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Thread: Joke of The Day

  1. #1
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    Default Joke of The Day

    Bubba, in today's world of scams and other fleecing schemes this is a fun one. His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he needed a loan, So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer.

    He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

    The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to
    charge 12% interest.

    Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
    bank's private underground garage and parked it.

    Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a
    Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.

    What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

    The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

    His name was BUBBA....

    Keep an eye on those southern boys!

    Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.

  2. #2
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    I guess a RedNeck who has never even been from NYC RE WROTE this old Joke..


    Problem is anyone from NYC knows you can park at a bunch of places near the Airport and they give you free shuttle service right to your Terminal, Free of charge .
    No one would park their car in NYC, as its pretty Far from the only Intl Airport ( JFK) ,and the taxi back to nyc would cost you a Heck of a lot more than any Parking Savings from such a Lame scheme ..

    Just BAD Math...so maybe that is the real punchline..
    LMAO

    good joke though, otherwise .. but I think Bubba outsmarted himself on this one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jd426 View Post
    I guess a RedNeck who has never even been from NYC RE WROTE this old Joke..


    Problem is anyone from NYC knows you can park at a bunch of places near the Airport and they give you free shuttle service right to your Terminal, Free of charge .
    No one would park their car in NYC, as its pretty Far from the only Intl Airport ( JFK) ,and the taxi back to nyc would cost you a Heck of a lot more than any Parking Savings from such a Lame scheme ..

    Just BAD Math...so maybe that is the real punchline..
    LMAO

    good joke though, otherwise .. but I think Bubba outsmarted himself on this one.
    Everyday of the week and twice on Saturdays, I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Invisible Pink Unicorn for the likes of jd400-something: The guy can break down, de-compose, un-tweak, simplify, and explain a joke with the best of 'em... so that we can all understand it better. AND he's funny as all get out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer View Post
    Everyday of the week and twice on Saturdays, I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Invisible Pink Unicorn for the likes of jd400-something: The guy can break down, de-compose, un-tweak, simplify, and explain a joke with the best of 'em... so that we can all understand it better. AND he's funny as all get out.
    Oh look, the Punchline just arrived .. right on time ...

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    S.O.S.(Slower, Older, Smarter)

    A Boeing 777 wide body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour,
    at 33000 feet when a cocky F-17 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

    The F-17 pilot decided to show off. On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D & million dollar headset, the F-17 youngster told the 777 pilot, Hey Captain.....watch this!

    He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable, vertical climb. He then finished with a sonic boom
    as he broke the sound barrier, as the F-17 screamed down at impossible G's before leveling at almost sea level.
    The F-17 pilot asked the 777 pilot "What did you think of that?"

    The 777 pilot said: "That was truly impressive, but watch this."

    The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes at the steady
    800km/hr, and then the 777 pilot said, "What did you think
    about that?"

    Puzzled, the cocky F-17 pilot asked>>>>What the heck did you do?

    The 777 pilot chuckled and said: "I stood up, stretched my legs,
    walked to the back using the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and
    a cinnamon roll, and secured a date for the next 3 nights in a
    five star hotel, paid for by the company!"

    Lesson of Life:

    When you are young and foolish, speed and flash may seem
    like a good thing.
    When you get older and smarter, comfort and dullness is not
    such a bad thing!

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    Great joke.
    Do any any of the resident Cliff Calvin's feel the need to dissect and explain this to the rest of us?

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    The best part is the international redneck festival in Paris.

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    Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield


    With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

    I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

    It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

    Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

    A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

    A hooker once told me she had a headache.

    I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

    My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

    I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

    The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

    My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

    I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

    My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.

    My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

    My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

    It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

    I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

    I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

    I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

    I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born

    I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

    My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday

    I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

    One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.

    My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

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    Airplanes vs Women

    1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.

    2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

    3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

    4) Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.

    5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.

    6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

    7) Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

    8) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've
    flown before.

    9) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

    10) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

    12) Airplanes expect to be tied down.

    13) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

    14) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

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    Are You A Pilot?


    An old Marine Pilot sat down at Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
    As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
    She turned to the pilot and asked, Are you a real pilot?

    He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans...
    flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars.

    I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds,
    so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

    She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.
    As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.
    When I shower, I think about naked women.
    When I watch TV, I think about naked women.
    It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

    The two sat sipping in silence.

    A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
    " Are you a real pilot?"

    He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

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