top 10 of funniest dominican replies

jimbobo · Mar 30, 2015

hi everyone,

every now and then i get a reply of a dominican that is so ... well, dominican that it is funny. So I was thinking why not have a top 10...

I will start with 2 :

When I was sitting in front of a colmado, a guy on a motorcycle stopt in front of me, and started talking to somebody, while I was breathing his exhaust fumes. So I asked him if he couls shut off his engine because the exhaust fumes were molesting me he replied: Ese motor es de 4 tiempo, por eso no tira fumes, solo tire aire limpio

When I asked a worker to put a galvanized animal feeder inside the barn, so it wouldn't rot as fast, he replied: Yo no lo entro porque el aqua de lluvia se va desinfectar

HUG · Mar 30, 2015

Gracias a dios!!

Your 10 year old is pregnant, your wife is pregnant to the colmado owners son, your son got shot and is now a vegatable, the house burned down, your car eventually fell to bits so you are unable to work as a publico, but you still have your best buddy Diego, a mans best friend. Until last night when he was poisoned and died an agonizing death.

K-lo-K Jose? 'Bien, Gracias a dios'.

dv8 · Mar 30, 2015

a friend in the south of DR sent her cat to the vet for sterilization. all is well for 6 months when the cat suddenly gives birth. she calls the vet. he says: the cat was pregnant when i operated on her, that's why it did not work.

Berzin · Mar 30, 2015

Dominican-"I'm renting my empty house for $5,000 US dollars a month".

Me-"Its been empty for years. Why don't you lower the price?

Dominican-"Because someone down the street is also renting his house for the same price. If I lower my price I'll lose money."

Me-"How long has the other guy been renting his house?

Dominican-"He hasn't had one tenant because the rent he's charging is too expensive."

keepcoming · Mar 30, 2015

Watching spouses "primos / primas" devouring the last bit of the homemade bread and drinking the last drop of soda. Then asking who ate/drank all of this, their answer "no se"

robbiee · Mar 30, 2015

"se dano"
"no hay luz"
" me robaron celular"
"pa alla"

porkman100 · Mar 30, 2015

Como??? yo no fui

franco1111 · Mar 30, 2015

Horvide.

dv8 · Mar 30, 2015

visiting friend of mine trying to bribe our maid with 10 bucks to iron her clothing on a rainy day. our maid: i will not risk my life for 10 dollars.

dv8 · Mar 30, 2015

last time i ironed... maybe 20 years ago?

dominicana talks to her lover, well known mujeriego: i am pregnant. he responds: i cannot be a father, i take contraceptive pills.

beeza · Mar 31, 2015

In Ochoa in Santiago last week. I see a kids Wendy house on display. Only 700 pesos, but there are no more on the shelf.
Shop assistant approaches. "Can I help you sir?"
"Yes I would like one of these casitas de campo. Do you have any more as there are no more of on the shelf?"
"Let me have a look in the store room"....."I'm sorry, no this is the last one"
"Ok, that's fine, here's the box. Could you pack this one up for me and I'll buy this one"
"Oh no, you can't have this one. It's the last one and it's on display. Someone might want it".
"You mean someone like me?"
"Yes sir"

Pause

"I'll pack it up right away for you"!

jstarebel · Mar 31, 2015

Dominicans and Chinese restaurants.

Nunca comer nada aqui excepto el pollo porque todo el resto de la carne es la gente chinos muertos.

Africaida · Mar 31, 2015

jstarebel said:
Dominicans and Chinese restaurants.

Nunca comer nada aqui excepto el pollo porque todo el resto de la carne es la gente chinos muertos.

Hilarious !!

At least in the US (and even Europe), they say ALL the meat is dog or cat.

Matilda · Mar 31, 2015

jstarebel said:
Dominicans and Chinese restaurants.

Nunca comer nada aqui excepto el pollo porque todo el resto de la carne es la gente chinos muertos.

Yes my husband says that of Chinese restaurants and when I told him that was rubbish he asked if I had ever seen a dead Chinese person. I said I had not. He replied, "I rest my case".

Matilda

Fredo · Mar 31, 2015

my long term maid.. (simple mind, 15+ years in house, trust her 100%), but...
2000 My grandpa died, can you help me. Of course we can
2002 My grandpa died, can you help me. Of course we can
2005 My grandpa died, can you help me. Of course we can
2008 My grandpa died, can you help me. Of course we can
and so on

exeurodominican · Mar 31, 2015

Asked a Dominican friend his opinion about Felix Bautista. Answer: Muy inteligente.......................

Left on Red · Mar 31, 2015

2am, no sight of watchiman, I walk up to the garage. Doors are closed, lights are off. Slowly open door, find watchiman sound asleep, on floor, on little cushion. Tap his feet, watchiman jumps up!! Me: You're sleeping. Watchiman: No! I wasn't! This is my new strategy to fight lardrones. When I am in the garage, with the lights off, and the doors closed, they will not know that I can see them.

jstarebel · Mar 31, 2015

Matilda said:
Yes my husband says that of Chinese restaurants and when I told him that was rubbish he asked if I had ever seen a dead Chinese person. I said I had not. He replied, "I rest my case".

Matilda

Thats exactly what my wife says Matilda. She also asks if Ive ever seen a Chinese grave yard. I haven't. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Ducadista · Mar 31, 2015

True story;

Me: como se escribe Casandra?
Cousin: Asi mismo, Casandra!!!
Me: Pero como se escribe?
Cousin: no se, (enters a friend of the cousin to the room) hoje tu, como se escribe Casandra?
El amigo: no se
Cousin: tu si eres bruto !!!

my 2 cents....

Lenin · Mar 31, 2015

Here's a good one,

My mother: hay hijo me estoy muriendo
Me: ok, why don't you visit your doctor?
My mother: No yo estoy bien
Me:......................

top 10 of funniest dominican replies

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