World Airline Gazette - June 23, 2002
Sanford, Florida
Pan Am World Airlines announced today that it will begin service between Santo Domingo and the Moon beginning November 22, 2002. Pan Am expects to use the Space Shuttle Columbia, recently acquired from the Air and Space Museum, for this flight. The anticipated flight schedule will be:
Depart SDQ 0600 --- Arrive Moon 1840 +3 days
Depart Moon 2030 --- Arrive SDQ 0340 + 3 days
"Unlike other airlines that have cut back, we will be providing real meal service on this flight," announced Pan Am CEO and Chief Pilot A. Rich Mellon.
"Though the Space Shuttle Columbia is a little old, and parts are a little hard to come by, we just acquired twenty-five 1970's era 727-200s to use for parts, and a spot welder. That should do the trick," continued Mellon.
Pan Am has announced its intentions to serve 87 destinations from its new Santo Domingo hub. From 1998 to the present, the North American version of the airline has flown to over ten destinations in the United States, but never to the same destination for more than two weeks. "We like to keep the airports and the passengers on their tows," explained Mellon, who continued, "besides, our route structure and business plans don't need to make sense just as long as they let me continue to fly the plane."
Though Space Shuttle type aircraft dating from the 1970s are known to burn even more fuel per revenue passenger mile than 727-200s, Mellon notes that "fares will be competitive because we'll be the only Dominican flag carrier going to the Moon, at least for a while."
President Hipolito Mejia of the Dominican Republic welcomed the announcement of service to the Moon, pledging to be a passenger on the inaugural flight. "I'll be on that flight to the Moon," said Mejia, "if they can schedule it between my exceedingly important government missions to Cannes and Las Vegas."
Mejia also mentioned that the Dominican Government might purchase Space Shuttles of its own from Ukraine. "I'm working a $RD80,000,000,000 loan from First USA Bank right now, which I fully expect the Senate to approve," explained the Dominican President.
"This announcement of service to the Moon brings the Dominican Republic to the forefront of science and technology," continued Mejia, whose comments were cut off abruptly by a power failure at the National Palace.
When asked for comment, opposition leader Leonel Fernandez was quoted as saying, "Jeez, more Pan Am bull sh_t! That rich Mellon kid has never flown to any airport for more than two weeks. But, if the flight to the Moon does really depart, I look forward to seeing President Mejia on it."
Sanford, Florida
Pan Am World Airlines announced today that it will begin service between Santo Domingo and the Moon beginning November 22, 2002. Pan Am expects to use the Space Shuttle Columbia, recently acquired from the Air and Space Museum, for this flight. The anticipated flight schedule will be:
Depart SDQ 0600 --- Arrive Moon 1840 +3 days
Depart Moon 2030 --- Arrive SDQ 0340 + 3 days
"Unlike other airlines that have cut back, we will be providing real meal service on this flight," announced Pan Am CEO and Chief Pilot A. Rich Mellon.
"Though the Space Shuttle Columbia is a little old, and parts are a little hard to come by, we just acquired twenty-five 1970's era 727-200s to use for parts, and a spot welder. That should do the trick," continued Mellon.
Pan Am has announced its intentions to serve 87 destinations from its new Santo Domingo hub. From 1998 to the present, the North American version of the airline has flown to over ten destinations in the United States, but never to the same destination for more than two weeks. "We like to keep the airports and the passengers on their tows," explained Mellon, who continued, "besides, our route structure and business plans don't need to make sense just as long as they let me continue to fly the plane."
Though Space Shuttle type aircraft dating from the 1970s are known to burn even more fuel per revenue passenger mile than 727-200s, Mellon notes that "fares will be competitive because we'll be the only Dominican flag carrier going to the Moon, at least for a while."
President Hipolito Mejia of the Dominican Republic welcomed the announcement of service to the Moon, pledging to be a passenger on the inaugural flight. "I'll be on that flight to the Moon," said Mejia, "if they can schedule it between my exceedingly important government missions to Cannes and Las Vegas."
Mejia also mentioned that the Dominican Government might purchase Space Shuttles of its own from Ukraine. "I'm working a $RD80,000,000,000 loan from First USA Bank right now, which I fully expect the Senate to approve," explained the Dominican President.
"This announcement of service to the Moon brings the Dominican Republic to the forefront of science and technology," continued Mejia, whose comments were cut off abruptly by a power failure at the National Palace.
When asked for comment, opposition leader Leonel Fernandez was quoted as saying, "Jeez, more Pan Am bull sh_t! That rich Mellon kid has never flown to any airport for more than two weeks. But, if the flight to the Moon does really depart, I look forward to seeing President Mejia on it."