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  1. #1
    Gold
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    Jan 2002
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    Default Doctors are from Mars

    ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:
    1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
    hot in bed last night.
    2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
    disappeared.
    4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
    depressed.
    5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
    6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
    7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
    forgetful.
    8. The patient refused autopsy.
    9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
    10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
    11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
    40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
    12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    13. She is numb from her toes down.
    14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
    15. The skin was moist and dry.
    16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
    17.Patient was alert and unresponsive.
    18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
    19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
    got a divorce.
    20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
    therapy.
    21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
    23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
    as a stock broker instead.
    25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
    26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
    27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
    the abdomen and I agree.
    28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

  2. #2
    Platinum
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    21,792
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    Question Does anyone know why Policemen have bigger Balls than Firemen?

    "Enquiring Minds Want To Know"! This includes Policewomen too!CRISCO

  3. #3
    Platinum
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
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    16,412
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    Default

    Let me take a crack at it. Does it have anything to do with dancing? Membership? Never mind be back later

  4. #4
    Regular
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    299
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    Default

    18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

    That has to be uncomfortable!

    Swede

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