For those of you that don'r know or remember, the Darwin Awards are given each year to those individuals whose mega-stupidity has successfully removed themselves from the world's gene pool.
THIS YEAR'S AWARDS
2001 THE DARWIN AWARDS
It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These awards
are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual,
who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain
ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident
occurred about 3a.m.,the Mono County Sheriff's
department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a
ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow
foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide
down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower.
It has since been investigated and determined the
tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk
threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the
store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his
throat where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock
and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner
last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late
Tuesday night, said Cpl.M.D. Payne. "Another man had
it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying
to explode it."
"It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show
you how to set it off."
He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew
all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off,
Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition
Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area
Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is
lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the
hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club,
Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid
Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the
arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimetre to the left, a major blood vessel
would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his
skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow
out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had
been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
aboutthis." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
is under investigation.
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal
Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to
attend a local Metallica concert at the George
Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but
having had 18 beers between them), they thought
it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak
into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the
fence and the plan was for Mr.Pernicky, who was 100-pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist
his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot
drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself
over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was
abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below
him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he
removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky
crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his
ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse,
on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to
the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed
through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.
Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found
John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly
stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
THIS YEAR'S AWARDS
2001 THE DARWIN AWARDS
It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These awards
are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual,
who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain
ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident
occurred about 3a.m.,the Mono County Sheriff's
department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a
ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow
foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide
down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower.
It has since been investigated and determined the
tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk
threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the
store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his
throat where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock
and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner
last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late
Tuesday night, said Cpl.M.D. Payne. "Another man had
it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying
to explode it."
"It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show
you how to set it off."
He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew
all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off,
Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition
Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area
Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is
lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the
hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club,
Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid
Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the
arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimetre to the left, a major blood vessel
would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his
skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow
out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had
been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
aboutthis." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
is under investigation.
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal
Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to
attend a local Metallica concert at the George
Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but
having had 18 beers between them), they thought
it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak
into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the
fence and the plan was for Mr.Pernicky, who was 100-pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist
his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot
drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself
over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was
abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below
him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he
removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky
crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his
ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse,
on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to
the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed
through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.
Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found
John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly
stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
