A little Friday humor

good one MQ..making fun of my home town but that's OK..the Canucks and snow birds will be gone soon. Hey have you thought of what tag-line you want, we are getting really close? I thought we could go in on something together like "the lesbo mud-wrestling duo" haha.

From a Crazed Canuck!!

One day, three men were hikingin the DR and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give
me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river."
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the
river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream 500 yards, then walked across the bridge.

MusicQueen thats baad but true....
Did you ever hear about a few years back a legaly blind man was caught driving in St pete ,Florida .He had memorized the route lucky hge didnt kill anyone .

Yes he had memorized the route and the time s of red lights thats when Florida made everyone start getting eye tests a big embaressment... Also some one else trained a monkey to drive in St pete shezzz....

MommC - check it out. I'm showing off my new tag-line - what do you think?

some more humour

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry, you don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came".

more

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

The Lesbo mud-wrestling duo,huuummm!

"Over heard in the produce section of Super-Mercado National,C/Lope de Vega."Hey Teresa,get two cucumbers will you?","Why,Musicqueen?","So We can eat "one" of them"!!!!!.............................."Listen Girl",let me be frank with you!","No Fair",you were "Frank" with me last night,it,s my turn to be "Frank" with you!".........best I can do on short notice! CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

More humour

An Aussie fellow goes into a bar and bangs back about 10 Fosters quickly.
The bar tender ask him "Whats ya celebratin"
"Me wife just had a baby boy" responds the Aussie.
"Lovely" says the bar tender "What did he weigh"
"25 lbs" responds the Aussie
"Hmm big lad" says the bartender.
A couple days pass and the Aussie returns to the bar and bangs back a few Fosters.
The bar tender says "How that young lad, whats he weigh Now"

"17 pounds" says the Aussie.
"I thought he weighed 25, what happened" says the bartender.





"Had im circumcized" says the Aussie.

Come on Pat.. Trish will show you a little lovin' only the way a real woman can. Being the music queen you are I'll take you to a Melissa Etheridge concert.. or maybe an Azucar Moreno concert and you can "devorame otra vez"

That was your 100 post and even better is was made to Criss Colon. Maybe if your open to, el gordito can join us!

Jane J....Honestly?????

I don't think ANYONE will "buy" it!!!

heheheheheh

You know, I think I like it? Thanks for the divine inspiration!

So, what's yours going to be?

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone - particularly
fanatics intent on killing us - airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians (b) Elvis (c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d)
Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy; (b) Crazed feminists complaining that being able to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and sexist requirement in basic training; (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;"
(b) The Tooth Fairy; (c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train mission, or, (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers; (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems; (c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain:
"Mustapha the Merciless;" or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd.
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election; (c) Mr. Bean, (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

Hmmm ....... nope, no patterns anywhere.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE JAZZCOM, said the Hillbilly, giggling..




Rules For Driving In Santo Domingo


1) When on a one way street, stay
to the right to allow oncoming
traffic to pass.

2) Never, ever, stop for a
pedestrian unless he flings
himself under the wheels of your car.

3) The first parking space you see will be the last parking space
you see. Grab it.

4) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

5) Always look both ways when running a red light.

6) Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn
other drivers to speed up and not let you in.

7) Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

8) Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure
inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian
ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities
loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.



The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at
thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the
Pope out of the corner of her mouth "I bet you a tenner that I can
make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of
my hand."

The Pope says "No way. You can't do that."

The Queen says, "Watch this".

So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd
goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and
cheering, basically going ballistic.

So the Pope is standing there going "Uh oh, what am I going to do?
I never thought she'd be able to do it."

So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and
says, "I bet you I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go wild,
not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of
my head."

The Queen goes "No way, it can't be done."

So the Pope headbutts her.

Grinnin'
HB

So where' sthe Saturday version?

I could do with a good chuckle today????