Question for Golo

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Fred

New member
Feb 20, 2002
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I am currently living with a Dominican girl here in Toronto. I have read some of your prior posts on how Dominican women cannot live independantly.

Here are my observations and questions. The girl I live with calls here family every week, or sometimes even more. Luckly, she uses prepaid calling cards.

Now here father lives somewhere in the US, and for some reason is always sick. Now he is about to have an operation and she spent the last few nights calling him. However, no she cannot get a hold of him in his hospital room. Therefore, she calls all of her other family to see if they know about his condition. Strange, no one in this family spent 1 peso to call her for Christmas, and they never call the father. Now my question is how come she just does not call the hosptial direct and ask why he is not in his room?

Furthermore, she thinks that if she calls the doctor, he will give her a letter so that she can get a visa to visit him in the hospital in the US. Now if I was a doctor, I would never give such a letter to someone I dont know personally.

Now from what I have noticed, the Dominican women that I have met, cannot fuction independantly. I am sure not all, but like I said the ones that I have met.

Now my other question is, how do they hope to survive in a different country? Knowing very well that they do not have the family support system, which to me is very shaky.

I have lived in the past with Mexican and Venezuelan women, they seem to be able to function better independantly.

Can you explain? If you need more information if I am not clear let me know, hopefully you understand what I am asking.

I am asking soley to try to understand the Dominican psyche.
 
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Dolores1

DR1
May 3, 2000
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Yes, it is common for Dominicans of all genders to maintain strong family and friendship ties.

On the other hand, the ability to adapt and integrate into a new society is a sign of the person's innate intelligence. Education helps a person develop inborn intelligence levels.

Point being made is that what you address has more to do with the education level of the individual person than the person's nationality or place of origin.

The success rate of a couple increases when the education levels are similar.
 
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Criss Colon

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Jan 2, 2002
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The Dominican Republic is an island

I have this idea that "Island Countries" develope in their people a strong sense of "Self"! The smaller the country,the stronger the "feeling.Until about 30 years ago the isolation of the DR was the "norm".Dominicans have a strong "Nationalism" .A strong sense of family.Because over the past 500 years they developed in isolation.No Foreign TV,or movies.People didn,t leave here they stayed here.You needed your family to survive.Dominicans "save" all year just to come "Home" at Christmas! They must come! They need the family.Both the "Rich" and the "Poor" must be "re-connected" annually!,,,,,Fred,don,t try to understand the Dominican "Psyche",it,s like dancing "Merengue",if you weren,t born & raised here you will never get it right!Criss Colon
 
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Golo100

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Jan 5, 2002
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Fred

Take the advice by Criss. Even Dominican psychologists are trying to figure out what is going on...to no avail. How can one for instance explain the latest chain of killing-suicides of women by their men lovers? Are Dominican men that jealous? Or are they just too proud? Do they hate to be taken for a fool more than being jilted by their lovers?

This is a complex society. While we have racism in our midst, we are also one of the most open societies in Latin America. We welcome all nationalities and races. For instance, we treat muslim fashion as just normal wear for their people. We do not look at their orthodox style as weird, because we do not wear the same clothes. We just accept it. We accept other peoples cultures and religions very well, including voodoo.

Dont be fooled by Dominican women. You can throw a Dominican woman in the middle of the Sahara and she would not only survive, but live well. While Dominicans seek their family they also can build families from scratch. We even accept being jailed better than most societies. We can survive anywhere. That is why we are such a successful and growing immigration. We are expanding into worlds that other nationalities would not dare settle in. Dominicans are just as comfortable in Alaska as in Miami.
Have you heard about the Dominican community in the great white north? I understand there are Dominicans in Iceland.

I know a few Dominicans who lived in Siberia and a few others who graduated from Russian universities.

TW
 
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trina

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Jan 3, 2002
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I agree in part about how much Dominicans love their families. In fact, I wish my family was as close as many families are there.

This being said, I do not understand the many Dominican women that I have heard of that leave the Dominican for other countries like Spain, Canada, the US, etc., and leave their children behind. My friend's husband's mom got a visa for the US and left 4 children behind. In turn, the same man's sister got a visa for Spain and left 2 children behind. The one that really hits me is my husband's ex-girlfriend. She has had 5 children with 5 different fathers (to give my husband a little credit, his son is the oldest...7 years old, and after him came 4 more from 4 different fathers). Anyways, because she can't take care of them, they all stayed with her mother. Angel was sending money every month for his son, for everyday living expenses, plus at times when the ex begged for more because he was "sick" or needed more money for "school". Anyways, we decided to bring his son to live with us. When Angel went to Semana to pick Angelo up, he was told that his ex hadn't been to see any of her 5 children in 7 months!!! So of course, none of the money went for Angelo's "sickness" or "schooling" or "anything else" for that matter. When Angel asked where the money went, he was told that it probably went to the "Flavor of the Week".

So although I agree that the family bond is very strong, there are also very strong exceptions to the rule.
 
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suarezn

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Feb 3, 2002
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Trina: The reason why women leave their kids to move to another country is because they know they can trust their family to take care of them. They know that their family is not going to say "No. You take care of your own kids". On the other hand the one who left for a "better" life, is supposed to make things better for the whole family. Specially for the ones taking care of the kids. Basically they see it as the hope of potentially the whole family getting out of poverty if at least one can make it. I speak from experience. It's happened in my family.
 
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trina

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Jan 3, 2002
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I know, and I guess if I were in their shoes, I may feel different. I have a baby myself, and I would go crazy if I was apart from him. BUT I didn't grow up not knowing where my next meal was coming from, and have always been given what I needed without thought of money. So I guess I cannot judge. However, with the situation with Angel's ex, there is no excuse for what she has done.
 
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mondongo

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
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thats sums it up, suarezn

you basically described my situation also....

Fred: you have lived with a Mexican , a Venezuelan and a Dominican....and from this statistically insignificant sample, you are drawing conclusions and generalizations?....come one, son...you knwo better than that....Let me ask you this, If I plucked you out Toronto and placed you in Islamabad with a Pakistani woman, would YOU call back to Canada on a regular basis? Do you think YOU would exude an air of dependence on your local mate?
 
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TERRY

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Feb 1, 2002
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Fred give the girl a break, let her call home whenever she wants, a phone card costs $5 for 60 mins,I Primus charges .17cents a minute,whats the concern.
Its very hard emotionally for any one living away from their family.
You have lived with a Mexican,a Venezuelan,and now a Dominican woman, are you a Sankie
 
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TERRY

New member
Feb 1, 2002
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An interesting theory Criss.

The UK is an island but there is no comparison between family values there and in Dom Rep.
The first time my (Dominican)wife visited Scotland she couldn't believe how unemotional I was with my family,whom I hadn't seen for 4 years(I thought I was quite bubbly myself).
Personaly I wish that my own family could be as close as my wifes.
Domincan woman have a bond with their family that nither time nor distance can break,its lovely.
 
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Criss Colon

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Jan 2, 2002
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My "Theory"

Yes Terry "England" is an island,but has never been "Isolated" the way Hispanola has been.The contact and "Ties" to Europe have always had a strong influence on English culture.The English have also been "Seafarers" since they first arrived by sea,traveling the world to bring home "treasures" from afar.Criss Colon
 
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Fred

New member
Feb 20, 2002
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Replys

Thank you everyone for the responses. Expect for the person calling me a spanky. You do not know me so dont assume.

I have nothing against my girl calling her family. I have even footed the bill a number of times. Here is what really bothers me.

When her father left for the US, never did he help his daugher, nor any of the brothers send her money. He has been there legally for more than 20 year. Why did he not sponsor her?

What really annoyes me is yes I understand that Dominicans have strong family values, however, how can you respect someone who leaves the entire family for a better life and then only fends for himself?

Furthermore, any man who is 40 years old and cannot support himself and needs to ask someone else for money gets no respect from me.
 
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Fred

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Feb 20, 2002
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Response to Mondongo

First of all I would never go to Pakistan or be with a Pakistani woman. Both my parents are dead and I have no other family. I would call my best friend once in a while.

Like I said, I have no problem with my girl calling her family, what I dont like is when they want money from her, and especially since she complained that they never even send her a Christmas card or spend 1 peso to call her from Christmas.

From my orginal post I was never against any one calling their families, but I enquired as to her cultural difference in the way of thinking, trying to better understand her.

If my father left to go to another country and left my mother to fend for herself with small children, then to top it all off, return to my country of origin and stay in our house while he was on vacation, plus have another women where he lives, I would never speak to him again, nor would I forget his actions.
 
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AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Fred,
Don't take this the wrong way but are you sure she is calling her father? I ask this because you said that her father is never in his room when she calls. I'm sure if the hospital knew she was calling long distance they would try and find him or at least tell her of his condition. Why not call the hospital yourself and see where he is.
 
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Fred

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Feb 20, 2002
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Thanks for the concern

I called the hospital for her the first time and got a voice mail from the hospital saying the the phone hours started at 8.15am. The I called back for her and her father answered.

However, she was not able to reach him. He maybe already dead.
 
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AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
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You called back for her and her Father did answer however he maybe died by now? Sorry that's a little confusing to me and again the hospital will tell you the condition dead or not if your a daughter living far away.
 
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