educate. Many actually, but I wear my rose coloured glasses in the morning and take them off by noon.
Last night my wife and I went to dinner with one of her cousins visiting from Maryland. Quiet caf? in a nice neighbourhood. 3 jumbo bohemia's and chicken and tostones for 680 pesos, so 800 with tip. Nobody asked for nothing. Very relaxing and good conversation, Energy and optimism restored for another few days.
 

drescape24

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I remember reading a post on Dr1 about the stages of being an expat. Does anyone else seeing that? It might help the o.p.

drescape24
 

JayinRD

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Apr 18, 2013
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Thanks your sharing man but whew you were expecting way too much from the RD. Aint no paradise here or elsewhere. I sense an inner struggle that has nothing to do with this country and is likely to be repeated in your next stop. Btw I walk the streets of santo domingo almost daily and only rarely does anybody bother me.
 

JMB773

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Nov 4, 2011
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Wow this is one of the saddest threads I've read in a long time. What I can tell you OP if you take time away from DR and Dominicans do get your head a little breathing room I think one day you could return to DR better prepared. You will have the experience now on your side and you will be better able to handle what ever DR and Dominicans through your way.

Just take a little time away from the madness and I believe you could return to DR and enjoy the your paradise. Time away from DR will work MAGIC!!! trust me.

The one thing you have to learn is Dominicans are very consisted on everything they do EVERYTHING!!! and this is a benefit for you living among people that pretty much do the exact same thing and repeat the exact same thing.

Don't let a few Dominicans run you off a place you love and want to be. You have ever right to live in DR as anyone else.

BTW One last thing DO NOT take anything PERSONAL in DR if you decide to stay or return, because this is what happens if you take everything personal in DR. Use this thread as a tool the next time you are faced with a up hill battle in DR or with Dominicans. YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FIRST!!! no matter what anyone tell you.
 

jmnorr

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Life is what you make it....there is good and bad everywhere...when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. We have lived here two years now and would not go back to the US....we did not build or buy, we rented until we found a spot that felt right.We are close enough to all the stores etc but up the mountain a way.....plenty of colmados and smiling faces.....The Dominicans and Haitians too have had to make lemonade the best they could out of lemons. It is their country and their right...if we only come to enjoy the good and criticize the bad then we do not belong here...there is somewhere out there for each and everyone of us...you just have to find it, it will not find you! Good luck as you move on and best wishes for a journey filled with adventure.
 

Mauricio

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Nov 18, 2002
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I do understand the tenor of your post. I do live in Santo Domingo and don't like it one bit. However, I don't understand that you tipped over because of losing a dirty rag (I'm 99% sure no one stole it) and losing your keys of which you assume you dropped them where you stretched.

Then again, I have my moments that I am where you are at, almost deciding to leave. I probably would be enjoying living here if it wouldn't be in the capital, but that's no option, since I need to work and I need to be in Santo Domingo for that. Don't waste your life being miserable here. The Dominican Republic is more than nice climate and beautiful surroundings, there live Dominicans too and it's their country, they do as they please and the only thing we can do is blend in, accept and suffer or leave.
 

silkesmo

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Jan 17, 2014
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WoW

I must say that I am very surprised at how productive this thread has been. Noone being ridiculous and all very helpful reposts.

As for the rag and keys ( they were definitely stolen, even tho I dropped the keys someone picked them up and took them in the 3 minutes I was gone.) ... it was just one of those little things that normally would mean nothing, but all the other things had been building up so much those were the proverbial straws that broke the camels back. I'm good now that I have vented though.

like I said, I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. I am not giving up yet. I will continue to look for something to bring income, and the good in the people. As I read your posts I do see that I focused entirely, and unfairly, on my bad experiences here. I have had an amazing time here. I have met some really amazing people. I don't think like an American, that is why I left the country. I enjoy the freedom here. Before moving here i read "Moving to the Dominican Republic: The paradox of Paradise" by Ross Weber. I thought I was prepared, but I do see now I came in with an unfair perspective of the people and culture.

You guys are very helpful. I'm not giving up on paradise yet. I've got some more exploring to do, I'm hoping things will change. I know that if I live further from the beach the people are different, but I love the beach. Good with the bad situation there.
 

the gorgon

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Sep 16, 2010
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maybe the OP should have taken more time understanding the cultural nuances before moving here. this is not Missouri, or some such other place. it is a caribbean island. value systems are different. they do not care much about things that you find to be essential. you just clashed. that is all. i agree with a lot of what you say, especially about things like 'give me this". we have all been there. it does not bother me, because i simply tell them i have it because i need it, and i did not buy it as a gift for someone i have not met.

you sound like you should be in the bosom of Topeka, or Syosset. the DR will eat you up. i wish you well, but get out while the getting is good. hypertension is one bad mutha.
 

silkesmo

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maybe the OP should have taken more time understanding the cultural nuances before moving here. this is not Missouri, or some such other place. it is a caribbean island. value systems are different. they do not care much about things that you find to be essential. you just clashed. that is all. i agree with a lot of what you say, especially about things like 'give me this". we have all been there. it does not bother me, because i simply tell them i have it because i need it, and i did not buy it as a gift for someone i have not met.

you sound like you should be in the bosom of Topeka, or Syosset. the DR will eat you up. i wish you well, but get out while the getting is good. hypertension is one bad mutha.

I'm no newbie to different cultures. i have lived in other countries including the Caribbean before. Like I said, I was venting. And what better what to understand cultural nuances than to live in said culture.
 

mountainannie

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I remember feeling like this lots of times in the first five years. I would scour the maps of Mexico. Florida, even.

And then something would happen and I would feel content again. But I am not in your situation of having to work.. I think this would be a tough country in which to turn a dime. But I do agree with other posters that the tourist areas .. which perforce may be the most beautiful .. are also home to some of the worst rip offs..And NOT the most educated and advanced Dominicans with whom one can form friendships. I am fortunate because I like the Capital and that is where the most educated Dominicans live. So I have been able to find friends. Not easy, I will admit, because they are family based and not so open to strangers.
Good luck wherever you go.
 

PaGuyinDr

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I admire and respect anyone that moves to a foreign country alone. I don't know if I could ever do that. Male or female, it is a scary proposition. And I know there are many folks on Dr1 who have done exactly that. Cheered to all of you! I would not have chosen to move here except for the fact that my wife was born and raised here and has family still here. So for her it is in a sense coming home. And for me it is a transition made much much easier. Even though the DR is as pretty a place as I have visited( and I have travelled a lot ) living here will be a whole other matter. And honestly, there is a possibility that I may not be able to live here permanently. Even with all of this " on my side " when arriving. I'm about to find out.

But to the OP I would say that going or staying, you are to be commended for giving it a shot. I admire you for having guts and jumping in with both feet. No shame in that. But also I think a bad experience could have happened anywhere. I do not think your experience is necessarily unique to the DR. Anytime anyone moves to a different place ..... Foreign.... Place there is the potential for a bad experience. Particularly by yourself. People take advantage of strangers and take advantage of situations all around the world. There are bad folks everywhere. But there are great folks everywhere also. It is unfortunate when one encounters the former but one of life's great blessings when one encounters the latter. Also I would not decide to leave in haste or if I was in a bad frame of mind. Perhaps this too shall pass. What I would do is spend a lot of time In quiet reflection at one of those nice little bar hut thingy's along the malecon in POP downing innumerable ice cold presidentes watching the sun go down in the late afternoons before making any final decisions :) If I was there now. I'd join you :)
 
I'm no newbie to different cultures. i have lived in other countries including the Caribbean before. Like I said, I was venting. And what better what to understand cultural nuances than to live in said culture.

I had lived in 1 house my whole life (37 years) before I moved here and I find it odd that you have lived all over and find little things like keys being stolen and a dirty rag upsetting!

All you have to do is say no to people asking for stuff, easy as that. When I am annoyed I say no before they get their first or second word out!

Personally I am always shocked when I come back to my ATV or moto and still find them there and stuff not taken off of them!

I understand you were venting but your expectations of the DR were way too high!
 
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