Double Standards - NO MEN TO POST

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
So there is a thread on DR1 at the moment from a highly respected board member who has been unable to get a US visa for his Dominican wife. Many highly respected DR1 male members have responded. There is a large age difference = over 30 years, from the OP as well as some of the respondents. No problem. But does anyone say "Where is the popcorn?" Does anyone mention the "rules" that you should only marry Dominicans who have traveled abroad, no large age difference, money in the bank, credit cards, same level of education? Not a squeak.

Yet for women with large age differences, even much less than the OP on that post, and with boyfriends, husbands etc who have no US visa, no credit cards etc then the comments come flooding in within seconds.

Now me personally, I have zero issue with age difference (I am 14 years older than my husband), nor with education differences ( lack of opportunity here and education level does not reflect intelligence), but why on earth is it that in the thread I am referring too the OP is treated with respect and has intelligent and well thought out replies, advice and information, but if a woman asks the same question she would be met with scorn and laughter?

Remember ladies only to reply - any men will receive infractions.


Matilda
 

AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
16,050
418
83
Absolutely right. A woman asking a simple question in the Legal forum about what documents are needed for marriage in the DR is more than likely to be asked why she can't find a man in her own country before receiving an answer to the question asked.

No man on this board ever tells another man some of the condescending remarks women get. I guess men never make mistakes.
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
IMO, it's because JD is the OP.  He's personally known by many here, and anyone who knows him has to like and respect him, he's just that kind of guy. He's forgotten more about DR than most here will ever know to begin with.  

 Another young male poster, suarez, has a similar thread running, and he's also getting respectful answers.  He's likeable, Dominican, and the son of a longtime member.  

I think if Bobby Jack from Louisiana showed up and said he'd married a sweet young Dominican 30 years younger, asking how to bring his bride to New Orleans, he'd get a somewhat different response.  And, of course, Susie from Montreal would get raked over the coals.  

Been quite a long time without a juicy Mars Venus thread.  All the doozies are posting on Facebook instead.
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
OK Alterego I get that. But is it fair if respected members get respect and new members don't? You may know suarez is son of a long time respected member but does everyone? What they do have in common is that they are men. And I still ask why is it OK for a man to marry a woman 30 years plus younger and not for a woman to do the same?

Matilda
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
I'll probably get slammed for this, but......  Most 60+women can't begin to compete with a 30-ish woman, even Demi Moore failed.  Most.

   A 60-something guy who stays in relatively good shape can look distinguished, probably earns a decent income, and can attract a younger woman who doesn't want a self-absorbed 35 year old.  

All of this presumes they speak a common language.  I'll NEVER understand the marriages between people who can't communicate without a translator, I don't care how old they are!  

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule.  

As far as old or new members, I think it's their demeanor that dictates the responses.  Someone obviously clueless is going to feel the wrath.........
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
Ok I won't slam you lol. But many older women marry younger men - maybe not the 30 plus years as in the other thread. Personally I don't think age matters as each brings something different to the relationship. The days of the man being the provider and the woman naked, pregnant tied to the kitchen sink have gone. Both can bring income to the household and both look after the household. Whatever the age difference, there will always be cultural differences between Dominicans and other nationalities. I am 14 years older than my husband, at the moment (it hasn't always been and it won't always be) I provide the majority of the income, and he does the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc but over 17 years it has switched back and forth. However I don't agree that 60 something women cant attract a 35 year old man but 60 something men can attract a 35 year old woman. There are exceptions to both rules. Some 60 year old men are distinguished but some are over the hill, and some 60 year old women look amazing and some don't.

As I always say, you are as old as the man you feel.

Matilda
 

keepcoming

Moderator - Living & General Stuff
May 25, 2011
4,734
2,492
113
If a older woman marries/dates a younger man then the man is called a "sankie". However if a man marries/dates a younger women it is accepted. Women who date/marry younger men are at times considered/called "desperate" where a man doing the same is "praised" by his peers. IMO there is nothing wrong with a woman marrying/dating a younger man. I did it (I am 6 years older than my spouse). A man should be so lucky....
 

retiree

Bronze
Jan 18, 2008
978
10
0
Times are changing and women are gaining equality but, just the same as with other groups trying to gain respect, it takes many generations for attitudes to change, especially in not very progressive places such as this. A woman seen with a man 30 years her junior is viewed as a freak show but I think many women see the male with a woman 30 years younger as weird as well. However, it is more accepted by this society.
 

judypdr

Active member
Jul 23, 2011
558
1
38
73
Costambar
It depends on how old the old person is and how young the young person is both physically and emotionally. I can't comment the relationship you mentioned originally because I don't know them, but I've seen May/December and December/May relationships that look ridiculous and others that look OK to me. I try not to be judgmental. I do judge those who have wives and family in their home country and wives and family here, too. I also worry about older men having children with young women and wonder who will provide for the children when he dies....
 

keepcoming

Moderator - Living & General Stuff
May 25, 2011
4,734
2,492
113
Brings up a question...how young is too young, how old is too old in the eyes of society.
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
It also brings up the question what about the "rules" given to women. The Dominican guy should have money in the bank, have travelled abroad, have the same level of education. Why don't these apply to men marrying Dominican women?
When I met my husband he had little money in the bank, never traveled abroad and hardly education. Now he is nearly a lawyer give or take a month or two and has traveled to the US several times (he got the visa on his own), UK several times and Panama. He still has little money in the bank as I control the money lol.

Matilda
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
My understanding was that Hillbilly's Rules applied to both men and women, no?? Maybe not what you meant, because I don't remember anything about traveling in his rules.

When I first came to DR in 1975, Punta Cana was a jungle, Puerto Plata just a city, Sosua an empty beach, no "animation teams" anywhere - and most tourists had little or no interaction with Dominicans. Sankies didn't exist yet. I wasn't even exactly sure where I was in the Caribbean [a friend bought the tickets and just said meet me at JFK, pack like for Puerto Rico]. Dumb luck that I met Mr. AE and made a life.
 

keepcoming

Moderator - Living & General Stuff
May 25, 2011
4,734
2,492
113
My spouse had his own money and career at the time we met as did I. We both traveled for our jobs. After we married his career path changed and I was the money maker more or less. He did not really travel anymore nor have the desire to travel. He does some non-profit work with the youth now that he is what he calls "retired". "Rules" can change during the course of marriage or relationship. It takes commitment. Rich, poor, etc... where you start does not mean that is where you will end up. Of course things are different now, times have changed. There was no social media back then. I think a lot of that impacts marriages and relationships now. The Dominican Republic was a much simpler place back then.
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
These are Hillbilly's rules:
1) He has a bank account equal to your own-in pesos, not dollars or pounds (You have 100 pounds, he has 100 pesos, that's all.). He has a Credit Card and can write a cheque.
2) He has a Visa to travel to the US or Canada
3) He is educated to the equivalent of your own level: High School, Tech School whatever...

Now as HB himself and JD are both looking for visas for their wives they obviously dont meet number 2 - and no idea about the others. I am not knocking the posters at all, both very great men and obviously very well respected but it would be interesting to know in the case of foreign men married to Dominican women - how many meet these rules. Not that they can post here lol, but of those I know about - not one single one.

Matilda
 

Abuela

Bronze
May 13, 2006
1,952
288
83
Quote from Annette Benning:"My husband Warren Beatty and I are 21 years apart (he's older) and people pretty much accept it. But when its the opposite I don't know why its harder for people to accept" She is starring in the movie "Film stars don't die in Liverpool" The movie out in Dec is about actress Gloria Grahame's relationship with a younger man.
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
These are Hillbilly's rules:
1) He has a bank account equal to your own-in pesos, not dollars or pounds (You have 100 pounds, he has 100 pesos, that's all.). He has a Credit Card and can write a cheque.
2) He has a Visa to travel to the US or Canada
3) He is educated to the equivalent of your own level: High School, Tech School whatever...

Now as HB himself and JD are both looking for visas for their wives they obviously dont meet number 2 - and no idea about the others. I am not knocking the posters at all, both very great men and obviously very well respected but it would be interesting to know in the case of foreign men married to Dominican women - how many meet these rules. Not that they can post here lol, but of those I know about - not one single one.

Matilda



I can only speak about the Dominican women in Mr AE's family.  Every one of them had a US visa already when they married an American.  One was headhunted to an engineering job in Oklahoma, and met her husband at work, so maybe she doesn't count.

Mr AE also had a US visa and SS# when we met. He had lived in Puerto Rico and NY. Almost identical education, and neither of us had much saved 42 years ago, we were equally spending most of what we earned. :)

Early years I outearned him, but once his gaming license was approved in 1980 he was the breadwinner until retirement.  
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
Sounds like the rules worked for you AE but many people have good relationships/marriages without meeting the rules. To me the main rule should be that you can both communicate in his language, your language or both, without the need for Google translate! In addition both need to work to make the other one happy with respect for each others culture. It isn't wrong, it is different.

Matilda
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
23,097
6,247
113
South Coast
Sounds like the rules worked for you AE but many people have good relationships/marriages without meeting the rules. To me the main rule should be that you can both communicate in his language, your language or both, without the need for Google translate! In addition both need to work to make the other one happy with respect for each others culture. It isn't wrong, it is different.

Matilda



I agree about the communication.  I also think that my being around a plethora of Italian immigrants my whole life made our union less odd, there were numerous similarities in family structure, upbringings, religion, etc.  I had respect drilled into my brain since infancy, very big deal to Italians.  I was also very lucky because he's very adaptable and easy going like your Danilo.  He has four brothers, how they all grew up in the same house is baffling, I couldn't live with any of them.  They probably say the same thing about me, haha.  
 

scotia

Active member
Mar 18, 2004
116
45
28
I am 13 years older than my Dominican husband and we have been happily married (more or less) for 13 years. It has not always been easy but not because of our age difference mostly due to cultural differences. We did not meet HB rules but it has worked out for us. Respect for and trying to understand each other's culture is a big one.
What about French president, Emmanuel Macron who is 25 years younger than his wife Brigitte!