(joke)

Drake · Mar 17, 2002

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack.
One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the tract as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed this blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the
priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won!
Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of
the horses, and it always came in first.
Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true.
He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.
Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded,
"What happened, Father?
All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he
lost.
Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said "That's the problem with being Protestant... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

Hillbilly · Mar 17, 2002

Two Irish mothers were talking about their
sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such
a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and
he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in
over two years."

The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is
a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked
at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't
touched a drop of liquor in all that time."

"My word," the first Irish mother said. "You
must be so proud."

"I am," the second mother replied. "And when
he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw
him a big party."

HB on a St Paddy's Day roll...

Hillbilly · Mar 17, 2002

Another One

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on
St. Patty's Day and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell
out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

Hibernia Boy, just for today...

PJT · Mar 17, 2002

What a Priest

What a Priest!

One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

"And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "

Pib · Mar 17, 2002

Shame on you all!

What would the Pope say?! Ahem....

A priest, Baptist minister and Lutheran minister were discussing the way they managed their funds

The Baptist minister said, after the collection..I draw a circle on the floor..and throw the money from the collection in the air. Whatever lands outside the circle..I figure goes for the Lord's work. Whatever lands inside the circle is what i use for my living expenses.

The Lutheran minister says that he does a similar thing. Except that what lands INSIDE the circle goes toward the Lord.

Fr. Murphy chimes in "I do something a bit different lads..ya see I put all the money in one large collection basket..and toss all the contents towards the heavens. I figure what the good Lord wants, he'll grab it in the air"

_{Oh, I am SO going to hell...}

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