Mi Suegra Dominicana

Auryn

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Apr 22, 2012
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My mother in law has been living with us in Canada providing childcare since New Years. We love having her here with us, but she is returning to the DR next week. This post is about my observations on things she has commented on or done since I met her 5 years ago, and also since she has lived with us here. Lots are Dominicanisms and have been posted, I'm sure, but perhaps some are unique to her. It hasn't been easy, but we will miss her and very much appreciate her help. Please comment or add your own observaciones de las suegras Dominicanas.

-Cloro para todo.
-Don't use cloro if you have a cold, it will make it worse.
-You cannot wash your hair for one week after you have a baby.
-Babies should not have a bath at night, the afternoon is better.
-You cannot wet your hair of you are sick.
-The toilet can replace a mop pail.
-Taps must be cleaned with a toothbrush.
-Shoes need to be spotless, and must be cleaned with dish soap and a toothbrush.
-Your hands work just as well as the ringer in the mop pail.
-Anti-biotics should be available over the counter, for everyone, including toddlers with a slight cough. Super-bugs? What? Canadian doctors don't know anything.
-Touching a stranger's kid is no big deal, what's wrong with people here? (This has been a struggle).
-Toddlers are sick with croup-it's their teeth.
-Toddlers are grouchy-it's their teeth.
-Toddlers are acting differently- it's their teeth.
-Toddlers aren't sleeping well- it's their teeth.
-Toddlers should eat Avena with sugar every morning.
-Bedtimes can range.
-Gerbers Organic baby cereals are terrible.
-Thrombocil should be used sparingly on bruises.
-Vicks Vapor Rub should be used sparingly always, except for on Toddlers (Thank God).
-Zinc ointment can be used to prevent diaper rash (No, actually, I took her up on this).
-Curls on little boys aren't cute. They need a haircut (This also).
-The broom can be used to wash windows.
-A tiny frying pan is better than a large one, even when cooking Yanny-Keke for the entire house.
-Knives are for opening cans, can openers are not.
-Eating at 10-11am, 3pm, and 7pm-ish is fine. That schedule is better anyway.
 

Matilda

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Fab list! I was unlucky/lucky enough not to have one, as my husband's mother died at age 45 so well before I met him. However living in the campo I have several well meaning Dominican ladies providing me with advice and being appalled at some of my actions.

The rain is one - can't go out in it, can't wash hair with a cold, or when you have had a baby etc etc.
Can't pick any fruit or veg when on your period as the plant will die.
Lime and salt cures everything - even conjunctivitis - you just squirt it in your eye.
They have given me bottom increasing exercises which alas have not worked.
Mopping involves massive quantities of water everywhere, a whole bottle of disinfectant and of course you squeeze mop out with your hands - what on earth else would you use?!!
My can opener is now used (thank goodness) leaving the knives to be used for other important issues like screwdrivers, digging the garden, pruning plants and fixing all electrical problems.
You take an antibiotic (only one) for any type of pain at all.
Shoes are most important item of clothing and must be spotless. Use tea towel or if you cannot be bothered to go downstairs to get one, grab one of Matilda's tee shirts and chuck it back in the cupboard - she will never notice.

Matilda
 
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Chirimoya

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I got off relatively lightly! I wasn't subjected to that much of this wisdom.

I do remember being told "it's the teeth" repeatedly even after the doctor and lab tests showed it most definitely wasn't. In fact, the one crucial instruction I was not given by MIL and SILs was about having to pre-boil the baby's bathwater or use agua de botellón, which was probably why he ended up with intestinal parasites.

My MIL was also a fan of natural remedies. Some were effective but others were a bit whacky, like taping a piece of bread or dough to your forehead as a cure for migraine. Bay rum was more of a feature than vivaporú.

It's highly likely that sugar and other forbidden substances were added to the baby bottles and my home-made natural baby food when my back was turned. The only time I found out was when one of my SILs told me she'd added cheez whiz to the puré de auyama.

And yes, bedtimes, routines and baby car seats were given short shrift.
 

AlterEgo

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Well, I had a mother-in-law longer than most of you, close to 40 years. The fact that she was an educated woman born in SD with a silver plated spoon in her mouth tempered some of the more ridiculous things most Dominican women espouse. She was undoubtedly the one who wore the pants in the family, and she wielded that power until the day she died. Sharp as a tack, and didn’t miss a trick, very smart woman, even if difficult to live with.

She had 6 children, five were boys, and none of their spouses were good enough. She was terribly insulting to them, in their face and behind their backs. I escaped the face-to-face insults rather unscathed, probably because of a combination of my husband being the only child who would confront and admonish her, and my being American. I can only imagine what was said behind my back. (One maid took a liking to me in the early years, and she warned me that my suegra and cunada spoke badly about me. I wasn’t surprised). I couldn’t even talk to her for years, while learning Spanish.

The “mentol” was used for everything.
Chiri, you made me remember that a cure for hiccups was a small piece of thread rolled into a tiny ball and stuck to your forehead with spit.

She demanded, and got, respect from her boys. They stopped almost daily to see her, and all holidays were spent at her house. I always wondered what the wives’ families thought of that. No matter when we stopped there, at least one brother was there having coffee and chatting.

She died aged 92, 5 years ago. The family that I knew died with her. The only time they get together is at our house when we’re there, because we make it a point to invite everyone. Unbelievably, some of the brothers don’t see each other at all when we’re not there. The glue that held the family together is gone.

Dona Maria with her boys:

520BEF0F-BEBD-4001-8CC4-3F605690699E.jpg
 

keepcoming

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Mi Suegra..definitely the boss. We have had our run-ins over the years, mostly about child raising. But nothing compared to how she was with my brother in-laws and sister in-laws spouses. I remember early on my BIL had a girlfriend she did not like at all. The girl kept walking in front of the house all day looking for my BIL. There was a heated exchange between the girl and my MIL. Next thing I know a shoe flies out the front door (thrown by my MIL) barely missing the girl. Welcome to the family I thought at the time. All of your posts pretty much sum it up. She has mellowed over the years but it is still her household. We have a good relationship, mostly because I just go along with most she says.
 

AlterEgo

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Mi Suegra..definitely the boss. We have had our run-ins over the years, mostly about child raising. But nothing compared to how she was with my brother in-laws and sister in-laws spouses. I remember early on my BIL had a girlfriend she did not like at all. The girl kept walking in front of the house all day looking for my BIL. There was a heated exchange between the girl and my MIL. Next thing I know a shoe flies out the front door (thrown by my MIL) barely missing the girl. Welcome to the family I thought at the time. All of your posts pretty much sum it up. She has mellowed over the years but it is still her household. We have a good relationship, mostly because I just go along with most she says.

Well I escaped most of it, living in the US. She put the eldest brother’s first wife through hell, but after she divorced him my suegra loved her, especially after he chose wife #2 who was terribly unsuitable in her eyes. She never confronted me about child raising, but she complained to my husband about my perceived faults as a mother. I ignored a lot. All of us “out-laws” did. :)

She did have a heart of gold under that stern exterior. Very artistic woman too. Beautiful embroidery work, crocheting and hand painted ceramics (not from molds). She spent many many years teaching Haitians in the batays to read and write. As long as she was respected and in charge, life was smooth going.
 

Matilda

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I have a lot of emails from foreign ladies married to Dominicans who are very upset about the fact that their husbands appear to love their mothers more than their wives. The latter want to be number one and I am not sure Dominicans do numbers when it comes to love. They complain about their Dominican MILs but I often wonder whether the MILs complain about their foreign DILs. For example when my stepson's wife (both Dominican) comes to the house, Mr Matilda expects her to do his washing, wash dishes, help with cooking and mop the floor. Can't see too many foreign DILs doing that. Must say I love the idea that when i get even older I can rule the roost in the family!

Matilda
 

Auryn

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Wonderful! The items that you’ve all reminded me to add are:

-the rain can not touch you, and if it does you will surely fall gravely ill.
-car seats are cruel devices and the children should be on your lap, where they are safer and more comfortable.
-the baby must be held upside down after a bath (although I believe my Scottish grandmother did this as well).
-baby clothes must be ironed after they dry to kill some sort of little bugs?
-why buy the store brand plastic bags at $3 per 100, when you can buy ZipLoc at $4 per 30?
-vicious gossip is like brushing your teeth, completely normal, healthy, even necessary.
-drama is like the air we breathe.

Our boys are now 19 months, so I have many years to look forward to. However, I don’t see how any relationship can withstand it if suegra starts to gossip about DIL to son. My husband has been warned. She may need to be, I haven’t decided yet.
 

AlterEgo

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I have a lot of emails from foreign ladies married to Dominicans who are very upset about the fact that their husbands appear to love their mothers more than their wives. The latter want to be number one and I am not sure Dominicans do numbers when it comes to love. They complain about their Dominican MILs but I often wonder whether the MILs complain about their foreign DILs. For example when my stepson's wife (both Dominican) comes to the house, Mr Matilda expects her to do his washing, wash dishes, help with cooking and mop the floor. Can't see too many foreign DILs doing that. Must say I love the idea that when i get even older I can rule the roost in the family!

Matilda

Yeah......about that.........I hate to be the one who tells you this, but we gringas don’t get to do that.

It has to be instilled in them from birth, and we all missed the How Do I Accomplish That course on the day it was given. Part of it is drumming into them that they are responsible for their parents....forever. In my world, it’s the other way around, parents are here for their kids. Dominican vs American mentality.
 

Matilda

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Yeah......about that.........I hate to be the one who tells you this, but we gringas don’t get to do that.

It has to be instilled in them from birth, and we all missed the How Do I Accomplish That course on the day it was given. Part of it is drumming into them that they are responsible for their parents....forever. In my world, it’s the other way around, parents are here for their kids. Dominican vs American mentality.

Only one thing to say to that: bugger.

It is actually the law here that children have to provide for their parents once they are over 18 (the kids not the parents) and there is a proposed bill in Congress at the moment to make the requirements tougher with even jail sentences for kids who do not provide food and shelter to their parents should they need it.

Matilda
 

Auryn

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Can I go live in her house?

excellent thread.

La casa de mi suegra? I should also add that she is an excellent cook. Her specialties are:

-Arroz con Leche that is to die for. She even puts tiny lime peel for garnish, delicious.
-Carne Molido, which is my favourite food that she makes.
-Guisado
-Morir Soñando
-This habichuela side with squash, potato, carrot, and celery.
-Sancocho that has never had too much cilantro or any chicken feet in it.
-The smoothest mashed potatoes, which she mashes with a fork rather than the potatoe masher.
-These amazing scrambled eggs with tomato, onion, red paper, and parsley.

And the most wonderful coffee, sometimes with a touch of cinnamon, sometimes not.

She usually refuses to eat anything remotely different. In fact, when we’ve been out lately, she asks for a chicken sandwich with nothing on it except the chicken, lettuce and tomato. Even mayonnaise is too much, although she uses it herself at home.
 

Auryn

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Mi Suegra’s cooking necessities that should always be used sparingly:

-sugar
-oregano
-sopita (preferably Doña Galena as opposed to Maggi)
-Sofrito
-Sazón Completo
-Carnation milk. We bought cases at Costco, no lie.
-Cinnamon
-Basil
 

AlterEgo

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Auryn, how does she prepare the carne molida? I’m looking for more ways to use ground turkey (trying to get away from beef and pork).
 

Matilda

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She usually refuses to eat anything remotely different. In fact, when we’ve been out lately, she asks for a chicken sandwich with nothing on it except the chicken, lettuce and tomato. Even mayonnaise is too much, although she uses it herself at home.

Many Dominicans will not eat mayonnaise outside the home as it is one of the key sources of food poisoning when it is not kept in the fridge.

Matilda
 
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Auryn

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She’ll sauté the ground beef, a tiny bit of red pepper, sometimes tiny bit of carrots, pitted green olives (which should have been on the list of necessities), oregano, aceite verde, a pinch of salt (un chin chin), and Sazon Completo. I don’t think she uses sopita, but I’m going to ask. The vegetables are always chopped fine, just for a touch of colour. It’s my favourite thing she cooks, and makes a fantastic emapanada filler.
 

AlterEgo

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She’ll sauté the ground beef, a tiny bit of red pepper, sometimes tiny bit of carrots, pitted green olives (which should have been on the list of necessities), oregano, aceite verde, a pinch of salt (un chin chin), and Sazon Completo. I don’t think she uses sopita, but I’m going to ask. The vegetables are always chopped fine, just for a touch of colour. It’s my favourite thing she cooks, and makes a fantastic emapanada filler.

I make something similar for empanadas that I learned from my suegra, only she also added hard boiled eggs and raisins and didn’t use olives. I’m thinking your recipe might be delicious served over rice........

Thanks!
 

Auryn

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AlterEgo, the raisins made me think of the pasteles that I always help her prepare at Christmas, if we are there. Hers are also the best I've had, without too many raisins. Her Carne Molida recipe goes inside the plaintain/potato/auyama mixture, but I believe she tones it down a touch for pasteles.

Mi suegra is also a master at deep frying stuff in her tiny frying pan. One Christmas, years ago, she made me calamari, and it was this perfect golden brown, as is everything else she fries. She can make battered chicken strips that always turn out perfectly. I don't own a fryer, but showed her my sisters and she said it wouldn't work as well. Just like the can opener, a useless device.
 

Auryn

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I should add, that she insisted on buying a $60 toaster while here. I tried to convince her to buy a $40 one, (mine cost me $15 in university and still works great) but she wouldn't have it. Her stove and fridge are a darker stainless steel, and the cheaper toasters were "too light" in stainless color and wouldn't quite match as well. She is like that with everything though, from ZipLoc bags to large appliances.
 

Auryn

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So I am now a pro with the carne molido, and will post a quick update. Saute a clove of garlic in the olive oil, add the ground beef. Then add about a teaspoon of oregano, but rub it in your palms as you drop it in the pan. Add a tsp of Sazon Completo, the pinch of salt, and about 4 sliced olives. Also a tsp or so of the olive juice is also necessary. You also need a tsp of the liquid Sazon Ranchero that you get in grocery stores there, and a tsp of a very similar green seasoning. My mother in law prepares this green sauce herself in advance, stores it in the fridge, and uses it over the course of a month or so, but I'm sure I've seen a commerical version of it in Jumbo. We are now out of the green seasoning, and I've learned that it helps but is not imperative.
Finally, mix one Dona Gallina sopita cube with half a cup of water and add to the cooked beef. The veggies for color are optional. This is amazing on top of rice, mashed potatoes, or as I mentioned, likely my favorite in empanadas.

You can also cook chicken the same way, and it tastes great. I think the olives might be the trick.

She also has this fish recipe with coconut milk (sans olives) that we've made for dozens of people, and they all say it's to die for...I will ask her for the steps & ingredients. My husband makes it just like hers and I've never enjoyed fish so much.
 
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