If you married a Dominican, spent time together, was happy for the duration, and then you wanted the Dominican spouse to join you in the states, wouldn't you assume he would make every effort to be with you? Most Dominicans I met while I lived there had a strong desire to come to the U.S. Should I keep waiting? or be heading for the divorce court?
- Thread starter ruschenberg
- Start date
Dominican Dear Abby?
Hmmmmm........
what you have to consider is that EVERY Dominican I've met wants to return to the DR. to live.
Some do move out of the country to take jobs or because they marry however most only stay in the foreign country long enough to make enough money to return to the DR to live comfortably or until they get their permanent "papers" for the foreign country so they can come and go as they need funds.
You alone know what your situation is!
what you have to consider is that EVERY Dominican I've met wants to return to the DR. to live.
Some do move out of the country to take jobs or because they marry however most only stay in the foreign country long enough to make enough money to return to the DR to live comfortably or until they get their permanent "papers" for the foreign country so they can come and go as they need funds.
You alone know what your situation is!
Re: Hmmmmm........
MommC,
You have never met my wife. She enjoys going to the DR to visit friends and family but she has told me, in no uncertain terms, that she would not want to move back.
Tony C.
MommC said:
MommC,
You have never met my wife. She enjoys going to the DR to visit friends and family but she has told me, in no uncertain terms, that she would not want to move back.
Tony C.
(My husband says that he sees Canada as where he will spend the rest of his life.)
As to ruschenberg's question, when you say "every possible effort", what does that really mean? Every financial effort? I'm not sure if you're required to pay for the application for U.S. residency, but other than that, what else is there to do besides fill out forms and send them off?
As to ruschenberg's question, when you say "every possible effort", what does that really mean? Every financial effort? I'm not sure if you're required to pay for the application for U.S. residency, but other than that, what else is there to do besides fill out forms and send them off?
You're right TonyC....
I've never met your wife......sure would like to tho'. She'd be the first Dominican I've met that doesn't want someday to return to live. I should mention that my statement included Dominicans that I've met here in Canada as well. We met some living in Toronto and Peterborough thru' friends who came to visit us from the DR. who had friends living here in Canada.
Jane J. It should be so easy......my son just spent 7 years and about $50,000. to finally get his US residence. Of course he entered the country legally on a work visa and met and married his wife there.....also he's an educated Canadian so was not looking for manual labour/low paying jobs either. It used to really tick him off when there would be an amnesty for illegal aliens (about once every six months when he first got there and targeted mainly at Mexicans) and all they had to do was go in to an INS office and fill out some papers and have their green card within a month. He spent a fortune on legal fees and photocopying.....especially the year he came back to Canada to be the godfather for my other son's baby. He was refused entry back into the states and had to sit here for a month before he was allowed back in even tho' his dog,house and job were all in Georgia!
Edited to add: He was also carrying a valid visa at the time!!
I've never met your wife......sure would like to tho'. She'd be the first Dominican I've met that doesn't want someday to return to live. I should mention that my statement included Dominicans that I've met here in Canada as well. We met some living in Toronto and Peterborough thru' friends who came to visit us from the DR. who had friends living here in Canada.
Jane J. It should be so easy......my son just spent 7 years and about $50,000. to finally get his US residence. Of course he entered the country legally on a work visa and met and married his wife there.....also he's an educated Canadian so was not looking for manual labour/low paying jobs either. It used to really tick him off when there would be an amnesty for illegal aliens (about once every six months when he first got there and targeted mainly at Mexicans) and all they had to do was go in to an INS office and fill out some papers and have their green card within a month. He spent a fortune on legal fees and photocopying.....especially the year he came back to Canada to be the godfather for my other son's baby. He was refused entry back into the states and had to sit here for a month before he was allowed back in even tho' his dog,house and job were all in Georgia!
Edited to add: He was also carrying a valid visa at the time!!
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He should have learned to play hockey!
Then he could cross borders at will!But seriously MommC,you mean it took 7 years to become a citizen don't you?I've never hears of a wait that long for a green card.There would have to be more to it than that.Some kind of legal snafu perhaps.
Then he could cross borders at will!But seriously MommC,you mean it took 7 years to become a citizen don't you?I've never hears of a wait that long for a green card.There would have to be more to it than that.Some kind of legal snafu perhaps.
This is the curmudgeon Hillbilly speaking...
While there are some Dominicans that have found complete happiness in the USA, just as there are some Americans, Canadians and Englishmen that have found their places in the DR, generally speaking, most Dominicans want to go to the States, at least for a while.
In fact, some sociologists and I agree that the move from the DR to NYC or any Dominican enclave is really just an extension of the move from rural to urban that most of the industrialized West has experienced over the past 150 years...And thet the end game will be a return in glory to their original place of residence. I have certainly seen this in the Spanish population of the DR where every Spaniard that I know has a house in Spain...where they eventually expect to return.
NOW Ms. R. comes the hard part. Are you really sure that this guy is "yours" to start with? Where were you married? Who married you? A Justice of the Peace.? A priest? Do you have a marriage certificate?
I suspect that there are other ties that bind here and that they are not so easily cut...You might research this a bit and give "Hubby" an ultimatum.....BTW, get divorced here, it is much, much cheaper and hassle-free..
HB
While there are some Dominicans that have found complete happiness in the USA, just as there are some Americans, Canadians and Englishmen that have found their places in the DR, generally speaking, most Dominicans want to go to the States, at least for a while.
In fact, some sociologists and I agree that the move from the DR to NYC or any Dominican enclave is really just an extension of the move from rural to urban that most of the industrialized West has experienced over the past 150 years...And thet the end game will be a return in glory to their original place of residence. I have certainly seen this in the Spanish population of the DR where every Spaniard that I know has a house in Spain...where they eventually expect to return.
NOW Ms. R. comes the hard part. Are you really sure that this guy is "yours" to start with? Where were you married? Who married you? A Justice of the Peace.? A priest? Do you have a marriage certificate?
I suspect that there are other ties that bind here and that they are not so easily cut...You might research this a bit and give "Hubby" an ultimatum.....BTW, get divorced here, it is much, much cheaper and hassle-free..
HB
Eric......
The only real snafu was having the Atlanta office start the process then at some point the paperwork was transferred to some other state (Texas I think but don't quote me-my memory ain't what it used to be) because of the backlog at the Atlanta office, then the file got transferred back to Atlanta.
Believe me son was doing everything he could to speed up the process especially after he got married 'cause he wanted to bring his wife to Canada to met averyone here and show her where he grew up and where he went to school etc. Funny thing was she could have come to Canada with no problem (him to) but getting back home may have found her in Georgia and him stuck in Canada. Part of the problem was not with the INS but with the border guards. He happened to be returning to the states the day after Cretien announced the Canadian participation in trade related stuff with Castro. I think Jr. just happened to get "dumped" on by a guard that didn't like what he'd read in the headlines that morning. His girlfriend (now wife) was with him and she was shocked at the treatment they received (and as she told us....after all I was AMERICAN and they treated me like shi* too as if I was an excaped convict or something) and that was nothing compared to what they did to him. He was so terrified of crossing the border after that, he didn't come home again 'til this Christmas now that he has his permanent residency.
The only real snafu was having the Atlanta office start the process then at some point the paperwork was transferred to some other state (Texas I think but don't quote me-my memory ain't what it used to be) because of the backlog at the Atlanta office, then the file got transferred back to Atlanta.
Believe me son was doing everything he could to speed up the process especially after he got married 'cause he wanted to bring his wife to Canada to met averyone here and show her where he grew up and where he went to school etc. Funny thing was she could have come to Canada with no problem (him to) but getting back home may have found her in Georgia and him stuck in Canada. Part of the problem was not with the INS but with the border guards. He happened to be returning to the states the day after Cretien announced the Canadian participation in trade related stuff with Castro. I think Jr. just happened to get "dumped" on by a guard that didn't like what he'd read in the headlines that morning. His girlfriend (now wife) was with him and she was shocked at the treatment they received (and as she told us....after all I was AMERICAN and they treated me like shi* too as if I was an excaped convict or something) and that was nothing compared to what they did to him. He was so terrified of crossing the border after that, he didn't come home again 'til this Christmas now that he has his permanent residency.
Comon and really tell us whats got your dander up. Did the US EXPELL your ass or something? Were you considered an undesireable here? I have never seen so much bullshit about the US from any Canadian before.
Leads me to believe that you aren't as forthcoming about your motives. You don't miss a trick to dis the US. Getting very boring to tell you the truth but still annoying.
So did you get thrown out for being a prostitute in the 60's or something like that?
Leads me to believe that you aren't as forthcoming about your motives. You don't miss a trick to dis the US. Getting very boring to tell you the truth but still annoying.
So did you get thrown out for being a prostitute in the 60's or something like that?
more statistics
"EVERY domincan wants to return to the DR."
Although I do, none of my extended family here in the USA wants to return. So, If I wanted to extrapolate from what I know, I can claim....
ONLY 1 in 50 dominicans wants to return to the DR..
Intelligent people as you are.....that is the danger of generalizing from just ONE individual's limited experience....
Dominicans that come to the USA to get cleaning jobs are not as happy here in the USA than in the DR....of course they want to return...
It is really that simple.
"EVERY domincan wants to return to the DR."
Although I do, none of my extended family here in the USA wants to return. So, If I wanted to extrapolate from what I know, I can claim....
ONLY 1 in 50 dominicans wants to return to the DR..
Intelligent people as you are.....that is the danger of generalizing from just ONE individual's limited experience....
Dominicans that come to the USA to get cleaning jobs are not as happy here in the USA than in the DR....of course they want to return...
It is really that simple.
Mondongo: We are dealing in generalitites here. I absolutely agree that those folks with the menial tasks will probably be the ones to return. But a lot of men and women with good jobs look forward to coming back, too. Most of the supers I have met in NYC all have farms and houses that they have all ready to live in once Social Security kicks in...
HB
HB
I know a fellow from Higuey....
who operates a tour company.......he was a very successful real estate agent in New Jersey (part of the million $$$ club). He worked long enough in the States to make enough money to come home to the DR and start his tour company.
Based on the # of boats he has and the # of employees and my "limited" knowledge of costs in the DR I'd guesstimate he has at least $650,000 US invested so I know he wasn't doing "menial" jobs. He's also only one of several people I could name that went to the states to make their money and came home to start a business.
Escott......I was born and raised Canadian however like I said half my family is American,including aunts,uncles and first cousins. Maybe my "opinions" are as they are because I've been travelling back and forth from the states since I was old enough to travel. I should add that everyone lives in "Small Town" America not in the big cities. My son who is in Atlanta couldn't believe the difference both in life style and attitudes when he moved there. He thought all of America was like the America he was familiar with (he took his first trip to the states when he was a month old!!).
I've never been stopped at the border or searched or had any problems at all. In fact last time we went I took down a stationwagon full of stuff for my son including six cases of good Canadian beer. We stopped to declare what we were bringing in as we knew we would have to pay duty on it. We also had Christmas presents with us (even tho' it was only Sept.). Know what the custom and immigration officer said to us?????
Have a good visit and enjoy your Christmas!!!! Didn't pay a cent.....now wasn't that nice???
who operates a tour company.......he was a very successful real estate agent in New Jersey (part of the million $$$ club). He worked long enough in the States to make enough money to come home to the DR and start his tour company.
Based on the # of boats he has and the # of employees and my "limited" knowledge of costs in the DR I'd guesstimate he has at least $650,000 US invested so I know he wasn't doing "menial" jobs. He's also only one of several people I could name that went to the states to make their money and came home to start a business.
Escott......I was born and raised Canadian however like I said half my family is American,including aunts,uncles and first cousins. Maybe my "opinions" are as they are because I've been travelling back and forth from the states since I was old enough to travel. I should add that everyone lives in "Small Town" America not in the big cities. My son who is in Atlanta couldn't believe the difference both in life style and attitudes when he moved there. He thought all of America was like the America he was familiar with (he took his first trip to the states when he was a month old!!).
I've never been stopped at the border or searched or had any problems at all. In fact last time we went I took down a stationwagon full of stuff for my son including six cases of good Canadian beer. We stopped to declare what we were bringing in as we knew we would have to pay duty on it. We also had Christmas presents with us (even tho' it was only Sept.). Know what the custom and immigration officer said to us?????
Have a good visit and enjoy your Christmas!!!! Didn't pay a cent.....now wasn't that nice???
Some Only THINK They Want to Go Back...
My wife came to the US at age 17. She received US citizenship about 7 yrs later. Although she always professed that she didn't want to move back to the DR, reliable family sources tell me that she was about ready to do just that when she met me, and decided to give the US another chance. I could always tell by the way she spoke fondly of DR life and disprovingly of American life that she harbored the desire to go back. So when she got a good offer to work at a major bank in her home country, I told her go for it. I had a feeling that, once she tried moving back she would find that (1) the DR is no longer the country she grew up in; (2) she is no longer the same Dominicana who left in 1974; (3) the grass is not always greener on the other side.
We moved to the DR in 1995, lived there for four years. As a profesional (CPA from US) She had an excellent job (VP) at the bank, and we lived in a nice neighborhood. But it was not enough. She disliked living there for too many reasons to go into here, and learned to appreciate Northern Virginia better. In fact, I think I can safely say that, if not for her reluctance to part with her ailing grandmother and her extended family and friends there, we would have moved back to N.Va. by the end of the second year. Since our return in 1999, she tells everyone, Dominican and American alike, that she will NEVER return to live in the DR.
Is her case unusual? I don't think so. Several of her older aunts and uncles came to the US during the turbulent 1960's, worked hard & retired in a nice house in the DR, their dream. Some have already moved back to the US, and others are threatening to do so. We also met many, many younger Dominican-born and people of Dominican descent in their 20's and 30's who moved from the US to the DR thinking it would be paradise or easy living or economically easier or at least less stressful or some such, only to scurry back to the US in less than a year. [We at least gave it a 4-yr try!]
So, yes, many dream of returning to the DR, but many find the reality quite different from the dream when they try it.
Just my two cents worth.
Best regards,
Keith
My wife came to the US at age 17. She received US citizenship about 7 yrs later. Although she always professed that she didn't want to move back to the DR, reliable family sources tell me that she was about ready to do just that when she met me, and decided to give the US another chance. I could always tell by the way she spoke fondly of DR life and disprovingly of American life that she harbored the desire to go back. So when she got a good offer to work at a major bank in her home country, I told her go for it. I had a feeling that, once she tried moving back she would find that (1) the DR is no longer the country she grew up in; (2) she is no longer the same Dominicana who left in 1974; (3) the grass is not always greener on the other side.
We moved to the DR in 1995, lived there for four years. As a profesional (CPA from US) She had an excellent job (VP) at the bank, and we lived in a nice neighborhood. But it was not enough. She disliked living there for too many reasons to go into here, and learned to appreciate Northern Virginia better. In fact, I think I can safely say that, if not for her reluctance to part with her ailing grandmother and her extended family and friends there, we would have moved back to N.Va. by the end of the second year. Since our return in 1999, she tells everyone, Dominican and American alike, that she will NEVER return to live in the DR.
Is her case unusual? I don't think so. Several of her older aunts and uncles came to the US during the turbulent 1960's, worked hard & retired in a nice house in the DR, their dream. Some have already moved back to the US, and others are threatening to do so. We also met many, many younger Dominican-born and people of Dominican descent in their 20's and 30's who moved from the US to the DR thinking it would be paradise or easy living or economically easier or at least less stressful or some such, only to scurry back to the US in less than a year. [We at least gave it a 4-yr try!]
So, yes, many dream of returning to the DR, but many find the reality quite different from the dream when they try it.
Just my two cents worth.
Best regards,
Keith
Thanks Keith for your two cents........
It does give a different perpsective. Many of us only know those that have or wish too. While my friends wouldn't think of moving back to the US they are also in a position where they are working in the DR. because they want too and not because they have to. In fact the one from Higuey was mentioning to us this year that he's thinking of selling his business and retiring. He's been at it for about 9 yrs now and figures it's time he took up golf and started to relax.
I think the amount of money one has does have a bearing on how well you make the transition. If you can live as we do and as he does, basically the same lifestyle we live in Canada or the US, then there is less likelyhood that you would want to return to Canada or the US.
It does give a different perpsective. Many of us only know those that have or wish too. While my friends wouldn't think of moving back to the US they are also in a position where they are working in the DR. because they want too and not because they have to. In fact the one from Higuey was mentioning to us this year that he's thinking of selling his business and retiring. He's been at it for about 9 yrs now and figures it's time he took up golf and started to relax.
I think the amount of money one has does have a bearing on how well you make the transition. If you can live as we do and as he does, basically the same lifestyle we live in Canada or the US, then there is less likelyhood that you would want to return to Canada or the US.
...FYI...another one who doesn't want to go back...
You can add my husband to the list of Dominicans who don't want to move back. He's been in Canada now for two and a half years... as for the Dominican, he now says "Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there."
You can add my husband to the list of Dominicans who don't want to move back. He's been in Canada now for two and a half years... as for the Dominican, he now says "Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there."
Mommc... Nice to hear one nice word out of you about the US. I have to tell you that I could relate a hundred stories about Canada that weren't good ones but what is the point? I still like Canada to visit. I like the Cities I have been to such as Montreal, Toronto and Quebec. I probably should visit more places in Canada and just may this summer.
Here is a small bitch I have when I was last in Montreal albeit having nothing to do with the people in general.
Have you ever been to the Casino in Montreal? Most poorly designed place in the world. You cant even walk in the place without knocking into people and people knocking into you. These people have NO clue about handling smoke and the place smells discusting.
Regards
Here is a small bitch I have when I was last in Montreal albeit having nothing to do with the people in general.
Have you ever been to the Casino in Montreal? Most poorly designed place in the world. You cant even walk in the place without knocking into people and people knocking into you. These people have NO clue about handling smoke and the place smells discusting.
Regards
Never been Jazz.......
but I know the buyer for the casino! Or one of them anyway.....
Her father has the condo unit right above us in Juan Dolio.
What can I say....I'm an accountant and we make poor gamblers. Hubby learned long ago if he wanted to retire in the style he was accustomed to he couldn't afford to gamble (in Canada or US at least - heck it's even getting expensive in the DR!)
I've never been to Quebec City (it's on our list of things to do, we have a friend who's from there) but have spent a lot of time in Montreal mixing business with pleasure!
Will be going to a wedding this weekend being held at the casino in Saratoga Springs New York so just might "Play" a bit while we're there. Have you ever been to that one?? What's it like?
Actually I say a lot of nice things about the US.....after all a lot of our family is there......
I love Atlanta....it's a beautiful city and I love how they've had the foresight to develop their industrial parks in such a way as to maintain the "natural" element as much as possible although the development near the Mall of Georgia is beginning to look like the Toronto/Barrie corridor!
but I know the buyer for the casino! Or one of them anyway.....
Her father has the condo unit right above us in Juan Dolio.
What can I say....I'm an accountant and we make poor gamblers. Hubby learned long ago if he wanted to retire in the style he was accustomed to he couldn't afford to gamble (in Canada or US at least - heck it's even getting expensive in the DR!)
I've never been to Quebec City (it's on our list of things to do, we have a friend who's from there) but have spent a lot of time in Montreal mixing business with pleasure!
Will be going to a wedding this weekend being held at the casino in Saratoga Springs New York so just might "Play" a bit while we're there. Have you ever been to that one?? What's it like?
Actually I say a lot of nice things about the US.....after all a lot of our family is there......
I love Atlanta....it's a beautiful city and I love how they've had the foresight to develop their industrial parks in such a way as to maintain the "natural" element as much as possible although the development near the Mall of Georgia is beginning to look like the Toronto/Barrie corridor!
maybe it has bearing
I am grew up in West Virginia. I joined the Military at 18 so that I could afford to retire there. For years all I wanted to do was go home. But as I got older I started resenting everything that made me have to leave. The quaintness of needing to drive 50 miles to work a minimum wage job no longer appeals to you. The thought of building a house and raising a family just to tell them to pack up and move out when they are 18 just so they wil have a chance gets so it bothers you.
West Virginia will always be a special place in my heart. I will visit again and again. But can I go back to live. I cant see it.
I am sure those are the emotions of Many dominicanos about the DR.
John
I am grew up in West Virginia. I joined the Military at 18 so that I could afford to retire there. For years all I wanted to do was go home. But as I got older I started resenting everything that made me have to leave. The quaintness of needing to drive 50 miles to work a minimum wage job no longer appeals to you. The thought of building a house and raising a family just to tell them to pack up and move out when they are 18 just so they wil have a chance gets so it bothers you.
West Virginia will always be a special place in my heart. I will visit again and again. But can I go back to live. I cant see it.
I am sure those are the emotions of Many dominicanos about the DR.
John
Re: Some Only THINK They Want to Go Back...
Keith, I'm going to have to put this to the test. You may have something here. I am one of those who wish to return. I have to say though, that the changes in the DR since I left it 28 years ago, do not bother me in the least. I am totally and completely happy there. My sisters, on the other hand, can't stand staying there a day over the obligatory 2 weeks visit every year. It's still a mystery to me.
Keith R said:
Keith, I'm going to have to put this to the test. You may have something here. I am one of those who wish to return. I have to say though, that the changes in the DR since I left it 28 years ago, do not bother me in the least. I am totally and completely happy there. My sisters, on the other hand, can't stand staying there a day over the obligatory 2 weeks visit every year. It's still a mystery to me.
To respond to the original poster, you have to think about your individual situation. As you can see from the above posts, everyone's is different.
For me, I was dating someone from the DR who was definitely willing to come to the US for a certain amount of time, but at heart was really invested in his community in Santiago, he was in a lot of community associations, knew tons of people there, and was studying law that means nothing outside of his home country, which was why we broke up in the end. Also of course because I knew I wasn't willing to move there forever.
For your situation, you have to consider why he might not want to leave there, and if you don't want to go down there, which I would not recommend unless you already have a job and stuff lined up, it might be splitsville. Such is long distance dating!
For me, I was dating someone from the DR who was definitely willing to come to the US for a certain amount of time, but at heart was really invested in his community in Santiago, he was in a lot of community associations, knew tons of people there, and was studying law that means nothing outside of his home country, which was why we broke up in the end. Also of course because I knew I wasn't willing to move there forever.
For your situation, you have to consider why he might not want to leave there, and if you don't want to go down there, which I would not recommend unless you already have a job and stuff lined up, it might be splitsville. Such is long distance dating!