For and ladies with "Computer" problems

Theresa

Vettehead from Buckhead
Jan 16, 2002
491
0
0
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA
3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program:
Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old stand-by...Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

Good Luck,
Tech Support
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
2,252
4
0
Theresa...you go girl!

This is so hilarious!!!

You know, I HATE COMPUTERS...

(Of course, I was married to a computer technician for 15 years...
and now in my "old" age...I have been punished by having to work at one 8 hours a day!!!)

But, I've learned...I would never upgrade to Husband 2.0 !!!

From now on, it's only Boyfriends 5.0, 6.0, 7.0...oh, what the heck...I've lost track of what boyfriend application I'm using!!!
 

mondongo

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
1,533
6
38
How do I delete:

I-have-a-headache 0.0
Nagging 24.7 (this is the latest and final upgrade)
you-never-listen 2.me (also works with Windows NT)

Do I really have to add:

yes-it-was-my-fault-dear
yesterday-you-were-beautiful-today-you-are-stunning
why-dont-we-have-a-nice-quiet-dinner-and-just-talk
i-would-like-to-have-your-mother-come-over-more-often
 

Theresa

Vettehead from Buckhead
Jan 16, 2002
491
0
0
now that is more like it

also add:
Let-me-give-you-a-foot-massage-while-I-serve-you-chocolate dipped-strawberries :)
 

Carol

New member
Jan 2, 2002
54
0
0
Another one for you Theresa!!

Conflicting Software !!!!!!!


Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2 which
I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
conflicts between these two products and the only solution has been to run
Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other
applications such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2.0 and Playboy 6.1.
Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better. A Shareware
beta-program, PartyGirl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in
my operating system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 and Girlfriend 2.1 at the same time,
only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused
severe damage to my hardware.
Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fianc? 1.0 only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, Which I
reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all of my
available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus, Cleanhouse 2000
and WashUp XP.

Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 could be
very unstable and costly to run; For example, any mistakes I made were
automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then
resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-Mail Porn filter and can,
without warning, Launch PhotoStrop and WhingeZip! These later products have
no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express,
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns
unwelcome child processes that also drains my resources; It also conflicts
with some of the new games I want to try, stating that they are an illegal
operation.

When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs
the system dry. Furthermore, Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up
called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I have attempted to install Mistress 2000, but there could be
problems, as a friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the
presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all MSMoney files before
permanently UN-installing itself!

Any ideas to assist me with these software problems?

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________
 
Last edited:

Theresa

Vettehead from Buckhead
Jan 16, 2002
491
0
0
That was great Carol. Somewhere out there must be a whole bunch of these jokes.
 

miguel

I didn't last long...
Jul 2, 2003
5,261
2
0
113
Theresa said:
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA
3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program:
Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old stand-by...Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

Good Luck,
Tech Support
You can surely upgrade to Husband 2.0, since the program, Husband 1.0 is getting too many Virus 1.0 . Do not go looking for Boyfriend 6.0 while still using the now damaged Husband 2.0. In time your Body 1.0 will need a better performance from the whole lazy and tired Husband 1.0. All is better when new and soon you will need a better running system, you know, the one that works very fine at the beginning but then can turn as Husband 1.0 when being used alot.
 

ZEUS

Bronze
Feb 14, 2003
577
26
0
Have you ...

Have you tried addding Viagra 50.0 to Husband 1.0?

Zeus (primus inter pares) :laugh:
 
I sthis a joke??

It is not in the clown bin so it must be factual.

I can't believe that Husband 1.0 wud ever need Viagra or Cialis with the lovely Vettehead from Buckhead, if you did get married Vettehead you picked one that doesnt have the performance of a Vette but one with the performance of an old Studebaker, Hard to Start


Good to see your name back on the board, it has been awhile.

? Hlywud "If anybody wud Wud wud"